as of today I've been on plan almost 3 weeks. I've lost six pounds and about 2 inches on my waist. I have to say, I've been feeling pretty good about myself, everyday I tell myself, "losing weight and feeling great!"
One of my best friends at work says he's noticed too. He says my thighs look slimmer and that I'm looking cute. That put me on a BIG high. And the other day, when I went out with a bunch of friends from work, one of the guys was flirting with me and for some reason, all of the guys were really interested in talking to me and joking with me. I'm pretty sure it's more the confidence than the actual weight loss (which is very small at this point), but still! I've been feeling pretty great about myself, and I've even dared to try on some clothes I banned myself from wearing for a long time.
Then, today, I went out to dinner with my grandma, afterwards, she says to me, "you know, you are getting fatter and fatter, and you really need to do something about that."
OUCH.
I laughed it off, of course, but it really hurt. Here I was, thinking I was looking great and people were noticing, and I'm told I'm getting "fatter and fatter?" I should use this to motivate me, of course, since my grandma is one of my personal motivations, but it's really discouraging.
I'm down a little over 40 lbs with a little over 40 lbs to go, and about 10 lbs ago people really started noticing my weight loss. It was nice. I am having major issues actually being able to tell I'm smaller (the scale, the measuring tape, and my friends & family all say so), so the affirmation is good once in a while. I've always had an overall very positive and appreciative view of my body (which is nice, as it's the only one I'll get), but I'm definitely open to improvement.
Then someone I consider a close friend - who hadn't said anything before, but I was good with that - recently said, "Hey, have you lost a little weight recently? Around 5 lbs, right?"
I tried not to let it get to me, and I did okay, but it certainly didn't help my image of my body (which isn't bad at all - I just wish I could tell the difference when it changes - it gets frustrating and I wonder if I'm crazy sometimes).
It kind of reinforced my fear that I'm not really changing even as the scale goes down. Like, shouldn't I have gotten smaller than this by now? I only look like I've lost 5 lbs - that's bad! etc. It was kinda sucky for me, but that was more my fault. I just remind myself that 40 lbs is pretty good, and of course I'll get smaller. I don't believe it yet - but then I've been big since age 12.
Great thread! Sorry to get all sober, though. But yeah - it's certainly an emotional roller coaster at times.
Last edited by LiannaKole; 10-10-2010 at 12:59 AM.
I was doing really good, lost 37 lbs, eating right, exercising hard and regularly, blah blah blah. Then I went to my cousin's house, the last time i saw him and his wife was when I was at my highest weight in July. I was totally expecting some sort of mention of my loss because you can definitely tell, and we go there and...nothing. Not. A. Word. I was so disappointed that it just set me into a self sabotage cycle which totally sucks and is counterproductive, but I just felt like I failed because they didn't say anything. Really hoping that next time they'll say something!!!
Last year I went home to see family a full 30lbs lighter than I was the previous time they had seen me. I was a size 8, down from a size 14, and NO ONE said anything. One person, when we were out eating, asked if I should be eating what I ordered because they were "concerned with my health." Keep in mind this person smokes, drinks nothing but pop and is 80-100lbs overweight. I was pretty upset. No one commented on it until I told my grandma how hard I had been working, and she said that YEAH she had noticed I lost weight, but she didn't want to bring it up and embarrass me. So yeah, sometimes people notice, but don't say anything.
Yeah, I'm on this ride, but it's not really related to people noticing or commenting on my weight anymore - that ship has sailed Now it's more about many hourly changing feelings about my goal weight. Is seriously exhausting. On hour I think you know I'm in a good place it's time to stop and the next I'm thinking that 10 more lbs would be just perfect. I'm exhausted from feeling so amazing about myself and beautiful to the sharp down turn of seeing my sagging skin and stretch marks and wondering why I didn't take control sooner. I'm not sure this something that will every be remedied with me. There's always going to be something. I just need to step back and know I've done my best and there is really so much more to life to feel great about.
People are, in general, self-absorbed; you can't let their thoughtless (even if well-meaning) comments derail your own train.
The person who told you that you were getting fatter and fatter - maybe that person hadn't seen you since before you started, and had no idea you'd already started losing? That doesn't make it an appropriate or tactful comment, but it doesn't detract from what you know about your body and your progress either.
The person who incorrectly guesses you've lost 5 pounds when you've lost 40 - well we are on here complaining every day that the weight loss doesn't show the way we expect it to. Everyone new to weight loss expects they will shed sizes by the week, and see dramatic changes in their body with every pound gone! So why shouldn't other people have the same expectations? If they have no idea how heavy you were when you started, they aren't going to make accurate guesses of how much you have lost. It is not a reflection on you or your success.
I have lost over 50 pounds and have not received a single unsolicited comment. NOT ONE. My partner tells me it shows when I whine at her that I'm still fat. My shrink too (who, by the way, was shocked when I told her what I weighed - her guess was about 30 pounds LESS than I actually weigh). But that's it, only the people closest to my struggle who I blather at about it all the time have said anything. I went to a group lunch at work where everyone was FAWNING to the point of inducing nausea over a guy who had lost exactly the same amount of weight as I had. Exactly, to the pound. He looks great, he looks so trim, he must have worked so hard, blah blah blah. Me, I'm chopped liver.
