Guys, If I don't beat this depression I am going to spent for the summer. I am having the hardest time right now. Will elaborate later.

Hugs to you all,
Amy

After 8 days of staying OP I'm back to Day One. Oh well, Always starting over but never giving up!
Sorry--in a hurry but will try to check in later...

Morning all,

Well the depression bug snuck up and bit me on the butt... I haven't had a bout of depression this bad in close to 4 years but it hasn't changed to much it still sucks. I will say the attributing factor is this semester's subject (OB/GYN) and the fact I can't have anymore kids and have lost 4 along the way. I didn't think it was going to hurt so bad being around families having new babies and starting there journey through parenthood. I had thought for a long long time that was the field I wanted to go into since I couldn't have any more kids, it would be rewarding to help others bring theirs into the world... It still may be my calling but I have to get past this I hate you feeling each time I see a newborn and a mother together.

My DH is trying to be supportive but he is a man and they don't think like women... even when they try but his answer is don't worry about it our kids will have their own soon enough and you will have grandchildren and blah blah blah... it didn't help matter of fact it made it worse thinking of the kids I have growing up wasn't what I needed to do.

Well needless to say my food intake has been through the rough I alternate between wanting to eat the tile off the kitchen floor to not wanting to eat anything ... It has been awful. I am up 4 pounds in a week... Some could be fluid but I don't think so. I am starting to not be able to breath in my pants which is even more depressing. I just want to hold up in my bed until life passes me by.

Well I have to get my butt up from here and go watch more mom's deliver more babies... I really think I am going to have to go to the doctor and get something for this... I am going to be commited before the semester is over.

Amy

Ok, where is everyone????

Wow Amyjo, ((((((hugs)))))) that has GOT to be hard to do, I agree. But I also agree that you may be *just* the person for OB since you, more than anyone, will be able to comfort those Mom's that have something go horribly wrong. I've seen deliveries on tv where something goes wrong and the doctors/nurses can seem somewhat condesending in their "comfort" because they have NO idea what it's like. No, trying again later isn't good enough, your future grandchildren won't make it all better you don't want to hear "it's God's way" when you've just lost a piece of your future.
One of my girlfriends, who's 10 years older than me has lost 18 (yes, 18) babies in various stages of pregnancy due to genetic abnormalities. All the doctors telling her "it's God's way" didn't make her feel better, but if she had someone like you that truely understood her pain, maybe it would've made a difference?
Please do see a Dr. for something to help you through this if it's not passing. There's no reason for you to suffer if you don't have to.

Eydie - the important part is that you re-started!!! Congrats on THAT!

Ok everyone, come out, come out wherever you are!

Terri

I am here. I took my drug test for the job today. I drank 2 diet sodas to make sure I could pee in a cup and I got my first hair drug test instead. I go get my id card ect on Friday afternoon. I start the 1st of July.

I am trying to be nice since I would like Chris to accompany me to Disneyland. Nothing sounds less fun as taking 3 boys by myself. But after that- who knows.... I noticed when he is here, I eat a whole lot more. When he was gone I would have to remind myself to eat. It wasn't that important. Now I use eatting as a person would use cigaretts-nervous habit to numb the anxiety...

That should tell me something right there.... Just got to listen to me-not the whole world. I tried on a pair of jean shorts that I haven't worn in 2 years today. About 5 lbs or one inch in the tummy to fit. That is my goal... To wear those in July sometime. My other jean shorts get too baggy within an hour. I walked into body gap the other day. I want to be able to shop there!!!! ~flower

Amyjo, do you really want more children and seeing all the new babies/moms is bringing that back to the surface, or is that you know the possibility isn't there any more and you feel cheated? Regardless, if this is affecting you this much, you should speak to your doctor. You have to get through this semester somehow, you've worked too hard to this point to let this stop you. I think Punkin is right....you would be an excellent support to moms who have complications if you are able to channel your feelings of loss into helping others cope. One day at a time...you'll get through this.

Flower, congrats on the new job!

Sheila, did you hear anything back about the new place?

Punkin, congrats on the 2lb loss!!! AND the 10%!!! Way to go!

Eydie, these things happen....luckily we have every day to start over.

You might have noticed I'm participating in the 21-day challenge, and posting there as well. I'm not deserting our group by any means, so please don't think so! I'm really trying to stay OP, and doing well so far.....well...we'll see what weigh in tomorrow night says!

Hi ALL
Just to update ya all on stuff.. First of all I been eating good
pint of stawberrys for lunch and about 4 oz of chicken and white rice about 1/2 cup and 1/2 cup peas yesterday Today I am so far had 1/2 pint strawberrys and tonight is something with hamburg
Havent heard a word about the new place yet.. I have a gut feeling I got it and I will know tomorrow (my birthday) dont ask why I feel this but we will see if it comes true
Amyjo I think despite what youve been thru you would be an excellent in the feild of ob/gyn
Wildfire I know you wouldnt abandon us I post in other places to ya know..LOL
Punkin copngrats on the 2 pounds!!!!
Fklower Congrats on the new job and going to Disneyland too..( I have never been there)
OK I have to hurry off Talke to you all tomorrow
Sheila

Happy Birthday Sheila!

Wildfire - Good luck with weigh in tonight!

I'm getting ready to head out tomarrow. I have my Maia-kitty's last set of shots to get this morning and getting my hair cut and eyebrows waxed tonight. The waxing is something of a luxury that I haven't treated myself to for a loooooong time. Then I've got to wash my car and pack.... busy, busy!
I probably won't post tomarrow since I'll be busy begging and pleading to leave work, so I'll "see" you all on Monday!

Terri
California or Bust

Happy birthday Shiela!!!!!!

Punkin ~ Have a fun safe trip!!!

Sheila ~ Happpy Birthday!!!!!!!!!

Thanks for the support guys!

Hugs To All,
Amy

I am now down to ........257.0 That is 7 pounds I made my goal PLUS!!!!! Now I have to think of a new goal
Should hear about that place tonight or first thing tomoorow
Thanks for the Bday wishes
Wildfire you will do great on your weigh in

Cant stay long going out with my friend and kids to park Tal;k to you all tonight \
Sheila

Happy Birthday, Sheila! Doing anything special? Congrats on making your goal and let us know what your new one is.

How are you doing, Amy? Talking to someone may be a good idea; Have you pursued that?

Am fighting a bit of a cold--nothing too dramatic--I just feel like a slug and a little loopy. May as well enjoy it!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, SHEILA!!!!! Congrats on the loss!!!

I'm down 3.2lbs this week, but I did wear lighter clothing to my meeting than the last two weeks. Nevertheless, it is a loss!

Hi Everyone
sorry I didnt post last night I thought I did but guess I didnt
Anyway
My new goal is to lose 5 by my sons fifth birthday July 3rd should be easy I hope
Didnt do anything for bday except went to the park with my friend and her kids to hang oput for 4 hours Got sun at least..
Cant stay online long I am waitingn to hear from that guy about the mobile today , do me a favor?? lite a candle or put in a good word to a goddess or god for me I got to get this place I need the tranquility
Will post soon just cant tie up phone line
Take Care
SHeila

Gonna meet you on the NEW thread

Wanna a jump over to new thread --->CLICK HERE <------
See ya all there
Sheila