Okay I'm whining, so forgive me. My husband and I have a "Biggest Loser" contest going on between the two of us. I set a personal goal of reaching 206 lbs by Dec. 1st. That means that as of yesterday, I have 18.3 lbs left to lose. I really want to make my goal. I have been doing okay since we started (9/11)...I've lost 2.8 lbs. I could have lost more but I screwed up while I had company here a couple of weeks ago and then again this past weekend. I'm really afraid I won't make my goal. I am sick of setting goals and not reaching them and having to readjust my goal (although I did make my last mini-goal). It's discouraging. Then, I made the mistake of finding out how much he has lost and he's lost 9 lbs. The only thing about that is our contest is based on % of weight lost. I am not going to find out how much he has lost from now on, it's discouraging and makes me want to give up. I guess I'm not really looking for advice because I know what I have to do, I need to stop overeating and eating bad foods (I do this about twice a week). I need a hug.

Gosh, trooworld!

You're right--you do know what to do. I've seen lots of your posts, and so I know that you go off plan every few days. Somehow, you have to find a way not to do that.

Good luck! I'm hoping you can succeed!

Jay

First off realize that you are doing something healthy for you....loosing weight. Second remember that most men tend to lose weight much faster than women....so don't get discouraged. I think some friendly competition is healthy, however, if its got you so stressed out that you may "go off the deep end" don't do it. Setting goals are great and important. But even more important that that is setting realistic goals. And realizing that its not the end of the world if you didn't reach the goal you set. So now you have 2 m to loose just under 20 lbs. It can be doable but realize it might be hard. It would take a 2 lb/wk loss. Which for some is possible however we all have off weeks/days etc. You need to be deligent with you food and monitoring what you eat. However, on that note...do not get so consumed with the numbers that you take to "drastic" eating measurements. Make sure that this competition is healthy for you and is not going to stress you out. You've done a great job so far. Just stay focused, eat well, exercise and if you didn't reach goal....it really isn't the end of the world. After all, its just a number. In the grand scheme of life who care if you loose 20 lb by dec 1 or april 1. As long as you keep trying, you will eventually succeed. good luck and hang in there...just stay focused and stop going off plan

Hugs to you (I don't know the little symbol thingies).

Try not to be discouraged. You've taken on awfully big challenges, and I'm sure you want to "win" them both, but don't set yourself up to feel like a loser (the bad kind).

1% of your total body weight is supposed to be the maximum weight loss doctors recommend to prevent things like gallbladder problems, mitrovalve prolapse and other heart problems, nutritional and electrolyte imbalances...
So that would put you barely at your goal by Dec 1. So, I wouldn't say your goal isn't doable, but you're asking an awful lot of yourself.


It's often much easier for men to lose weight faster than women (even percentage wise) because of their greater muscle mass (men tend to retain more muscle even as they gain fat, and muscle burns more calories). "Lose by dates," are also tricky, because for a lot of people (certainly for me) any week that we "get behind," puts more pressure on as you we try to "catch up," and it gets tempting to do things we wouldn't ordinarly do (dumb things, like trying some days to go super low or no calories), and worst of all when the date comes if we haven't made it to our goal (even if we're only off my a little bit), instead of being happy and proud, we're at least a little disappointed that we didn't make the goal (and to make it worse, we probably secretly hoped we'd actually do better than the goal we set).


If this sounds even a teensy bit like you,you might consider modifying your goals in the future. Something you have direct control over, like minutes of exercise, or calories consumed... because you only have direct control of your exact weight (especially with deadlines involved) with a chainsaw (very messy, very painful, I don't recommend it).

Good luck, and try to celebrate your successes, even when they seem small to you. If you lose 1/4 lb a week, you're still far above the national average of people trying to lose weight.

lmao off at kaplods...chainsaw huh???? i haven't resorted to that one yet. I think i'll pass on it...it will just ruin the carpets

Thanks, Jay. I think maybe I should just be antisocial! Seriously, I need to stick with my food plan. Every week, I carefully plan my food for the week, allowing one bad meal (but actually, this ends up being two because we have it for dinner and then lunch the next day). So, I guess what I need to do is make only 2 servings of the bad meal (which isn't horrible usually, but was this past weekend) so that we only have it for dinner. And I really need to stay away from chips and dip...that's my weakness. I usually don't have that in the house, but we had company this past weekend and my husband suggested I get some and I thought that was a great idea (at least the in me thought it was!). See, when I "talk" to you guys, I come up with good ideas! Thanks for your support, I appreciate it.

