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Old 03-14-2007, 02:19 PM   #1  
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Default Help for a friend

I have a friend who purges (throws up), binges, and strarves. Her binges aren't big...just usually the required amount of food for the day.

But anyways, she throws up often. I told her I'm going to help her to get healthy and to try and get over her eating disorder because I want to help.

But my question is that if she eats 1,200 calories (I think I'm going to have to work her up to it), and doesn't purge or binge...do you think she'll gain some weight as she's correcting her body? If so...how many do you think? And do you think her body can go back to being a healthy body that loses weight at an average speed?

I want to know what to expect...so I can have information to reassure her with.
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Old 03-14-2007, 02:33 PM   #2  
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Please get her professional help ASAP! This is far to big to
try to handle on her/your own.
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Old 03-14-2007, 02:37 PM   #3  
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That's not going to do any help at all. She's been to professional help 3 times already and it doesn't help her.

I think I can help her because sometimes you just need someone to confide in your thoughts who understands what it's like. And the whole thing is aboue pressure and control and everything. I'm going to talk to her about it...because as far as I'm concerned...she's not going back to professional help because she doesn't want to. But she said she'd let me help her...and that IS getting some where. So as far as getting her professional help, it won't happen. She needs to figure out what she really wants and help herself to get it done...or else she'll go back into her problem because everyone else was forcing her to get better.

So I know quite a bit of what to do, and I'm consulting different health forums to get the health information.

There's really no way other than small steps that she has support to take. I plan to be there with her the entire way, no matter how long it takes

Edit: And it also helps ME to be strong...if I'm helping someone else I need to follow my good and healthy example to prove that weight loss and control can be found by doing it healthy.
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Old 03-14-2007, 02:42 PM   #4  
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I wish I had answers to help. I do however wish you and your
friend the best of luck dealing with this issue. Good Luck and
big
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Old 03-14-2007, 03:13 PM   #5  
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Gamerchick View Post
That's not going to do any help at all. She's been to professional help 3 times already and it doesn't help her.

I think I can help her because sometimes you just need someone to confide in your thoughts who understands what it's like.
I understand what you mean by having someone "normal" who's out there for you, but that what you say still doesn't cut it for me - it's like telling someone who has recurring cancer that oncologists aren't doing diddly squat and that she should just confide in other non-professionals and what they "researched" on the 'Net.

That being said, I think it's great that you want to have the basic info for her and be there to support her, but I would really refer to a trained & qualified expert for medical/behavioral advice to recovery. And these experts don't necessarily have to cold, impersonal people in lab coats, they can be peer counselors (who may even be recovering ANA/MIA themselves) who have been trained about how to approach and talk through these topics.

Last edited by AquaWarlock; 03-14-2007 at 03:18 PM.
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Old 03-14-2007, 03:15 PM   #6  
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I'm wondering if there's some professionals I can ask on the internet. I'm checking forums...but it's mostly teen drama and the such who have no idea what they're talking about.

I guess I can always email an eating disorder site.
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Old 03-14-2007, 03:34 PM   #7  
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I don't have any answers either, but a great website for eating disorders is www.somethingfishy.org. I hope you are able to help your friend.
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Old 03-14-2007, 03:58 PM   #8  
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She's lucky to have a friend like you. It's good that you are there to help her as a friend.

However, her problem is bigger than you or she can handle individually. Bulimia is a psychological disorder which requires help from a professional. She may be avoiding getting such help by looking to you instead. Or, perhaps she didn't like the particular therapist she went to and is afraid to look for another.

Yes, you can do a lot just by being there for her. Offer support. Listen when she talks. But you cannot cure her. As a GOOD friend, you should be there for her emotionally, but also suggest she try another therapist when she's ready.

Good luck.
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Old 03-14-2007, 04:07 PM   #9  
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She went to professional help 3 times before ever knowing of my existance. I know the problem is mostly out of my hands...but she's trying to get support on an ana-forum like I used to do...and that's all the help she gets. Period.

So my influence is better than that influence...and if she doesn't want help professionally...my help is better than no help. Maybe I can't help her all the way...but maybe I can help her realize a few good points. And later on in life if she's still with an eating disorder she can't say no one ever tried to sincerely help her.

Any positive help is better than no help...or negative help.

And the fact that I'm working on the same issue and am 100% sure I can overcome it might help her realize that she can work on it, too.
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Old 03-14-2007, 04:50 PM   #10  
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Gamer, I hate to be a downer, BUT! Although it's good for you to try to be her friend, there are a few things that can happen. (1) You start enabling her, that is, you help her make it all better after a binge/purge, so she can then be normal for awhile until she does it again. (2) You get fed up (so to speak) with the fact that she's not stopping even though you're helping her, and then you get angry at her. (3) You stop paying attention to your own weight loss program because you are focused on her so much. (4) Because you had this same issue, you could get drawn into that same behavior again. I'm not saying those WILL happen, just that they are possibilities.

