[goodday]

For the past 3 years I've lost 10-20lbs in 2-3 months every summer, then proceeded to gain it back and then some. I thought I was in the clear this time because i was doing ww and losing weight slow and sensibly but I also just moved and started grad school and while trying to start a routine Ive fallen back into binging and starting gaining weight back, again. Im so upset with myself because I know my pattern, like, I know how this goes, I feel powerless to stop the cycle and feel like no matter how hard I try to get back on the losing track its going to fail and Im going to end up fatter than before, depressed, and hating myself.

I think I try so hard to overcompensate for the binging and not working out that I go to extremes and it ends up backfiring. I guess Im just an extreme person and I need to work on that. Im terrified to get on the scale because I know its going to be way up and Im not sure I can handle seeing that number, but I also dont want to keep my head buried in the sand because that also will only lead to regaining everything. Ive also gotten to the point where I am reticent to work out because it just makes me hungry and I end up overeating (good stuff, but still, it adds up). Also I feel pressured to go out to eat all the time and drink because I'm meeting a ton of new people and this is what we do to bond and create strong friendships. I hate our culture a little bit for making this the norm but I guess its my fault for partaking?

I just dont know what to do to get myself back on track. I was doing so well taking it slow, feeling so good, but its been 2 weeks like this and I just feel so terrible about myself Im having a hard time stringing good days together.

Words of tough love, motivation, advice, anything would be greatly appreciated. I'm up at 540 right now because I woke up and started obsessing about what Ive done to myself AGAIN and couldnt fall back asleep until Id like, done something to get out of this funk.

Thanks for reading

[My Michelle]

You need to remind yourself that you *DO* know what to do! Sometimes the big picture is just too overwhelming, so just focus just on today. Make a plan just for today, and follow it. Take it day by day for a while, and at the end of the day enjoy the feeling of accomplishment because every day is important! Pretty soon, youll discover that you've got your mojo back!

You CAN do this!

Don't buy into the "eating and drinking" as a foundation for friendship. Instead, invite your new acquaintances to go for a walk, or a jog, or a bike ride, or a hike, or kayaking/canoeing. Go climb a rock wall! Go ice skating or rollerblading! Be that fun, adventurous girl!

For those times you do go out or dinner and drinks, remember that the whole rest of your life you will be faced with restaurants and bars, so learn coping mechanisms and start practicing them *now*! You can do this! It takes a little effort to find a healthy menu option and to limit yourself to one drink or glass of wine, but you *can* do it!

Hang in there!

[goodday]

thanks my michelle! you know, i was thinking about it...and i want to try and take it one day at a time like you said. in the past, i get all freaked out when i get in these funks and cant take my eyes off the big picture and what ends up happening is i keep trying to compensate with ridiculous amounts of working out and ridiculously low calorie intakes and i end up psyching myself out, overeating, and letting lethargy perpetuate lethargy. well, i dont want to do that this time. i really really want to break this cycle. im just going to get back to basics today...eat my recommended number of points and try to get 3/4 activity points. and thats all im gonna worry about for today. i cant let myself keep going up and down like this. and as much as i hate how many times ive done this in the past, i do have the advantage of knowing how i normally react and i have the tools to avoid those outcomes.

thanks for the support, i really needed it