That is a good point. I thought that it would be fair if we did a % competition, but maybe that's still not fair. I think it will be okay to do this contest as long as I don't find out how much he's lost. If I can live in lala land and think he's only lost at the same rate as me, I will feel better. He didn't volunteer his weight loss, but I pulled it out of him. Now I am sorry I did that. I'm glad to hear that you think 20 lbs is doable. I got off track with my exercise for a few weeks, and as of this morning, I am getting back on track. I definitely don't want to resort to drastic measures...I'm just not someone that can eat 1000 or less calories and be satisfied. I try to stay at 1700 or below, but the past couple of days, I've been at around 1800 (still okay for my weight, I think).

I didn't know that about the 1%...thanks. I feel a little better hearing that it might be doable. Perhaps instead of setting a deadline of Dec. 1st, I will just make it an open deadline...or extend it a little (even though I said that I didn't want to do that). LOL ---> chainsaw...you are too funny! :P

Thanks for everyone's support. I love 3FC and the people that come to support each other and those who post with problems, too...it all is a learning process and helps me.

Okay, I feel a little better: I changed my goal date to Christmas...that means I have to lose 1.49 lbs per week to make it. I think I can do that, as long as I don't go hog-wild on Thanksgiving. I will have to make a plan for that. Thanks guys.

You CAN and you WILL, no you ARE doing this! Your husband kicks @$$ for doing this with you, as much as it may be frustrating to have him seem to lose more effortlessly. He's a gem!

I really relate to so much you express. I wish you had more time to meet up for exercise or chatting. We both could really use the face to face support, I feel.

It seems to me that maybe the competition isn't the best thing for you. Perhaps you and your husband should develop a less competitive, more mutually supportive approach instead? A woman is almost always going to lose a competition against a man--they lose quicker.

I second not setting weight loss goals by specific dates; it can be very discouraging when you don't mean your goals. Why not try to set other kinds of goals: number of 'on plan' days, exercise hours, calorie-deficit rewards, etc etc.

Thanks, Soul. I am really glad to have his support. I don't know if I could do it without it. I think he's a gem too!

Well...a big reason that I am doing this competition is for him to lose weight. I wanted to give us both incentive to lose it, and it seems to be making him work a lot harder than he was before we had set up the competition. I am going to give it another week or so, and if I still feel all upset about it, I will cancel it. I may just be feeling crappy about it because I've been doing lousy. When I was doing good, I had a lot of enthusiasm about it. I still do, but it's just stressing me out a little right now...hopefully that is only temporary because I do like the competition. But you are right, it's not worth it if I am going to get all bummed out and want to quit.

Here's a big for you, trooworld. As kaplods said, men DO have a much easier time losing weight, because they ARE naturally more muscular. Women also naturally store more fat... even thin ones.

Your goal IS doable. If you get back on plan and stay there (oh, sure, you can have a cheat day here and there, just not a cheat week), you definitely CAN lose those 18.5 pounds by Christmas! I have a goal similar to yours. 18 pounds to go, Christmas deadline. Will I make it? I don't know... I'd LIKE to! I'm going to feel like and assume that I can do it, so I can at least give it an honest try. And... well... if I can do it, SO CAN YOU!

In regards to the competition, competing with a man is not the best idea. I think you should compete with a woman... who has less weight to lose than you do. Compete by pounds only. That way, you'll have lost a huge chunk while she's struggling to make the 5 pound park. heh heh heh.

I agree with kaplods about having a different type of goal... something that is completely under your control.

