Im not sure this is the right spot for this, my apologies if it should be some where else.
Is there a bad motivation? What I mean is the majority of my head is wanting to change my lifestyle to be a better mom and set a good example for my son and I know that's going to keep me going . . . . but . . .
there's a part of me - not such a big part, but a part none the less, that is thinking that a certain person will regret passing up the opportunity in 5 or 6 months when he sees the changes Im going threw. Not the best thing to admit, but it's true. I don't know if I'd call it revenge or sour grapes or something else . . . Im more concerned that it just shouldnt even be a factor in my thinking but it is.
Any thoughts on whether or not it's going to cost me in the long run or am I just over thinking this?
I think we all have lots of little things that run through our heads as motivating thoughts. If it helps get you through the day, then I think it's fine. When it stops being fine is when that "thing" you were working toward doesn't happen or it's not what you thought it would be like and you go back to your old habits as a result of the disappointment.
An example of this is the "great body" dream. Everyone wants to look great when the weight is gone, but the reality is extra weight has a way of leaving memories behind. So if you are disappointed by your resulting body and that was your prime motivation, there is a chance that you can backslide.
So if you feel like you are headed for disappointment if this person won't develop regrets or doesn't care if you've lose weight, then I'd probably drop it as a motivating factor. If you won't care if this person doesn't notice and will still be ecstatic that you did it for your son and hopefully primarily for YOU and it helps keep you on the treadmill when you want to get off, then I say use it.
My feelings are that if you were only losing weight and adopting a healiter lifestyle to show someone up, in the long run you might be making it harder on youself.
Is the thought of that person strong enough to get you off the couch to exercise when you don't want to? Is that person's surprised image enough to keep you from eating a chocolate brownie {my big weakness!} or slipping on your diet?
Using this person for added motivation might work for a time but in the long run I think you'd better forget this person and concentrate on yourself! What you want and what is best for you and your son.
I dont think Im actually expecting the OMG what did I miss reaction from them at all, if it happens it would be more of a funny irony to me.
It's not a huge factor in what's motivating me, but every now and again when I've got to do 5 more minutes or 1 more set of weights it's a thought that pops into my head - which actually kind of annoys me that it's even there at all to be honest. 95% of why I want to do this is for me and my little guy, and this falls into that 5%
I'd take most any kind of motivation when starting out. There's plenty of time later, when new habits have been built and strengthened, to work on improving your type of motivation.
I think a little less-than-best motivation is harmless. It's a problem though if it's your main motivation, because the reality never lives up to the fantasy. Even if the person has the reaction we imagined (and they never do) it's a big let down if there aren't more self-rewarding motives.
It's like when you imagine telling someone off, after they've hurt you. If you actually do it, it's never as satisfying in reality as it is in your imagination. They're either TOO hurt (and you feel like an ***) or they're not hurt enough.
The "just right" reaction just never happens anywhere but in your imagination. And even if it goes perfectly to plan, exactly as you imagined it, you're left with a "now, what?" let down feeling, because all the excitement that the anticipation of the event caused is over.
Yeah, revenge is one of those things that usually sounds a lot better to carry out than it is in reality. I'm all for whatever motivation keeps you going, but as others have said, making it your primary motivation can be a mistake. It sounds like you already have your head on straight, though, so you're good!
I know a lot of people are mainly losing weight for health reasons, but I have no shame in admitting that I really want to look better and that's a huge motivating factor for me. Good? Bad? Doesn't matter, because it's the truth--I do want to look better!
I'm more than willing to admit my own malicious reasons for losing weight. But of I have 98% solid, healthy, personal reasons for wanting to lose the weight and a mere 2% of vindictive reasons, I think its ok. We're human. As long as those reasons don't take over or become the sole focus, I think its more than expected.
I agree, ducky. I mean, health, looking better in general, being more active--all good reasons. And if a side effect is that certain someone has a twinge of regret when he sees us, well......we can't really help that, now can we?
