and even from a mom if you don't have that type of closeness.

I think this is a key statement. I'm very close to my mom, she's one of my best friends. She always lets me know when I've gained weight (over and above my 20+ overweightedness) because she wants what's best for me. She knows I'm miserable when I gain weight and I lose my self-confidence. She's like that with my sister, but my sister throws a hissy fit when my mom mentions her weight. On the other hand, my mom is the first to say "you're losing weight, you look good!" She gets really happy when I'm happy and that happens when I start losing weight and feeling better about how I look. I can imagine feeling very hurt and upset if I wasn't close to her and if she commented on how I looked, but it depends on the degree of the relationship. Plus, if your own family can't talk to you honestly about you, who can?

Sunnigummi, you are lucky to have that kind of family relationship! Many families aren't so nice. In some families, comments about weight are simply meanness disguised as caring--and sometimes not even disguised.

Jay

Personally, I wouldn't say anything to anyone, man or woman. I just personally feel there is this level of social etiquette and at the end of the day it isn't any of my business anyhow.

To me I don't care if you are a guy or a gal, you still have feelings and I would be shocked if I saw someone walk up to another person and said something about their weight. I can't imagine how you felt when people would say things to him and not you, or both of you, ack!

To me the only way one could mention something about another person's weight is if you had a very close relationship with said person. Not only that you really need to know if that person is okay with you blurting out things about their weight issues. I mean half the people on this forum/web site hate it when people congratulate them on their weight loss because they value their level of privacy. I would assume that percentage is higher for people who don't want people discussing anything about their weight, good, bad, or whatever.

I mean you bump into someone after said amount of time, I'm assuming that you don't have a close relationship or that close, to begin with. Unless the person is falling over from their health issues (and at that point it becomes about health not weight), then it is best to not say anything. If they want to talk about it they will. Let them come to you.

I was in the Peace Corps in the now ex-Soviet block teaching English. Culturally they were very different in that it was perfectly polite to discuss someone's weight loss or gain publicly, but impolite to discuss someone's personal life etc. Your weight is out there for everyone to see I guess while divorces and cheating involved behind the hand whispers.

I will never forget how horrible it felt to be sitting the teacher's study and have ten teachers discussing among themselves how fat the American was. It happened a minimum of once a month the entire time I was there.

I don't think you should comment on someone's weigh gain, but oddly I feel like commenting on someone's weight loss is equally inappropriate. I'd much rather have someone say, wow you look really nice, than wow you lost weight and look great. The first has no hidden connotations, the second has the hidden message that you didn't look great before you lost the weight.

I would never say anything, unless they bring it up and wanted to talk about it. I know how awful I felt about myself already when I was gaining weight and the fact that others would say anything to me ( and some did ) felt even worse, and only made me turn to food. They already know, no need to say you know as well. ( at least IMO )