My dad just had sent to my husband and I an entire assortment (enough for a dozen people) of gourmet brownies from Dancing Deer Bakery for Valentine's Day. This is after i had a serious discussion with him not but two weeks ago about my doctor appointment which resulted in me finding out that my cholesterol was 304 and Triglycerides were 420. In which my doc told me to cut the sugar... pronto. I called my dad immediately to ask him about his side of the family and if anyone else was dealing with cholesterol problems especially at a younger age. (i am 29)
Luckily my husband is extremely supportive and told me he was going to just take them to work with him so i don't have to deal with them. I did have one BITE of the mint chocolate brownie my husband had after dinner last nite.
I feel so terrible that i am so angry at my father for not listening to me. He is always giving us chocolate and candy for all holidays even when i ask him not to. Does anyone have any recommendations for dealing with this? I know he means well and feels he is being loving by sending gifts... but this just hurts me to the core.
I can see how that would be frustrating. But it happened so what it more important is how you deal with it now.
My suggestion, have one brownie so you can tell him you enjoyed them (and later have another conversation about not sending things like that) then give (or even throw) the rest away.
Sometimes we just can't convince our families and friends that we are serious about wanting to improve our health. Your husbands idea of taking them to work is the best, they will love the treats at work and you won't need to avoid them at home. I have actually stopped my car and given treats that have been given to me, to a homeless person. They appreciated it and my friend never knew the difference.
I have the same issue, sort of. My grandma and mother love to bake massive amounts of cookies, cakes, and pies and then send the leftovers home with us. The temptation was more than I could handle and 9 times out of 10 I gave in. So this Christmas, it was more of the same, except I handled things differently. I didn't fight or complain, I gave a gracious thank you and then when I returned home (literally they sent us home with 200 homemade cookies and 50 pieces of homemade fudge) I made up four containers of these goodies and gave them to people I knew who didn't get homemade anything, they LOVED it and so did I. I felt great for bringing joy to others and great for staying on target for myself.
What I learned is this, just because we're forced into a difficult situation doesn't mean we can't find alternative ways to deal with it. The chocolate your dad gave you came from love, yes I know it's not what you wanted or what you expressed you needed, but still. Accept it for what it is and pass that love on.
Last edited by sweetcakes736; 02-13-2010 at 11:08 AM.
That is frustrating. My dad sent me a bunch of chocolates for Christmas when he knew I was working on losing weight. He was always pushing me to lose weight which was a killer on my self esteem...he has no rights to send me chocolate, lol. But I'm sure your dad didn't do it to be rude. I actually found myself committing the same crime. My boyfriend is in Iraq where he can't eat too healthy, and while he's a very fit guy, he specifically told me that he's trying to eat better so if I could only send him healthy snacks. I just sent his Valentines day package with chocolate-dipped rice crispy treats, chocolates, candy, Pringles, and all kinds of junk.
Our families and us and all of society need to learn how to make nice gestures without using food. Every holiday and event doesn't need to be centered around treats and feasts.
Give the "offenders" a list of gifts that would be better for you than chocolate, brownies, cakes, cookies, etc. It could be that they are at a loss about what else to give you.
I agree with other posters that you should try not to be hurt by your father's gift. Many of our parents grew up in a generation where food is an expression of love and he probably just can't break the habit.
One idea would be to find treats that are allowable on your diet and tell your father you would like them. Vitalicious has some lovely gift packages available online that your father could send you. Or you could ask him to send you gourmet coffee or tea or flowers instead. He will probably have an easier time if he knows what you want him to send on holidays.
JayEll - I posted the same idea as you did at the same time. I guess great minds think alike.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mkendrick
Our families and us and all of society need to learn how to make nice gestures without using food. Every holiday and event doesn't need to be centered around treats and feasts.
mkendrick - I love your insight. I have been guilty of giving food at holidays even though I hate to receive it. In the future I am going to give only non-food gifts unless a person specifically asks for something edible.
