Hi everyone.

I started up here last January and had mild success. I dropped a ton of weight scalewise, but visually I looked the same. I wanted to look at least moderately different by June for when my boyfriend came back from a six month semester abroad, but I didn't see any difference. My jeans all fit the same, my shirts were just as snug. Five days a week at the gym and eating only healthy foods for months and I barely saw a difference.

Well my boyfriend came back and I turned 21 and we got into the swing of celebrating that and getting close to graduating and I put all my weight back on and more. I'm so dissapointed in myself, but I know it is my fault for celebrating these big moments a little too hard and for assuming that nothing would happen.

My room mates and I are going to reboot and restart next semester with a super diet and work out. We've hired a personal trainer, put up motivational posters and have everything planned to a "t". I am so excited about it, and I know I can do it. But, of course my mother doesn't.

I have literally spent my entire life hearing her tell me how fat I am and how I'm doing things wrong. I was put on my first diet when I was ten years old. TEN YEARS OLD. I was basically taught to hate myself and now, when I'm trying to really better myself, of course it's the wrong way. Now that I'm older I can tell myself to just put it behind me, but I can't help but think of the years and years I've spent disgusted by myself, by who I was and what I wanted. I think that will be the hardest thing for me: my two room mates have such strong support from their mothers for everything they ever do. To them, they are perfect in every way, but for me I've always been flawed. Wrong career, wrong boyfriend, wrong college, wrong person. It's one of the things that always makes me fail.

Hopefully this forum will help me realize that I am not the failure that I have grown up thinking, and hopefully I will be joining everyone in their success stories sooner or later!

Best of luck to everyone

Erica.....You are NOT a failure. You are now among "family" who will love, support and encourage you along the way. Our size does not determine our worth.

More than anything I say you have to love yourself and everything else will fall into place.

xoxox

Erica welcome! You will definitely find the support you need here! Just yesterday I was feeling horrible about my weight loss process, only been here a week, but made a post about it and everyone made me feel so much better. You will definitely experience that here, I truly feel like everyone really cares for everyone here and that everyone wants everyone to succeed! It's really an amazing environment filled with incredible advice.

I had similar issues with my mother comparing me to my friends. My dad too. Just saying the absolutely WRONG things about my weight, it's completely damaging, but you are beautiful and in control and you can and will succeed!

I recommend you keep checking in, there is always support and advice to be found here. Especially if you are feeling bad about yourself. This is the place to go to remember that you are unstoppable and on your way to a healthier, happier you! Don't give up and don't believe you are anything less than incredible!

As much as it hurts to endure this from your mom, I hope you realize that this issue is NOT about you....it's about her. There is absolutely no reason for anyone to put their child through this, especially starting at such a young age. You are a beautiful person and a survivor of a lot so give yourself the kind of support you would give someone else going through this. I'll bet you'd be so impressed with one of your friends if you knew they had gone through something that difficult and were still trying and committed.

It's hard not to get upset about seeing others have more support, more money, more whatever....but it never helps to compare. Just appreciate your friends for what they are and focus on your journey. You will find your strength if you focus inward. Ask yourself what kind of characteristics you truly value in a person? I'll bet you already have most of those. Nobody's perfect, of course, but you are probably a kind, compassionate, intelligent woman who is going to keep bettering herself with each passing day.

You CAN do this...if you hear negative talk coming from someone who isn't supportive, shut that stuff out. Only listen to those who support you and make you feel good about yourself. After all, this is about feeling good right?

I'm so glad you posted and I can't wait to hear about all the wonderful progress and self discovery that you experience!

You are not your mother. You're grown, independent and if she keeps knocking you down you don't need to hear it. I'm sorry that she has been a negative nancy and chopping away at your confidence all throughout your life - she must feel pretty piss-poor about herself to inflict all that emotional damage on her daughter.

As for losing weight, there is no possible way to failure if you commit to following a plan that works. That said, your weight is UNTIED to your "failure" or "success" as a human, so please remember that!

