Hurtful words definitely linger in our minds a lot longer when it's directed at us. I've "confronted" some of the things my family or friends have said to me in the past and they say they don't remember even though it hurt me long after they uttered them.

I chose to forgive and move on though which is part of the reason why this journey has been such a successful one for me. I realized that I can't change the people around me but I can change who I am and how I respond to things

Good luck to you and congratulations on your losses so far. There are ALWAYS going to be bullies who like to put people in their place to feel better about themselves. This stems from their own insecurity and lack of empathy.

You received a lot of great responses so there is not much I can add but I can certainly commiserate with your story. But these homeless guys lashed out at you because they are so miserable with themselves. Just keep reminding yourself that this time next year you will be happier and healthier and they will still be homeless on the street begging for money.

And I certainly don’t want to be a Debbie Downer here but this is just coming from personal experience and how I let things affect me. Although I haven’t been called “fat” or “fatty” in a long time, I will never forget the last time it happened. It was 10 years ago and my new boyfriend and I were walking down the street after lunch just minding our own business when a group of kids in a car drove past and one yelled “fat ass” out the window. I wasn’t even at my heaviest then. I will never forget and it still stings to think about. I was humiliated and that feeling is hard to get over. Whether it be called a name or falling on my face in the middle of a restaurant. Feeling humiliated stays with you for a long time.

I am so, so sorry that happened to you sweetie.

Thanks everyone for your replies! I know I that I need to grow a thicker skin. It's strange that he could have called me a b**** or "f" you
(which really is more common, to be honest), and I just let it go. But call me fat? How dare he?

I always think of good comebacks after the fact. (Doesn't everybody?) Last night, instead of binging on garbage, I thought of all the awesome comebacks I could have said.

I'm feeling a lot better today. Actually, I feel a bit sad for him. If I had confronted him on the way back out of the store, he probably wouldn't have even remembered saying anything beside "Do you have a dollar?". And that is sad...

Thanks again for all of the support.

I'm glad you're feeling better today **hugs**

Wow. I've read and reread everything everyone has said in this thread, and I am going to put it in my subscribed threads. It has made me feel so empowered in myself. I don't often get the street harrassment because I live in such a small community, but when I go into the city I get the comments. Usually they are sexual in nature, like these "boys" have to prove to their friends that they can "attract" me. (Since I'm big, I must be desperate, right?)
I just want to thank LongTallBee for putting her faith in this site and sharing her story (and everyone else too). I don't think I even realized how much comments from people (including friends and family) really hurt. But I love the support and awesome replies everyone gave. I'm going to reread this thread almost every day, to give myself that boost of self esteem and encouragement. My thanks to everyone.

Some people lash out in any way they can think of. Obviously, homeless people are used to being called names and treated poorly--some of them probably just want an excuse to do the same to others--kind of like how the kid hits the dog, then the dog bites the cat, then the cat eats the mouse (or whatever?) You know, the cycle of abuse. They probably don't see you as a threat (as in, you aren't going to beat them up, I agree with Saem that they are psychologically threatened)--so they vent their anger.
Its really unfortunate that some people do this--not only calling someone fat but also racially prejudiced names. If you were black he might have called you the "n" word, if you were Hispanic or Chinese he might have made fun of how you talked. These are cheap shots and they show more about his character than about you.
Virginia Woolf mentioned, in A Room of One's Own, that many men require others (usually women or ethnic minorities) to degrade, in order for themselves to feel more powerful. This desire comes from an initial lack of confidence in the man. This homeless man is obviously powerless in almost all aspects of his life, so he is looking to put another down so that he can feel better about himself.

I just wanted to point out that not all panhandlers are homeless. Many in fact, live in nicer homes than most of us. Begging for money is becoming one of the fastest growing money making schemes in today's society. There was a huge report about it on the news lately. The reporters secretly followed several "homeless" people around for a few days. After a profitable few hours on the the street they followed these panhandlers back to their dwellings. A huge percentage of these people lived in 150K + homes and had nice cars and lots of "toys". When confronted on why they did it, most answered in hateful tones, "because we can".

Anyway, the moral of the story is...don't pass out money on the streets, (and don't feel bad about turning people down.) If you really want to help people, donate to actual homeless shelters and/or food pantries. The news report found that most real homeless people do not beg for money.

I'm sorry. Words hurt, but as others said, try not to give him that power. Chances are, even if you were a quote/unquote "normal" weight, he would have said something derogatory about your appearance. It is a power thing. You disappointed him, so he wanted to hurt you.

