Ive been away from here for a while, and things have really come to a head for me.
Im sinking into a really unhealthy spiral with my weight. I cant find a way to do this. I seem to restart a diet every week, and then that little voice in my head convinces me that eating something i shouldnt and i dont actually enjoy anyway wont hurt, i can start tomorrow. I keep listening and i am so angry with myself for doing it.
Everytime i lose weight, i then let it slide and end up ten pounds heavier than i was before. I cant find a plan that works for me, ive tried everything, but the bottom line is i want to be eating healthy, home cooked food from a wide variety of ingredients. I love vegetables, i love fruit and i love to cook home made food thats good for you.
my portion control is horrendous, i cant resist that box of cakes, or chocolate at work, and i thing i am a binge eater without ever really knowing it.
im struggling to cope with being so bad at this aspect of my life, im otherwise successful, i have a great job, a wonderful husband and great friends. i dont understand why i cant do this.
I suppose i dont know where to go with this, im asking for help. Ive bought an exercise bike, and a wii fit, as i dont like exercise and thought these would be the best thing for me to use.
any help is appreciated and i hope some of you remember me, i will do whatever it takes now, i cannot keep sliding back or i will end up 300 pounds before 2011.
i saw photos of me today from a team day out at work and i looked huge, my face is puffy, its swallowing my beauty and i was horrified.
I have one of those voices in my head too. For me, I had to learn that I am stronger than that destructive voice in my head and just tell myself no, firmly, and mean it. Like learning any new skill, it's really hard at first, then will a little practice it's less difficult, then finally it becomes second nature. No one else has the power to control what I eat. Only me. I say what food goes into my body. And mindlessly eating things I hadn't even considered eating until I saw them isn't going to happen.
It sounds like you need to get firm with yourself. You've shown the voice in your head that with very little effort, it can have whatever it wants. Take back the control of your life. It sounds like you know how to cook healthy foods and you enjoy it, which is even better! Show that voice who's boss now. You are! And you can lose the weight if you set your mind to it.
Gosh, if there were a simple answer a stranger could give you, none of us would have a problem! I only wish it were so
For me, it only worked when I changed what I wanted and not when I tried to just exercise my self-discipline. I don't mean that you don't want to lose weight, of course you do. But for me it's been about redefining myself as someone who doesn't want junk, who doesn't prefer sitting on the couch. It's been more of a mental change.
Of course, you will always have to use *some* self-discipline. Habits still have force, even after your mind changes; that's why they're habits and not beliefs. But it's much less of a battle.
i read your post as we sorted dinner out, and the voice said, have some bread with it. i told it no.
i didnt and im satisfied after eating. i need to keep saying no! i thought i was nuts or the only one!
You are definately not alone... a lot of us struggle with that little voice daily. It is definately a matter of taking back control of your life. Only you can do this for yourself... and only you can truly stop yourself from succeeding. Don't stand in your own way.
Weight loss and maintenance, isn't one behavior - it's thousands of behaviors.
As a result, there are thousands of places you could start, and I think that's what can make weight loss so intimidating and overwhelming - we've got an instinct to try to fix everything at once, and when that doesn't work so very well, we think we've proven to ourselves that "it's hopeless and just no use."
We wouldn't expect to sit down at a piano and start playing beautifully, or play a master game of chess just because we've "seen it done," and understand the concepts.
We don't trip on the stairs or on a rocky cliff and decide "what's the use" and throw ourselves to the bottom.
But, we do all of that with weight loss. Over and over and over again.
There are a lot of reasons we do it. It's the culturally accepted, "normal" patern; it's also the pattern we've seen modeled most often; we've followed it so long we've become used to i; compulsive and perhaps even addictive behaviors are involved; biochemistry may be involved, the alternatives aren't widely discussed... again probably thousands of reasons.
So where Do you start?
Because there are thousands of answers, there are thousands of correct answers, but here are my suggestions that I think are probably as useful if you've got 10 pounds of 200 to lose.
