My friend and I have been supporting each other on our weight loss. She's a really good diet buddy except for one thing, she ALWAYS has to make a point that she USED to be skinny.
Everytime we talk, she always brings it up! For example, we'll be talking about our motivation for getting to GW. Then she'll say something like, "When I was skinny guys were hitting on me constantly!" or if we're talking about our eating plans, she'll say something like, "Losing weight is easier for me because I used to be skinny." It's almost like she feels she's superior to me and other large people because she WAS skinny. We all got here the same way... just because you used to be skinny, doesn't excuse the fact that you've become lazy.
Sometimes I just want to yell at her!
Anyways, how do I bring up the topic with her without offending her?
LOL... well, I kind of understand where she's coming from - if you once were skinny, it's REALLY depressing to be FAT, when you know how HOT you once used to be - but ****, I think being FAT in general is just depressing, REGARDLESS of how you got there... it just can sometimes suck to know you once had something you no longer have... something that gave you an advantage in this superficial society... it's true, fat people have to try a whole lot harder and fight a whole lot more for things skinny people take for granted.
ANYWHO, to answer your question, there's no way to approach it with excessive tact; my best advice is to say, "Out of curiousity... do you know how often you mention that you used to be skinny? I mean, I know it must suck and all to be heavy when you used to be skinny, but I just thought I'd bring it to your attention, you know?"
Or just say (the next time she says she used to be skinny), "Well... yes, but we're both overweight now, and the basic weight loss principles are the same regardless of your starting weight or how you got there." If you want to pack a little more punch, say, "...and your metabolism can't be THAT fast now or you wouldn't have gotten big!"
Well, first of all, she's wrong--it's not easier to lose weight if one used to be skinny. It's just all the more maddening. I think she keeps saying it because it hurts her so much that she did become overweight after all.
One approach would be to say something like that, kindly, to her. "It must make you feel bad that you used to be skinny and now you aren't." If you say that a few times, she'll know that she's been saying it repeatedly. Naturally it's irritating to keep hearing that, especially if she acts superior about it--but remember, she's probably coming from a hurt and confused place.
And, you could always say, nicely, "I know that you used to be skinny, but I feel bad when you keep reminding me of it." (smile) "Because I have never had the pleasure. Let's just stay with where we're at now, OK?" (smile)
OH MY GOSH. My mother in law does that. It drives me BERZERK! All i hear is how she used to look like twiggy. How after she had children, by the time she left the hospital she was back to prepregnant weight, blah blah blah. I want to say SO BADLY "well gosh, what happened because you sure look about 5 months preggers right now". I bite my tongue constantly around her.
I dont have any suggestion really. But i like Shanes idea. "your metabolism cant be that fast now or you wouldnt be this big"....lol ha ha ha hah ah aha
Whatever it is, I'd be willing to bet it's about how she sees herself and not how she sees you...
I know I'm constantly comparing myself to what I SHOULD (used to) look like.
Maybe she's doing the same and always falling short.
Or maybe she's just excited about the prospect of being skinny again.
She's probably just clueless about how it affects you, so I agree you should say something.
I have a brother in law that is right at 500 lbs... he is a cronic lier! You cant beleive 95 % that comes out of his mouth.
It is always... " he use to could do" this or that.
Jump his car 200 feet,
lift 300 lbs
oh girls use to be all over him... he would say.
None of which is true!
Even thou your friend "use to be" skinny, she is lying to herself to make herself feel better about gaining weight... like the lie... she can loose it eaiser.... yeah... " keep telling yourself that"
She feels ugly... so she keeps reminding herself by saying guys would hit on her, under the fat she is pretty, ( which im sure she still is , but she cant see it)
if you really think into it you can actually pitty her.
what if she dont loose it? what if a guy never hits on her again? Is she the type to go crazy and hurt herself in dispair? my brother in is. He didnt try and kill his self... not the conventional way... but every time he tried to loose, he would fail... and got fatter and fatter, and today he is in the hospital with diabietes and they are thinking of removing one of his legs.
Humans can take thigs to an ugly place and make it worse... we have to learn to forgive.... them and our selves!
lendingheart, that is so much more compassionate than i was thinking of saying. I was thinking of turning the tables and saying "yeah, when i used to be skinny, in the womb, i used to could eat all day but somehow, i just can't seem to do that anymore??"
lendingheart, that is so much more compassionate than i was thinking of saying. I was thinking of turning the tables and saying "yeah, when i used to be skinny, in the womb, i used to could eat all day but somehow, i just can't seem to do that anymore??"
about being lazy:
I sleep good in the night... and in the morning... but during the day i just keep tossing and turning....
LOL... well, I kind of understand where she's coming from - if you once were skinny, it's REALLY depressing to be FAT, when you know how HOT you once used to be
Ditto what shane said. Lovelypurple, I would've just reminded her that we both have weight to lose. If she decides that her motivation for losing weight is to get back to how skinny she was originally, to me, that's okay. However, saying that its easier for her to lose weight just for the reason that she was skinny in the past, that's hard to pass as a fact. It could get annoying if she repeats it, maybe you should just tell her that you're aware of the fact that she's been thin before.
I feel like she's just somehow implying that she'll know every step of the way to weightloss because she was skinny before. Have you ever been to a restaurant new to yourself but the friend you were going with had been there several times in the past? Well, they always seem to make suggestions and give unwarranted opinions. ("Well, the last time I was here..") On one hand, it could be helpful, on the other, it may seem pushy in terms of advice...
Haha, right on sister! Seems to me that she's still hanging onto the idea of her then-skinny body...unfortunately, reality says something completely different. Maybe she could've felt superior to you and others then, but then what's her excuse now? My advice? Ignore it. Let her think/believe what she wants. Because in truth, reality tells a different story. ****, I used to be skinny when i was younger, too! I could eat whatever I wnated without gaining a single ounce. Haha, not anymore! I think most of us go through that little stage. Just don't ;et it get to you. Despite past history, you're in the same place now...if it begins to get on your nerves, try addressing the issue?
I think I forgot to mention that I was skinny at one point, too. Before she knew me. I've brought that fact to her attention before by saying, "I know, I was thin at one point too." and she responds with, "But that was a long time ago!" I'm 19... there's not very many long time agos with me.
I have this friend...
- but ****, I think being FAT in general is just depressing, REGARDLESS of how you got there... it just can sometimes suck to know you once had something you no longer have... something that gave you an advantage in this superficial society... it's true, fat people have to try a whole lot harder and fight a whole lot more for things skinny people take for granted.
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