Methinks this might be a first...

I had no intention of commenting on her weight gain. But I was taken aback since she's always had a bit of a weight problem but worked really hard to lose weight. She had kept weight off for years before this, meticulously going to the gym etc so I was surprised. I wouldn't dare mention weight gain to anyone (well that's not true, I would mention it to a man).

I think I did the right thing too although I did comment on her lovely tan and steered the conversation towards our mutual vacations.

Say nothing, I agree. Someone said to me once, before I lost all my weight was "You have added some extra poundage since I saw you last". OMG I was devastated. I felt like crying. Do they think for one minute you do not know that? Sheesh.

Ahhh, so you were just getting your shock out at seeing her. Well, I can relate to that. I have a couple of friends who were slim when we were younger. I hadn't seen them in oh, 10 years? Man, I felt self-conscious thinking "I haven't lost any weight since high school and I was pudgy then," but these chicas had ballooned. I was shocked too, but obviously didn't say anything just like you didn't. Crazy, huh? Makes me wonder what people think of me (physically)...then again, I don't want to know.

NOTHING NOTHING NOTHING!!!!! Eek!

Yeah, say nothing, just like with anything that is none of your business!

:rofl:

This got me to thinking...... Why DO I think of these things long after I read them :dizzy:? Anyway, we often see threads started where people feel badly that others haven't mentioned there weight loss. Like why is it taking so long? I'm working so hard? When is someone going to notice? So it's the opposite thing going on. But I think the answer may be the same thing. I think people, at least some, ARE very, very reluctant to mention weight gain OR loss. Now obviously weight loss is a whole other matter. For those of us who started out at higher weights, it does take longer for it to "show" and therefore I think (some) people are hesitant to bring it up because of the touchy nature.

Wouldn't you all agree? ;););)

I'm pushing it. I know.

No, rockinrobin, you're right. Because people do post here about how embarrassed or offended they are when someone mentions their weight loss.

It's really just the same principal. You don't say nothing because a weight gain is negative (which would mean it's OK to say something about weight loss because it's considered positive) - you say nothing because it's personal and none of your business. At least, that's the etiquette perspective.

I don't think it's necessarily true that it's never appropriate to say something about weight, whether gained or lost. It's just that, at that point, youz takin' youz chances :) - with consequences you may face, and more importantly with the risk of hurting someone. So you have to be exceedingly careful.

I wouldn't say a word. I remember a halloween party about 10 years back when I first started gaining this weight, and a good friend that I hadn't seen in a while commented on it.

That comment has stuck with me for 10 years. It was just an offhand comment and not meant with any ill will, but he may as well have just smacked me in the face. A decade later I still remember the horrible feeling it gave me. Saying anything, even delicately could be very traumatic for your friend.

Remember the old saying (I think it was Thumper from Bambi that said it) but...

"If you cant say something nice, don't say nothin' at all"

I agree to say nothing also.
You was right on how you handled it.

during my weight gain my mom said,

"has anyone mentioned how much weight youre gaining?"

everyone knows when theyre gaining and theyre already self conscious. best to stick with that old rule.. if you dont have something nice to say, dont say anything.

Jeez. Makes you want to answer, "No, I don't know anyone that rude."

omg, i cried all day. and saying things like that doesnt encourage people to lose weight. im sure i drowned my sorrows later that night in a pint of ice cream. no one NEEDs to mention when you're gaining weight.

I'm with mayness.
Think about the comments you have personally gotten while gaining weight. If you actually had one that you enjoyed, I think we'd all love to hear it.

But seriously, no one enjoys commentary on the obvious for example
-hey joe, find a job yet
-hey sally, anyone buy your house yet-been on the market for quite sometime

Bleh to comments. I just want to go about my business, if someone has a thoughtfull complement, that's lovely. but the the visual assesment and then commentary of what is obvious is annoying. Its especially annoying because there is no comeback to commentary.

Wow, I gained 50 pounds in 6 months, too! I was fairly thin before those 50 pounds, so anyone who saw me after I gained 'em was VERY shocked. A couple people didn't even recognize me :o I gained it all in my stomach, love handles, and FACE too, so it did NOT look good.

The best thing to say is nothing, as echoed above. She probably feels horrible about all the weight she gained as it is... and if she wants to discuss it, I'm sure she will;) -- she may, especially after seeing how much you've lost -- if she is not too embarrassed.

Juliastl27 - what a RUDE thing for your mother to say :eek:
Just reminds me of a friend I ran into after I gained the weight who later told my (now) ex: "WOW, Aidyn BLEW UP! What happened?"

Another person just didn't recognize me. I realized why and felt so ashamed... once I refreshed her memory, she said, "OH! I just... didn't... know... you... look...different..." thanks... :p