All of this. If you would have spun around and given him a little-bit-loud-little-bit-annoyed-EXCUSE ME?! He would have known that it was.. uncalled for. Because clearly his momma never taught him that. We don't have people sitting outside our stores, its illegal here.. (They have to have a permit, even.) If that happened to me, not only would I have given the homeless man a piece of my mind, I would have had the store manager out there making him leave.. he was harassing customers. Boo.

Brush it off. He is not worth the grief. And hey, maybe he's homeless for karma for being such a jerk-o to people all the time!!

I don't really get called fat, but I definitely get a lot of attention for my boobs =/. People say "Oh you must LOVE it" but in fact it's quite the opposite. I hate the way men just oogle at me and treat me like I'm a piece of meat when I'm just trying to walk somewhere. It's just like "I don't know you, why are you talking to me that way?"

I know of a few instances that my male friends would drop the fact that when they describe me they say "the one with the massive tits." It's just wrong. I'm not a walking pair of boobs!!

But as long as you know who you are, what you're going to do about any problems you have then you need to use their negativity as fuel for the weight loss fire! Sorry you got a bunch of hobo's calling you names, but hey - as long as it's not your loved ones saying it I wouldn't worry about what a bunch of pond life think of you!

Also what ^ said x10. Yell at them to get a job next time!

You've gotten some GREAT advice here! - and I agree with everyone .... DO.NOT.EVER.LET.ANYONE!TAKE.YOUR.POWER. Not about your weight, your lifestyle, your choices - ANYTHING.

If someone comments on your weight (fatty, chubby, big-boned'ded, whatever!) in the future, try looking at them with a totally blank face stare and say: "Yeah, so, what's your point?" - I've found that one comeback works in so many situations. No matter what they say, keep repeating... "Yeah, so, what's your point?" You'll aggravate the **** outta them & keep your self-esteem in tact without stooping to their level.

Of course, sometimes we FEEL like stooping to their level, maybe even getting below their level! That's when I say something to the effect of "Yeah, I'm fat, but you're ugly & your mother dresses you funny" etc.


Oh, and I agree with Lori Bell ~
yeah, I was gonna say that, too - far too many people out there scamming! I never give money to anyone. Not the "homeless" (we don't KNOW they're homeless!) not the "veteran, please help" signs, etc. I just don't trust people who beg for money. Especially the government.

Isn't it funny how we will let just about anything else roll right off our backs, but the word "F-A-T" is enough to shake us up? Would I get angry at someone saying, "you...you carrot-top!" or "Four-eyes!" or "Casper!" or "Nyah nyahhh, shortie!"? Nope, I actually embrace my red hair (thanks, L'Oreal ), glasses, fair skin, and short stature. But "Fatty?" That one has always hit me where I live.

Why?

Why are any of us willing to invest so much of our self-worth in our BMI? It isn't that you have a thin skin, it's that almost all of us do about that "f-word"--the three-letter one, that is. We get righteously angry when someone impugns our intellect, work quality, parenting skills, fashion sense, or driving ability, but somehow if someone calls us fat, it's something shameful.

So basically a guy who wanted you to give him money for nothing tried to insult you...and YOU suffer shame in that context? Oh, no, honey. No no no, the shame is all on him--shame for trying to insult you, shame for not making his own way in the world like most adults must, shame for lashing out at another person for no reason.

Shame on him, and good for you for bringing it here instead of into your kitchen for a binge. We can (and will) lose weight; jerk-*** people will always be jerk-***es.

If possible, look at it as a backhanded compliment; he was going to insult you for something, and the worst thing he could find to say about you is, "Hey, you have visible deposits of subcutaneous adipose tissue!"

This is such an awesome idea. I'll totally do this if it ever happens again!


To be honest, no one has ever called me fat except for these two people. I think that I live in a bubble where I can ignore that I'm overweight. I'm very tall, so the bigness is kind of spread out all over. So when this happened, I guess it was just a shock. I wish that I had jumped out of the shock and gone back and given him a piece of my mind. But I learned a lesson. If it ever happens again (and I really hope it doesn't) I won't give them the satisfaction of making me feel bad.

This thread has been so helpful. Thank you!

I agree with everything Nola said, but I especially loved this bit! ^^^

I've always felt that if the biggest problem I have in my life is my weight then I lead a pretty darn fantastic life. If the only thing someone can insult you with is your weight then you are a pretty darn fantastic person!

Saef and Jayell are right on the money.