My grandma once sent me a 10 pound bar of chocolate (I kid you not...) for Valentine's Day. This, from the woman whose lifetime of morbid obesity has led to serious health consequences and being forced into assisted living in her early 70s.
I know she means well. I've never confronted her about it (I just throw the treats in the trash and thank her for the thought), but I'm guessing she thinks it's okay to send treats every once in awhile. Of course, if everyone in my family gives me a little treat "once in awhile" - or if the treat she sends is enough chocolate to last a month! - then I'm eating more treats than I should.
I'd talk to your dad about it - although you told him that you're working on living more healthily, he might not understand how much work and focus that entails. He might think that he's rewarding your hard work, not throwing you off track.
Throwing out some ideas for alternate gifts could be really helpful too - I had a lot of success with my fiance with that when I just flat out told him no more food treats. It's fun to see him get creative
Or, you could ask your dad to send you a gift card for the same amount as he would spend on sweets. Maybe a gift card to Barnes Noble if you like to read or to a movie theater if you like movies. I love to get a gift card for Target, I end up using it for treats for my dog , or makeup for myself or just some staple that I need.
I don't know why, but sometimes (and I'm guilty of this myself) what we say just does not register with other people.
I have people in my life that are so excited for me, so supportive and then they do the very same thing. Example: a friend, who was once a fitness trainer, brought over a gianormous loaf of banana bread with the excuse "It's for the boys". Well, the 'boys' don't live here anymore! I thanked her and threw it away after she left. Same thing happened with a friend of mine, who is also trying to lose weight. It was for my husband. He doesn't eat sweets, so that also went in the trash.
If it's around the holidays, I also try to regift goodies. But, truthfully, that's getting harder and harder to do because most of my friends, neighbors and family are trying to eat better. I guess that's what happens to most of us as we get older--hahaha!
I hate wasting food but if I have to chose between my waistline and an edible gift...guess what I'm doing?
I guess what I'm saying is that we can tell people where we're at but we can not make it register. All we can do is decide how to deal with it when and if it happens again. Do what you need to do and let the rest go.
Our families and us and all of society need to learn how to make nice gestures without using food. Every holiday and event doesn't need to be centered around treats and feasts.
So true!! I had a meeting the other day with one of our vendors from work.. and she brought me and my coworker bags of chocolate hearts for valentines day. It was a cute gesture and idea.. but why food? I just wanted the little balloon attached to the bag! I put the bag of chocolates in the break room to share.
Of course i wasn't upset about this, she has absolutely no idea that i am on a restricted sugar diet due to high triglycerides.... but why greet us with food?
In regards to my father and the brownies, next time i talk to him i may just say, "Well, Joe (DH) loved them, and i loved the bite i had, but we had to share them with coworkers due to my cholesterol issues and the doctor's order to reduce sugar in my diet."
In regards to my father and the brownies, next time i talk to him i may just say, "Well, Joe (DH) loved them, and i loved the bite i had, but we had to share them with coworkers due to my cholesterol issues and the doctor's order to reduce sugar in my diet."
I think...how important is this really? It is one thing if it is someone you live with bringing home stuff all the time but if it is your dad sending you stuff for holidays and your dh is supportive by whisking it off to work then I think you have to ask yourself how much would that statement hurt your dad's feelings.
Is he the type of shopper that really really wants to find something you want or is the type of shopper who really isnt very good at shopping and gifts and really just wants to let you know he is thinking of you.
There is always a balance with the people in our lives. My mother in law insists on buying me pastel sweaters made with fabrics I cant wear. I've told her, she still buys them because she buys me stuff SHE would like. At some point I think you just have to accept the gesture as offered. After 10 years of telling her how much I liked the 100% cotton sweaters and how I was allergic to acryclic and wool I gave up, I thank her nicely, I send the pastel acrylics to goodwill or to friends and she doesnt need to know. She thought of me and got me a gift. End of story.
Why dad, WHY!?
This, from the woman whose lifetime of morbid obesity has led to serious health consequences and being forced into assisted living in her early 70s.
