I'm gonna sound like a broken record again but ... what did he say?
"Wife, I do not love you anymore. I am not attracted to you.I've been plenty patient, our son is now 15 months old and you have not lost a single pound since he was 3 months old."
Is that what he said or is that what you heard? Be very careful to clarify conversations like this. Men do not communicate like we do.

I've been there. My husband and I separated for awhile because of a similar issue. You cannot take this all on yourself! You both need to go to counseling. If he won't go, then you need to go by yourself. You can't lose weight to please someone else, it just doesn't work. (I know this!!!) It has to be something that you do for yourself.
He's being hurtful right now and my husband did the same thing. But after talking it out and trying to look deeper into the issues, a lot of our marriage problems came down to the amount of time that you must spend with your children versus the amount of time you have to be a couple. It is a huge adjustment and it takes a lot of giving on both sides. You might be making my mistake in that you do everything for this child, but you don't take time for yourself. Just a thought, he needs to commit to giving you the time to exercise, read, relax, whatever to set your mind at ease. Time is so valuable and you need the focus to remember how important you are!!!
Hang in there. I understand the pain you are feeling. It is just unbearable. But, keep posting. I know everyone is here for you.

I agree with SusanB!!! - Men DO NOT communicate like women do.

Men "make love" to show love - it's how they like to share love.

Women "make love" to be loved. Two very different meanings behind the same act, and yet, produces the same results!

It sounds to me like you are not ready to commit to weight loss. Believe me, when you're ready - you'll do it. And you can't do it for your husband, or even for your marriage - you have to do it for you, or it won't work.

If your husband doesn't love you because you haven't lost weight, then he is not worth having. You're better off alone, trust me.

But if he's fed up with other things (and this would be my guess) and it came out in anger about your weight, then your marriage isn't over.

You must get some professional counseling. You need a "referee" to discern each other's words until you can learn to do that for yourselves.

Save the marriage first - think about the weight loss second. That doesn't mean you have to do one & not the other - it just means that priorities should be set. This goes for your husband as much as yourself.

Things you can do together that would be helpful for both might include putting your 3 year old in a stroller & taking a long walk together. You can talk & walk, & that's good for the marriage & the weight.

You know - This is a good place for diet support - but I'm not sure if we have any marriage counselors here. Altho we probably do! And just remember - you are not alone. Plenty of us have been where you are standing right now. My first husband told me he would always love me BUT "just don't ever get fat." He was used to me being the itty bitty skinny minny I was during my late teens & early 20's. But in my mid-20's, out of college & just getting started in life... I started to put on weight. Not much (at first)... just about 10 or 15 pounds or so. But I lost them... plus another 20 when we divorced

Still - his words really stung me! - so I know how you feel. Please keep coming here & let us know how you're doing. It's amazing how people you've never met before can care so much!

After reading this posts, I really felt we needed a male voice on this issue. So I called up my best guy friend who I had a relationship with for 2 years (We split for the simple reason that he wanted to go out west, and we're still best friends) and asked him what he thought. I don't have his exact words, but he seems to think that sometimes men find that when they aren't getting what they need in a relationship, instead of asking for it or telling their SO (Sig. other), they simply harbor it and get more and more frustrated. Then they snap and decide they want out of the relationship. My male buddy says it may or may not be the weight that your hubby is frustrated with, and he could be using it as an excuse to get out. My friend suggests that you simply ask your husband what he wants from you; if he says he wants you out of his life, then that's what he wants.
Sorry for the tough love! But I wish you luck in loving yourself, because that's the most important kind of love one can have.

I believe Shakespeare said it best:

"Let me not to the marriage of true minds
Admit impediments; Love is not love
Which alters when it alteration finds,
Or bends with the remover to remove.

O no, it is an ever-fixed mark
That looks on tempests and is never shaken;
It is the star to every wand'ring bark,
Whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken.

Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks
Within his bending sickle's compass come,
Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks,
But bears it out even to the edge of doom:

If this be error and upon me proved,
I never writ, nor no man ever loved."

-- Wm. Shakespeare, Sonnet #116.

