My aunt, who is somewhat overweight herself, said to me once, "what happened, you used to be thin." I was 20 and about the size I am now, well padded but considerably slimmer than her.

Talking of photo ID's and weight... I was given a ticket fine because the Ticket Checker thought I was not the same person as that on the ID. But the good part was the photo was when I was 160 lbs and when this happened, I had lost like 30-40 lbs...

That's pretty sweet actually. Glad you talked.

Nik

I've been reading this thread along with another recent thread here about a husband who didn't react positively enough to a report of weight loss. And you know, it is no wonder that spouses, parents, friends etc. just don't know what to say to us when we are losing or have gained weight! Good grief! Why, it's like walking a minefield!

Jay

I tend to speak MY MIND, so when a rude nasty person speaks THEIR mind, I counter-communicate.

Nasty Rude Person: "WOW, you WERE so pretty!"

Me: "WTF do you mean, WERE??????"

The workings of the male mind are sometimes bass-ackwards....He wants you to be the woman he married in 1999....but what is wrong with the woman you are now? OK, so you've gained some weight and wish to improve your body, health and self-image....

But you have nurtured a 6+ year successful, marriage and show INCREDIBLE patience. I would have been a lesser being and pointed out DH imperfections to him and pasted some photos to "motivate" him....

of course if your husband is a gorgeous hunk with a perfect body, this is a moot point......

What a relief! I'm so glad you spoke with him.

It's hard to know how someone feels all the time. That said, expressing your feelings isn't always "heard" either. Sometimes you need a virtual 2 x 4 upside their head. I'm so glad you both sat down and hashed this all out.

It's nice you have the support, even if it was a bit zealous.

Hi ladies

I actually just went through something very similar in the last couple of weeks. I went to Argetina at the beginning of january to visit my family that I haven't seen in 20 years. So I've changed quite a bit in 20 years. I developed a complex from my family being so shallow & insensitive. Everyday someone would say "Wow you've gotten really chubby" or "You have such a pretty face, you'd be even prettier if you lost some weight" or being called "chubby" or "fatty". They claim it was said with love but to me all those comments were just ignorant & rude. The people that don't have weight issues just don't realize how hard it is to lose weight & keep it off. Society today is so fixated on looks & body that being average is just not good enough. You're either a size 4 or your fat. That's just not fair & it breaks you down. Luckily I have a very supportive husband, sisters & friends here who love me for me. We have to keep our heads up because we can always lose the weight... those other boneheads will always be ignorant.

Well, hello sister. I didn't realize we have the same mother. My mom is one of those people. She has been thin her entire life. She always loved the fact that she's painfully thin. To her, the rest of us should exercise a little "will power". She couldn't understand why Daddy and the 3 of us couldn't control it. I was thin in HS and college but not before that. It's painful when it's your own mother and she's the one feeding you. She's the one who said we had to eat everything on our plates (hence the mailing of the cabbage in another post).

She finally realized that making us (the kids) drink something called Chill Tonic was wrong. She gave us this stuff when we'd stop eating. She didn't realize that we'd start eating again when our bodies felt the need.

Boy some of the memories are painful.

I'm glad you talked with your hubby. I talked to mine last night and asked him for the "male perspective" on it - he concurred. He thought it was probably your husband's way of being helpful. I swear, the only way to get what we want out of men is to give them a laundry list... Hopefully you can suggest to him some better ways to be "helpful" that will actually HELP.