What do y'all say to people who think your goal weight is too low? I already have a lot people telling me that there is no way I can lose that much more weight. Its not like I am shooting for an unrealistic #... 190 for a girl of 6'2" with my frame IS skinny... but definitely not unhealthy. I must carry my weight well... I tell them that with the size of my frame, there is definitely that much excess weight there. I always just tell them that my goal weight puts me at a healthy BMI but some still say that they really don't think I'd be healthy if I was that size and think I should stop at a higher weight. That isn't going to happen though. The whole point of this for me is to get healthy and I want that "normal" BMI. What should I say???
Last edited by southernbelle102; 12-20-2010 at 02:11 AM.
You don't have to justify to other people the goal weight you've chosen for yourself. You've chosen a healthy weight for your height, and a weight you feel you can achieve, and that's all that matters. If they can't or don't want to understand that it is a healthy weight for you, then it really isn't your job to make them. Just tell them that it's your body and your decision, and leave it at that. Perhaps when you get to your goal and they see that you're not at an unhealthy weight they'll understand. Like you said, the whole point of this is to get healthy-- for yourself, and not for these other people.
I usually don't bother telling people how much more I want to lose. Mostly, people who have never been very fat just have no understanding of what high poundage numbers look like. Occasionally, it is people who will be threatened by me having the temerity to weigh the same as them or less. The first group you can educate, the second group you can't!
I have
lost 81
got 2 to go to holiday
26 to go to interim goal
41 to go to probable final goal.
In England if I said it in pounds, a lot of people wouldn't really click on; but if I translate it into stones: "I've lost nearly 6 stone and I have nearly 3 stone to go", they really would freak.
Generally, if people ask what I've lost, I tell them, because I'm proud of it.
If they ask how much more I want to lose, I tell them 'just a bit more'.
If they persist in wanting to know a number and I decide to tell them and they then start being weird about it, I thank them for their concern and move on. No point having an argument but I do know what's best for my health.
Many people have all kinds of weird emotions about friends, coworkers, and even family members losing weight (assuming overweight is the problem, not underweight). It's like they know they should feel supportive and proud of you, and for the most part they are, but there's also a tinge of jealousy and insecurity. Especially if they are also overweight.
At best, they'll come around once they see how happy and healthy you are at your new weight. At worst, you may need to spend less times with the jealous and insecure friends, and more with the truly supportive ones. (Harder if family, obviously.) This doesn't make you a bad person, just a sane person.
Most people can't fathom the large amounts of weight some of us have to lose. Now that I'm closer to goal I have a better understanding of why. When you're smaller, 20 pounds is a lot of weight! But when you're obese and morbidly obese, no one will notice a 20 pound loss or even a 50 pound loss. So since to a small person 20 pounds is ALOT (and it is )saying you need to lose 100-190 pounds seems undoable and they will look at you and think there's no way you could possibly lose that much.
My advice is to not address it. I told my mom I wanted to lose 100 pounds at the start of my journey and got the same reaction you are getting. So I stopped talking about it. When the question comes up I say, "I want to get into the healthy range of my BMI. I'm not there yet."
I second everything kaw said. It's rare to find a woman who is perfectly secure with her own weight and size, and jealousy and other issues do play into the comments people make.
Ultimately no one can actually prevent you from losing to your goal weight (except you), so I wouldn't worry too much. You know what's right and healthy for you and if people get pushy, you can always gently remind them that it's your body, not theirs.
I agree, don't engage if people start arguing. Instead of numbers, tell them you are shooting for a normal BMI. You tall ladies can wear weight well, but getting rid of visceral fat is so important for your health. Good for you, keep it up!
It seems to me that 190 is just right for your height. Don't pay any attention to people who make negative comments as they usually don't know what they are talking about.
I understand where you're coming from, my close family freaks when I say I want to get down to 168 since I'm 6'1. They would flip out even more if they found out that I'm probably going to go lower than that if my body can handle it.
I have a gigantic frame, as my hands/feet show. I'm not really sure how low a weight is good for my size, but anything is better than my starting weight.
To answer your question about what to say to people, I would just tell them that you're doing what is healthy, and that's that!
This is weird, but I think some people are trying to be reassuring "Don't worry. You don't have to get skinny for me to like you. Plump would be fine". They don't think you can do it or think your expectations are too grand and they think it is comforting to give you permission to set them lower.
Other people are just silly. They think that you "are" a fat person in some sort of inherent way, so "normal" would be unhealthy.
The good news is that as you lose weight, people really forget how fat you used to be. They remember you used to be bigger, but not the extent of the loss. So by the time you really are 190, it won't seem like such an extreme change.
In the meantime, here's your line "My doctor and I have a goal weight in mind, but of course we will continue to reassess as the weight comes off". This tells people that 1) you are talking to a doctor, so you don't need their advice and 2) you are reassessing always, not blindly chasing a number (and I do think blindly chasing a number is almost always a bad idea).
You're the same height/weight as DH is right now (exactly actually!). It's funny because I even just calculated what a healthy BMI would be for him (195) so it looks like you'd be just fine in your healthy range so it sounds perfect to me! I'm assuming you're in the south from your name and from my experience in the south (I lived there too for a number of years) what is considered a healthy weight is very different than what it actually is. I went to college there and was around 155 (the highest limit of a healthy BMI). I remember many people saying how skinny I was!
The only person who knows my goal weight or how much I want to actually lose in DH. Then again, I'm pretty reserved about such things and am mortified by the thought of actually telling anyone in real life my actual weight! Only everyone here on 3FC gets to know the details of my weightloss journey.
I think 190 lbs is a good goal if that's what you want. There's no reason whatsoever you can't make that.
I agree with Eliana - a lot of the concern might just be for your health. Especially if people haven't been really overweight, they won't understand such a big weight loss.
I'd just tell them you're shooting for a normal weight for your height and frame. If they push for a number, you can tell them 190, and then maybe explain that it's medically a healthy number for you, so that's your goal. Some people will object no matter what.
But yeah, that's why I don't share my goal weight or how much more I want to lose. I say, "Oh, just a couple more pounds." Ahem, like 26. Lol!
Good luck with everything. Maybe find a friend or someone who can understand better and can support you through this? Plus, there's always all of us on this site - we're all behind you.
Thanks everyone! I have been using the line about shooting for a healthy weight and definitely reassessing when I get there. It seems to work a good bit. Everyone who isn't satisfied with that response will just have to get over it
Honestly dont tell them.. Just know what your shooting for and when they ask tell them oh 200. Some people are so nosy .. Do what ever makes you happy and hey if you reach a number that isnt your goal and feel happy good for you..
Gal weight too low???
Like you said, the whole point of this is to get healthy-- for yourself, and not for these other people.
)saying you need to lose 100-190 pounds seems undoable and they will look at you and think there's no way you could possibly lose that much.
Seriously, people are just crazy. 