Don't give up on yourself or your marriage. You were in love with each other once before, you can be again. Or at least, you can work through the problems together.

ABOVE ALL ELSE: Lose the weight for yourself, not to make someone love you. Love yourself for who you are on the inside, not the outside.

Best of luck to you. You deserve all good things life and love have to offer.

Thank you all so much. The support I am getting from you all is beautiful and I never expected it. I am truely blessed to have found this site.
I can't believe I'm putting this on the internet but I thought I would answer some question about the sex. I like it a lot! I like it almost everyday. When I said I wouldn't let him touch me I meant he complained that if he touched certain parts of me (my stomach or my waist mostly) I would throw his hands away. There were other parts he was more than welcome to touch....He has been turning me down for probably a good 3 weeks.
We had a lot of conversation today and he just told me he is tired of me being lazy and not taking care of the house like I promised (I'm a stay at home mom) and he says the sex is not enjoyable for him anymore. Without saying too much, I tried to accomadate the best I knew how which I thought was pretty good, but he said he can't handle my low self esteem and when I tell him "oh don't look at me I'm fat" I guess I finally convinced him I was.
We had a good talk. He just doesn't desire me anymore. When that is gone what do you do? I couldn't imagine what it would be like for me if I was unattracted to him. Would be hard to get cozy. I guess. I just didn't try hard enough to lose the weight. And I'm not comfortable in my own skin. It is my fault. He said he enjoys my friendship most of the time but I'm bad at being a stay at home mom. He is also feeling over-burdened by having to bring in all the money.
Thank you all. I REALLY appreciate you!

I honestly, honestly think that if you can talk that well ... you can talk this through. Since you both seem to see areas where you both can change and grow ....

You and he definitely need counseling. It is not ALL your fault. Yes, you have a share of the responsibility for the problems in your marriage, and also a share of the responsibility in repairing them. If you didn't have a child, and one or both of you didn't want to put forth the effort to rebuild the relationship, you'd have every right to do so, but with a child, you both have a responsibility to at least attempt to rebuild your relationship.
You said "when that is gone, what are you going to do?" That implies that once intimacy is gone, it can't be rekindled. That is far from the truth.

I have a master's degree in psychology, and when my husband and I decided to marry, I told him I expected to fall in and out of love with him many times. And that included feeling attracted to him. So far, we've been very fortunate that the "I don't like you right now's," have been very short lived, but we've only been married four years.

It sounds a lot like you are having symptoms of depression. Depression makes it very difficult to get things accomplished, feel attractive, and motivated for even the simplest of tasks. This can leave your husband feeling overburdened, and as though he has lost you, but this is something that you both can work on, especially if you seek professional help, and are willing to share the responsibility and work of rebuilding your relationship.

Don't beat yourself up, but get help. If your husband refused to go with you, then go alone. The weight loss is the least of your problems right now.

Its hard being a stay at home mom, I remember after my dd was born how alone I felt. Add in our youth and lack of money and it was very difficult! (not saying these are your problems, precisely, but they are common to young families) Try to keep in mind that both you and your husband are defining and redefining yourselves......girlfriend, wife, mother, boyfriend, husband, father, sole provider.......and that is a learning process. Some of your problems will work themselves out with time and maturity.

As far as weightloss, well, I think that will solve some of your problems. with weightloss you will have more energy and focus to devote to the home, child and yourself. As Dr Oz says, don't wait to get motivated to lose weight, when the weight starts coming off you will then be motivated to keep it up!

Good luck, and counseling would be a good thing too

I guess I disagree that weightloss will solve any of the primary problems here (not that it is helping). In fact, as difficult as weight loss was before you were aware of the problems' severity, it is going to be doubly difficult now. That doesn't mean you should abandon all efforts to eat healthy food in moderation and exercise (both will help you deal with stress), but focusing on weight loss right now as your main goal, puts the emphasis on the wrong problem. Weight loss will not solve your problems, working on your problems will create an environment where weight loss will be more doable.

You don't vaccuum the carpets when the house is on fire.

