Anyone else facing a similar situation?

I've been actively working to lose weight since the beginning of last year.

There have been a few speed bumps along the way, notably certain holidays and vacations.

I started last year at 180 lbs and had managed to get into the 130s before last Thanksgiving. By January, I weighed 145 due to holdiday/vacation gain. There I stalled for a few months before managing to work my way back down to the high 130s, but Easter and another vacation have tacked on a few pounds.

So, on "bad thought" days, I feel like a failure. I weighed slightly less six months (a half year!) ago than I do now.

On "good thought" days, I look at where I was a full year ago (20+ lbs heavier than now) and feel I am making good progress year-over-year.

Both points of view seem correct, but they have a big impact on how I feel about myself!

I think of weight-loss/maintenance like a good marriage. You have to work hard at it, and it is never "easy". Sometimes couples separate, then get back together and sometimes they give up completely and divorce. Guilt and the inability to trust and/or forgive is what ends most relationships. You need to forgive and move on. Keep trying, that's all you can do.

Hence the power of positive thinking. With life, will come trials and tribulations, but at the end of the day, it's what you take away from each of those experiences, that will shape your character. As difficult as it may be, we must try to see the good in every experience...it's much healthier.

See, this is one reason why I love this board so much - so many shared, experiences, so much to relate to, so many people who understand what you're going through because they are going through the exact same thing.

All of this gushing just to preface: me too, me too, me too.

In January 2008, I weighed 190lbs.
In May 2008, I weighed 165 lbs.
August 2008, I weighed 155lbs.
In April 2009, I weighed between 160 and 165 lbs.

On the one hand, I love my results, on the other, I'm sometimes asking myself why wasn't able to follow through, why I am going up and down between 155 and 165 like on a mini rollercoaster.

Lately, I've gotten so frustrated at the 162 on my scale that I overrestricted. After all this time, I really should have known better - vicious binging attacks ensued. One week it was so bad that I got terrified (and dead certain) that I would gain my way back up to 190 or higher within a month or two.

That kind of opened my eyes that I HAVE to focus on my achievements and not dwell on what could have been. Last week I've decided to ease up on my calories - I let myself eat up to my goalmaintenance level if I want to. So far I haven't maxed that out yet, but even if I did, I would eventually get to my goal - eventually. It felt like such a weight lifted off my shoulders (ha!), and I have so much more energy to work out.

I'd suggest being very honest about what you're eating and then thinking about it. Do you have trigger foods that make you chuck it all in and lose control? Then maybe you need to ban those trigger foods from your life. There are those of us out there who are better just not starting...like me! I find it much easier to avoid a trigger food than to nibble at it and pretend I can handle having it around. Since banning my 7 triggers, which I now regard as enemies, I'm doing much better. Same thing might help you out too.