Trying to stay positive and on plan w/ worriesome news
I am sure I am not the first person here who has faced some type of crisis in the midst of their weight loss efforts, so hopefully I can get some feedback from everyone as to how best to handle it.
Here goes - my PCP sent me for an ultrasound last week because of some very vague, non-specific pain centered in my right side. I told her I didn't think it was much of anything, as it comes and goes and isn't really even painful as much as annoying...a type of tingling, burning sensation that pops up in various places but is definitely centered on the right side of my body. She decided she wanted to check out my gall bladder as well so off I went.
Had the US Thursday; Friday I get a call from another doctor in the practice for me to call back for the results. Not a good sign. (my doctor was out of the office).
Long story short, they discovered a 4 cm mass on my right kidney. My kidney! Could have knocked me over with a feather. Within 90 minutes of that call I was at the radiology clinic getting prepped for a CT scan with iodine. Had to drink that nasty barium sulfate right there and wait two hours, drink another one, go in for the scan, and out the door at 5:30 p.m...we closed the place down. Most fortunately my husband had already taken the day off as we had some plans (that obviously got scuttled), but I was so relieved that I didn't have to drive myself down there - not sure I could have, I was so upset.
So now the wait...the tech doing the scan was reassuring, telling me that upwards of 40% of kidney masses that she scans for are simply benign, water-filled cysts, and since I am over 50 the likelihood of me having a kidney cyst is already 50% (many of these are never found, as they cause no problems to people who have them). In addition I have none of the symptoms of kidney cancer, although it is often said that these symptoms don't appear until the cancer is somewhat advanced. So that tells me that even if it is a malignancy that perhaps it has been caught early.
The one thing that really freaked me initially was the rapidity with which they got me down there...certainly I appreciate the concern, but it does give one pause.
Now I just wait until tomorrow or perhaps Tuesday to find out more.
I was so proud that I didn't come home and gorge out; I will say, however, that when I get really, really nervous I have a tendency to lose my appetite. I was able to eat supper Friday night but didn't jump for the comfort food, so I felt good about that.
The one thing that has gone on the back burner is the exercise; Friday was a bust and yesterday I just couldn't get it together to get to the YMCA. As I write this I have three hours to get over there and I am going to head out the door as soon as I finish this post.
I was so busy with appointments last week (both for myself as well as my elderly father) that my exercise routine had already taken a hit even before this bombshell, so I was pleasantly surprised that I had lost 1.4 lbs at my weigh-in this morning. I do wonder, though, if some of that was due to the reaction I had from the barium sulfate. I was told it might constipate me, but I had the complete opposite reaction. Oh well, every cloud has a silver lining, as they say.
So...what have you done when faced with something like this? We all do...right now I'm doing okay but I am afraid of what I might do should I get really bad news. The one thing keeping me on track right now is the knowledge that I've lost over 17 lbs and the health benefits I am receiving are so important should I face a true medical crisis.
One time, because of my SED rate, it was 90 and it was supposed to be 20, I got the pee scared out of me, because I was having hip pain, with trouble walking...
The words, MS, cancer, and all kinds of ugly things...came out in possible dx. At the neurologist, I had a positive sign for MS...even more scared.
I actually made a decision in my mind, what I would do if I did have MS...or cancer. Kind of a checklist. I decided no matter what, I would take what I had and live to my best. I also decided at that point, to not try to involve a love interest in my life, if I did have something. I didn't want to put him through anything.
Turned out my two symptoms, were completely unrelated. The sed rate was from a virus. And the hip pain, was from an ovarian cyst, which was thoroughly checked out.
I would ask for prayer. I would ask the test comes out normal. I would also focus that MOST kidney growths are benign.
My health scare wasn't during weight loss. I had a mammogram come back needing followup, so I went back in for that. Before I left, they said I needed to stick around for an ultrasound. The results of the ultrasound were that I needed a biopsy, and how does tomorrow sound? At this point I was really scared and thinking all kinds of terrible things. As I lay there getting prepped for biopsy, I started to cry .....I was thinking, "I'm not ready to leave my kids yet."
The doctor said something that made me feel so much better. He said, "These are usually benign, but even if it isn't, it's small and we will take care of it. We will deal with it and you'll be OK." That really reassured me. Everything turned out to be benign, as yours most likely will as well. But I know what you mean about the rushed timing; it seemed scary and ominous when it happened to me. In reality, it was just the medical staff doing what they do; responding promptly and professionally to get more information.
Keep positive thoughts. I know this is scary, but don't let the fear take over. You'll get more information in a day or so; for now, just try to stay focused and positive that you are strong enough to deal with whatever comes.
Try to stay positive. Remember how good you feel in smaller sizes, just imagine gaining back those 17 pounds that were lost. Continue to excercise it can only help you relieve some of the stress that you are under. Focus on the fact that you can stay in control no matter what the situation is. The food will not make your problems disappear it will only make you feel worse.
first, and sending all my best in regards to your health
yes, health and other crises are scary and emotionally and physically exhausting (having my own mini life "crisis" right now, not having to do with health, knock on wood).
eathing healthily and exercising help me to deal. turning to family and friends as much as I can for support, church (I know not everyone turns to that, just throwing it out there). trying to do things that distract me and make me happy (reading, knitting, a movie, shopping). in other words, pamper yourself.
remind yourself that you are a strong person and have dealt with many situations, and can deal with situations.
I did as I said I would - I went to the YMCA and got in my four miles, so I felt really good about that.
After the initial shock wore off, I did find myself becoming much calmer. As I told my husband on the way to the CT scan, I just have to get myself together, face what comes, and deal with it. By the time I left that office I felt pretty good, and I really haven't felt nervous all weekend. But I am really anxious to know what it is, good or bad.
Since only my husband and two (adult) children know about this, I appreciate the opportunity to "unload" a bit here. I don't want to tell anyone else unless it is something serious; no sense in worrying anyone needlessly.
You're in the right place for support. Just know that we're all here for you cheering you on and praying as hard as our fingers will allow. And if you ever feel scared, worried or nervous, remember this.
"Life goes on, no matter what it may throw at me. I am stronger than it thinks I am and I WILL get past this!"
Got a good report yesterday...what I have is called an angiomyolipoma, which is a benign tumor. It measures 4 cm x 3 cm and I also found out it's on my left kidney, not my right.
She does want it scanned in 3 months just to make sure it's not growing, as even the benign ones can cause problems if they become too big. Since we have no baseline and have no idea how long it's been there, I think keeping an eye on it is a good thing. But unless it begins to cause problems, then the medical protocol is to just leave it alone.
Thanks to everyone who has expressed support and concern; as my father is so fond of saying "another crisis averted!" And having been alive for 96 years, he's seen his fair share of them.
My neighbour had, and as far as I know, still has one of those. She discovered it about 2 years ago. She was terrified and had a long wait for the results. Her's stopped growing but she still has regular scans.
She was in a state I can tell you, bless her heart she made her will and made her husband promise he would marry again and started planning her funeral. The relief to find out it was benign was tremendous. I'm so pleased yours is the same. Its nice to hear goodnew isn't it? A very merry Christmas to you and your family.
Trying to stay positive and on plan w/ worriesome news
and sending all my best in regards to your health
