Gosh - just had a huge heart to heart with my DS. He's 13, 6ft 4 and has just confessed he weighs 220lbs. Wow, what a moment in my weightloss journey(Affirmation that my weightloss has affected him). He's very shy and has kept his feelings to himself, but I have obviously been aware for some time that he needed to lose weight. Until today he would clam up and refuse to discuss it. He has watched me go from 298 lbs to the 192 I am today, and has encouraged me and complimented me all the way. Yesterday our new wii fit game arrived (long story....). He chose to weigh himself, and has obviously been thinking hard about his own weight. We sat down together and i said I would tell him all the facts and figures about my journey if he would talk to me about his feelings.No-one but DH knew how much I started at or what I weighed up until today.
I feel like we have overcome a major obstacle by him opening up to me. Now the hard part, how to tailor a programme to his individual needs and body type, without putting him off and making him feel guilty. (I think everyone who is overweight has guilt issues about their weight)
Any advice people? I want my gorgeous son to be as healthy as he can be, and so does he, but at the same time I want to take real care with how I deal with this.Thanks for your input.
Just basing it off of his height, he doesn't have much to lose... and his age is on his side. I would say maybe he should aim for around 200 and just make small tweaks so he doesn't feel deprived ie: one less soda a week, toast instead of pop tarts for breakfast, etc. I'm sure there's a few small ways he can make changes that will allow him to drop the 20 pretty quickly. He's only 13, so way to go on his part for seeing it and wanting to do something.
Do you cook dinner? You can help him by preparing healthy meals. Does he buy lunch at school or pack a lunch? He could pack a lunch and save a lot of calories and add in a lot more nutrition.
I think it is great he is opening up to you and talking to you about it. Keep that going - and try to focus on the being healthy - eating veggies - eating fruit - limiting soda - limiting fries, etc.
Is he into and sports? If not - encourage him to try out some sports at school.
He's tall and he's young. I would encorage him to not focus on the numbers, but focus on developing healthy habits he can use forever.
I agree with SCraver, don't have him worry about the number as much as creating healthy habits. Also, he really doesn't have that much to lose - being a young guy it should be fairly easy for him.
Good for you for being such a great mom, and inspiring him to want to take care of his health!
Thanks - it was him who came to me. He's a big lad, chunky but not fat. I think it's his desire to hook up with girls that has fuelled this. I do the cooking, but have spent the last 9 months cooking 2 meals every evening. One for my family and one for me. He hates veg so it's hard to get him to eat it. He loves fruit so I know I can get hm to eat this. I feel this is a tough one. I know he's not that overweight,but he feels he is and wants the snake hipped charm of some of his buddies
Given the situation and the motivation, maybe he should focus on working out rather than overly focusing on dieting right now? That might also make him feel better about his body.
I have been there with my DS myself. He is 12, about 5'3 and started his journey at 191. I had a bit of a blind eye with him, I knew he was overweight, it was obvious, but I just figured that it was because he was always taller and bigger than all of his peers anyway.
It was not until I changed everything for everyone in the house and he started losing weight and feeling very proud of himself that he came out and admitted how much teasing he used to get (and still does) and how hard it was for him to walk and run with his friends (the ones he had) it actually came out a few weeks ago that he had had suicidal thoughts. I had no idea.
I have changed everything about the way we eat, and spend time together as a family, and in the last four months he has lost about 30lbs. He has been down 36 and back up again (he goes to his dads and they are not committed to clean healthy eating AT ALL) and we have talked about choices, portion and self control. He knows that he feels better when he eats the way he is supposed to. We have not put a "goal weight" on him, but he has an idea what he wants to look like and what he has to do to get there.
Good for you for having this effect on your son. It only gets better.
I agree 220 isn't too bad. My husband is 6'3" and around 200 lbs- a good weight for his height. I agree to suggest to him to exercise and join a sport.
Also- I'd encourage him to try to be more open to veggies because they do so much good- I know I sound paranoid but after learning about my husband's uncle's esophagus cancer and reading online that it affects people who don't eat veggies I FREAKED. Thank goodness I love veggies and eat a ton daily!
Judging by BMI alone, he is only overweight by about 15 pounds. Not too bad, all things considered. I would definitely encourage him to start working out- it will help with his self esteem a lot, and he will probably notice a bigger difference in his body with lifting weights, etc. than he will with diet alone.
