My BIL's surprise b-day party is coming up(just found out yesterday) and I am going to see a ton of people I haven't seen in years. Well, years ago I was 50 lbs lighter and am dreading facing all of them. I am continuing my weight loss journey, but I want to make it faster in the next week(I know that will never happen). I am ashamed of the way I look but I have had to deal with it without people judging me and this party will be very uncomfortable. HELP and HUGS needed.
I know EXACTLY how you feel!!! I also gained 50 lbs. and whenever I had to go to a social gathering with people who hadn't seen me, I was so incredibly embarassed. One day, I decided: enough. I didn't commit a crime. I didn't hurt anyone. I'm not contageous for goodness sake! So, what do you I have to be ashamed of? If someone doesn't like it, then tough. If anyone makes a comment, I will let it roll off my back. I have even had people tell me that I could stand to lose some weight at a party in my parents house! It was a lady I had never met before. Hey, at least I can lose weight, whereas she would probably never have a sweet disposition. Sorry to make this about me! Anyway, just focus on your goals and having a good time. It doesn't matter what size we are, our value as people does not change and so it's important to not be hard on ourselves. Treating yourself poorly with negative thoughts or self talk makes it more likely that you will revert to self-sabbotaging behaviors. So, be good to yourself and have fun! Sorry to be redundent here! HUGS to you!
Oh, don't worry about the party. Get something really great to wear, put on your make-up and look stunning. You don't have to be thin to look great. Anyway as Faerie said the focus won't be on you. Anyway, you wont' be the only one who's changed. You may see friends and family who've gained weight, lost hair, gone gray, have more wrinkles. You'll still be glad to see them regardless of how they've changed.
I know just how you feel - I had an old boyfriend come to town with his family and I REALLY wanted to see them but I wouldn't go due to my weight gain. I regret it now. Not to be cliche but life is too short, you need to think about this:
Even if they do notice the gain - people are insecure and are probably more focused on themselves and what they think people think of them, than they are to think too long about you. Sounds harsh, but you know it's true.
Also, are they perfect? There might be one or two there that youthink are, but ask them - I bet they don't think so. We all have things we want to improve about ourselves.
Lastly - who cares?! Easier said than done, I know, but really, if they are judging you on your size do you really need them? Not so much.
Hang in there - these things are tough and I think many of us have been there - you go to that party and have a fabulous time!!!
Every one is right. You aren't the only one who has changed. We all get old and "things" happen. And even the ones that look great? They have problems.
Not too long ago I ran into an old boyfriend I hadn't seen in 40 years. You always remember then the way you last saw them. He was bald, fat, wrinkled. The only thing the same was the voice. Age happens to us all.
You are working hard to lose weight. Be proud of that
I can understand feeling self-conscious. Someone made a great point that the focus will be on the guest of honor. As much as it may bother you, remind yourself that it's not all about YOU. Not to sound harsh, since I don't know you, lol, I just know that for me, I would always think way too much about what others were thinking, when meanwhile, I wasn't the most important person in the room, nor were they all spending that much time thinking about me. Get yourself a new outfit and go have a great time!
I completely understand - my family is like that too, AND we live at the beach, AND all our family activities include wearing a bathing suit, AND all my cousins wives are thin, fit, & gorgeous. It's been a painful thing and I missed many a good time because I stayed home - but I always felt sad and left out. One day I just decided that I still felt bad when I stayed home and I MIGHT feel bad if I went, but if I went I would have some fun at least, so I started going. You know what? I'm glad I did because I always have a ball, and I regret the get togethers I missed. I also see that even though they are thin and pretty - they are faaaar from perfect. We all have our flaws (mine just hangs over the tops of my legs-haha!)
Thanks everyone for the advice and good thoughts. Can u come to the party with me or maybe I'll put you on my shoulder-LOL! Gotta go and look for my outfit.
You know - I bet alot of those people you used to know have also put on weight, or at least they will understand we all put some weight on at some point in our lives. Just go to that party and enjoy yourself!
hugs
I know how you feel. All you can do is be yourself. And right now, you are yourself, just with 50lbs gained. You know that you are working on it, so find a cute dress to wear, stay on program and feel good about yourself.
I am 50lbs heavier than I was in college and 60lbs more than when I graduated from high school. And that was one of the main reasons why I didn't even consider going to my high school reunion a couple years ago. I'm tired of missing out on things in my life because of weight...so I'm going to do my best to get the weight off and feel better. But until then, I can only be who I am right now.
Have a party and am dreading it!!
