I am very sorry you feel unwelcome. I would never want you to feel that way.

I am just 4 foot 11 inches tall. I was just at the docs today and she doesn't want me a lb under 110 and said i could go as high as 130. I have a small frame. I don't know about the old way of 100lbs for 5 foot. The chart in her office is older than the hills and says 4 foot 11, 110 to 130. My insurance company sent me information, that I asked for, it said 105 to 130 for 4 foot 11. I know at 120 I look great. Have a womans body with curves a chest and everything lol. Under 115 I start to look like a little girl with no curves at all and by 110 my chest starts to go. BUT THAT IS ME.

I have no idea what you weigh. Maybe what you need isn't so much weight loss but toning to get rid of the bulges and bumps. With your high active job you will have much more muscle weight than I have. You might weigh more than the charts say. I think those charts are for women that don't have high activity jobs like yours and don't take into account the amount of muscle someone like you must have. Good old fashioned exercise is the only thing that is going to tone the body.

I really have no idea what is good for YOU and I would never say I do. I do want you to be healthy and happy with how you look. Might be a good idea to go to your doctor and see what they say about how much is a good weight for you and your height. It is different for all of us.

.

Really?

This might be a good time to start another thread about support and it's many and varied interpretations. I'll go do that ....


http://www.3fatchicks.com/forum/show...32#post1874332

Sorry??!!!

I couldn't believe your post! Well, I can, your feelings are valid and real to you, but...I couldn't disagree more.

I too have posted extensively about my *issues*. I know I'm not fat, by a long chalk, and have some wildly unhealthy habits.

And yes, some people have gently told me that ;-) But mostly, they are just brilliantly down-to-earth supportive.

I've been a member/player on pro-ana sites, toxic toxic toxic.

I'm shocked and kinda gutted you feel like that!

Emily
xx

Im not being flippant, but I'd like to point out loads of people are now caring that you feel unhappy!!


The whole "5 ft should weight 100 lbs and then 5 pounds for every inch after" thing...I don't hold with personally, that means I should be about 135lbs, but find that too big, as an aside.

Emily
xx

Well, Marlu, I may be coming across like your Mama here, but there have been a LOT of posts - a LOT - of people expressing concern about your feelings as a result of your complaints, and there hasn't been a single peep out of you. It seems to reflect what somebody said about people offering you suggestions and support, and being ignored. I post with the old folks over fifty. Maybe we're just naturally more prone towards good manners?

I understand perfectly about body image and what you FEEL like as opposed to what others may see or think about you. I have been extremely thin at various periods of my life, and never felt that way until I saw pictures of myself in retrospect - like ten years later. So I'm not unsympathetic to you at all Marlu...but we do have to understand that someone who has 100 pounds to lose - or has LOST a hundred pounds or more - is not going to identify closely with those of us kvetching and complaining about a few pounds.

And yes, there have been times when I have posted and nobody seems to even notice. So what? They have their lives, too, don't they? And something someone else said in a post might have resonated more with them that day than whatever I said. That's life. It's not always all about us, you know?

I hope all of the positive responses and attempts to understand how you're feeling from all these people has helped you to feel a little better.

Now, I'm going to say to you what I would tell my own daughter...." Say Thank you, and move on..."



E!

marlu-
I was also one who responded to your previous threads with what I thought were constructive, helpful suggestions. At a little over 5'2" and 122 pounds, I can very much related to your size/body composition issues. You shot down every suggestion that I made. They've worked for me and others. Beyond that, I didn't have anything more to add. I'm sorry you don't feel like you are supported, but reading back through the threads, a lot of people responded and are responding to this one. Where are you? Support is a two way street. If you ask for help and suggestion then tell everyone why they are wrong, not too many people are going to wade in to be continually told they are wrong or unsupportive. I Hope you find what you need.

Mel

Ha! That's funny. Because I thought support for weight loss was fine as long as it was healthy. Heck, I'll be honest here since everyone else is being honest; I can HARDLY ever give support for anyone with 100 lbs to lose venting because the truth is, I have never ever KNOWN what it was like to be overweight by 100 lbs. 20 lbs yes, 100 lbs- no. So I wouldn't tell them "hey you know what, I know how you feel"- because I don't know how they feel. But when they tell me, "oh wow passing up chocolcate cake is hard", I'd say, you know, I know how THAT feels. They don't know how it feels to be you. That being said, don't feel terribly judged.

Sometimes it SEEMS that bigger people get more sympathy, but remember, its because they have a LOT more to lose, and a much LONGER journey (but that doesn't also equal = much harder, even though that may the the general consensus. I knew a woman 300 lbs and losing her extra 150 lbs was easier for her than it was for my 130 lbs neighbor losing 5 lbs)

There's a girl who works at the gym who thinks I shouldn't even be there. All the women in my gym orientation 5 months ago thought it was silly of me to even join because I was already small. 5 months later, 10 lbs later, I'm fit and better than ever at the height of my game. So what I'm small? Doesn't mean I can't be a bit healthier than I was before. Work out, eat enough and eat well for your health, and be happier and healthier than you were before. That is something EVERYONE should be entitled to, not just people with more weight to lose. Yes, I think everyone got upset hearing that you might restrict your calories severely, but I don't think everyone's against your goal.

I got shy and deleted my post -- maybe I shouldn't have!

It can be restored with magical mod power, if you'd like.

Wow! I feel welcome here at 3FC and I take in all of the advice I get here. Hmmm, this is interesting.

I can see how it can be overwhelming to join a group as large as 3FC. Some people have been on here for a very long time and know each other well and that might feel clicque-y, but on that same note there are new people joining all the time. It is a public forum and moderators can only do so much. I've found incredible support, lots of ideas, and all kinds of interesting stuff on here. I think it's a matter of you find what you are looking for.

Marlu, are you around? I don't think you've responded to any of this yet. I'd like to hear your thoughts.

Thanks, Meg, but I think I'll leave it. :bow: