Hi Ladies! I'm Karen and i'm a newbie here and i wanted to introduce myself and say HELLO! okay...here's my deal...i'm 42, never married no kids...my boyfriend of 6 years moved in about a year ago, and i have since gained about 20lbs. having him here is wonderful...but the weight gain is really beginning to depress me.
i know why it happened, that's no mystery...i cook for us (was never a big dinner eater before), i am not at the gym like i was before (i work 12.5 hour days 4 days a week), and i'm drinking more. here's the part that really ticks me off...he has LOST 20lbs! we work out together when i'm off, but i haven't lost much weight...maybe 5 pounds. i feel like that cartoon character in those quick slim commercials!! now, i look at him and he looks great, then i look at me...tan has faded, can't fit into any of my clothes, and now finding the motivation to do something about it is becoming increasingly difficult (you'd think it would be just the opposite, but i almost feel hopeless)...i feel SO incredibly unsexy. after looking at various posts on this board, seeing all the support that is out there, and knowing that i'm not alone...well, that's big motivation right there. i hope to become a part of your little community you have here...it really is wonderful. and more than anything, i hope to get back into my cute jeans!!

shoeluver! When my SO and I became serious...I also gained 20 lbs! And he never complained one bit. He was no help to motivate me at all. I love that quick slim commercial, especially when they show his weight loss, and her boobs shrink!

Without 3FC, no one in my life would care if I lost weight or not! You are in the right place. You have to develop the "I will do it for me" attitude.

I can definitely relate! I put on 40lbs during my first year of marriage...and he hasn't gained a pound. It is frustrating. But you are in the right place. 3FC helps me stay motivated and I'm sure it will help you. Good luck!

... and we were the same! He was overweight when we met and slimmed down, I was slim and became overweight! :-(

My DH likes to have a big meal at night. And I hate eating dinner. I'd rather eat my calories earlier in the day (when I need energy).

What's interesting to me is that women (in my experience) tend to assume that we're the ones that have to do the adjusting. We go on his plan - rather than the other way around, or compromising.

I've gradually worked out a plan with DH where I cook 3 nights, he cooks 3 nights, and we eat out on Saturdays. On my cooking nights, I fix a big salad or soup or a vegetarian meal or stir-fry or light recipe. He fixes heavier food, but I only eat small portions.

The hard part wasn't getting him to compromise (he's a pretty flexible guy and, thankfully, he'll eat anything). What was hard was dealing with my guilt over speaking up for my needs. I also discovered I was getting a payoff of sorts by fixing elaborate food for him. I was my own worst enemy. Now we're both eating healthier.

Yup. I gained 20lbs in the first year of marriage (stress) and another 40 lbs with my first pregnancy a year later. After that, just went up up up.

Meanwhile, DH stayed nice and trim.

He now swears that I've NEVER been this slim. Obviously he doesn't remember the woman he married.

Oh boy, my weight went up and up and up with each year of marriage and I've been married 12 years! This is, I think, the ONLY year I haven't gained. He gained also and it was a result of both my cooking unhealthy foods and us eating out frequently or ordering in pizza, etc. It's so tough. For me and my dh, we are a bad influence on each other because we both like to eat so much. But now, we've been losing weight together and we changed into a good influence for each other. If we weren't doing this together, it would be SO much harder to do.

You can turn this around....although 20 pounds may seem like a lot, you can lose it now before it turns into 50 pounds, 60 pounds or more. You can do it!

***BIG SIGH*** oh man! thank you all so much! i feel so horribly guilty gaining this weight. you guys are right...i have absolutely put him and his needs first to mine...as well as WHEN we eat. i am NOT a late night eater...but i don't get home from work until almost 8, dinner ready around 9, then the next thing i know i'm off to bed. that topped with the fact that my job is TOTALLY sedentary for 12 straight hours...leads to the ol' "secretarial spread". he HAS been good though...he really hasn't said a word about it (my weight gain), but i feel like i'm the one shortchanging him. man, being a chick sure ain't easy!

omg, girl. I don't like how you feel guilty gaining the weight and think you are "shortchanging" him. Although I do believe when a woman takes care of herself she compliments her man, but you got to do it for you! You are shortchanging yourself. You are worthy of looking your best for you! It's nice to have someone to look good for, but he should be lucky to have you!

haha I remember gaining so much weight when my wife was pregnant the first time. For the first three months she was really sick so she would only eat like 2 bites of food and I would oblige by finishing it (after eating my own). Then I ate like a pregnant woman for the last 6 months.

Same here!!! I was just thinking about this the other day!

My BF and i moved in together about a year and a half ago. When i met him i was about 115, I got up to 140 right after we moved in together. currently i am around 127, but it is a struggle to stay below 130 with him. I was a snacker before...a little something every few hours, never eating that much on a given day, only one real meal. now it's three big meals a day. He also gets really weird and accuses me of starving myself if i skip a meal, or eat just a few bites.

He is 6'6" and weighed 215 when we met (perfect for his height). Now he is around 195. it kills me!!! How can he eat so much (2500-3000 calories a day) and lose weight!?!?

Maybe this will encourage you, but in my experience happy people tend to grow additional weight. Most of the people I know who managed to loose a significant weight did so after a painful break up.

I managed to gain when I was happy and sad and bobbing along somewhere in the middle.

I can definitely relate - I always gain weight with each new relationship, usually about 20 lbs. My current boyfriend apparently has an excellent metabolism, because he is handsome and slim and eats 3x as much as I do. It really becomes a problem when you try to eat as much as your guy, because they tend to have better metabolisms.

I met my current beau at about the 50 lbs lost mark. While my friends are gushing over my weight loss, he sees the girl who still needs to lose 50 lbs. Very disconcerting at times.