:lol: at your BIL

My life went on hold as well and you're right. You can't determine when someone else is going to be ready to do that. And do they want to hear that anyway? Everyone has to find out for themselves.

Adding in that "most of the tiime" part isn't a bad idea. In fact, I think I will incoporate that into my one line phrase. It still sums it up nice and neatly and lets people know that I do allow myself the occasional treat. Or perhaps I will just say, I eat really, really well 95% of the time - and exercise often. If I add in the 95% part or the most of the time, then maybe people won't think I'm SUCH a freak. Maybe then they'll only think I'm a partial freak. ;)

That is the very reason I want to eat healthy and lose weight. I want to enjoy my life. Can't say I'm enjoying it now when I'm obese and in pain all the time.

I love this thread. It's all so true. And my answer is much the same as everyone elses. A lot of times I'll throw in something like "I stopped eating so much junk food." or "I started lifting weights and it made a real difference." But most of the time people really really don't want the details.

OTOH, I think I'd enjoy the challenge of creating a menu for my BIL or someone else. But I love to cook and I love to experiment with food. I think it would be fun to see if I could put together a healthy menu with reasonable calories and macros for someone else - and make it about food that they enjoyed and were capable of cooking. It would be a challenge, I think.

I wouldn't want to do it for them forever, but as a way to get them started and see what was possible ... I think it would be fun. :)

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I think what people are really wanting (desperately) to know is how to transition from wanting to doing. How do you translate desire into action?

Of course, there really is no answer but that you do it, by doing it (Yoda's "do or do not, there is no try")

I do think that because so few people succeed, there's a lot of people who believe that there's some secret hidden path, but the fact there are thousands of paths, but to get to your destination you've got to actually be moving in the direction you want to go, not just looking at the paths and finding reasons why you can't take this one or that one.

I think that most of my life, I did look at weight loss as being set apart from other goals in my life, but I'm seeing that it really isn't. There are a lot of things in life that are difficult, goals that are easy to postpone and find reasons not to pursue. There are a lot of things people want to be, actors, athletes, musicians, doctors, writers, braver, thinner, more active, more organized ... but you don't get to become any of those things just by wanting them, you've got to keep the goal in front of you, always and move in the direction that will get you there.

A lot of people get sidetracked on all sorts of paths in life, and weight loss isn't any different. I think that helped me realize that weight loss is possible - because it isn't any different than of all the other things in life I wanted, and DID accomplish or obtain. Oh, it's definitely one of the more difficult things, as I think getting my graduate degree was a cake walk compared to weight loss, but I've never been afraid of doing difficult things. But in the past, weight loss didn't just seem difficult, it seemed impossible and torturous and frightening and intimidating - and success and failure (whether I achieved it, or saw someone else achieving it) always seemed magical rather than tied directly to what I was doing (mostly because I had unrealistic expectations as to how weight loss worked. I expected to see results on the scale immediately and more consistently than is physically possible).

This could be a good job opportunity for someone who has done it for themselves.

Maybe one way to respond, when asked how you did it, is to not only say "eat better, move more", but also say "jump into the shallow end first, not the deep end".

Maybe some of those who are wanting to but afraid, might be convinced if they didn't feel they had to take the high dive into the deep end when they barely know how to swim.

I like your words too though...get on the path...it doesn't matter how fast you travel, as long as you are moving in the direction you want to go. The longer you are on the path, the easier it gets (meaning you get lighter and stronger from weight loss and strength training, so it's an easier hike than when you started).

People who are afraid to even get out and walk every day. If they started with 100' the first day, and then added 100' every day, would be surprised how quickly they are able to walk three miles.

Ya know, I think that deep, deep down *most*, certainly not all, people really know *how* to lose weight. They know they should eat lots more of the healthy stuff and lots less of the UNhealthy stuff and do some sort of physical activity.

So perhaps when they're asking, and they probably don't even realize it, they want to know not *how* we've lost it, but *how* we found the strength, determination and perservance to do so. That would really be a more appropriate question.

Sometimes the simplest things are also the most complex, and it's hard to accept that. Take the Golden Rule: Treat others the way you want to be treated. Sounds pretty good, a straight-forward concept. But it is so hard to live by.

Basically, "take care of yourself" sums it up. Eating healthy, getting exercise, dealing with emotions and situations rather than using food to disguise or divert, etc. A simple concept. Sometimes, very hard to live by.

I do think people know, but it's so hard to admit that you're in charge of your choices and the consequences of them that it's easier to forget that you know and you can choose and to say that you "can't." Just because the choice is clear, it doesn't mean it's easy.

I agree and disagree with this in a way.

