Physically, I'm not fat anymore. For the most part, I stopped feeling fat when I got to size 6 or 8. (At my height and frame, size 8 was still higher than where I wanted to be.) I still feel fat sometimes--when something I try on doesn't look good, or when I catch myself at funny angle in the mirror (warrior pose is no friend to curvy bums--I'll see myself in the mirrors in the gym studio and think, "Ugh! My a-- is huge!"). And sometimes I feel fat when I blame things I'm not happy with (being single, usually) on being 'fat'--which isn't true, but when you're having those moments, 'true' doesn't matter much.

More often though, I act fat--I buy a big bag of chips, and eat the whole thing. Ack! That's so many calories, and how I gained weight in the first place. Or when I order something when I'm hungry without thinking how many calories it is--like a medium chocolate chiller from Second Cup, which turns out to be 500 calories...WHAT?!? That's also how I got fat in the first place. Or when I think I need a 'treat' every day, or twice in a day--even though at my size, even one treat can easily be 10% of my calories for the day. That's also how I got fat.

I'm getting much better at realizing I'm not physically not. And I less often feel fat. But it's the acting fat that I'm struggling with. Long term, to keep off the weight, I will have to not act fat--order seconds, eat bigger portions, order food on impulse, eat when I'm bored--more often. That will be the part of maintenance I struggle with.

That's pretty much exactly what I'm going through, which is why I posted this thread. I definately feel much bigger now than I did at this weight a few years ago, and I'm not sure if it's mental or if my body weight is just composed of different amounts of fat/muscle.

I also have a problem getting depressed when I see other people setting goals with their HW being what I weigh now, or what I'm aiming to weigh in a few months. Just little reminders of how big I let myself get. I think when summer comes and I'm more active, that should help me to feel more "normal".

Here's a funny for you...

I'm 286 lbs. I'm HUGE. I am. HOWEVER I am 92 lbs less than I USED to be and guess what? I feel normal. I don't feel like the biggest person in the room anymore (even though I am). I don't feel side show circus huge anymore. So with every single MORE lb I lose I feel MORE normal. I can't imagine how I am going to feel at goal. I simply can't.

I'm with cfmama. My official weight right now is 262 but I recently bought a newer, better scale which bumped my weight up **19** pounds heavier than the old, cheap scale. I was kind of bummed ~ well, more than kind of. But at the same time I started going to the gym six days a week. The scale has been dropping a little bit every day but I still have 9-10 lbs to go to get back down to 262 on the new scale. Maybe I've hit the 100# mark, maybe I haven't. I'll never know.

BUT!! I feel TINY for the weight I am. I tried on an old pair of size 18 jeans tonight. They didn't fit but they came pretty dam close!!!! I might be able to wear them next month! Y'all, the last time I could fit into those jeans I weighed about 225 lbs. I am 40-50 lbs more than that right now. I am so much smaller than I used to be ~ it's insane.

In 2003 when I weighed in the 180s I felt like a cow. A heifer. Moo. My measurements were around 43 1/2 - 35 - 45. Duh, that's not a cow. My current measurements, with the scale hovering around 270, are 48 1/2 - 38 - 50. That's not that different but I weight 90 lbs more. I don't know why, but I'm not looking a gift horse in the mouth.

So, at this rate, I won't feel "thin" at 199 lbs but I may possibly feel "normal" and I also may possibly be an average size...here's hoping, anyway. And like cfmama I may still be the largest person in the room, but I don't feel like a circus elephant anymore. And I certainly did wearing a size 32.

I started to feel more normal when I realized that other people no longer see me as a fat person. However, I still feel fat sometimes, especially when I realize that I don't look the way I always imagined I would at this weight. Even though I'm so close to my original goal, I have plenty of extra weight on me. I'm by no means "thin" yet, or at least I don't feel that way.

Will I ever? I have no idea.

That's exactly how I feel at times! A lot of people my height have HWs that are lower than my goal!

Honestly, now I can look at pictures of myself from four or five years ago when I weighed about 100 pounds less (but was still obese by BMI standards) and think that I didn't look half bad..sort of hot, even!

The funny thing for me is that I honestly feel more attractive now at 290lbs than I did when I was 13 and 150lbs; the only thing that's really motivating me to lose weight is a recent (minor) health scare.

I really think feeling "normal" will happen for me not with a weight or a pants size, but once I hit certain "milestones." Being able to walk to the top of the hill I live on without being nauseated and winded, buckling a plane seat belt without sucking in my gut and trying five times, and being able to sit in any desk I want to without my damn thighs getting in the way! If that happens at the 190lbs I'm aiming for, great! If it doesn't, down the goal weight will go!

I just don't want my body to stand in my way anymore, but at the same time, I'm not built to be a "small girl." As long as I'm healthy, I would rather be "abnormal" and keep a little pudge around to fill me out than be "normal" and personally not like the way I look.

I was going somewhere with this, but I started to ramble so I'll just sum up by saying that I think "normalcy" is not quite so normal and really does vary from person to person. So even if my goal weight is someone else's starting weight, I guess I'm okay with that as long as I'm preserving my health and my body is getting me through the day without a fight!

I'm kinda in the same spot now. I'm still bigger than all my friends, but I feel okay. Not content, still on my way to healthy, but I no longer feel freakish.

I'm really enjoying all of your responses :)

Totally. I think it may just be the way our bodies are now. I know I have a lot of excess skin from losing weight and getting so heavy caused the fat to deposit in odd places, so my body physically looks different. Mentally I feel like I won't be able to accept my body. I think I look like I am 10x bigger then before I lost weight. It's annoying. Some days I feel good, others I don't. My clothes are getting smaller, but my image isn't shrinking with the numbers.

I also noticed you're hoping to get to 188 by June 20th! I want to be at 180 by July 16th for my birthday...but am giving myself technically until August. I'm not sure how my losses will be once I get under the 200s so I don't want to be disappointed. But I am hoping to be between 140-150 by the end of 2009!

It's funny that you posted this topic. Just today, I was talking to my husband about how I feel "like a normal person" now. When I was 200+ pounds, I had this belief that everyone was staring at me because I was so fat. Like I was constantly in a spotlight. I don't feel that way anymore. I realize that I still have a way to go before I am at goal, but I feel SO much better now, and not self conscious (well, not usually). I think that before, part of me felt like I didn't have the right to exist in the space of other people. That feeling is gone, for the most part. I mean, I still feel less than perfect about my body sometimes, but that crushing despair is alleviated.

I actually contemplated shopping for a bathing suit the other day. Now, THAT is progress. :D

Peace, Heather

Kelly

I'm the same height as you and my starting point was around the same mark. In answer to your question I now consider that I look 'normal'. Anyone meeting me for the first time I think would get the impression that I'm neither fat nor thin. I think I reached this point when I could fit into a 'medium' top comfortably at around 180.

You will see from my stats that my goal is higher than some people's highest weight but I'm comfortable with that. I'm very small on top and have obvious collarbones and shoulders. My 36" bras are on the tightest and I definately don't want to be less than a 34" (still a DD cup though). So although I may go a little less than my original goal I don't think I want to be much smaller and certainly not lower than what would be considered 'normal' BMI.

Kitty

I'm the same, I was 197 and now 124, and even though I have a little over 10 pounds I'd like to lose, my body still, especially because of extra skin, is very lumpy and bulge-y.... I can never wear tight clothes, and, I don't think I will ever be able to since surgery is not an option. I still feel huge also.

I think I'll be no longer fat when I'l fit in my dear green skirt, that I could fit when I was 150's...and around that too, when I'll be able to fit into the related clothes. :) Cannot wait for that day.

Oh my gosh, this is exactly how I feel. Last time I lost weight and hovered around 200 and a size 16 I felt hot :o. Now I feel saggy...not skinny. I think it has something to do with "the question" I'm constantly asked. "How much MORE do you plan on losing??" When people ask that question so much, it makes me feel like they think I have to keep losing to be "normal". I'm better off staying home and not talking to anyone! ;)