So my parents came to visit me last week and I just need a place to process a bit that experience. Let me start by saying that overall my parents are wonderful, loving, fun, fabulous, open-minded people and just excellent human beings overall. They've been married 36 years and super supportive to me and my brother (who has disabilities so is extra challenging) our whole lives. So I don't really have anything to complain about.

But, of course, nobody is perfect. Both my parents have struggled their whole lives with weight. My mom has gone on and off weight watchers several times. And my dad has always been struggling, and now that he is retired puts even more time and energy into his weight - going to the gym, reading labels, etc. So the last time I saw my parents was Thanksgiving 2008 and since then I have lost 25 pounds and they have gained 15 pounds each.

When I met my parents at the airport, my dad said "you look great!" And I just said thanks and gave them hugs and moved on with the conversation. With my dad everything seems to revolve around food, exercise and weight. For example, we go out to eat at a middle eastern restaurant and we're looking at the menu I say "oh, I've had the falafel here and it's good." His response: "But falafel is deep-fried. We wouldn't want to order that." And in telling a story about meeting up with an old friend from his home town "He gained a lot of weight after his father died and had a gastric bypass..." And high school friends of mine who parents are friends with my parents. "So-and-so's mom sent me a photo of him and his wife and their baby. Wow, they both have really put on weight." Even attending a wedding of an old friend of mine he commented about the size of the couple and pronounced the groom "morbidly obese." It's not all outwardly focused, he'll talk about his own difficulty in losing the 15 pounds he's put on. But definitely he seems to see the world through food-diet-exercise colored glasses.

It was more of a frustration for me when I was at my highest weight because I felt like it was passive-aggressive: I'd order food at a restaurant and he'd say "oh, wow, that's a lot of food!" (translate - you better not eat all that) Now that I have lost a significant amount, but still have a ways to go, it bothers me somewhat less. Still, it's the only shadow that was cast over an otherwise really pleasant and enjoyable visit.

My parents are both nearing 60 and I know they won't be around forever, so I want to enjoy my relationship with them. There are times when knowing I will have to deal with this constant commentary makes me feel really unmotivated to talk to them and visit them but I feel like that is petty and I need to get over it. The biggest challenge is to remember that all of this is about what is going on with THEM and not with me. That I have to feel good about myself and my choices and know that I am living a healthy life and have peace with myself, regardless of what they say. Mostly I respond by not responding, by changing the subject and not feeding what I think are unhealthy thought patterns within them - especially my dad. It's my challenge to love them and keep my relationship with them strong and keep my distance from the constant commentary about food/weight/exercise. It makes me even more grateful that I have a supportive, loving partner who doesn't have a hang up with food/exercise/body image and whose brain just doesn't even work that way.

Okay, just needed to share that with folks I thought could understand. Anyone else out there had similar experiences and want to respond. Thanks for reading everybody!

I can see why that's frustrating. I would be frustrated as well, because I know someone who always steers the conversation toward fat and calories. I don't know if this person is just unaware of anything else going on in the world or attention-starved. Regardless, it got on my nerves because I'm very private with my weight-loss efforts and I kinda don't care what anybody else is doing as long as they're not hurting themselves. Anyway, all I wanted to say was I can sympathize. It makes it a little easier because they are your parents and they're wonderful so maybe next time they visit, try taking your dad for a walk and broaching the topic. Most of the time people don't realize they sound obsessive. Maybe mentioning it to him will bring him out of it. I feel bad for your dad. Poor guy, he's trying his best and he ends up gaining weight. I'd focus on it a lot too if I was in his shoes.

sorry you feel this way. Hope your next visit goes better!

I think responding by not responding is a good idea, but if you don't want to be direct I'd say "well it's a good thing I don't eat falafel that often. "

Or you can just take him aside, tell him you love him and know he means well but you don't like the comments he makes about your food choices and that you would like him to not comment on what you eat.

Good luck cuz it's hard- it took me FOREVER to get my mom to understand how offensive she was being to other people- I felt it was a cultural issue- but she was really making people not like her!

My mother and step dad visited recently and they both are very diet and food focused because my step dad has been put on a diet from his doctor, she wants him to lose 50 lbs or he will have to start taking insulin shots. Generally the conversations revolves around how my mother has lost weight and goes to the gym everyday and how she thinks my stepfather is sneaking food because he is gaining and not losing on his diet plan.

They are both in their mid 60s and a lot of their conversations tend to revolve around this person's weight or that person's health problems, etc. etc. Like you I adore my parents too but I could take less of the diet/exercise/weight/and who just had a prostate checkup talk. No words of wisdom, just wanted you to know you are not alone.

It is amazing what you can learn on this forum.

Labor Day I visited with my daughter and her family and now I am wondering if she was thinking and feeling the way that you are. On our next visit, I will be very conscious of this as I want our visits to be the best possible.

Thanks for posting.

My wife does the same thing to me. "Are you going to eat all that."

she doesn't realize how it makes me feel. The ironic part is she can tank some food. For her height and weight she eats ALOT. but because her metabolism is good she doesn't really show it.

Damon

Thanks for the empathy everyone. It helps to connect!