I think most people know the concept, that's true.

But how many people have we seen come on here to 3FC and be totally clueless about WHAT is healthy and unhealthy. Someone on here tells a story about a friend of hers who had a dinner consisting of a huge salad with creamy dressing, shrimp scampi, and strawberry cake for dessert (or something like that) and then pushed back from the table and said "That was pretty healthy - I had salad, seafood, and fruit for dessert!"

What about the people who come on this board and post their daily menu asking for help and they're eating things like this: Breakfast - a waffle with lo calorie syrup. Lunch - small hamburger from McDonalds (but no Coke or fries - yay!). Snack - granola bar. Dinner - Frozen Lean Cuisine pizza. And they really truly think they're doing a good job with this and are beyond upset when they're told that this is not a healthy plan. :)

What about the people who come on the board and say "I'm cutting out ALL FAT from my diet. I'm never ever going to eat any fat again." and get all bent when some people try to explain that you NEED some fat and that healthy fat is good for you.

These are the people who, when you say "eat healthy and exercise" will say to you "Yeah, that doesn't work for me. I must have some kind of chemical imbalance (or it's in my genes to be fat, or whatever)."

Not trying to slam on any one on the board - because we've all been there in one form or another at one point or another. But ... and this is one of my big soapbox issues, really ... Americans in general are woefully, disgustingly uneducated about nutrition and food. We have no idea what a real portion size is because we're beaten over the head with the concept that "value" is what's important, so we should always upsize for $0.39. We have no idea what is REALLY healthy because 80% of the food in the grocery store is pushed on us as enhanced in some way - whether it's by adding nutrients or removing fats or whatever. Who wants a plain old apple when we can get EXTRA SMOOTH APPLE SAUCE NOW ENRICHED WITH CALCIUM!!! We are inundated every day with the idea that doing a "colon cleanse" or drinking lemon water with cayenne pepper or just buying this "As seen on TV" miracle device will solve all our health and weight problems.

And there is NO real, actual, honest to God, nutritional education anywhere to refute those concepts. "Health" class in high school or jr. high is a joke. I read a fairly reliable statistic from a college entrance survey that said over 65% of students entering college didn't know how to cook a meal - ANY MEAL, much less a healthy meal.

I dunno ... as I said, this is a real soapbox issue for me. I think most Americans DON'T know how to be healthy. And that's a huge problem when trying to lose weight. Because they concept is there: eat healthy. It's the implementation of it that most people are clueless about.

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I used to think people, including me "know" how to lose weight, but now I'm not so sure. I'm thinking a lot of folks (I know I sure did) have very unrealistic expectations regarding what healthy habits are and how to maintain them.

I mean some of the myths and superstitions I had about weight loss were pretty ridiculous, given my education. I mean I knew better, but my brain still "went there," for example thinking that to lose any "real" weight I had to eat large salads every day (which irritated my IBS so badly, I'd be doubled over with abdominal cramps). On one level, I knew that I needed to reduce calories, not eat a specific food to lose weight, but most of my dieting experiences and what I saw most other folks do - dieting MEANT eating salads. So if I couldn't eat salads, how would I lose weight?

Of course, it's utter nonsense, but people are full of paradoxical beliefs. Even the most intelligent person can be superstitious, even as they believe the superstition to be false.

My family, for example has a superstition that washing clothes on New Years day means that you'll wash someone out of your life. I almost stopped my husband from doing a needed load of laundry because of that superstition - and I still feel a little "weird" that I chose not to. Like I'm taking a real risk of something bad happening.

I have tons of rules in my head about what fat people do and don't do, and for a long time I lived by the rules, even as I knew they were ridiculous, breaking them seemed unfathomable. For example, the most part, I never exerted myself in public if I could help it, with the exception of swimming, one of the biggest fat person taboos. I loved swimming so much that I was willing to ignore the taboo against it, but for many years, it didn't just feel like a death march to the water, wondering whether everyone was staring and either laughing or wanting to vomit, there was an added element of forbiddenness. I was breaking a rule so sacred, it was almost law. Sometimes I felt ashamed and embarassed, and sometimes I felt defiant and rebellious - almost exhilerationgly daring. Why was it never just a nonevent? Even now, where I barely think about it - I do still think about it. I still have to muster some courage (though a lot less than in the past) to do it. It's absolutely CRAZY and yet I do it.

I have so many "fat women should never....." thoughts racing in my head that it's amazing I do anything. And "dieting means...." rules that I have to consciously talk myself out of.

I think a lot of folks do let taboos (societal and of their own making), myths, superstitions, and stereotypes regarding being overweight and weight loss get in the way of action. They may have the appropriate factual knowledge, but their emotions and fears and all of the taboos and such contradict the knowledge.

