[Itstime]

I realize today that my weight bothers me most because I worry about what other people think. People that knew me when I was fit/ skinny and will think, "wow, what happened to her - she got fat!" or new people that I meet thinking of me a certain way based on weight. As a former skinny person, I can definitely see/feel the difference in how slender women treat me now versus before.

Anyway, not sure if I have a point, but it's light-bulb moment I just had and it dawns on me that it's part of my problem. It shouldn't be so much about other people and what they're thinking, but rather about me and what I want and need to do for myself.

Anyone else been there? Anyone overcome it?

BTW, I've avoided seeing old friends for a few years now because of the worry of what they would think. It's insane, but I go into a panic just thinking of it.

[kaplods]

Personally, I think I learned to take better care of myself, after I was finally able to shake free the fear of what others thought. It's been a decades long progress, but I love who I am (even with all of my flaws). I'm not working on my health and weight loss for anyone else but myself this time, and it's not only less stressful, it's actually even fun - because I don't do anything that hurts me in order to be what other people want of me.

I am a great person, and I was just as nice at 394 lbs (probably nicer, as I'm finally learning to be selfish sometimes). The people who don't understand that aren't worth my concern. I can't be everything to everybody - heck I can't be everything to myself, but I can decide not to "sweat the small stuff."

[ringmaster]

I worry about what other people think alot. When I go out to eat I'm a bit embarrassed to order the lighter meals or ask for dressings on the side and such because I'm worried people and waitress/waiter will think the fat girl is trying to go on a diet! I guess I'm worried about failing.

I was only really thin once in my life and I do agree people do treat you differently...which can be bad or good. Some will treat you good but sometimes women get jealous and can be catty!

There are BBW who are truly comfortable in their own skin and get treated the same, if not better than the thinner girls, and get just as much attention, so maybe people just pick up when you aren't confident or comfortable with yourself also.

[joyra]

I used to worry a lot about others' opinions and I probably still do to extent--sometimes I'll get this brain flash like, whoa, I'm the fattest person here, I wonder if anyone else noticed that? But mostly those thoughts have dissipated.

Which is why when I hear people terrified about what other people think, I just want to shake them and say SNAP OUT OF IT. My boyfriend is really insecure. He doesn't like to do anything that could make him look foolish (which is funny, I'm a total fool). He's always saying "People with think blah blah about me. People will judge me." And I say--so what? And how do you know?

These are people's THOUGHTS. They 99% of the time are not verbalized. If you were thin, maybe 1000 people a day could think something negative about you "She's too skinny. I don't like her hair. She looks snotty. She looks like a goody two-shoes. I don't like her outfit." No matter what you look like, there's probably some person thinking something negative about you, some person thinking something positive about you and I think the vast majority just aren't thinking anything about you.

I used to have terrible self-esteem and that made me feel like everyone was looking at me, judging me, etc. It's called egocentrism and it's equivalent to thinking you are constantly on a stage and all eyes are on you. It's false!

I'm not exactly sure how I got over it--I just kept reminding myself: This is stupid! Someone else's thoughts can't do anything to me. And since mind reading is generally impossible, you don't know exactly what other people are thinking unless they say something. You're just assuming. And a person with bad self esteem will always assume the worst.

You believe everyone judges you negatively. It's equally possible that everyone looks at you and thinks "Wow, she's pretty!"

This is getting long but--people will treat you the way you think you deserve to be treated. Treat yourself like crap and so will everyone else. If you don't like yourself, why should others like you?