I posted a while ago asking wether or not I should say something to my sister about her weight (she's about 5'7, 200lbs and was very slim for ages and in the last few years has really put on weight and it's clear she's very uncomfortable with her size). Well, the general concensis was to not say anything and to just be there with help and support if/when she does ask for it. I agreed with that and I have not said a word. We are very close and I do not want to ruin our bond. So this is my problem...every year for her birthday she asks me for clothes. When I ask her what size, she always tells me several sizes too small. I've bought her the clothes she's wanted in the size she asks for. I get lots of 'thank yous' but the clothes go to the back of her closet never to see the light of day again, because they don't fit her. So this year she asked me to get her a very specific, expensive polo shirt. Instead of asking her what size, I took a sneaky peek at the size of shirt she does wear and I got her the polo shirt in her correct size. When she opened my present and saw the shirt she said 'This is waaaaaaay too big. I guess I'll have to wear it as a night shirt, or something.' No thank you. I didn't say all the things I wanted to say, but my feelings were very hurt. No more clothes for her!! Just wondering if anyone else is in a similar situation.
Do they have gift receipts? That way you could get her the size she states and she could exchange if for the appropriate size. I also like gift cards (I know other people do not though).
Every year my mil gets us all Christmas pajamas. I remember the year she bought me extra large. I knew I was fat, I just didn't realize that SHE knew I was too and it was a very sad moment for me (YUP--DENIAL!). Although she just wanted to get me something I could use and enjoy and never considered it as a negative at all (she is the kindest person ever). I don't think she looked in my closet though. She used her best judgement. Those jammies are in the give-a-way bag cause they fall off me now.
I have a sister 5 years younger than me. For the better part of 15 years, I would tell her not to buy me clothes. ( She weighed a good 130 lbs less then me for a good part of those 15 years ) In fact, she is now 7 months pregnant and I still weight 50 pounds more than her! If she would ask about clothes buying, it was no thanks on my part. She never pushed me about my weight, ever. If she wanted to get me a gift, I would always say just a gift card to Lane Bryant would be wonderful. Then I could pick out what I wanted. ( and fit )
Even now, I will go shopping with my sister, and it's getting better, telling her, can you get this in a size "abc" other than me being totally paranoid over what she might be thinking about my actual size, but I really don't want others buying clothes for me as a gift.
Your post made me think of my Grandma. She "thought" she was a medium and would be insulted if anyone bought her stuff in her real size of large or XL. She was fine shopping for herself in the size she needed but if someone gave her the correct size she would say it was too big.
If your sister really wanted the shirt, she will wear it or you can play her game and ask if she would like the receipt so she can return it. I'm guessing she will act like she returned it for a different size, cut the tag out and keep it. Next time go with the gift card. Don't be mad, sounds like she is not happy with herself. Be there to support her when she's ready to lose the weight.
I agree Onmyway if she likes the shirt and wants to wear it she will wear it.
I'm very close with my sister and here is what I would do. The next time you go shopping with her pick out a few things in the size she would prefer, then insist you guys go try some stuff on. When they don't fit you can laugh and joke about how the sizes are all wrong( what's up with clothing manufacturers these days!)
Seriously though, keep getting the size she asks for with a gift receipt then she can exchange it for the real size and everyone is happy
Please don't take this the wrong way.I don't have a sister,but I do have a BFF.There is nothing in the world I would not tell her. And I know she feels the same way. Why would something like the size of a shirt ruin your bond? I don't understand.
I think you should just give her the receipt so she can exchange it (I thought a gift receipt always went with the gift). She can wear the bigger size but say she exchanged it for a smaller size, if it's that painful to her. I think her feelings have to be more important. I mean, you already forced the issue, don't think she didn't notice, and she responded with flat denial. I think the only other way for this to go will get ugly.
Wow that's some denial. I think it's kind of hurtful to say that the gift was 'not right' and she can't use it as intended. If it was my sister, I probably wouldn't buy clothes unless she asked for them, and if she did who cares what size she is!? I would straight up ask my sister why she wanted clothes that were too small (maybe she is anticipating losing weight?). I don't think it should be such an uncomfortable subject, most of the time you are your own worst critic, other people (especially loved ones) do not even care what size you are, or that you gained weight, they only want you to be happy!
i should have spoken about the gift receipt. i work in retail. you do have to let the clerks know that you would like a gift receipt if you are purchasing clothing and accessories as gifts. that way if they need to be exchanged the person you gave the gift to will be able to exchange it for what you paid for it.
My mother is the exact same way. I just make sure to always include a gift receipt.
She always exchanges what I buy her. I just internally roll my eyes.
Just remember it is her issue, not yours and leave it be.
She didn't say that because she doesn't love you, she said it because she's embarrassed and feels badly about herself. I agree; it's very selfish of her not to thank you, but it wasn't about you. Just love her, continue to support her, and I think gift cards would be the way to go. She's lucky to have a sister as loving as you in her life! She needs you!!
Arg...sister problems!!
