A little background info: I am junior in college and I am currently obtaining a degree in Wildlife Biology. I am currently enrolled in a Mammalogy class and we had a late night meeting to go mist netting for bats yesterday night. So being a broke college student with an intense fear of driving I am car less.
I set out extremely nervous to catch the bus that would take me to the university to meet with the girls I was carpooling with. I walk up the hill to the bus stop which I believe is a mile long walk give or take a little distance. A little bit later I am standing there at the bus stop freaking out because its late, when a white van slows down and this guy yells at me out of the window. I was using an mp3 player at the time and had one earphone in I thought he yelled "Work out more" or something of the like to me. I quickly tried dismissing it telling myself he probably said something else and I misheard him over the music and my own self conscious feelings. A few minutes later I notice the white van again driving down the road and I stat to panic. It was the same van with two guys in it the first one that yelled at me previously slowed it down considerably and waved while the other leaned out the window to tell me to lay off the food and some other nasty insults that I started to try tuning out.
How humiliating that whole thing was , am I now so fat that it has become okay for strangers to slow down and yell at me. I actually cried there at the bus stop, I wanted nothing more than to turn around go home and go crawl in a hole and die.
I guess I was lucky that I never have been teased about my weight before, but now that its happened I don't know how to handle it. I know it was one small episode but its got me torn up pretty bad because Ive already been so self conscious about my weight. Im terrified of the fact it could happen again,
I can't stop thinking about it. Every time I get hungry or go to eat my breakfast or lunch or dinner I get torn between not eating at all because I feel like I'm a total pig or eating everything I can get my hands on starting with chocolate my true weak spot of a comfort food. I now get paranoid when I see a white van driving towards me... I am crying right now. I have always had a fear of leaving my house and dealing with people , it was just natural to me now I am petrified.
I hate this. So far when I find myself standing in contemplation of what food to get whether to get any at all I have done better than I thought. Ill tell myself not eating at all will lead to a binge by the end of the night or that binging now just to feel better will only make me feel worse after. I just want to lose this weight so bad I dont want to live like this anymore.
It feels like no matter what I do its not enough or not right or there is a million things to stop me or pull me back to where I started. . Every time I see my reflection I want to die. I don't even know how my husband is attracted to me, maybe Im fooling myself and he isnt. I keep thinking why can't I lose this weight when I have worked so hard to achieve so many other things. It feels impossible, I hate myself right now.
i'm 50 yrs old and i never get used to the comments...i've only heard them from people i know, thinking they're being funny....all i can say is that we all know the feeling and i'm really sorry this happened to you...you'll have the last laugh when the cars slow down to whistle at you or ask you out!!! it'll be the same type of idiots that made those comments so you can have fun blowing them off!!!
Aww, girl, I feel your pain. I have a touch of agoraphobia, or a tendency towards it anways. Plus anxiety and bi polar disorder. Unfortunately, losing weight will not solve the problem. The only thing I have found that helps me to live a normal life is to constantly scare myself. I know it sounds counterproductive, but I swear by it. Just pick one thing that terrifies you and just do it! It's so hard and sometimes I feel like my heart will explode before I finish anything, but afterwards I feel like I'm capable to function in society. For me, I don't like to go to the store, I feel like people stare at me and whisper things about me. I know this is completely untrue, but that doesn't stop me from feeling it. Anyways, I do all of our family's shopping, and everytime I go it's easier. I can go somewhere without wanting to barf now! My suggestion is to do something you think is completely beyond your reach, once you find out it's not, the prospect of weight loss isn't as daunting.
[quote=Teeni;3491386]
How humiliating that whole thing was , am I now so fat that it has become okay for strangers to slow down and yell at me. No ma'am. It is NOT okay for anyone (strangers or otherwise) to treat you this way. And it's not okay for you to beat yourself up over the actions/words of someone who isn't fit to drink your used bathwater.
............keep thinking why can't I lose this weight when I have worked so hard to achieve so many other things. And just like those other things, you will achieve your weight loss goals. It feels impossible, I hate myself right now. Never hate yourself - it gets in the way or your gorgeousness.[/quote]
It will happen as long as you never never never never give up.
As Marcia said, it is never okay to treat someone the way you were treated. i'd chalk it up to a couple of jerks being just that.. jerks. I can tell from reading your post that you're a beautiful person. you will reach your goals, i believe in you!
