Well I felt i needed to get some things off my chest. I am scared about the weight loss process. I joined this website a few weeks ago now all hyped and ready to begin the journey. Since then i have not altered my diet or eating habits and whilst i have been inspired by others who have met their goals it has also scared me.

What if i try to lose weight and fail?? I am been through this many times before. I dont want to fail anymore, and if i dont try i wont fail.

What if i do lose weight but dont find a partner to love me ( i am a lonely single girl) i guess at the moment being fat gives me a reason why i am single too?? i dont feel attractive so why would anyone be attracted to me?

its hard, its also hard looking myself in the eye in the mirror at the moment, but i am used to this feeling.

thanks for listening, i just need to get these thoughts that are in my head out there.

Daisy~ You are worth it! Dont be afraid!

I know for me, it came to be that I was MORE AFRAID to stay as I was and NOT make a change.

I knew whatever was headed my way when I entered slim-dom-ville had to be easier to cope with then dealing with life in a morbidly obese body. It had to be less painful than the pain of being overweight. And I was right.

Jump in with both feet. I don't know how overweight you are, but most likely your life will improve DRAMATICALLY. Will your life be perfect? Of course not, but everything will be easier to deal with without the EXTRA BURDEN of being overweight. And then there's the over the top rewards and benefits. I always knew it would be wonderful to be slim, but I tell you I never could have imagined, not in my wildest dreams that it would be THIS good. Go for it! I know you won't be disappointed. I'm CERTAIN of it.

Then try harder. Make an ironclad commitment to really, really do this, this time. And see it through. DECIDE once and for all that you're going to stop settling for second best when first best is WELL within your reach. Stop making excuses and start making a plan of action to get the job done.

You don't have to be overweight if you don't want to be. PERIOD. We ALL have the ability to lose weight. Each and everyone of us. Yourself included. It's not some crazy, hare-brained, out of this world scheme. It's a doable thing which is available to everyone. It's your choice. You have the power to do this. You hold the key. It's always been up to you. I'll say it again - you don't have to be overweight if you don't want to be. You CAN be slim, trim, fit and healthy. It's up to you. You want it - go and get it.

One more thing, again, I don't know how overweight you are, but chances are you won't get slim overnight. It's a gradual occurrence. You will change slowly and get used to the changes along the way. It'll still be you of course - but only better. You will get used to the feeling. It's a wonderful time of self discovery and self growth. Don't dread these changes, but look forward to them. Get excited about discovering who you were mean to be!!! You are worth the effort. You will not be disappointed, I can guarantee it. There I said it. I guarantee you will be more than thrilled with the results.

Girl, GO FOR IT!!!

If this is something that you wanna change about yourself you should do it. Right now you're not happy and you wanna be happy(right??), so I say do it. I know how it feels to think people wont like after all the weight is gone, BUT THEY WILL. Trust me!!!

We're all here to help you!!!!!

Hi Daisy,

One thing is certain. You can't succeed if you never try. Set yourself up for success by researching eating plans that you feel will work best for you. Do the same with an exercise plan. Throw out the junk food, stock up the fridge with your new healthy foods, follow your plan and excercise faithfully and YOU WILL SUCCEED! You can't help but succeed. Each pound loss will give you greater feelings of self esteem and well being. That is much more attractive to a potential partner than negativity, so you will succeed there as well. I understand you are feeling scared and helpless and overwhelmed. But until you get off the pity wagon and get moving you will accomplish nothing. All of us now on our journey have been there. We took that first step and that in itself is the start of our success. We want you to join us

What an excellent post.

I agree 1000% that setting yourself up for success is a major key to that success. As badly as we want it, make no mistake about it - it won't happen on it's own. There has to be a WILLINGNESS to MAKE it happen and there needs to be a plan in place, a mode of action. It takes pre thought.

And finding new and healthy foods to love and enjoy, which DOES take time. Look at it as a challenge. Push yourself. Strive. Adhering to a healthy lifestyle is a WONDERFUL and incredibly rewarding way to live! Look to improve upon yourself, master something new, conquer a new skill. It really is a wonderful time of personal growth.