1. Have a goal, but remember you are not your goal. Focus on the behaviors needed to reach your goal - not on your worth for having not met this goal (your worth doesn't have anything to do with the goal).
2. Expect mistakes - they're not tragedies, and they don't require punishment or compensation. Yes if you overeat a little at lunch, you can compensate by eating a little less at dinner - but when compensation gets out of hand, it can make binging harder to resist. If you skip dinner because you overate at lunch or fast the day after overeating - the rebound hunger you're creating can make bingeing difficult to resist.
3. Journal Writing everything down, what you eat, when, how you feel physically and emotionally....helps you see patterns, and helps you see progress. You may find that some foods seem to trigger a binge, either of those foods, or after eating those foods. These might be high-carbohydrate foods, refined carbohydrates, fat or salty foods, foods that have a sugar/salt/fat combination....
Again, there are thousands of things you could document in your journal - don't try to document everything. Just start with one thing - what you eat (and ideally some form of food counting, either the calorie or food exchange - or Weight Watcher's point count). If you're not ready to measure and count yet, that's ok too - still write everything down and an estimation of the amount.
4. From the start, focus on maintenance as well as loss. The goal isn't just to lose, it IS to maintain (which is why you never throw yourself from the cliff). When you focus only on loss, and not the bigger picture - a small gain can trigger "what's the use" thinking. "I've already gained, I might as well eat whatever I want until Monday." Is completely illogical, if maintenance is the real goal. When we consider 1/4 lb gain as "just as bad" as a 3 lb gain - there really is no reason not to binge and start over. But when maintenance is the goal, a 1/4 lb backslide is no reason to throw ourselves to the bottom. In theory - it should be easier to get right back on our feet, than to throw ourselves to the bottom and start over. But if you've always thrown yourself to the bottom, it takes a bit of concentration and effort to do it the "easy way."
5. Be your own best friend. The goal isn't punishment, it's learning. So when you make a mistake don't waste time beating yourself up. If you have to yell at yourself, keep it brief - and try to treat yourself as you would your very best friend. Would you scream at her and call her names, or would you try to spend the time instead, helping her plan for the situation to prevent it in the future.
6. Work on making changes you really can see yourself doing indefinitely. You don't have to find your life-plan from the very start, but if you're waiting anxiously for the day you don't have to do it anymore - you're planning for weight loss, not weight management. And it's very likely that you're going to regain without a plan for maintenance.
7. Be skeptical of advice (mine included). There are a lot of opinions on the subject. Most of them will not be right for you. Be willing to experiment, but also trust your instincts. If you think that the advice sounds "too good to be true," unhealthy, extreme or weird, you're probably right. If you don't trust your instincts, or feel you don't know enough about nutrition and healthy weight loss - start reading. If you don't know who to trust - start at your nearest university or community college bookstore. You don't have to buy there (amazon.com is probably cheaper), but chances are you can trust the information.
I just wanted to offer you a hug . I am not much more help other than that because I am going through the same as you are. I am realizing now that my problems are more than just lack of willpower and that I am a compulsive eater. I hope you get the help you need.
Welcome back to the forum. Your story is very similar to mine. I was always going to start a diet/get healthy tomorrow, but tomorrow never came. This past year I made a drastic lifestyle change cutting out all the junk, processed foods, fast foods, sodas, ... . Plus like you I was a binge eater (and an emotional eater), and really whenever I got a craving (or felt any emotion) I would feed it (oh how I loved 24 hour grocery stores and fast food restaurants). The decision to make a lifestyle change was easy, the follow through was really really difficult. I like to describe it as a heroin addict going cold-turkey. It took a few weeks for the need for junk food to lessen, and then a few more months for the cravings to pretty much stop. Almost a year later I've lost 100+ pounds and feel so much better. I still have a ways to go, but getting past that first mental barrier was the very hardest part.