I can definitely empathize....I was mercilessly taunted from the youngest age I can remember. And yet, each time someone is so brazen, uncouth and ignorant as to hurl verbal violence in my direction I still found it so shocking.
When Im in dark moments, where I doubt myself - I dont try to snap out of it. I just try to pivot.
I try to think of one reasonable statement I truly believe. So maybe I dont say "Im skinny". Cause I dont believe that. But if I feel fat, I might say - "I am much stronger than I used to be and I am proud of myself for that". Maybe you say to yourself - "I ate well yesterday, and that is one step I feel good about."
You sound like you know a thing or two about how to avoid a binge, which means you probably know a lot of other steps to take towards better health and lower weight.
Keep taking each step and love yourself for each and every move you make for better health.
It isnt all or nothing, its just about always pushing towards progress.
3FC doesn't allow swearing, so what I would want to say about those guys would just end up as a bunch of stars. But I'm thinking it for you!
Awful. Just awful. But I think the best thing is just to continue on and try and not let it affect you. Mean people will find something mean to say, even if you were a perfect size two. Its has nothing to do with you and everything to do with them. Chances aren't good that it will happen again: you've gone this long in your life without it, and most people in the world are decent.
I remember in high school a guy who used to give me a hard time about my size. When I think about it, more removed from the situation, how weird is that? to harass a total stranger about his or her weight? to my mind, it says a lot more about the person doing it (he/she is immature, insecure, has trouble with empathy, sympathy, and has social and possibly other issues).
I do get and remember how embarrassing it can be.
keep on eating healthy, being active, and concentrating on the really positive things in your life. wildlife biology sounds awesome (I was a biology major). I remember staying at a lake a few years back, and in the evening the bats came out and were eating all the bugs. They'd swarm around in the air, it was an incredible and special thing to see. BF told me there was a bat fungus that wiped out a huge number, hate to hear that.
Thank you so much. The warmth I feel from this place is amazing and I think whenever I feel low I'm going to come back and look at all the wonderful things you have all said.
am I now so fat that it has become okay for strangers to slow down and yell at me.
There is no such thing as "so fat" that it becomes okay. It is never okay.
*hugs* I hope you're feeling better. They were completely out of line. I'm sure they're the type of people who say nasty things to all people, no matter what they look like - they find something to be nasty about.
Personally, I've never been consistently teased about my weight, but I've dealt with my fair share of comments (I'm sure we all have!). The thing is, I genuinely feel sorry for people who say things like that. It might sound cliche, but it's really true. What kind of life must they have to get joy out of being cruel to someone? Is that really all they have to look forward to in life? It's just sad.
I really just have to shake my head at people like that. I don't normally advocate looking down on someone, but in this case I think it's warranted. You ARE better than them, so don't let someone beneath you bring you down.
In fact, I might even venture to say that you should be glad that your problem is weight-related. Weight CAN be lost. Nastiness and a horrible personality are stuck with you for life.
Anyway, just know that you can do ANYTHING you want to. Don't let the idiots win by giving up.
and more to you! I think that whoever did that has a very sad, pathetic life. Think about what they were never given? They probably don't know what it's like to have love in your heart and respect for their fellow human beings. That said, I've seen people blast celebrities such as Jessica Simpson or Tyra Banks for their weight! What chance do the rest of us have? Also, do you really want to value what someone like that thinks? Someone who, themselves, has no sense of values? Just focus on yourself and your goals and don't worry about what anyone thinks because there will always be haters out there....people who will turn nasty just for the fun of it....but one day....they will get what they deserve. I really believe that.
Those guys were A$$ HOLES. So sorry that happened to you... I would have probably stood there and cried too, but in my mind I'm thinking it would have been great to call the cops on them and reported them as drunk drivers. Surely they had something on them to hide if they were out harassing helpless women at the bus stop. Idiots.
LOL....said two guys in a white van. I'm sure they're happy with their evenings of Natty Light, masturbation, and kiddie porn. Definitely not someone whose opinion matters.
A lil sad, I need to vent.
Also, do you really want to value what someone like that thinks? Someone who, themselves, has no sense of values? Just focus on yourself and your goals and don't worry about what anyone thinks because there will always be haters out there....people who will turn nasty just for the fun of it....but one day....they will get what they deserve. I really believe that. 
