I've been started properly on my weight loss attempt just for three weeks. My approach is very closely tied to a lifelong change in diet as my father died recently of what we thought was a heart attack but turned out to be heart disease which runs very strongly in his family. It's cholesterol related, so I've been focusing on reducing meat, eggs and animal fats, and increasing fish, pulses and peas; I've also significantly increased the amount of fruit I eat, and have always liked vegetables. I really enjoy cooking, and cook pretty much every meal from scratch so I know exactly what's going in to it, which also means that I can balance things to get the right combination of healthy and tasty for me and can minimise fats and calories a great deal. From the reading I've done I am fairly confident that my diet is pretty well balanced, I find it tasty and enjoyable and I'm not often genuinely hungry, I don't crave the old way I used to eat except for one specific meal that I shall have for my birthday I think it's pretty low calorie, but I didn't think that mattered very much as this is how I intend to eat regardless of my weight, and as I said, it seems nutritous and I only get hungry when I should be.

Sorry for the extensive back story.

I just feel - really down. Fat and crappy and like a failure. Understandably, I lost a lot of weight in my first two weeks, a lot of which I think would have been salt/water retention, as I always overseasoned meat and have now limited meat to twice a week instead of twice a day. I was worried that I was setting my calories too low, so tried to introduce components to meals that were a bit higher calorie but still healthy. I've never been a snacker so I can't imagine building my diet around lots of mini meals or meals and snacks rather than three proper meals and an apple at eleven.

The first fortnight was brilliant, I lost nearly a stone, then I got my TOM. I knew from reading here that I should expect real disruption to my weight loss, but I don't know my pattern of weight loss well enough to know what's happening. I weigh myself daily (and I know why I shouldn't, but I still will) and every time I see nothing happening I just feel even worse - I'm fat and ugly and it doesn't matter what I do, I always will be. I've had it since monday so its effects must be wearing off by now, but they don't seem to be, the 'TOM pounds' haven't magically vanished despite how hard I've tried. I was diagnosed with PCOS years ago but I don't actually believe I have it, the only sympton that matches is erratic periods and infertility. I've also had a few bouts of depression though I withdrew from treatment a few months back and won't go back unless it gets dramatically worse. I know there's a depression subforum here but I don't want to post there as reading other posts have been a trigger for self harm for me so I'm going to avoid it for now.

I don't know why I'm posting, I just feel crap and that I'm not getting anywhere and that I'm destined to be what I am instead of what I want to be. It just seems like a waste of time. Sorry, I just feel rubbish.

TOM does crazy things. And it's different for everyone. It's only Friday... you might need to wait until Monday before the "effects" of TOM wear off. Or even a few days after that.

You've made amazing progress. One week does not take away from that. We all have "down" moments. About how we look and feel.

The depression is a separate issue. I would urge you to continue talking to someone about it.

Hi Tabitha, we're about the same weight and the same height and I don't snack very often either-three meals mostly. I'm sorry you feel fat and ugly, which I'm sure is just not true. Sure you're overweight but certainly not ugly. Why I've only come across one person in my life who I would consider ugly and when I got to know her she was beautiful. Not many people fall into that category. We usually put ourselves there on our own. You know three weeks is such a short time and I'm sure you'll look back and realize that eventually. I found I could not weigh every day because I needed to get instant affirmation that I was losing weight. I find it much better weighing only once a week because there is usually a small difference every week. I put my scales in a cupboard so I couldn't see them and I only take them out on Saturday mornings. I step on, read the weight, step off, and put the scales away. I'm much happier with once a week. There are other non-scale victories that you can celebrate as well as the weight starts to come off. Your clothing will fit better and eventually get too big. You'll start to see differences in your face and body. So it isn't a waste of time. Even if you don't seem to be losing your health will be so much better- your arteries will thank you.

Have courage, my beautiful friend, and keep working towards your goal. You can really do this.

Faerie and retiredone, thank you both so much for your wonderfully kind posts, you've both made me cry but in a good way I really appreciate your kindness and support. I will wait until after the weekend before I expect the TOM effects to be gone, and I will try to reconsider weighing myself daily.