It's like the feeling of having "blown" your diet after deviating even slightly from your food plan. Even though you know consciously that one slip does not make or break a weight loss plan, it often still feels like you've blown it, and that it's "useless". Those thoughts and feelings are sometimes hard to reverse even with the best self pep talk.

How do you remove, or at least manage the crazy non-true beliefs that stand in the way of progress?

I've started to (I think), but I'm not sure HOW I did it. I think it has something to do with choosing to be almost psychotic about it. Treating and talking to myself as if I were not alone inside my head. Choosing to acknowledge the dichotomy between "sane Colleen" and "crazy Colleen." Sane Colleen is getting stronger, but crazy Colleen is definitely still in here. I have to treat myself almost like a stranger or better yet, my best friend. Because the advice and compassion that I would give someone else is usually pretty on target, but crazy Colleen doesn't always want to hear it.

This thread is probably one of the most brilliant threads I've read in all my years at 3FC. I keep nodding and nodding and nodding!

Success begets success, but sometimes I gotta white-knuckle through the first few painful steps of different things. Translating knowledge into action is the hard part. In fact, the actual doing is not always as hard as revving up to the doing, if that makes sense?

I agree with PhotoChick that the average American doesn't have a great background in nutrition. I could rattle off the FDA's guidelines but I sure as heck DON'T follow them in my own life. I filled out the RealAge survey very honestly and snorted at their recommendation. They recommend 6-11 daily servings of bread, grains, and pasta. I tried to imagine eating 11 servings of pasta in a day and started laughing. I know Real Age goes by the government guidelines, but those guidelines wouldn't work for me---I am a person who is reduced obese, who has cravings triggered by white flour and sugar, and who would be so stuffed with that much pasta in a day, where would I fit my veggies? Don't tell me that 11 servings of a white flour based product will improve my health, dear goverment guidelines! BTW the RealAge report told me I exercise too much too. If I sought out and followed the government guidelines, er, I would gain weight.

There is so much that a person has to over come to lose weight successfully. Both of my parents are morbidly obese. I learned to abuse food as a coping mechanism and I guess I always thought that I would have a genetic tendency to be obese. I didn't really believe that weight loss was possible, not even when I started the first time. I white-knuckled it, stepped out in total faith, and was completely dumbfounded and shell-shocked that it WORKED! My body was not doomed to obesity. I could control it.

I will be forever indebted to 3FC---the goal section showed me it was possible, the support threads showed me HOW, the weight-lifting and running threads introduced me to my inner athlete (who, me??? athletic??), and the maintainers are showing me everyday how to keep it off. This place is a goldmine for those who are ready to change. And that doesn't mean change will be immediate. Heck, look at my join date. It took me 3 years before I figured out a way to make it work for my life, and I will continue to tweak and play and change (hello, HIIT & protein shakes!).

Yes, yes I agree with you guys. When I said that *most*, certainly not all know how to do the weight loss thing, I should have said *some*, in fact I was thinking about changing it or adding to my post, but lo and behold I had to go and make dinner for my "real" family ;). And it was a big success by the way. I made a pureed vegetable soup, a roasted turkey breast with carrots and roasted broccoli all spiced up and yummy. But I digress.

I do find that *some* people who ask really do know how to. In fact I'm SURE of it. Then you've got a whole other group of people who really don't know the "right" way (and we all know there are MANY right ways) to do it.

There are many who say they are trying to lose weight, yet still eat at McDonald's, well I'm thinking that *most*, umm, make that *some* know that that's really not the best choice at all. They are aware of it - yet do it anyway.

And while I agree that many Americans, ya know what, maybe even most, don't know how to eat healthy, I truly believe there are more then a few that do - but don't eat healthy anyway. Knowing and doing are two totally different things. Don't I know it?

I knew all along (over 20 years) that what I was doing was wrong, not exactly sure if I knew 100% exactly what to do RIGHT, but I sure knew tons of things that I was doing totally wrong. And I did nothing to rectify it. Or certainly not enough.

I think it would be great fun for someone who was really going to do it. But not so much for someone who wants the results, but in the end, won't deny himself what he wants ;) I just happen to think he is all talk and sporadic effort. If he were to prove me wrong, I'd be more than happy to invest whatever time he needed from me. He's family and I'd do anything for family :). Except waste my time ;)

Oh gosh, that is the most fascinating thing to me. I mean, I never lacked for knowing what to do and why. Sure, I keep learning. But I have always had what I *needed.* But why did I wake up one day, and bam, no more doubt? It was done before I even started. I just knew this was the time.