hey all;

this is my first post. im looking for some support of perhaps a variety that maybe isnt looked for very often. i dont know. i have spent some time googling and decided this may very well be place to ask. so here i am.

im a m/30 married with 2 kids. my wife isnt all that happy with her body and is going to try and fix it again. i have seen this before, and in the end i wish for her to succede. i understnad that she will most likeyly not succeed by herself. i have seen this cycle come and go in the past. and i want nothing more than to see her happy.

its hurtfull for me to see her beat herself up, feel the pains of failure, and worst of all loath her self. i suppose the above has all described pretty well why im here. i need to figure out how to support her in he best possible way. she came home last night with a new plan.. a diet. a renewed viggor on her excercise plan. and she was generally excited. as we sat down and discused it. it became apparnt that if i didnt contribute this would just be another fling with fantasy.

the plan.

she has wittnesed and been in awe the success of her step sister and is now joining forces with her mother to do the same plan. i dont know the exact details but it invloves watching what she eats very carefully. she asked if i would cook dinner for the family ( myself and the boys). to take away the temptation of eating what she cooks i imagine. and to also get the grocerys and stuff for us 3. and she would fend for herself. so right off the bat im asking myself, how can i do this w/o hurting her. my wife likes to eat. she like to reward herself. she likes to have that little snack. if its gonna become my responsibility to make sure we have food i suppose it only makes sense to make sure we dont have things that are gonna be bad for her. well im by no means a genius or claim to have allot of knowledge on dieting but i have seen all to many times that too much of just about anything can be bad for just about anybody.

she left her paper on the counter this mornign while she went to the gym. and i dont really see any major diffrences on what she can and cant eat. it sounds failry basic to me. take it real reeealll easy on the bread. dont eat red meat. chicken and turkey seem to offered often. dairy is pretty much out unless its cottage cheese. stay away from salt and sugar.

well crap lol..

what else is there to eat.

i guess my point is i dont know where to begin or how to start. this will be the first time i have taken an "active role" in my wifes diet plans. and ill be damned if its gonna get "messed up" on my acct. i am a do'er i am solution finder. i seldom fail at things ( allthough i often make "plan" fatal mistakes. )

is there anyone out there that has been where i am. that understnads what kind of crazzy i am talking. im just looking for help.

im not the average guy.. the one that shakes his at his wife while the game is on and says yeah honey whatever you want to do. i want nothing more than to support her untill she is happy. that is after all my main job in marriage. making my wife happy. isnt it.........

dinkus

First of all, you've come to a good place here--hopefully you'll get some advice that will help you, and don't worry if you get any detractors.

Since her plan isn't very clear but it does say to stay away from bread, I would suggest adding good salads into the mix and having fruit and veggies around to munch on.

Sometimes an apple isn't appealing, but sliced on a plate with a bit of peanut butter it suddenly becomes a nice treat. Veggies on a plate with some tasty dip (put the dip in a little bowl) can also be nice, especially if she likes to snack. If the "new" food is appealing, the "old" food can lose it's attraction.

Switch to healthier breads if bread is going to be in the house, and look for snacks that maybe she can have in moderation. Keep the foods that she is trying to avoid put away in one spot, so your kids have access but they are out of her sight, that will make it easier for her. When you make dinner, maybe you can have part of the meal something she can have, with added things for you and your kids. She is going to have to learn to live with other food around, but that might help and keep her involved with her kids.

Healthier snacks for the kids won't hurt them either!!

Most of all, though, try to stay positive even though this isn't the first time and there may be setbacks. You are trying to help her, and this is a good thing!!

Let her talk about what she wants to do even if you've heard it all before. Hopefully this time she will succeed, and she will so appreciate your support. I

Sometimes people really don't know what to eat and it can be a huge hurdle to weight loss. Does your wifes weight loss plan have a name? This site has a ton of specific forums dedicated to various plans.

I'd start looking in 2 places for ideas on what to eat:
the Whole Foods forum
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=209

And the Food talk forum which has a recipe section as well:
http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/forumdisplay.php?f=17

Well... first of all, I'd say don't put yourself in charge of your wife's weight loss. If she wants you to cook dinner, OK, you can probably do that, and put together healthy dinners following the guidelines. But other than that, I would really encourage you to butt out of her weight loss. I don't mean to sound harsh, but I can think of no more loaded situation for two partners to be in...

If you think her weight loss is your responsibility, then you might start watching her too closely, and this isn't good. You might start questioning what she's eating. You might start asking her what she does at the gym and for how long. You might want to know what her weight is, and you might judge whether she's losing fast enough.

In other words, there is a danger you could become the Diet Police. Not a good thing. Think of how you might feel if someone was on your case...

So, I'd say ease up. Have a talk with her. If I were in your position, I'd sit down with her and say, "I'm willing to help, and I'm willing to cook dinner and do shopping. But you are the one who has to lose, and although I do want to help, the main responsibility is yours." You may find that she already knows that, in which case you're just telling her that you understand it, too.