I think that when you get healthy everything else will fall into place. You should read a book by Michael E. Platt, MD It's called the miracle of bio-identical hormones. It sounds boring but it is so good. When you have are pregnant your body produces lots of progesterone and then afterwards there is a huge drop. (many woman experience post pardom depression after childbirth) but when your not eating right and doing the right things it causes weight gain and depression. You don't feel like doing every day things. But when you read this book you'll realize that it ISN'T YOUR FAULT. You can manage this easily if you have the knowledge. I found that sugar is deadly for me. This is why I feel my weightloss has been so good. I've cut out the sugar and I eat protein often. I'm not taking any bio-identical hormones but i'm healing myself with nutrition right now. I do plan on getting tested to find out what my body is lacking in. But for now I feel much better. I have more energy and I feel better about myself although I've only lost 13 pounds and still need to lose 60. I feel more beautiful. I've been wearing makeup and doing my hair. Dressing like I care about myself. And it's having that snowball effect. You can do this. And even if your hubby doesn't come around right away. He definately will when you start having a better outlook.

Tina

I think that is very wise marriage advice. Love is a very fickle thing. You can fall in & out of love so many times... even in the same relationship. I went thru a period of about 3 years when I thought I was just "done" with my marriage. But I kept with it; the commitment that is! - and soon I rediscovered a passion for my husband that I thought was gone for good.

And sometimes, a little passion can go a long, long way!

Just an update for those who care. My marriage is not in trouble, it is over. After the worst 3 days of my life, the truth finally came out. He is not a family man. He cannot handle the reposiblity of it all. Having the baby made it worse. He could not be as selfish. He loves me and the baby to death. He just can't handle being married. He couldn't figure out why and blamed me entirely. No, he never cheated or had any desire to. While I am not inoccent, ( I could have done a better job with the stay at home thing and the low self-esteem) I am not the main problem. No matter what I did, I don't think it would have lasted that much longer. He is just not built right, yet. Maybe if he ever comes around, me and my buns of steel ( cuz oh yeah baby the fat is comin off!!) may be willing to give it another shot. I do love him with every fiber of my being, but I cannot make him what he is not. I still hurt very badly. Feel for my baby boy. I do take a little comfort in knowing I could neither have forseen this nor avoided it. He didn't even know. I hope he finds peace. I hope I do to. Who knows what is in the future but I am ready to be me again. Me before the post-pardom, before the mentally unstable pregnancy. Me - when my husband and I met.

(((HUGS))) I hope you're able to find peace with this, and that things work out eventually how you want them to.

Hopfully he will come to his senses. Although the "just not being a family man," is a bunch of crap, whether he realizes it now or not. He may think he loves you and the baby (just obviously not as much as himself) but when we love people (love is a a verb - an action, not just a feeling) it means that we make sacrifices for them. It is unfortunate - mostly for him, because he will be the one missing out the most in the long run, and he may never realize it, or do so too late.

Just as you may be suffering from post-partem depression, he may be suffering from depression as well. I don't think you or he should determine whether or not he can (or should try to) change, until counseling is at least attempted, but he may not be willing to go, at least not if reconciliating is on the table as a primary goal.

If I were in your place (I have a master's degree in psychology and have done a fair amount of counseling, so I'm not just pulling this from the air), I would ask him to enter counseling with you so that you can work out the details of the split (custody, visitation, splitting assets and bills, spousal support...) as fairly and as conflict free as possible. I would also change the sleeping arrangements immediately. I don't know if you have more than one bedroom in the house, but now you do - even if his bedroom is the sofa. It's probably not feasible for one of you to move out at this time, and I sure hope he realizes that, and doesn't intend to strand you until you can get on your feet, or at least that you have family you can turn to to take you in, if he does.

The biggest thing he has to realize is that if he can't handle the responsibilities now, he's in big trouble, because the responsibilities of divorced parents individually, is much bigger than the responsibilities of each parent when they are together. It's too late to decide that he can't handle the responsibility, because society - it's people and the law - says the responsibility is his whether he wants it or not.

Good Luck and God Bless!