I think we all have our little secret reasons, and I think that's normal and probably even healthy. When I'm working out and hating it, I don't have thoughts of "ahh, my body is going to be so much healthier and stronger after this" running through my head. I'm thinking about "I'm going to look better and show them a thing or two."
My ultimate goal is maintaining. I'm about halfway to my goal weight, but I'm in this for life. I'm determined to keep myself healthy for the rest of my life. So a healthy lifestyle is mostly my motivating factor, an improved body is a benefit of that. However, I'd be lying if I said I wasn't looking forward to having that improved body and saying "na-na na-na boo-boo" to a few select persons. My father for example, I love him dearly, but he did a number on my self esteem when I was a kid. He's also overweight, but he made it very clear that it was okay for men to be big, but it was ugly for women. It made him feel better about himself to bring me down a bit with him. Now that I've lost weight and am looking good, I can't help but brag a bit about all the weight I've lost to him. I know he's proud of me, but I can tell he's a little jealous too.
I would also be lying to say that I'm doing this purely for health reasons. Shoot, I want to look good and feel sexy. I WANT to fit in society's opinion of thin is beautiful. Shallow and vain? Yea, I'll admit it.
Im not sure this is the right spot for this, my apologies if it should be some where else.
Is there a bad motivation? What I mean is the majority of my head is wanting to change my lifestyle to be a better mom and set a good example for my son and I know that's going to keep me going . . . . but . . .
there's a part of me - not such a big part, but a part none the less, that is thinking that a certain person will regret passing up the opportunity in 5 or 6 months when he sees the changes Im going threw. Not the best thing to admit, but it's true. I don't know if I'd call it revenge or sour grapes or something else . . . Im more concerned that it just shouldnt even be a factor in my thinking but it is.
Any thoughts on whether or not it's going to cost me in the long run or am I just over thinking this?
I don't think that is odd at all. I ran into someone last summer I sure didn't want to see at my current size. I heard later he had said I was still beautiful in the face but sure had let my figure go. I had a few thoughts about you wait until I run into that jerk next summer at the same event and his jaw hits the floor.
I'm a 100% very happily married woman for the last 18 years. . I think picturing different scenarios in your head at your new healthy fit body is totally normal and a great motivator. I visualize scenarios when I am on the treadmill all the time. Many different types. Running into someone, stuff with hubby, being able to run a full marathon, a certain hot outfit etc.
I think it is a ok as long as someone doesn't think the new body will help get some guy back. Other than that (which is definately not what you described) visualize and fantacize away!
I'll be doing it right along with you
Last edited by thinnerbyjuly; 12-21-2009 at 10:33 AM.
I suspect many people start out their weight loss journey motivated by external factors that aren't always the healthiest. But sometimes that's just what it takes - once we get thinner and healthier, those not so healthy motivations may be replaced by better ones, once we realize how much better it feels to no longer be overweight. Whatever works!
I think some days it will give me that motivation to do an extra few minutes, but after reading what you guys had to say Im not feeling so annoyed with it being a thought in my head or a motivation.
Of course I want to look better, that's part of being healthy, looking healthy. I'm fortunate that one of my biggest supports is an ex and now best friend who to this day has always told me Im beautiful, and the times I don't feel it are very few and far between
That went a little off topic . . . my point was to say thanks, Im not at all concerned now that thinking that way is going to have a negative affect on what Im doing.
My main motivation is I want to have more self-confidence again, and just feel better about myself. I also have to follow a pretty strict diet because of migraine issues, doctors orders. But, I definitely have a few secret motivations! For instance, there's a few people from my old high school I REALLY want to shock, and be like "you had your chance." There's also an older guy I had a fling with, and I want to be able to not fall back into that old pattern next time I see him, because I'll have a lot more self confidence.
But those are small motivations, my real one is to be healthy and fit!
Bad motivation?
