By getting to the root of why you overeat in the first place! "Why Weight," written by Geneen Roth, is a non-diet book that contains exercises designed to help compulsive eaters learn how to stop using food as a substitute for handling difficult emotions or situations. You'll also learn how to enjoy eating and still lose weight naturally. This program offers reassuring guidelines on:
-- kicking the scale-watching habit forever
-- learning to say no
-- discovering other pleasures besides food
-- learning the difference between physical and emotional hunger
-- listening to and trusting your body's hunger and fullness signals
Each week at least one exercise will be posted; participants will be encouraged to share their answers, thoughts, etc. pertaining to the particular exercise. Snippets from Geneen's other books may be posted from time to time as well. She's a great writer and I encourage you to look into her books (and burn all your other "diet" books in the bathtub.
Exercise 21: Take time to remember and then list your most memorable binges. Each time you write one down, remember that bingeing is a way of telling yourself that something is wrong and that you need to pay attention to yourself. As you describe the binge, describe what was going on at the time.
1
2
3
4
When we feel emotionally deprived, we often try to appease that deprivation by eating. But if what we want is attention, intimacy, solitude, play-time, no amount of food will be enough. It’s important for us to examine the ways in which we feel deprived, so that we can ask for what we need and give ourselves what we need directly, in ways that will be enough.
However - attention make me uncomfortable...hmmmmm
And inner-peace, spirituality are for me to aquire myself. I am working on it but sometimes don't think I make much progress.
Re the first part of this exercise, my binges have been so numerous and so memorable that I couldn't begin to single any out and describe them.
Re the second part, my answers could be identical to LuckyLadyBug's, as I've often noticed I feel a need for more attention. I sometimes find myself quoting (to myself) that great line from *Death of a Salesman*: "Attention must be paid."
In fact, the need for attention is the reason I chose the career I chose and why I cling to it in desperation long after it has failed to serve me. All of this, of course, causes lots of angst and excess pounds as I try to fill the void with food.
But my emotional eating is not a single-source problem, so here's another way I might complete the sentences. Please note I am not shouting below; I just can't make the bold, italics or colors work to highlight answers:
As a child, I felt deprived of: SOMETHING, BUT I DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS, SO I JUST ATE A LOT OF FOOD TO FEEL BETTER.
As an adolescent, I felt deprived of: SOMETHING. STILL DIDN'T KNOW WHAT IT WAS I LACKED BUT AT LEAST KNEW THAT I DIDN'T KNOW. ATE TO FEEL BETTER.
As I got older, I felt deprived of: EVERYTHING. THIS INCLUDED MONEY, LOVE, PEACE, AND INTELLECTUAL STIMULATION, TO NAME BUT A FEW! I STARVED TO RESTORE BALANCE AND WHEN THAT DIDN'T WORK BINGED TO RESTORE BALANCE.
Now, I feel deprived of: EVERYTHING, BUT I KNOW IT'S AN ILLUSION. STILL TRYING TO RESTORE BALANCE VIA FOOD. WORKS SOMETIMES. BEHAVIOR MODIFICATION WORKS BETTER. EVERYTHING'S ABOUT FOOD AND BEHAVIOR NOW.
Crone I know I can correct myself but it continues to amaze me how so many things from when I was a baby, child, and young adult cause me so much trouble and I don't even know what happened or what it was !
I suppose that is why so many are in therapy?? Or do we expect too much of ourselves? No, I can never expect too much...but ....
Too early for this....So, do you know how to handle all the attention when you do get it?
Exercise 21: Take time to remember and then list your most memorable binges. Each time you write one down, remember that bingeing is a way of telling yourself that something is wrong and that you need to pay attention to yourself. As you describe the binge, describe what was going on at the time.
1. Ate an entire bag of cookies in the ladies’ restroom at college. I had been on Weight Watchers, had almost reached goal and looked fabulous. I still couldn’t get a date – a guy I liked would talk to me when no one else was around, but the minute his “jock buddies” (whom I tutored) showed up, he would clam up and pretend I didn’t exist. On this occasion, I had given blood and was feeling quite worn out. The guy had ignored me like I had plague even though I looked great. I thought there was something wrong wth ME, so I bought a bag of the cheapest vanilla crème filled cookies I could find and ate the WHOLE THING sitting in the stall of the ladies’ room.
2. Feeling alone and rejected, I ordered one of each entrée on the menu at Jack in the Box (this was the mid-70’s, and the menu was more limited). I wound up with 3 burgers, a fish sandwich, and fries. When I pulled up to the window, the guys in the place started snickering. That hit me in the self-esteem, so to “show them” I went home and ate the whole thing.
3. Our team’s bowling party about six years ago. I had lost a lot of weight, my adulterous husband had left me six months before, and once I started eating junk food at that party, I couldn’t stop. It was sugar and grease, basically. I ate until I was sick and disoriented.