With that said- what kinds of foods does he like? Can you make small adjustments with his meals that will help him? What kinds of veggies does he like? I add tons of veggies to things like chili or lasagna, because they blend in and aren't truly noticeable. Do things like this until he is more comfortable with them. I also make things like cauliflower and onion gratin, which amounts to under 120 calories for a quarter of a head of cauliflower, tastes great, and takes the place of heavier starchy sides like potatoes. Think of it like a drug dealer (I know, horrible analogy!) you want to start them in on the easy and mild things until you get them hooked(cauliflower, green beans, broccoli for some people, zucchini), then bring in the heavy hitters (brussel sprouts, kale, kohlrabi). It's just getting people through that first gateway into vegetables, then it's eays going.
Also, does he enjoy cooking? Is he interested in it? Try to foster that in him- get him to cook healthier meals with you and **** be more likely to like them. It will also be invaluable later on when all his friends are tryign to figure out how to cook ramen and he's whipping up delicious and nutritious turkey tacos.
All great advice thanks. How do I get him to move? He is a complete couch potato and has no self confidence! It is made all the harder by being in Belgium where gyms are not so readily available and athletic clubs mean a mastery of French. He will not eat veg apart from cucumber and sweetcorn - he has no interest intrying. I agree cooking with him is a good idea and I will try to incorporate that. I also thought he could help plan the weeks menu, thus giving him some ownership of the food he eats.
What do you do for exercise? Maybe take him along with you? Or get some cheap bikes and start riding together if where you live has good weather. Or heck you have a wii fit- why not play together?
I mean bottom line is I'd have a heart to heart to him- treat him like an adult and tell him that this is going to be up to him and that if he wants to lose the weight you will help but he's really got to get off the couch and also try more than corn and cucumbers. There's a huge world of veggies and things out there- I mean heck even tomato sauce is a good start.
Oh I also do things like grind up zucchini into my meat (use a food processor), mix ground turkey with ground beef, etc
I think my husband read somewhere...or maybe I heard this here somewhere...that it takes 27 tastes of a new food (new veggie) before the taster will start to find it "acceptable." So, keep encouraging him to TRY things, even if he's not going to eat the full portion of salad or veggies. Eventually he will decide to like more of it, and be more open to trying new things, but this could take a couple of years.
Take him to farmer's markets, or the local grocery or supermarket, and get him involved in shopping for the food that you eat. Talk about where it comes from. Encourage him to become curious and invested.
For movement--I believe that every kid has some kind of movement they absolutely love, which will not feel like "exercise" to them. For my oldest son, it's rock climbing. For my middle son, it's ice skating, and biking to and from school. For my daughter, it's biking, skating, swimming, gymnastics, and really nearly every form of movement that can possibly be interpreted as "fun."
You will perhaps need to try a lot of different kinds of movement before you find what he loves, but that's OK. Invest in lessons for some of these things if you can, because things like ice skating are not as simple as strapping skates on and going, for most people. (Especially not for kids who are not physically gifted. We see huge differences between our middle son and our daughter; she is physically gifted, he is not. She taught herself to ride a bike, while it was months of struggle for him. But in the end, they both love it.)
Also, don't necessarily try to force team sports on him if he's not into that. None of my kids are. But they all do love some kinds of movement.
My daughter is not a big veggie eater, but I never stop trying to encourage her to eat them. Sometimes she really doesn't even want to try a bite. One thing that has helped us a little is taking her to Whole Foods, or any store with a huge variety of produce, and having her pick something new out to try. I involve her in looking up ways to prepare it, then I let her help me cook it. Usually she doesn't end up liking whatever it is , but she sure is willing to try it since she was so involved in the process. I don't know if that same method would work for a teenage boy or not (my daughter is 10), but maybe worth a try!
I'm a pretty firm believer in making one meal for the whole family. Sure, I usually have extra veggies with mine and will often make a side dish that I know my daughter and husband will enjoy that I might only sample. But it does make me feel good to know that my whole family is enjoying the benefit of my healthier cooking.
Finally, it sorta sounds like you have been working your plan on the sidelines of your family life. Which I do, too. But maybe his interest is a way to open it up, talk about what is on your plate that has led to your success, and try to get some activities going as a family that are FUN, with the side benefit of fitness. I'm going to be working on this much more, too. My daughter is of an appropriate weight right now, but it sure isn't because I've been any kind of good role model. Keeping her at a healthy weight will be, though! And I TOTALLY agree not to make it a power struggle, ever!
DS weighs 220lbs :(
, but she sure is willing to try it since she was so involved in the process. I don't know if that same method would work for a teenage boy or not (my daughter is 10), but maybe worth a try! 