eh that is so me

I wanna just start crying my eyes out reading this thread.
I was doing so good, amazing even. I lost 20lbs, I felt great, I was looking way better. and then boom I started slipping and it turned into a downward spiral where I felt I couldn't stop. I struggle with how to get back to where I was, finding that same spark that made me do so good before
I have put so much thought into it, and honestly I just don't know exactly what went wrong....I met some small goals, was on top of the world and gave myself alittle taste of freedom that I just wasn't ready to have yet I think. It is kindof like you have that little voice that told you all the evil excuses that let you pig out all the time before. and when you started doing good you managed to chain up that little voice, oh he was still there but you did really good at ignoring him and hiding him away.
But then you get to that place where you feel alittle more comfortable and you begin to listen to him not realizing how evil he is lol. "Oh I have been doing so good, I can control my cravings/portions now" "I have been doing great I can splurge alittle" "I can have a lazy day" etc...
and then boom he is unchained and you didn't even realize what had happened. and then it becomes easy to listen to the voice again and fill your head with excuses and let yourself slide until you are out of control again sigh.
I don't understand it though. It scares me. If I can do so good and work so hard to completely destroy myself again so easily.
I agree food is addictive. I place food in emotional and mental ties. Like how I love to curl up and watch movies all by myself and pig out on pizza. How whenever I am having my little movie night or wanna cheer myself up I crave that entire experience including the food.
but I am getting back in the zone. It has taken me so much work to get back to just putting in the effort again. So now I am picking back up and I feel strong that I have the momentum to push onward!
**btw I am not crazy lol I don't really hear voices or anything I just meant like yourself giving excuses and such lol