Daisy May -- I felt the same as you for many years. I quit trying because I never seemed to succeed. What worked for me was beginning a personal training program (exercise) that I committed to. At the time, I mentally could not deal with the thought of losing weight by diet because it never seemed to work and I didn't want to fail again. I knew it was important not to fail. So -- while I did improve my diet -- I didn't place the whole weight of my emotions on it, which were very fragile and hurt at the time.

So, what I'm saying, is I measured "my success" by the act of doing my program (starting with an exercise program and very shortly thereafter with an eating program), NOT by the outcome of it. I knew I could do the exercise and eating program. I was not sure it would help me lose weight but I decided not to worry about the "losing weight" part.

Well, it has been working. I know I will make it this time. I am nearly 70 pounds down from when I started and I still try not to place to much emotional stock in the actual "weight" but in the "actions". I can control the actions so it gives me confidence.

You can do this, and you must.

Dang smart people on this here forum. 'Nuff said.

Hi Daisy May - just wanted to pop in and say that i like your Forum Name!!

Also... don't be scared! You can do this! Even if you have setbacks... that is okay! You can always jump right back in!

Daisy, Please let us hear from you. You reached out for help in your hour of need and we were here for you. Let us know how thngs are going for you.

CJZee i really liked your post. Not having control over my weight is something that frequently scares me. you just inspired me to start focusing on what i can control, and not so much the numbers

Daisy May: fear can be a great motivator. whats going to happen if you DONT get healthy?
you are wanting to lose the weight, or else you wouldnt have posted here. so thats a great first step! now just take the second step. little steps make a big difference.

Thank you. The idea of *success* equating with *activity* works for me. Focusing on activities I can control, if they are healthy, is all I worry about.

I remember when I first went to the gym's trainer, they plug all this stuff into their computer and they wanted to know how much I wanted to lose. I just looked at them, I felt like I was under siege. I said I didn't want to think about losing weight, I was there to get healthy. They "forced" me to say something (you know, these computers need *answers*) -- so I said 200 pounds I think.

The emotional hurt and anger and fragility of getting started was so much. I didn't even put a ticker up here because it was hard to simply acknowledge my weight, even to myself. As time went on and I became more comfortable and confident, all that has changed. But I don't ever want to forget that scared person at the beginning.

- totally agree

thank you all so much for your responses, i am overwhlemed and excited at the same time. it is the first time i have really said out loud what my fears are. and i really felt you guys heard what i am saying. what i am realising that these fears are also excuses, excuses i am tired of.

i am ready to commit myself to this next phase in my life. moving forward and not going backwards.

feeling much more positive about these changes, thankyou to you all that read my post and those who responded, it really has made me realise that i am not alone in this and i am certainly not the first person in this situation! (as crazy at that sounds)

oh man Daisy May...you are SO not alone!!! I did the SAME thing!! EXACTLY!! i joined this board a few weeks before Christmas, hoping to lose some weight before New Years Eve...didn't do a DAMN thing. so i blamed it on the holidays. Then New Year's came and went...still did NOTHING. Said, okay...Feb. 1, i'm hittin' it hard...nothing. A couple days ago, i went back to work after having 2 weeks off since the end of Jan...i could BARELY fit into my uniform...had to use PLIERS to zip up my pants and wear a jacket constantly because my pants are SO tight i literally cannot tuck in the back of my shirt, just the front which is enough to fake it. That was the BIGGEST ***** slap i've ever had...i almost had to call in "sick" because my work pants didn't fit and i was going to have to go to the uniform store to buy a new pair. humiliating. right then i said, "enough of this bull****"...i started my diet and exercise routine today...no turning back, no failure...that's not an option. i'm going to get where i was before...when those ugly *** work pants were straight BAGGY!!! i'm terrified, absolutely terrified, to the point where i've cried...you aren't alone...we are ALL doing this together! :-)

thanks shoeluver - feeling much better through the support of this website and forum. lets do it!!