Hey guys. I just wanted to talk to you all about mental health with dieting. I have always struggled with this side more then anything, i think it often gets ignored, or it should naturally develope, but i guess mine hits speed bumps every now and then.
This week i hit my 70lbs loss mark, which im obviously pleased with, but has anyone ever felt that the pressure of society over shadow what you have achieved, or make you feel you should continue on to a size where you are accepted, but you would have been happier a few sizes back.
I suppose what i am getting at, is how do you gain confidence back, after being very big, loosing alot of weight, and feeling that actually the skin you in is healthy, better looking i guess, and better for everything in your life. How do you ignore the bad or negative comments of the world, the press, the media who will always try and be-little anyone over a size uk 10, us 6?
Its odd now i have lost weight, i feel more vunerable the ever, i also feel a huge sorrow when people i am with mock people bigger then me (like i used to be). It really tugs at some strings. At the end of the day im still that fat girl, im still the one who is bigger, im just a lighter version of her.
I guess i need to grow a thicker skin>? I need to realise alot of beauty comes from within, and you can be any size and still be happy. How do i reach this goal?
For some people, fat is just that...fat. For many of us, fat is part of a larger picture, food has become anesthesia, numbing us to lots of sad/anxious/angry feelings. When you couple that with the negative feedback we get, it creates a terrific environment for self-hating.
We can physically address the overeating and exercise issues. The underlying emotions, and the self-hatred are harder. For me, I started this weight loss journey actually two years ago...with therapy which I am continuing. I finally decided that the only way I could successfully lose the weight was to address other things. It seems to be working, although it has certainly taken a lot of time (not to mention some money.)
I'm kind of at the same place right now. I haven't ever been considered thin or skinny or whathaveyou, I've been obese since the 1st grade. Now, I look like a "different person," at least that's what everyone says. But just because you look different, it doesn't mean that your mind's caught up yet. I'm definitely still the scared little fat kid inside, regardless what anyone may say. As for people mocking others in front of me, I won't stand for it. I know how much those comments can hurt and how pointless they are, so I speak up. I think that by staying silent, I'm kind of agreeing with what they're saying. And someone that's never been like that has no clue what it feels like to hear things like that and be treated that way-there's no excuse for treating anyone in that fashion.
I don't know if you neccesarily need to grow a thicker skin, just decide what's right and what's not right by your standards. And if someone says something that bothers you, let them know. Beauty does come from within, at least in my opinion it does. I've met so many people who only care about me because of how I look now and, quite frankly, it's annoying. If you're going to go around judging people based on how they look and not give them a chance because of it, then you're going to miss out on some of the most wonderful people you could ever meet. That's what I think at least.
thats some great advice guys, thanks. Its definetly hard to know where your new limits should lie, physically mentally, ect. At the end of the day you havent changed as a person expcept more physically and potentially mentally strong. unfortunetly, i know people are incredibly superficial, as a student, as a theatre student, especially, but everywhere, so how u dress, look, act all creates an impression, i guess we have to decide what impression we want to leave? its a shame though....people cant see through the wall to the person behind :-s
As for the comments about other people who are the size that you used to be - for me it is a lot easier to defend someone else than to defend myself. Maybe you can get them to understand how shallow their comments are by making comments like "It's the mind that matters most, not the body" or pointing out that we don't know how or why they got that way - maybe it's a medical condition, or maybe they were raised overweight, which made it all the more difficult to get the weight off, or maybe they are actually comfortable that size - and what right does anyone have to tell anyone else what to do with their bodies?
I'm not sure what mental toughness is. I do understand the notion of having a thick skin and I'm not sure I like it.
I feel that we become the sum total of everything that has ever happened to us or within our sight or hearing. We don't want to stop learning, growing, developing. Not one of us will disagree that we must live in this world.
To me, having a thick skin would mean deflecting all input. Wouldn't it be better learn to assimilate the good with the bad?
Like griff says ... you know what's right for you. I don't think you've developed a life plan that precludes change and growth. But you know what you want. If that's not engraved in stone, it can change for the better.
In the last couple of weeks, I've been told three things wrt weight and my appearance ...
-you're tiny
-you were too thin last year (20 lbs lighter than now)
-you're a husky girl
They all knocked me for a loop for a short time. One of them is right. The other two are not. Not just as a statement of fact, because a huge amount of their motivation was perception, but because of how they effect MY plan.
Are they still bothering me? no.
Do I still think about them? yes.
They are woven into the fabric of who I am now. One as a bold stripe. Two as shaded thread
All you can do is present the best you that you are right now ... stripes, threads and knots ... people will believe what they wish. Good ones will go the extra step and learn more. Just as you do.
As a theatre student, you have chosen to put yourself out there and therefore are more open to critical opinion (which will be voiced). Calmly ... calmly ... make sure you heard it right ... consider it ... assimilate it. You can't erase the fact that it happened but you can utilize the upshot for growth.
I sure hope I don't feel any pressure to be thinner than I want to be, but I'm also human, so who knows what I'll feel when I get there. But don't think I'll give in. I just don't want my life to be about calorie counting forever.
Becoming mentally strong?
