Feeling shaky and lonely
 

I'm afraid I'm having a bit of a pity party today....
I am overdue for my annual gyn appt so I called today thinking it would take me months to get in. They had a cancellation for tomorrow! It's not the exam that bothers me, this is the doctor that last time told me I needed to have gastric bypass. He has been somewhat dismissive of me in the past and I have felt it is my weight. After my hysterectomy, he made a comment to me about how unpleasant it was to operate through the layers of fat. I really didn't need to hear that laying in the bed on a morphine drip.

One of his staff had the bypass surgery and lost over 100 pounds so he has brought it up more than once. I guess I am nervous that my confidence will be shaken if he reacts negatively to the fact that I am still over 200 pounds. To be honest, my confidence is already shaky. I just want to get the appt over with. Sorry to be such a big baby. He is a good doctor technically. Just lacks some bedside manner. Even my regular doctor made a comment that my gyn is a good technician but not such a nice personality. (My regular doc has been real supportive of my calorie/fat gram counting.)

Thanks for letting me vent. I feel a little better. Honestly, I think all this emotion today is simply that I am feeling very lonely the past few days. Thanks for listening. Lisa

Hi! :hug:

I feel for you. :)

All I can say is, go to your appointment. If he says something positive about your weight loss, then good for you! If not (doctors see gads of patients each day, week, and month) and he did not pay attention to the weight this time and last time on your chart-and mentions the fat, or gastric bypass again-MENTION to him that you have lost 40 pounds-and by natural means-diet and exercise.

:)

I totally understand you! When I read you I felt it was me talking about my gyn, oh she´s horrible!
Anyway, I think your calorie/fat gram plan is the correct way to go. I know there´s people who can´t do a diet or have medical problems but other people take the bypass option because it´s the easier way. On the other hand you are taking the longer and more difficult path, but you are changing your mentality and I think that´s the important part. Many people who have bypass surgery after some years gain all the weight again, and that´s bcause they never really understood how to eat healthy.

I really think you are on the right track.

Sorry my english is not very good.. but i´m not a native speaker

Dear Lisa, aka LookingforHope,

My name is Hope and here I am! Seriously, you doctor sounds like a pest! Just because they are good doctors, doesn't mean they can be dismissive and hurtful, for goodness sake!

You have done some major work according to your tickers and you should be proud! I hope that I can keep up the good fight like you!

My advice - do the appointment, do your best to ignore his BS ;), and then find a new doctor. My last GYN totally ignored my menopausal symptoms (hot flashes, irregular periods, very bad cramps). He said, well you don't have cancer so just be grateful. My new GYN did some more tests and found out that I have cysts and fibroids that should be removed. And she is interested in me, not dismissive.

YOU ARE GREAT! :hug: Your doctor is a yuckface. :devil: Head high beautiful woman!

I would definitely keep the appt. and if he is at all negative about your wt. I'd be prompt in letting him know that you have lost 46lbs. through eating right and exercise and that you intend to continue with what is working for you. He should be praising you for your tremedous effort. It's not a race and learning to eat right is what is important for your future and your health. Congratulations on your wt. loss, you are doing terrific.

I agree with everyone here. Go to your appoint and hold your head high knowing that you are doing what is best for you and you have made great progress whether he realizes it or not. And if possible, I would suggest searching for a new GYN. There are plenty out there with probably as much experience (or more) and better patient interaction.

Best Wishes! :hug:

Maybe i am missing some of the story of this post, but i am sitting here wondering why on earth you are even seeing this doctor? If he has offended you in the past. Why not just get another doctor? I didnt like the bedside manner of the doc that delivered my son, so i got another doc. A female that i just love. So why not just get a doctor that respects you?

I notice that you are in Indiana. Near Indy? I am a childbirth educator and doula, so I know or know most of the practitioners in the area. If you would like some recommendations, you can PM me.

Doctors should have to take classes on bedside manner. My mom was in the hospital for a month, and had 3 surgeries...some of the doctors are just jerks! It made me so mad! That was my MOTHER laying there...show some respect! I suppose they were "technically" good doctors, because she ended up living...but it still made me mad. I had to make life and death decisions for my mom, because she couldn't do it, and I think I deserved a little understanding and sympathy.

I say go to your appt this time, because it's always good to have everything checked out...but why not consider changing docs?

This guy is a JERK. You have done an amazing job, and there is no reason on earth that you should allow the thought of this man to steal your joy! Sometimes, just the anticipation of what some dumba@@ will say will make their remarks cut that much deeper. Be proud of yourself - I know that your friends and loved ones must be!

Have a GREAT day!
Toki

Keep your appt. Tell him straight-up how proud you are of the healthy steps you have taken to love your body, then after the appt- find a new gyno ASAP!!!! A DR. is there to care for you and help you, and in no way is he doing either of these things by speaking negatively about your body image instead of positively about what you are doing and how important the healthy steps you are taking are!!!!!! A GOOD DR. will encourage you, not belittle you! You are worth this!

I am also from Indiana-and I have given birth in Northern Indiana and Central Indiana. I know a lot of the doctors as well-feel free to pm me as well. I might know your doctor, or I might know a good one near you, too. :)

ITA. Your dr. is a yuckface! :rofl: I love that!


You've done wonderfully. ITA with the others. Find someone else. You deserve better treatment than that. Is your dr. a skinny dude who has a pleat in the back of his pants because his belt cinches the 2 back belt loops together? If so, not only is he too cheap to buy clothes that fit, he probably enjoys having his pants look that way and wants to flaunt is skinny @#$.

I don't like your dr. I've never met the man, but because of the emotional reaction you are having with an upcoming appointment tells me that his bedside manner sucks.

He's a yuckface!

I agree with everyone else - this doctor sounds like a jerk. Big hugs for you while you deal with him!

When you go in, would you be comfortable with starting your appt by talking to him about this? I would say something like "I respect that you, as one of my doctors, care for my health and have concerns about my weight. I need you to understand that I am making changes in my lifestyle, but that these changes take time. I have lost 40lbs to date, and I prefer to focus on that success. Thanks."

If you stay with this doctor, having that conversation with him - respectfully but firmly - could make a difference.

You should be so proud of the weight you have lost, and the progress you are making. Don't let some jerkface doctor belittle that.

Hard to believe story but every word is true.
 

I have read and re-read all your responses. I'm so grateful for the warmth and advice. I am keeping the appt, and I will start off the appt telling him all I have done to make permanent changes in my eating and exercise. I know I have a long way to go, but I think 46 pounds is nothing to sneeze at. I will let you know how he reacts.
I did change doctors a few years ago. I tried one of the female gyns in town and did not like her. She was very rough physically, had no finesse whatsoever. Her nurse even asked me after the exam if the doctor had hurt me! I thought then that was not a good sign--it must happen often. Never saw the woman again. And she refused to send my test results to my doctor. He asked repeatedly but got nothing.
I had my son when we lived in Atlanta in 1987. This is no joke-I couldn't make this up if I tried. My ob showed up drunk to the office. He must have been a hard core alcoholic because none of us could tell for a long while. He misread my sonogram and pronounced my unborn son hydrocephalic. I was rushed to a nearby hospital (Crawford Long Hospital, for those near AT) for another test where the diagnosis was found to be wrong. Eventually, the a@@ was sued into oblivion and run out of town.
So I don't have a happy track record with gyns anyway. Maybe that's why I put up with my current doctor. But I'm not feeling like putting up with any bs tomorrow. And I don't think I will. Lisa