Right on track, eating very well, very few slip ups, and then today it happens.
It is a planned day off, all holidays are (a quilt-free day to look forward to), but I go into the grocery store to get Whipped Cream for the dessert I am making for my family's BBQ (lots of veggies and rice for me, just a little of the "forbidden" stuff) and I saw her, one of the many "skinny minnies" out there that taunt me and make me cry in frustration daily, and she is buying bottles of light green tea. I look down at the whipped cream (and the vanilla ice cream I bought on impulse. Hey, my family likes it! Goes great with the dessert I'm making) and it occurs to me why I will probably never look like her. She is buying tea...I am buying sugary cr*p. You eat cr*p, you look and feel like cr*p. I know this! Grrr!!!
I feel like I can never, ever be like her, because part of me doesn't want to change, I mean really, really change, and is holding on to the old me that really, really loves cr*p. I've been working on it for years, and here I am. Basically the same 'ol chubby girl, forever and always, deep down, holding on tight with all her might. Sound strange? Sound familiar? Please tell me that it is possible to change, even deep, deep down changes that never seem to go away.
To me, you ARE one of those skinny minnies. I feel like I can never get there. But as so many have proven on here, it IS possible. You CAN attain that goal. It's going to be hard, and it's going to take time (a lot more than I want it to, for sure), but it is not impossible. It takes willpower, sacrifice, and determination.....and a whole lot of support during weak moments. But you can get there!
Don't get so down on yourself, you've come so far.
I also have the chubby girl inside me, thinking I'm still 180 (my highest weight). I know how hard it is to see changes in the mirror, or to think of yourself as normal instead of fat. But when I dropped from mid 160s to mid 150s, I noticed an enormous difference, much more than 180 to 160s. I also started getting more compliments. So keep going, trust me! And congrats on how far you've already come.
Hang in there, Heidi! Hang in there! You can change, yes, you can. It won't be easy, but you can change!
There will always be people who look slimmer than you do! And who seem to have it all together food-wise. You'll learn that it doesn't matter what other people are eating or how they look--the only thing you need to concern yourself with is what you are doing! Are you eating on plan? Are you getting healthy? Are you doing what's right for you?
Today was a "day off" for you--so enjoy it, get through it, and get back on the ol' program wagon. You didn't say which weight loss program you follow, but just be sure that if you're a points or calorie tracker, you write it all down or enter it in your computer. And move on! You CAN do it, just stay with it.
Heidi-I often feel the same way you do! I always see skinny minnies and think to myself I wish i could wear that small of jeans- or shirts like that and feel comfortable. And I think back a few years ago, and see myself in those little shorts I used to wear... and while I feel so down about it sometimes, I just try to tell myself You can get there again! While you are looking at girls like her feeling like that, whose to say they arent looking right back at you, being enviouse of things you have that they lack? Usually that is the case! So dont be so hard on yourself! You have done so well already, and you are on the right track! So just keep doing what you are doing and when you see girls like that dont be so down on yourself. Instead, look at it as a blessing... something to show you that what you are doing can very well get you where you want to be, look at it as inspiration. Who knows-maybe that skinny minnie wasnt always so skinny. Hang in there! and thanks for the honest post, it is good to know that I am not alone :P
That's a great point, GNADOIT4ME. A couple of times when I have complained about my weight around smaller friends, they've started talking about their own flaws and telling me thing like they wish they had curves like me, or broader shoulders like I have.
I'm sure you have things we'd all be envious of, like great hair or a clear complexion - or a happy marriage, a great house, whatever. Just because we need to lose weight doesn't mean our lives are worse than the skinny minnies that seem to be everywhere.
Very thought-provoking post, Heidi. The fact is, though, you just don't know what's going on in that girl's life. She may be a closet binge and purger, she may be anorexic, she may be one of those people that does make healthy food choices, she may be a crack addict who can't afford food, or she may be one of those thin people who can eat almost anything they want and just forgot to pick up her green tea the last time she went shopping. Who knows? She may be one of those women we've met here who have gone through this same journey and was twice as big as you two years ago. Imagine any life story for her that you want, as long as it keeps you motivated. Just try not to fall into the trap of believing that she is good and you are evil because of a single food choice. I drink decaf, unsweetened green tea daily, and I can't wait to get down to your weight. You wouldn't have thought the same way about me as you did about her if you had seen the green tea in my basket because you wouldn't have made the same assumptions about my food choices - simply because I am not skinny. Yet, for the most part, I do make good food choices (now, at least), just as you do. If you read my fitday and saw that 95% of my food choices were good, I don't think you would say the things about me that you are saying about yourself because I chose to indulge a bit on a holiday (and I don't think the ice cream and whipped cream were for you anyway, correct?). So, please be kind to yourself. It's one of the hardest lessons I'm learning as I go through this journey, and I hope that you can learn it as well.
I'll bet you that the skinny minnie you saw probably buys ice cream plenty of times; it's just that when you saw her, she was buying tea. Or, let's just say that she's one of those rare people who always eats perfectly, avoiding all the fattening stuff. You know what? I wouldn't want to be that way. I'm glad that I really love food because it's one of the great pleasures of life. I do wish I could control my portions and my snacking more, but I definitely am not willing to give up all the good stuff all the time.
This is evil, but...I live near the university and the grocery store I shop in is FILLED with skinny beautiful young women. When I see them buying junk and I feel sad that I don't look like that, I say to myself, "just wait 10 years." haha It makes me feel better.
I understand how you feel. My husband and I went out to a new trendy restaurant Saturday night. I felt like a old cow and I am only 36. I was dressed dumpy and my hair looks short and awful because I just cut off 11 inches to donate to locks of love. Until it grows a bit more I hate it. There were so many beautiful people there...slim, trendy and looking great. All I wanted to do was go home and slide into bed.
And now I am sitting here right feeling sick to my stomach because of the 3 chocolate cookies I just ate. I had already eaten 1/2 a hamburger, potato salad, 2 helpings of baked beans and some sausage. I did skip the ice cream though. Yuck, now I want to throw up...what is the point? Why do I do this to myself. Now I don't feel good, I don't want to hang out with my kids who are in the back yard playing because I feel to yucky.
I will never be a skinny minnie...I can live with curves but overeating and making myself feel yucky doesn't make sense.
Isn't it weird that those things always seem to happen when there's a really skinny girl around (or the WW leader, or...), and when your cart is filled with healthy stuff and plenty of groceries, then there's never anyone around?
I know what you mean. Please don't lose hope! Of course, I can only talk for myself here, but things apparently do change at some point. We may never be part of the skinny-minnies club, nor totally be freed of our former cravings, but for me, the less I eat them, the easier it becomes to ignore those foods and not crave them in the first place. It won't be perfect, but it *can* become better and less hard, at least for some things.
And for what it's worth, maybe that skinny-minny girl had already bought tons of junk to put in her fridge, and was just back in the store to buy some tea she had forgotten.
*sigh* I feel so great about myself, and then..
) and I saw her, one of the many "skinny minnies" out there that taunt me and make me cry in frustration daily, and she is buying bottles of light green tea. I look down at the whipped cream (and the vanilla ice cream I bought on impulse. Hey, my family likes it! Goes great with the dessert I'm making) and it occurs to me why I will probably never look like her. She is buying tea...I am buying sugary cr*p. You eat cr*p, you look and feel like cr*p. I know this! Grrr!!!