Good luck to you both!
Jay

I guess I didn't finish my post---I meant to say this is good that you are asking for help, and great that you are supportive of her!

i think i missed a point..

im not cooking for her. only myself and the boys.. sevral years ago i had verry very verry bad incident that ended very embarising for both of us.

i have never intentialy or unintentially been the diet police..

i would not ever put either of us in that position. it was a very bad situation. i have no intention of that.

the deal my wife and i have come to is that i will be cooking and shopping for myself and the boys.

she will be taking care of her self.

im looking for help and support on how to best be helpfull and supportive.

its gonna be a tricky battle.

i am sure her diet has a name.. and it does call out specific foods for her to have. i just didnt pay that much attn to the details.

thanks for all the replys so far.

dinkus

I think the best way to be supportive is to listen to her needs. Also, it wouldn't hurt to cook yourself and your boys healthier meals. Although we all have our own demons, temptations at home can be very hard for those that are trying to eat healthy. So even if you aren't cooking for her, trying to cook healthier meals and keep healthier snacks in the house will be helpful. Getting rid of any junk food and replacing it with healthier options would be useful too.

Number 1 complaint of 3FCers about their spouses or other family members is: "They know I'm trying to lose weight, but they just keep on bringing my favorite junk food into the house!"

So I'd say start there. Eliminate all of the junk food your wife may be tempted to eat from your living environment, and commit to not eating it yourself. Don't eat junk in front of her, especially not her favorite kind of junk.

Number 2 complaint of 3FCers about loved ones: "They know I'm trying to lose weight, but they keep offering me fast food!"

Do not suggest fast food or restaurant food to your wife. Do not offer to take her out. Don't eat fast food in front of her. If you're going to take yourself and your kids out for a food treat while she's around, tell your wife: "Honey, we're going out. I'd normally ask if you'd like to come with us, but I'm not asking since I want to be supportive of your efforts."

I'd start with those two behavioral changes.

First off, you're a great guy for being so supportive!

If she's fending for herself, then you can still help her eating in little ways:

- If you cook unhealthy stuff for the kids, keep the ingredients high up, out of sight.
- Use a kitchen fan when you cook, so that the house isn't permeating with yummy smells.
- Don't offer treats. You might think you're being nice, but the woman will fill the dual bite of having to refuse food, staying on her diet, and having to seem snippy to her husband.
- If you DO want to offer a treat, run it by her first. Ask "Hey, honey, I'd love to make you something, would you be able to eat a baked apple with no added sugar?" It shows you care but are supportive of her choices.
- If you want to cook healthier yourself, look for good swaps. Butternut Squash fries are DELICIOUS, and only 70 calories per serving!
- Don't gobble down junk in front of her. At least not now. If she truly changes her lifestyle, she could very well lose a taste for junk. But for now, cravings will suck.

- Just be there. A shoulder to cry on, a chest to mumble frustrations into, a voice to remind her that she can do it.

thank you all. these are things im looking for.

i will be taking all the things you all have said into my evreyday life.

i want this to work just as much as she does.


dinkus

also its called meta-slim.

im gonna go see what i can find out about it now..

Yes - make the environment as clean as possible. I wouldnt even have a treats cabinet if you can avoid it...the kids can do without most of everything junky although they will need more carbs than her plan probably outlines.

If you do feel the need to keep some junk around "for the kids" not only should it be in a separate cabinet, but it should also be the variety she is least tempted by. You could stick frosting covered stuff on my plate and I wouldnt eat it (blechh) but stick a dorito under lock and key and hide it in the bottom of the garbage pail and I'll find it.

If you and the kids want a treat, go out to the store, get a single serving, eat it and come home. A little more expensive per serving, but all of you will eat fewer servings and thats good for everyone.

I would also...well try to learn about her diet, not to be diet police, but to see if you can incorporate things into your meals so you can eat as a family. One of the most critical things to LONG TERM weight loss is that it becomes life, not "a diet". While some people are able to eat totally separate from the family permanently, more success can be found if at least some overlap is found. This is a long term solution. For this week just shop and cook food you are used to cooking for you and the kids.

But if you can see a style of chicken she can eat, then try to incorporate that into next weeks meal plan once. Then maybe just the side dishes are separate. The next week try to learn one more main dish, etc.

Many of the people on here have found success with making meat and veggies for everyone and then adding extra starchy dishes for the rest of the family.

Hey dinkus, sorry I misunderstood your post. I think it can work for her to make separate meals--I had to do that in my house to lose weight.

The other people gave you good suggestions. Like ennay said, it would be nice if there are sometimes foods you could all eat together, but give it time.

I hope she has success, too. And if she has difficulty, remember she is trying something really hard to do. And you really will be helping!

Jay

For me, when I wanted to lose weight I told the family I was only going to cook nutritious meals from now on- they were welcome to eat it or fend for themselves.

At first it was just me and my sister- eating edamame and miso soup for dinner, or something else very healthy- my hubby was cooking TV dinners for a week- now he just eats what I make- and he's found out he is enjoying them more than before.

My advice would be to have you and your wife look through recipes together (cooking light is an awesome magazine to get btw) I also check out myrecipes.com- obviously don't cook recipes from southern living lol- but check out their cooking light recipes and get ideas for good things.

I pick 7 recipes a week, go grocery shopping for all that I need- then make one thing each night for dinner. So far we have all lost weight and sleep better as well

Teaching your kids good eating habits will benefit them in the long run as well

Dinkus - HOORAY!! Part of my complaints when I started on here were that my DH wasn't supportive. He was constantly barking at me for not wanting fried chicken. He was down right rude and we came very close to separating. He was that way until we went some place and a couple of people noticed my weight loss. He stopped complaining about my taking time to work out in the back room. He stopped complaining when I didn't want to stop a workout to taste whatever he was cooking.

Good for you.

I think you may be able to find out about her eating plan on here somewhere. Seems like every diet in the world is on here.

Maybe she can join sometime.