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Old 03-29-2002, 07:32 AM   #1  
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Default I'm out of my shell!!

Hello to all! I have been registered on the website for a long time now, and I guess I should give you a little background. Long story short, I started focusing on my weightloss last March, and I weighed 241. This morning I am at 198 (I have worked HARD to break out of the 2's-yeah for me!). So, all is going well, I got a treadmill for Christmas and I use it DAILY, I am focusing on eating healthy, and I am trying to put time into MYSELF each day. I am taking extra time to apply makeup each morning, fix my hair, paint my nails, toss out any clothes that "make me feel fat!". My problem is this. I am totally out of my comfortzone! I went out a few weeks ago (I was out of town on business) with a few co-workers to a bar. I totally was not prepared for what happened to me. I was approached by men, one of whom I work with. He was actually interested in my, telling me how beautiful I was, etc. At first I thought he was full of it, how could he be saying those things to ME. But I made myself look him in the eye. I realize that is also something I am not used to. FOr so many years, when I walk down the street, I automatically look down. No need for eye contact. That takes me out of my comfortzone. Well, let me tell you, there is so much OUT THERE!!!!!!! Now, the other part of this story is that I am happily married with two wonderful children. My husband has stuck by me for almost 14 years. He has loved me for WHO I am, not what I look like. HE has lived the worst of "for better or worst" for many years. I was 100 pounds overweight, moody, depressed, very low self esteem, etc. He never left my side, ever.

I am not really sure what I am trying to say. I think I am rambling now. My main issue is this. I am trying to continue focusing on me, my health and my weightloss. But, I am also trying to learn how to flirt. How strange does that sound? I have NEVER been unfaithful to my husband, ever. But I also think he felt that I was "safe". That is not an insult to him, but I think he may have taken comfort in the fact that he did not have to worry about me and other men.

I am having a hard time with all of this. THe biggest part is how I work with this man (the one mentioned above) and how he has let it be known that he is still interested in me. I like the attention. I like the idea of being able to do this.

Please toss out any advice. I don't want to freak out while I am dealing with these new situations. I want to continue to lose weight (I am still overweight-but is is amazing that sexy is partly a state of mind!). I refuse to get nervous and start eating again, to get back into my shell. I want to have a new shell!!!!!!!!!
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Old 03-30-2002, 01:38 AM   #2  
Dancing those pounds away
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Join Date: Jul 2000
Location: State of Confussion, USA
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Tammy... I can sort of relate to what you are saying. I lost 80lbs years ago and I feared the "inner" playgirl would come out and want to play. LOL
I also had a husband at home.
I will tell you what they tell alcoholics.....
NO relationships for ONE YEAR.
You are going to be going thru so many feelings. If you want to flirt... then flirt with your husband. If you want to have an affair... then treat your husband as you would a lover. Ask yourself.. "if I am going to have an affair... what would I do?" Then do it to your husband.
Buy the sexy clothes, take him to a hotel. Whatever you would do with "them"... do with him.

There is a story about a little boy who was told to hammer 50 holes into a fence.
When he was done... he was told to fix it.
He said.."I can't fix that."
His dad said that is how life is too. Once you put holes in someone's life... you can't fix it.
Saying I am sorry won't fix it.
Wishing you could undo it won't fix it.
It is damaged for LIFE.
Remember that before you do anything that would hurt anyone.

Tammy.. you are going to be feeling so many new feelings.
You can feel them without acting on them.
Confide in here or to a friend.
Write out your feelings, then share those feelings with someone who is not affected by those feelings, then burn that paper so the smoke can carry them away without hurting anyone.
When you have been at your goal weight for one year... then you will know what to do. Best wishes to you.
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Old 03-31-2002, 09:32 AM   #3  
a work in progress...
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Location: NJ
Posts: 2,307


I just have to comment...is this man someone you have ALWAYS worked with, even when you were heavier? I think that, while on the one hand, it feels WONDERFUL to be noticed and admired and flirted with...it would really PISS ME OFF to know that this is all based on APPEARANCE? Aren't you the same person as before, just thinner? Isn't that somewhat SHALLOW on his part?

Listen to 2cute...she is a wise woman...

Follow your conscience.

Best of luck to you!
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Old 03-31-2002, 12:21 PM   #4  
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I've been crazily happily married for 16 years and I have 2 rules for a healthy relationship. #1 Daily maintainence! It's easy to get into a rut when you live with the same person year in and year out. Gotta keep it fresh!
#2 and this is the one that shocks people: Know that at some point you're going to be attracted to someone else!!! I say there's billions of absolutely luscious people in the world and it's inevitable that someone's going to catch your eye--and if you're aware of this it won't take you by surprise and you can happily go home to the man that loves you. Remember it doesn't matter where you get your appetite as long as you eat at home!

I know how it is to start feeling frisky and confident after losing weight. [And good for you--sounds like you've put your heart into it!] Nothing wrong with that and enjoy it, just don't get carried away. The extra attention can be a very seductive thing.

Let us know how you're doing!
Old 04-01-2002, 09:15 PM   #5  
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Join Date: Aug 1999
Location: Florida
Posts: 16


Thank you, thank you, thank you. I must say that you guys gave me the best advice ever! I beat myself up over this over and over. Now I feel so much better. You all made me think long and hard about this situation. I will carry a piece of what each of you said with me each day.

I still have a long way to go, I am LONG from being where I would like to be, but I am so much better off than I was this time last year.

If anyone else has any words of wisdom, keep them coming!
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Old 04-02-2002, 07:56 AM   #6  
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Location: Pittsfield Mass
Posts: 216


Ok here is a little bit of info about a stranger but it might help you realize that its not good to mess up a good thing when you have it....like your husband who has stood by your side thru thick and thin!!!

4yrs ago, I gained some self-esteem thru the computer that I didnt have.....strange men that I didnt know were telling me how beautiful I was and that they would treat me like a queen ... yada yada yada....and after hearing the STORIES I began to believe them.....thinking that because I felt better about myself and that someone other than my husband actually found me to be attractive was the biggest HIGH and RUSH ever.....and I found myself pushing my husband further and further away.....I soon after left him and moved in with some friends and had the wild lifestyle of flirting partying etc and had a blast....but then I came down off my high when I realized.....these strange men were telling me what I wanted to hear so that they could get what they wanted.....and I realized I had made a MAJOR MAJOR mistake in leaving my husband/partner of 8yrs......thankfully my husband had never lost his feelings for me and he loved me the same.....and we reconciled and have been back together now for 3yrs ...... and I now know....that its the ones who have stuck with you thru the good and bad that are the ones who truly love you and will love you no matter what you look like, or who you are.....so keep that in mind....and hopefully it might shed some light on your situation.....take care and best of luck.....!!!
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