Thank you both so much for your kind words, they're so appreciated.

Welcome and good luck. You have made a really good start.

Hi tabitha,

You most definitely are NOT fat and ugly. You may be a wee bit on the chubby side (well aren't we all, except for those are are already at goal weight) but that is only TEMPORARY. So I don't want you to say anything about being ugly again, because we don't endorse such stuff at 3FC!!! (just trying to scare you a bit, otherwise, you can definitely vent at any time).

You have started on the right foot - with the increased veggies and fruit and cooking everything from scratch (I, too, like the fact that I know exactly what is in my lunches and dinners).
If you can, stay away from the scale around TOM. I weigh myself only twice a month (on the 15th and on the 30th) and my TOM comes at the end of the month, and if it is not over by the 30th, I wait a day or two. I figured I don't need the additional frustration related to water retention etc.

Oh and I have to tell you that I consider "rubbish" such a cute word. I learned it when I was in the UK for three months decades ago (English is my second language).

Welcome to 3FC!

First of all, I promise you this will pass. The first week I was trying to lose weight I saw a ten pound reduction on the scale, and I was really excited about it. But then at the end of the week, it all seemed to come back. In fact, weight loss doesn't always go that quickly- it just seems like it for whatever bizarre reason. But when I decided to ignore the fluctuations and kept at it, I found that I actually did lose a ton of weight pretty quickly. Just keep in mind that scales aren't always accurate descriptions of where you are with weight loss, and keep trying! Maybe it would help to set little goals for what you'd like to see in the mirror (for instance, for me, losing my slight double chin), and when eventually you see the difference it's better proof than a scale can ever be. In any case, good luck! It sounds to me like you're doing really well, and underneath the fluctuations I'm sure there's a sizable loss.

As far as exercising goes, I've found that although it's not intuitive to exercise when your entire torso aches, vigorous exercise actually really, really helps with cramps when heat and pain medication do nothing.

It's actually a pretty nice motivator, because for once exercise makes you LESS uncomfortable!

Thank you all so much for your kindness and your encouragement, you've really helped me get through this bleak patch and made me feel so supported and not alone or useless. You've been amazing - I honestly think that without your support I would almost certainly have given up by today and be thinking about sausages for breakfast instead of wheetabix My husband is also brilliantly encouraging, but as he's always been slim pretty much regardless of what he eats he doesn't really *know* what it's like (especially not about TOM I guess!) - taking the time to share your experiences with me has been so valuable, and I'm really touched by all your kind words.

I did end up having an off-plan lunch yesterday as I was helping my husband and his parents clear his gran's house (she's gone into a nursing home and it's been sold to help pay for her care and because she just wouldn't be able to live alone again, she's 94 and frail though healthy). Although she's well, it was an emotional day for my husband as he'd spent so much time there as a child, and for my father-in-law as he'd grown up there, so there was no way I was going to make a fuss when we went out for lunch and there weren't any healthy choices. Instead of thinking, 'well, it's all gone wrong now I've had this meal' I remembered what I read here about how one unhealthy meal didn't get me this size so one unhealthy meal isn't a ruined diet and figured that since I'd done more walking, bending, stretching and lifting in that day than the previous month, it wasn't a big deal. So when we got home in the evening I had a light meal and lots of salad instead of something unhealthy, and now here I am looking forward to my wheetabix And I did get on the scales this morning, though in a much more enlightened frame of mind, and there's actually another pound gone!

Trying to think back to my previous diet attempts, I think TOM may well have scuppered me in the past. It's so disheartening that the jeans I was shrinking out of suddenly fitted again despite all my efforts and despite the scales not changing, it felt like my body was just saying, 'you're fat and that ain't changing, so don't kid yourself'. Sharing your experiences has really helped me understand what's going on, and I'll be ready for it next time and hopefully a good few pounds lighter

Thank you all again, this site and its members are fantastic.

tabitha xxx

PS - sorry, I seem to be terribly verbose, I just wanted to say thank you