3 Fat Chicks on a Diet Weight Loss Community - In Japan, Drinking Parties are a MUST

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- - In Japan, Drinking Parties are a MUST (https://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/weight-loss-support/222882-japan-drinking-parties-must.html)

Thanks to everyone who offered some great look-a-like drinks and other advice! I've never been to a drinking party that offers diet sodas but I may be able to fake it with seltzer and lime in the future. That being said, I also need work on kicking the desire to drink. The functions can sometimes be really awkward without the social lubricant, and I like drinking anyway. I think this will be an ongoing concern/point for improvement.

It's been really interesting reading all the other comments as well. I respect the different viewpoints on being a gracious guest, honoring the host and maintaining your beliefs on someone else's turf. I'm definitely part of the "Don't rock the boat" camp, which is why I think pretending to drink alcohol would be, in many cases around here, better than not drinking at all.

It was great to see so many of you come out with experience in East Asian culture; I'm comforted knowing that there are other people around who understand the experiences that are unique to weightloss outside of the Western world.

Even though last night was a failure on the calorie intake front (and I still fill overfull and a bit sick), I really appreciate your input. Here's to going forward.

As much as it's a social pressure, I really regret not teaching in Japan (I have a degree in TESL). Now I have a baby so that's off the menu :) But I'm jealous! Have fun at the party!!!

Thank you from me too to all those who had suggestions on how to "fake" drink. My DH lived in China for work and frequently ran into the "drink this or bring dishonor on yourself, your company, and the Chinese company hosting you" situation. He will be going back for more business trips. I will pass these suggestions on to him. It wasn't even that he was expected to drink as what he was expected to drink. It was apparently some nasty-tasting stuff that they used for toasts.

Easy way around this

There's an easy culturally acceptable way around this which will also save you from yourself and desires to drink. In Japan, alcoholism is a biological disease, not a psychological one (as being psychologically dependent on alcohol is not seen as a problem). If you tell your cohorts that you have a liver problem and a doctor told you that you should not drink, they will not pressure you to drink anything (you can order juice, soft drinks, or seltzer - but be careful as many seltzer drinks in Japan have sugar in them and are very caloric).

Once you say this, you will then have to avoid drinking to hide your lie. The Japanese won't ask you details of your condition (because they won't assume that you know them as doctors are vague in Japan and direct patients without deep explanation) and because it is personal and not something they tend to dig into. Also, this sort of lying is perfectly acceptable as part of the tatamae/honne culture. You're allowed to put on a false face to have a smoother social transaction with people. In fact, it is expected.

This is one of the few "trap doors" from which you can escape mandatory drinking (and it is pretty much expected here if you want to be seen as attempting to "fit in").

Quote:

Originally Posted by JayEll (Post 3662635)

Really, Jesse Taylor? I mean, REALLY? Well good for you!

I agree with nelie, and I think the implication that somehow my not drinking alcohol is imposing my values (which, by the way, are hardly North American!) on others is just wrong. I don't insist that other people do not drink--that's completely up to them. I don't insist that they take on my values. Nor should they insist that I take on theirs.

I do not have to put anything in my body that I don't want to. That includes alcohol, drugs, and food. Now, if they are going to hold me down and force me, that's a different matter and a violation of human rights.

Jay

I agree with you. Doing what you feel like doing is in no way imposing your beliefs on someone else. You are not telling your coworkers not to drink, just not drinking yourself. I'm a well-traveled person and have enjoyed many cultures without 'sacrificing' my needs. I would expect a host to be even more understanding when you are in a foreign country, away from family, offering a service. The only type of people who wouldn't understand that are those who have not themselves been in that situation.

Quote:

Originally Posted by XLMuffnTop (Post 3662998)

I find that to be disrespectful to guests. In our house, we make guests as comfortable as possible within reason. It doesn't mean everything has to be vegetarian, or shellfish free but options are available. This extends to non-food comforts as well.

To say "Do this or get out" is unreasonable in my mind especially if it came to safety and food allergies. Good grief. If my son had an allergy and my mom served up that food and only that food, I'd seriously question her intent and whether she had the best interests of her entire family in mind. That would then lead me to question whether I'd want my son around her.

Back to the OP, I'd just fake it to avoid social awkwardness. It would be different if it were a group that you were more intimate with. Good luck if the event hasn't already occured.

Exactly, if I were hosting an event I would try to please my guests, no pleasure for me in subjecting guests to things they do not enjoy. I know for some events people are asked beforehand regarding preferences, allergies, etc.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Jesse Taylor (Post 3662520)

If I was living there, in their country, I'd sleep with my boss and eat Guinea pig. I, personally, draw the line at pushing my beliefs on people while I'm in their country or their home. I don't expect to go to a Vegan's house and get lamb stew or even go to my father's house and have him respect that I don't eat pork most of the time. My beliefs are simple respect for others when you are in their country or home. The thing is, HOWEVER, why would I go to a culture that totally violates my senses if I went knowing I would completely be offended or offend those hosting me?

When in Rome...... What happens in Vegas.....

It is what it is. When we travel to other countries, we should respect their cultures and not put our demands on those hosting us. That is why so many other countries feel as though we as Americans are arrogant because we refuse to learn foreign languages or adapt to others' cultures when we go to their countries.

Please speak for yourself, many Americans speak foreign languages. In fact, my little brother lived in Japan last year and had many friends from other countries. He, the American, was the only one in this group to learn Japanese. He now speaks Japanese and communicates with his Korean girlfriend in Japanese. He will start university in Korea in a month where he will learn Korean.

America and Europe have got to be the most accommodating places on Earth for foreigners. In my university there's mosques, when I offer to order pizza, they demand halal. Nobody forces them to eat pork or the women to take off their head coverings. Do not say that we expect anyone to assimilate as that is hardly the case.