My advice is to get support, maybe find a weight loss buddy or your husband. It really helps having someone to help during the cravings or when you're feeling down. Also, cutting out the junk is a huge help. It's really difficult if you live with others (especially if they don't have the same problems with food), but you can try to find a common ground like buying low-fat foods or healthier options. Next, make a plan that is manageable. For me I started solely with my food issues and didn't worry about exercising until I had that under control. Now that my food issues are under control I'm dealing with the mental issues I have with exercise and getting fit. I haven't used any specific program like Weight Watchers or Atkins, but that may be an option for you.
Finally, just remember you are not alone with these issues there are others with the same issues as you, and loads here that have faced down those demons and won. I've found this site to be extremely inspirational and while I'm still a newbie, it's given me that extra push to conquer those last 70lbs. Best of luck & please keep us posted on your progress.
i will do whatever it takes now, i cannot keep sliding back or i will end up 300 pounds before 2011.
You will do whatever it takes? Good. Great in fact.
Quote:
my portion control is horrendous,
Portion control issues? Okay. Count your calories. Let that be your guide. Allot a certain amount of calories for each meal/snack and only put that amount on your plate. Become accountable. You bite it, you write it. But by all means plan it out IN ADVANCE. You want to eat healthy - then PLAN for it. It won't happen on it's own. It just won't. You've got to set the wheels in motion for it to occur.
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i cant resist that box of cakes, or chocolate at work, and i thing i am a binge eater without ever really knowing it.
Why can't you resist that box of cakes? Of course you can. You've got the ability and the power to do so. Stop right this second telling yourself that you CAN'T, it's as if you're giving yourself permission TO. You have the choice. No one's forcing that food in your mouth. You don't HAVE to have something just because you want it. You must remember what it is you want the MOST. And that would be to be slim, trim, fit and healthy. Nothing awful will happen to you if you DO resist that cake, cookies, pasta, etc. NOTHING. Maybe you'll be a little uncomfortable until you get used to it. But so what? It IS a little uncomfortable incorporating new habits into ones life. ANYTHING new is uncomfortable - at first. A new job, a new relationship, learning how to ride a bike, a car - learning healthy eating habits is no different.
DECIDE how you want to live your life - and then resolve to pay the price to get it. Losing weight and any amount IS a doable thing for anyone and everyone, yourself included. Don't wait for the control to fall into your lap. It most likely will never happen. You must go out there and GRASP the control. Reel it in. DECIDE to do this. COMMIT to doing this and then be WILLING to MAKE a sensible plan work. Make a plan. Make some rules for yourself. Set up some boundaries. Some food laws.
Cravings and wants can certainly be very, very strong - especially in the initial stages - but make no mistake YOU are much stronger then they are. Reach. Stretch. Grow. Raise your standards. Require more from yourself. Step up to meet the challenge. Find out what you're made of. Astound yourself.
i think i have found in the past that i have floundered following a specific plan like atkins, WW, slimming world, etc etc
i am really interested in nutrition, i understand feeding your body in a way which is natural and want to cut out additives processed stuff etc
i know i have a serious addiction to diet coke, but thats something i feel i should conquer last as it will mean huge headaches and migraines (ive tried before)
i dont want to have to feel like im dieting, i get embarassed by being on a "diet" i want to change the way i eat for good.
its difficult with my husband, as hes heard all of my good intentions before, and he is never dismissive however he is very slim, and doesnt have any food issues. He will often give in to the voice i hear and then sound because he wants to make me happy, when in actual fact it only gives a few minutes of gratification before im destroying myself inside. I just find it hard to make him understand as he thinks i am beautiful, doesnt see the weight ive gained while weve been together and in all honesty, just doesnt get it.