We're all one big supportive "family" of sorts here. Stick with 3FC - even if your friends veer off plan (how often do "New Year's Resolution" diets really work anyway?), there is always a gigantic online community of people who are dedicated to losing, maintaining, and self-improving.

One of the members on this site has a signature line that says "Failure is an event, not a person." That thought just sits well with me A codicil to that thought is the fact that if you've never failed at anything, you've probably never tried anything really difficult. As every single person on this site can attest to, losing weight is anything but easy, and it's even harder when the people who should be loving and supportive make us feel worse about ourselves. This is a fantastic site for support - I've only been here a few months, but in those few months, visiting this site has become part of my daily routine. I've found ideas, support, and people who are actually willing to listen to me whine and commiserate I've have never felt so sure that reaching my goals is not just a possibility, but a certainty - and I honestly contribute most of that attitude to the wonderful people on these boards.

Better days are ahead

I can relate. I was put on my first diet in kindergarten, was a Weight Watcher's member at 8, and was on prescription amphetamine diet pills at in eight grade at 13. I've been morbidly obese most of my life, and although I've been on and off the diet rollercoaster since I was 5 (I'm almost 45 now), I've never reached my goal weight (though I came close in high school on the amphetamines).

I was lucky - I got a lot of positive messages along with the screwed-up ones, and I succeeded and exceeded i other aspects of my life. Weight loss was the only area in my life that I felt like I couldn't master.

And still to succeed, I had to unlearn a lot of crap. We learn how to lose weight by observing others attempt it - and not many people are good at it, so we learn more ineffective and counterproductive strategies than successful ones.

Part of the problem is the weight loss secrecy. We don't advertise our successes or our failures. It's still a taboo enough subject that you can't really tell whether you're doing better than most people or worse than most people (not that the comparisons are productive), but we don't recognize success when we see it.

My current doctor "set me straight" a few months ago when I was complaining that I was only losing about 1 pound a month and I was so angry that I couldn't lose a pound or two a week like "most people." And my doctor essentially told me "who told you that nonsense." He told me that most people don't lose a pound a month, because most people give up. Just not giving up puts you ahead of most people.

It got me thinking, and I realized I never went off a diet because I was failing, but because my success felt like failure. I wasn't succeeding fast enough to feel I was making progress. We're taught to see slow progress as no better than no progress at all. We also don't value maintenance very well. When I did get very close to my goal in high school (my goal was 150 lbs, and I reached 155) my doctor lowered my goal to 145. It devastated me. I was having a hard time keeping my weight at 155, and 145 seemed impossible. I decided that "I'll always be fat. I can't lose any more, so what's the use," and I gave up. Now, in my defense I was only 17, but I've always seen my weight this way until "this time."

The main difference is that I stopped seeing "no loss" as failure. I reminded myself that "no gain" was as much a success as a loss - in some ways an even more incredible success. Because keeping weight off is a lot harder than getting it off. Deciding to maintain each pound loss regardless of whether I have the ability to lose even one more pound, has kept me here.

It can be difficult (at first) see a no-loss as something to celebrate, but really is. I think it's so hard to feel successful at weight loss, because we set ourselves up to see most outcomes as failures. Every tiny disappointment is a huge failure, and no success is dramatic enough to feel truly happy or proud of.

Lots of support here!

Do what you need to do for you!

Welcome.

I can totally relate. My mom had me on my first diet at around 8 or so. I am now almost 38 and seem to have been on some sort of weight loss journey for the last 30 years. Of course now that I am actually "fat" my mom says things like "oh wow,I always thought you were fat, but you really weren't. You should get back to the weight you were x years ago" Of course X years ago it was the fat story. HAHA.

Anyway, kudos for you recognizing it young and early!

There is a TON of support here, everyone here is fantastic and probably has a story of their own to help you through everything.

Welcome, and congrats! YOU have already lost weight, so you know you CAN do it, and you and your roommates can make a great support team. This is about so much more than a number on the scale, this is standing up to your mom, and MORE importantly, to yourself that you ARE doing this. You are NOT a failure, you are just a success story in progress.
Looking forward to hearing about your journey!