4. Over the years, I’ve come to recognize that when I start eating whole bags of M&M’s it means I’m not getting enough affection from my love interest. I’ve done that for years and years, and have done the same thing every couple of weeks for the past few months. It’s not the fault of DH; I am sometimes so needy that no one could fill the void. He is sweet and affectionate in a very gentle way. I’m at a point now where I don’t need to do the M&Ms any more; with the help of this thread and the exercises, and a plain old long talk with myself, I’m understanding what drives me to overeat. It’s a nasty cycle of “please love me for who I am/get to know me/reject me/feel like a mistake/emotional pain/overeat/get numb/bury feelings,” or worse, believe the stupidity of the shame from childhood.
When we feel emotionally deprived, we often try to appease that deprivation by eating. But if what we want is attention, intimacy, solitude, play-time, no amount of food will be enough. It’s important for us to examine the ways in which we feel deprived, so that we can ask for what we need and give ourselves what we need directly, in ways that will be enough.
Complete the sentences:
As a child, I felt deprived of the right to own my body. I was supposed to hug or sit in the lap of anyone my parent’s thought I should. Without their knowledge, some of it was very inappropriate.
As an adolescent, I felt deprived of the right to grow into a young lady without being ogled by my dad and his show business buddies. I packed on the weight so they would stop making remarks that would’ve been flirting had I been older. It robbed me of my self-esteem and made me feel like a mistake – again.
As I got older, I felt deprived of tools to help me thrive and get over the stupid thinking and believing what anyone told me. A lack of discernment.
Now, I feel deprived of not much. Learning to be my own person in my own body, and getting rid of the “shame that binds me” to quote Bradshaw.
Sorry to write a book; thanks so much for being here!
Jan. 2 is the real start of things, so I'm on my way and hope everyone is doing well.
Waterbaby: Funny, I thought I was the only one who ate cookies in the restroom. Theory seemed to have been that if no one saw me eat them, the calories didn't count. Funny how the mind goes away when the urge to binge is strong.
LuckyLadyBug: I think the child within us stays active until we die. The thing to remember is, as you say, the adult that we are can guide the child. I keep hoping I'll find my inner adult soon, though.
I'm usually ok with attention that I get whenever I'm in print, which used to be every day and now is much less. I also crave attention from family and friends that I don't really get that much of, but when they do come around I push them away. So it's hopeless!
Well, I guess if it helps to lose weight I can wear high boots....
Waterbaby WOW I loved your post. We all need attention and love but I think the hardest part (for most) is to give that to ourselves. We always tend to want to get all our needs met by someone else. I suppose another thing I learned when I was too young to know better.
Since you seem to be the only ones participating in this thread at the moment I was toying with the idea of changing the name of the thread.
Why Weight the name of the book?
End Compulsive Eating ?
Emotional Eating ?
Crone you are good with words, what would be a good name for this thread? I would continue to post G. Roths weekly exercises but any information that would help us is welcome.
I would also like to post the new exercise on the weekend because I have more time then, if that's okay.
Please let me know!!!! Or I will be left to my own devices!!!!
LLB, I like the "Why Weight" idea, and it doesn't matter when you post the new lesson. I check every day anyway to see who posted and what's going on
I think everyone who is newly-inbound to the website is probably hooking up with threads that deal more with mechanical means of weight loss than emotional core issues.
I mean after all, this is the hardest work I've ever done!!! Worth it, but hoo-ee, it's a real gut-wrencher to answer some of these questions.
It's also wonderful to find that I'm not alone or unique
I so appreciate all the work that you've done. If we run out of exercises (I think you said there were 87 or something) I have a wonderful book by Louise Hart called "On the Wings of Self-Esteem" that's pretty good, too. It deals with a lot of different aspects of self-esteem, not just those connected with food.
Meanwhile, I'm absolutely happy with doing Geneen's exercises.
Crone -- in high school (eons ago!) we read "Winnie il le Pu" and it had a picture of old Pooh bear on the cover in Roman Legionnaire regalia. Wore my butt out, but made my Spanish classes seem like a breeze! I really like your wordsmithing, too!
I think it'd be fine to change the name and post on the weekend, but maybe not such a good idea to use the title of Roth's book? Just the author in me being careful, I guess. Also, if you wanted to branch out to exercises from other sources ...
But anything you want is ok, LLB. I also appreciate your putting the thread up. Maybe some name that connotes "getting to the bottom" of why we overeat or "going to the source" or "the emotions of eating" or ... anything.
I'm having trouble posting tonight, so will attempt to be brief, never an easy task for me. One thing I wonder though is if we've actually decided from Roth's book that emotions or even overeating are the cause of being overweight ... or is that just one part of the puzzle? I don't know.
BTW, I've been searching for Winnie in Latin. There's also a prof in England who is doing a Latin Harry Potter. Can't wait for that one.
Can't type on here right now. It keeps freezing. Does that sometimes. Later ...
The Non-Diet Approach 12/28/01
Exercise 21
Theory seemed to have been that if no one saw me eat them, the calories didn't count. Funny how the mind goes away when the urge to binge is strong.