I think probably 1500 cals at a rough guess for me will be about right, i may go and get myself a calorie book tomorrow as the online ones are all american (sorry guys!) and the measurements are weird!
vanessa, we have very similar stats if u want a messaging buddy? x
To me I felt I had an addiction to food- so I started looking around for books that were more about the psychological aspect of over-eating. I identified a lot with the book "conquer your food addiction" by Caryl Ehrlich. I admit I started slipping back at one point- but re-read it and since then haven't had too much issues. I found I had patterns in my over-eating. Sitting down and watching TV? Oh snack time!! Bored on a saturday afternoon? How about another snack to pass some time? etc. Upset that my friend said something hurtful? Food will make me feel better- etc.
I've come a long way since then- it might help you too. I got a copy really cheap- used- on Amazon. If you think you might have an issue or your eating is triggered- this book might help
I did WW once. Back in July of 2007. I managed to lose about 20 lbs over the course of a few months. It was my best and most successful attempt to lose weight up to that point. And then I gained it all back. Plus another 15 lbs, putting me at my highest known weight of 235. The problem that arose as I continued WW was constantly having to take the calories and fat and fiber and plugging it into their calculators to find out how many points they were as the core system was difficult for me to follow while I was still living at home with my parents.
When I first came to 3FC back in October, I really didn't want to have to count calories. But, following the suggestions of several people I highly respect, I decided that I would. A month or so tracking my calories to get an idea of how much was in a certain food would do me good. I haven't missed a day since I started (well, sometimes I'll skip logging on a particularly long day but the food gets added by the following afternoon). The point is, I don't think I'll ever stop counting. Even when I've been maintaining for five years, I think I'll still be tallying it all up in my head. More surprisingly, I don't mind counting calories. It's actually easier for me than doing WW points. And fit day provides me with my carb-protein-fat ratios which I've really started monitoring lately.
If you're seriously interested in nutrition, I'd recommend looking into SuperFoods RX by Steven Pratt. It goes in to depth about the nutrients in whole foods and provides suggested guidelines for how much you should eat of each type a week. Slowly, I'm starting to adjust the way I eat and, more importantly, the way I cook to incorporate those ideals. I grew up in a family of four with one working parent. Money was tight. Mac and cheese with hot dogs was a norm and I'm very much a comfort food person. I like down-home meals. I still love mashed potatoes. But there are healthier ways to eat and cook those meals. By aiming at consuming 5 servings of SuperFoods a day, I can start slowly incorporating those habits. I'm eating lentils. And other than peas and green beans or kidney beans in chili, it's for pretty much the first time in my life. I'm buying fresh carrots, which I've always preferred to canned carrots, and chopping and cooking them myself. I have a serving of berries with my breakfast every morning. I use soymilk with my cereal versus regular milk. (That's not to say that I don't drink or use regular milk, but adjusting to the taste of soymilk is just easier for me if it's mixed with something, like cereal and berries.)
It's a good think that you don't want to approach this as a diet. It shouldn't be. In order to maintain and be successful, it should be a life style change. The most important factor is finding a balance you can live with. Some people, like Robin (I believe) or Kaplods (wheat, I think was a big one for her), they found that there are certain foods that actually trigger negative reactions within their bodies. They found this by keeping careful logs of what they consumed and how it effected them physically, emotionally, and mentally. If you have similar problems, I'd strongly suggest asking them for advice. Other people, such comfort-foodies like myself, find that trying to commit to a life without certain foods severely undermines the progress we might otherwise make. Even if I tried to follow a diet plan without sugar or with limited pasta, the moment I reached goal, those foods would be right back on my plate and I'd end up gaining the weight back. Beef, chicken, fish, potatoes, pasta... they're foods that my husband grew up with, foods I grew up with. Foods we love. Trying to force a lifestyle without them upon myself, and my husband, would put undo stress on the both of us.
The point is that diets (as in the actual food you eat) vary greatly from one person to the other. What works for one person might not for another. The great thing about 3FC is that chances are, someone has tried something that will end up working for you. You might find that you piece together your knew food philosophy from a combination of other people's experiences. The caloric intake needed to lose (and maintain) is similar to your food requirements. There are some who thrive on diets between 1200 - 1500. I am not one of them. I recently had to bump my intake back up to 1600 - 1700 as my weight loss slowed greatly when I experimented with dropping my calories to about 1450-1550 a day. It's amazing the difference 100 calories can make. Don't judge yourself by anyone else's experience. And don't get discouraged if you don't see results with a certain approach. It's going to take some trial and error to find a method that works for you.
