Originally Posted by pokeycactus:
Now me -- I'm married and the sex is good, but still; there are plenty of times when I feel embarrassed for my husband when we're out because he's with "the fat chick." He doesn't seem to feel this way, but I get down on myself horribly for not being good enough for him.

EXACTLY! oh my god EXACTLY! and i didn't always look this way...my boyfriend used to be with a cute chick...i used to walk around the house naked for him...not anymore. i can't STAND for him to look at me. bless his heart he's said nothing and still thinks i'm sexy, our sex life is awesome, but I'M the one who feels gross. he doesn't deserve this...and deep down i know i fear that if i don't take weight off he is going to leave me.

Originally Posted by BigMikeNYPD:
ok i don't know if Iam the only guy to post here but here goes. For me (i cant speak for all men) it is more what is going on between the ears then anything else. Attraction is physical but is also very mental. Self confidence goes along way. Being sure of your self is the sexiest thing in a person. All couples have difficulties that need to be worked out and working them out together will bring the poeple closer together. Like I said just my 2cents.

Thanks for the guys POV Mike!

I've been lurking on this thread rather than posting as my issues are similiar, but it's more about what the weightloss has done to my body. In general my confidence and self esteem is waaay better, but in relation to intimany not so good even though I am single.

I don't have any intimacy issues due to my size, My husband and I have a healthy sex life and we are very in sync with each other. I wanted to comment though, because the longer we've been together, the less of a role sex plays in our relationship, sometimes it really bothers me. In my mind we should be doing it all the time(even though neither of us are interested all the time) I'm overall not sure why it is happening, is it because we've been together for 12 years?

Anyway I don't think I have body issues with my husband, because we are so connected and I know he loves being with me. And I think of it this way: If he gained 100 lbs, or loses and eye, or ends up in a wheelchair, or gets weirdly scarred I will still want to have sex with him, because he's awesome. Why wouldn't he think the same way about me?

I used to be really afraid of intimacy at my weight, but when I met my boyfriend it just felt right. Sometimes I do get the feeling that he should be with someone thinner, but the majority of the time my weight doesn't bother my sex life. I think the problem is we do it too much. :lol: We both apparently have high libidos. He makes me feel comfortable, and I hope the intimacy gets even better as the weight keeps coming off.

I have always had body confidence -- from size 6 to size 16 and back down again. I think it has a lot to do with acknowledging that I'm using my body (all of it -- not just certain parts) to bring pleasure to another person. I don't know if I'm explaining it well, but I love what my body can do. And, you know what? It can do it at any size.

Intimacy is another issue. I find it hard to love.

Well, I am a confident sassy type of fat girl with a pretty face and a proportionate figure, who likes to flirt and wear nice clothes, makeup, etc. I take pride in my appearance even if I have insecurities. At my all-time low, I wore jeans and jackets with very little makeup, but I still wasn't trying to hide.

It's not so much that I think I look disgusting or that I think I can't get attention or appreciation from men, but I am cynical about people and society, and I always assume the worst. I would love to say that I don't give a crap about what people think, but I do. I am not attracted to thin men at all because I feel like an ogre when I am next to them. I also don't like most fat men either, because a lot of them deal with their own weight problems by being mean and nasty to their female counterparts. So I subconsciously go for bigger guys who might be a few lbs overweight, but they are also muscular, so it's hard to say. I feel the most feminine and pretty by them. When I stand next to these types of men, I know I don't look huge next to them, I am about the same size (I am just shorter and rounder while they are taller and more square), but I still feel like people are looking at me and thinking "What is that fat girl doing with him?" And forget meeting a boyfriend's parents or family.... I try to avoid it as much as possible because I always think that his mother/family would think that their son could do better than a fat girl. I really only have "intimacy problems" in non-intimate places. In privacy, I am very confident and sexy and I don't have any problems with sex or intimacy in that regard. :)

I developed a very hard skin because when I was younger I lived abroad in a country where few people are fat, especially young women. Anyone above a size 10 in this country is considered to be chunky. People there thought I was a whale and they would openly tell me to my face that I was fat. Not as an insult, but because they were concerned about my health and they wanted to help me help myself. I actually found their attitude preferable than what we have in the US... where people will treat you like you are no different, but behind your back they think they are better people than you because they view fatness with such ugliness and contempt.

Right now I'm with a really great guy, and we're thinking of getting married. Being with him has motivated me to lose weight. In the past, I would think "Well I'm fat and even if I lose weight, I'll still be fat unless I lose a ton of weight." Now I want to be healthy and I want to look better for him (he likes me the way I am but we both know that I carry excess weight and it is not good for me). I am a size 14/16 right now, and he doesn't know how much I weigh (I'd like to keep it that way, lol!) and I'd like to be a size 10/12 by the end of summer, and maybe an 8/10 by the end of 2010. I want to be fit when I get married, and I definitely don't want to be fat when I get pregnant and have kids. I want to have a healthy pregnancy, I don't want doctors being patronizing to me about my weight and pregnancy, I don't want to be tired and out of breath chasing around a small child. I also want to live a longer life with my man.