Does it mean I haven't lost the 50 pounds? Does it mean I've not dropped more than a size, that my knees don't hurt less, that my body is not stronger than it's been in years? Of course it doesn't mean that. It just means that people are caught up in their own thing and aren't paying as close attention to you as you are. And honestly, when you consider the alternative, it's probably better to have your acquaintances make some wrong guesses about your weight loss than to be all up in your face about it all the time. Imagine them noticing when you have a mini-plateau - "I see you haven't lost any weight for a month. Have you been sneaking donuts when no one is looking? Hm?" UGH.
I think we're all on the same roller coaster--just different seats with slightly different views. Keep in mind that one of the more satisfying things you can do is toss the negative people off the ride.
You're doing this for yourself, not anyone else. Don't let them ruin your small victories.
I know its tough when people don't notice your weight loss when you think they should--but don't let the fact that others aren't commenting discourage you. When I get to the point of noticeable weight loss I don't want to rely on others' comments to motivate me. They are always a nice motivator for sure, but I don't NEED others to say anything to be motivated about staying on the right track.
And remember, just because they didn't comment doesn't mean they didn't notice.
onherweighdown: "And remember, just because they didn't comment doesn't mean they didn't notice."
amen sister. or that's at least what i choose to believe
i agree with much that's been said and yet still struggle with the lack of affirmation myself. i've lost almost twenty pounds and think that it's somewhat noticeable, if only in my face and chest, only to the tunes of crickets chirping (i.e. no one commenting). it's funny cause it's gotten to the point where i've almost brought it up. but the thing is, a) it really shouldn't matter--i'm/we're our own motivation. b) they likely notice and just feel weird about saying anything. a few years ago i lost like 25-30lbs in the course of like 3 months and saw a friend who i had seen be at the outset of the weightloss. he said nothing of it. nothing. then his roommate, who i didn't know at all and had only met once was like, "hey did you drop a lot of weight? you look great" to which i said thanks and then inquired with the friend, genuinely cause i was curious, if he hadn't noticed to say anything or what and he replied with "look, i'm a guy and we are programmed from an early, early age, 'do not address weight--good, bad, ugly--don't say anything cause you can't win. even if it is a compliment, it can come back to bite you.' so i noticed, and you look good, but it's just water that i never wade into". so yeah, i think this is a general rule that a lot of people follow, even when they notice, they fear making an awkward situation by commenting.
all of this is to say, i'm sure you look great! keep up the awesome work regardless of what people say/don't say! and when you need an explicit affirmation, don't be shy to come on 3FC; we're all about being cheerleaders!
I've never had to worry about anyone in my family being silent about weight loss OR gain. When I was growing up, my whole family was OBSESSED with weight. Gaining, losing, whatever. From an early age I'd get snide remarks from my grandmother about my weight, even my own mother who has been overweight her entire life would ALWAYS ALWAYS ALWAYS get on me about my weight. The thing is, back then, I wasn't even fat. Back then, I couldn't even enjoy being at a relatively normal weight for my age because I was always getting told how fat I was by my family. I look back on pictures of myself from years ago when I was at weights that I WISH I could return to now.
I remember my mother harping on me when I was about 11--I asked her why she never harped on my sister the same way, to which she responded "Because she isn't the one with a weight problem!" That was over a decade ago, and I never forgot that comment despite loads more of the same type being made before and after that. Another comment that sticks out is when she told me that she could see the cellulite on the backs of my legs in this one particular pair of jeans I was wearing. I remember sobbing after that--even my *****y sister sympathized with me on that one.
I don't know why people seem to think that making snide comments about weight will HELP an overweight person become thin. I'm happier than ever to be on this journey (another lb down this morning, woot!) but I can say with 100 percent certainty that I am not on it because someone made an insensitive remark about my weight. That did NOTHING to help. NOTHING!
On the flip side, when I was losing weight all I heard from my family was about how much weight I lost. "You're slimming down nicely!" "great job!" "keep it up!" and as I lost more it was "you need to stop losing all this weight!" "do you have a problem???". And predictably when I gained it back the snide comments returned. There is NO PLEASING my family, NO MEDIUM! I especially hate hearing nasty weight comments from family members who are overweight themselves!
I know that as soon as the first 10 lbs is lost there will be an influx of comments--I'm really dreading it because then I'll be under a microscope and they'll be scrutinizing every pound lost, ever morsel ingested in their presence, etc.
SIGH. Sorry that was so off topic. I guess I just needed to vent.
Last edited by onherweighdown; 10-10-2010 at 02:39 PM.
Riding the Self-Esteem Rollercoaster
Now it's more about many hourly changing feelings about my goal weight. Is seriously exhausting. On hour I think you know I'm in a good place it's time to stop and the next I'm thinking that 10 more lbs would be just perfect. I'm exhausted from feeling so amazing about myself and beautiful to the sharp down turn of seeing my sagging skin and stretch marks and wondering why I didn't take control sooner. I'm not sure this something that will every be remedied with me. There's always going to be something. I just need to step back and know I've done my best and there is really so much more to life to feel great about.