Being her friend does not mean that you need to help her solve what is really a very serious problem. You can't really do that. You can offer words of support, make suggestions, and care about her, but that's about it. She needs more help than that. Your help is not better than no help, because she may avoid getting real help because of it. Tell her that you will support her in her efforts to stop this behavior, but that you also would like to see her get some assistance from a new counselor.

And by the way, how is your weight loss going?

Jay
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Old 03-14-2007, 07:11 PM   #11  
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I know all those are possibilities...but I'm the kind of person who tries anyway in the chance that maybe I could make a difference

But my weight loss is doing much better. I'm creating realistic weight loss goals and plans and addressing my binging problem. I don't worry about 1,300 calories, or even 1,600. I'm addressing my binging lately. Each day if I'm expecting a binge (because I struggle everyday around evening time) I aim to eat less than the binge before that. I guess they're not really "binges" per se...but I'm used to calling them that. So I'm probably around 2100 calories for the days. But my goal is a 2 pound loss each week. I hope to see myself at a steady 1600 calories in the next few weeks, and then I'll be on a roll.

So I'm just addressing my problem areas. And I don't want to starve ever again.
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Old 03-14-2007, 08:23 PM   #12  
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Having spent many years as a counselor with a master's degree, I have learned that more often than not friends and family who "try anyway in the chance that maybe [they] could make a difference," make the situation much worse, rather than better.

Are you the kind of person who is willing to make the situation worse? Then you're not much of a friend.

I don't mean to be harsh, but harshness is in order. I have seen it too many times and see exactly where this is headed. If she has tried unsuccessfully to make progress in recovery, after three attempts with professional help, then amateur intervention is going to be a disaster. Do you think that no one tried to help her before she sought professional help? This isn't a do-it yourselfer. And absolutely your help is NOT better than nothing - It is far worse because it reinforces the attitude that her problems are not all that severe. If she's failed 3 attempts at treatment, this is obviously not the case.

One way you can help her, is to help her determine WHY the 3 previous attempts failed. Did she not bond with the counselor? Was it inpatient or outpatient treatment? Was she resistant? Did she leave before completing the program? Did she think she wasn't "as bad," or "as crazy," or as whatever than the other patients? Did she think treatment would be easier? Did she hate sharing her thoughts and feelings with others?

Then she needs to address those reasons in herself and in the program and fine a program that meets her halfway (and she has to do the same). You and her family can help her WHEN she is getting help, but trying to help her INSTEAD of professional help is a recipe for disaster.

I had a bulimic/anorexic friend who thought I could help her instead of going into the hospital because I had the training. I had to help her realize that the hospital was the only place where she could get better if SHE committed to her treatment. I drove her to the hospital.

You see, even if you had the training to help her you couldn't, because it doesn't work that way. Your relationship as her friend would get in the way, and both her mental health and your friendship would suffer.
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Old 03-14-2007, 11:58 PM   #13  
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I realized that today when I was talking to her. She isn't ready/doesn't want to change. So...I guess can't really do anything...

I just figured that if I could get over it myself I might be able to help her.

It's quite sad, really.
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Old 03-15-2007, 12:47 AM   #14  
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I posted on here a while back about a friend who went on a 600 calorie/day diet and took 2 multis/day. I asked people if I should call her doctor. I know the doctor. Did I hear what I wanted to hear from the people on here? NO! However, everything they said made sense. I took their advice and didn't call. Her doctor set her straight. I've since written her off until she starts taking some responsibility in her own life. She started hitting the bottle again. She quit going to meetings. She's mad at me because I don't have the same problems. (other than overweight) She's mad at me because I won't listen to her complaints. I've told her that she has to go back to meetings and she should listen to her doctor about her diet. I can't fix it for her. I can encourage her, but I'm not taking her calls at 2:30 in the morning asking me to bring her a drink. I'm not taking time away from my workouts to go to her house and fix her meals and prepackage them. (Oh, I'm supposed to buy the food for that because she can't make the right decisions). She doesn't want to come get them. I'm not a dietician or nutritionist. She has free access to them and won't use it.

I know this hurts when a friend, or someone you think of as a friend, won't help themselves. However, you've been given great advice here. Your last post said alot.

Good luck.
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Old 03-15-2007, 01:27 AM   #15  
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Purging is a terrible thing. It is hard on the heart, the throat and it rots the teeth. It isn't harmless, it can kill. You should make sure her parents are aware of the issue, this is their child's life. I know that friends keep secrets, but this is beyond skipping school, her parents should know she is purging. I know I'm terribly dramatic, but I feel very strongly that the parents should know.
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