If this competition with your husband is stressing you out, maybe you and him can do something together? Like, say, if both of you reach a certain amount of exercise minutes (or calories eaten, or anything like that BESIDES weight) by the end of the month... you do something really fun and healthy together, but if one of you doesn't reach the goal then neither of you get to do it. That way you don't feel like you're against him, but WITH him. Then you both can encourage each other because you're working towards the same thing.

Just a thought.

Good luck!

Focus on behavior and not the scale. Set a goal to go X days without straying from plan. Make THAT the goal. You can control your behavior, you cant control the scale. Then keep adding other behavioral goals. Exercise minutes in a week. VEggie servings. Water consumption. whatever.

If you want to compete, compete in behavioral goals - it is more fair AND more motivating. How much easier will it be to turn down the junk food if you know THAT is conceding the competition TODAY vs some nebulous "will this affect my weight 2 months from now" (As long as you promise not to sabotage eachother - sabotaging would be an instant DQ!)

I feel your pain. Its not always easy to be 100% OP and I know I can easily be led astray

OK...this might sound kind of corny, but its an idea.

Instead of a weight loss competition, how about a "fitness challenge" to both of you? Take the lbs lost out of the equation and aim for X amount of weeks that you have pretty much stayed OP food wise and have gotten your exercise in? You could even do it in monthly mini-goals. Track your Days OP or minutes exercised etc. That would certainly even the playing field for you....AND as a bonus it really takes the pressure of a "deadline to lose X amount of lbs" off of you since we all know sometimes no matter how good we are, the scale doesn't always reflect this.

It is still early in October. Who knows....you have two months until the beginning of December. Challenge yourselves to make them healthy ones!

Just a thought....good luck!

My husband needs to lose weight too. We both have health issues that are either caused or made worse by our weights. He has had a hard time acknowledging that weight loss would improve his conditions not just mine, but our doctor said just the right thing to him last visit. He told him that weight loss might only help him stay where he is, but since most people with his conditions get worse and need more medication over time (diabetes and a degenerative joing condition), that just not getting worse would actually be great progress.

Still, he is trying to lose weight more for me than himself at this time, but I guess I'd rather have him with me on this journey (even if he is kicking and screaming all the way - well actually he is just being sullen and pouty occasionally so I'm learning to accept the good and ignore the bad).

We're trying to be better influences on each other, and it's starting to work (we're not going out to eat as often or bringing garbage into the house).

We joined TOPS together so we'd have a weekly incentive to lose weight (hubby hates to waste money even if it's only $3 a month, and I need the accountability of group weigh-ins). With each 10 lbs lost, our chapter gives members a choice between a charm or free dues for a month. Hubby was actually excited to not have to pay October dues, and I love my little cheese wedge charm. I added it to a charm bracelet I had that only had one charm on it (it's supposed to be a silver wolf sitting on a hematite ball, but next to the cheese wedge, I think it looks more like a rat - hubby says it's still appropriate since I've had pet rats before).

One thing I've done for myself, and am trying to get hubby on board with is make 20 lb weight loss charts (they sort of look like a bingo chart without numbers) with 1 lb loss in each box. When I lose the lb, I put in a sticker, and when I lose 5 lbs (one full row), I reward myself with a small gift, and when I fill the whole page (20 lbs) I get a bigger reward. If I backslide, I don't peel off stickers, I just wait until I catch up (this is why I put both the # of pounds lost, and my weight for each square (for example my very first square had a number 1 in one corner, and the weight 393 in it). I usually pencil in my reward in the margins at the end of the row, so I can look at it every time I put in a sticker, and remotivate myself. My next completed row is a book on amazon.com I have my eyes on. It's only a $4 prize, but it's so fun, because although I might spend more on myself outside of the game, I can't buy that particular item until I reach the goal (I can change rewards, but not in order to buy anything that was written in pencil).

I'm not trying to discourage you from your present plan, just reminding you there are tons of creative alternatives that can keep you and hubby motivated individually and together. If you have a very hard time staying on plan, it's going to be extra hard to make your goal because you may feel you have to be virtually perfect to get there. You may even consider rewarding yourself in some way based on how many days you've stayed on plan.

Whatever your results, don't let it get you discouraged.