When it comes to your husband, I can feel you. I'm married to a soldier who can gain and lose weight faster than anyone I've ever met. It drives me batty that he's lost so much since he's been deployed. Without trying. He didn't need to lose much weight to begin with, just the little gut he'd gotten that last month by cramming all his favorite foods he'd have to do without into his mouth. (Like 10-15 lbs. XD) But while he's gone, I've started changing some of my eating habits and, while I know he'll probably eat anything I put in front of him, what I don't know is exactly how he'll react. I don't need to eat as many calories as he does, so it's going to be a big adjustment period learning to cook for two again and finding out what foods I love that he can't stand. Soy. I think soymilk will be one he avoids like the plague, but, like I said, I enjoy it mixed with some berries and cereal in the morning and that soy protein is a great way to get yourself going.
Like you, I want this to be a lifestyle change. I want, and need, to unlearn many of the bad habits I grew up with. I want to make my mashed potatoes from potatoes rather than a box. (The difference in fat and calories is wild!) I want to consume the recommended amount of fruits and vegetables a day. Not only because I love them, but because they're good for me. I'm very excited, actually. I was thinking about some recipes that I wanted to experiment with the next few weeks and I found, for the first time, that my mind was automatically thinking of healthier, yummier substitutions for high-calorie, high-fat favorites I grew up with.
Anyway, I believe this is growing much longer than I ever intended for it to. I know we're on opposite sides of the pond, but I'm always looking for buddies to share the journey with. Feel free to drop me an message if you need someone to chat with. ^^
Last edited by garnetrising; 12-08-2009 at 06:13 PM.
Paula, oh boy I have been there, done that, have the plaque and taught the course. I am at my starting point again, but am feeling very strong with willpower right now. Maybe a journal would help? Not necessarily just a food journal, but also a personal journal towards your goal?
Here are some quotes in my journal...I add to it almost daily to keep me focused. Sorry I didn't jot down all of the authors:
"I am the master of my fate. I am the captain of my soul."
"I count him braver who overcomes his desires than him who conquers his enemies; for the hardest victory is over self." (Aristotle)
"No one is in control of your happiness but you; therefore you have the power to change anything about yourself or life that you want to change."
"Life is not merely to be alive, but to be well."
"Rule your mind or it will rule you."
And my favorite two Dr. Suess quotes:
"Today is your day! Your mountain is waiting. So...get on your way."
"You have brains in your head. You have feet in your shoes. You can steer yourself any direction you choose. You're on your own. And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go."
Hi Paula, I remember you from before. Sorry to hear you're struggling right now but know that with perseverence and a lot of hard work it can be done. Right now I'm below the goal I set myself in 2007.
I think you have a lot of good things working for you. You know how to eat healthily, you know you want to eat healthily so right now you need to actually DO IT. I followed a low fat diet to lose my weight, it allows me to eat in a way which I can follow for the rest of my life. No gimmicks, no fads, no restricting entire food groups.
Its like other have said you have the power to control what you eat. I used to have problems saying no to the almost constant stream chocolates, cakes, biscuits that people would bring into work. I made these totally "off limits" to me no nibbles, no "just one won't hurt" etc. - TOTALLY OFF LIMITS. Sure it was hard saying no the first few times but now my colleagues no longer offer - they know I will refuse. I bring my own healthy snacks into work so whilst my colleagues are tucking into double chocolate chips cookies, I'll be eating my Frusili bar.
I really can't describe how much losing this weight has changed my life. I just feel like a new person not just physically but mentally as well. I participate in life whereas before I was an observer.
So get back aboard the wagon and just take it as it comes.
Reintroduction and a cry for genuine help
