The words we use have a powerful influence on our belief system and our behavior. I consistently hear people say things such as, "I couldn’t stop eating" or "I can’t control myself." These are the words that build your prison.
Saying, “I did not stop eating” or "I did not control myself,” is really the truth. This is one of the issues that speak to the heart of the matter. The difference between these statements is significant. One implies control and the other helplessness.
There is a concept in psychology called learned helplessness. The definition is fairly self-explanatory. It is a process whereby you learn to be helpless. This occurs when you have experiences that you believe are uncontrollable events... like the eating episode I just described.
This is a repetitive experience with the same "uncontrollable" and “helpless” result. These past events give rise to and reinforce your future expectations. This is how you get lost in this vicious cycle. When some emotional event triggers your desire to eat, you get back in touch with this feeling of being helpless and having no control.
It is your belief that you can't stop eating that reinforces your loss of control and your predetermined sense of fate. This is a very important concept. This is where the “distraction strategies” that I constantly refer to come in handy. There are so many possibilities: taking a walk, reading a book, writing in your journal, listening to relaxing music, calling a friend, posting a message at the eDiets Emotional Support Center... the list is a long one.
So what's the answer to interrupting this kind of negative thinking? It's not for me to give you some specific activity to do at that moment. I don’t have the magic bullet. What works for one often has no impact on another. The answer lies inside you.
As someone said to me recently, this is an "inside job." You already have what it takes. You just haven’t been looking inside -- you’ve been searching outside for the answer. Don’t over-intellectualize this. Too much thinking and you become a victim of analysis paralysis. Look for that moment and make the healthier choice.
The way out of this is through mindful and purposeful decision-making. There is one moment... one single moment right before you take the first bite that leads you down the road to ruin. I refer to these as moments of truth. If you can isolate and manage that moment, you can solve this problem.
I am a compulsive overeater. Telling me that "I should quit eating and control myself" is just as daunting as telling an anorexic "That they should just eat". It may be my brain chemistry, my genes, my enviroment, my lack of having good problem solving skills, my immaturity, or a combination of these factors. But there are paticular foods and situations that set me right off.
You know the Pringles or Lay's commercial that says "You can't just eat one" Well thats me and ice cream. Intellectually I know a serving is a 1/2 cup, my bodies reaction to it is to eat till I am ill. And I don't consider myself an unintelligent person.
I also eat to repress feelings. There is a chemical reaction between simple sugars and serotonin levels in the brain. Sweets are a way to self medicate and shut down from the world.
Quote Originally Posted by LindaT
This is a repetitive experience with the same "uncontrollable" and “helpless” result. These past events give rise to and reinforce your future expectations. This is how you get lost in this vicious cycle. When some emotional event triggers your desire to eat, you get back in touch with this feeling of being helpless and having no control.
This is the exact truth and heart of the matter. But by realizing I have this problem and that it is uncontrollable leaves me with a freeing truth. This is something bigger than me, a disease I can't control, and by handing that over to God and working through my emotions, and avoiding at all costs the "trigger" foods I can recover from this. But I am "helpless" I need all you ladies at 3FC, God, my food plan, my phonecalls, and all points of sanity to help me get better.
I don't find uncontrollable or helpless to be bad things. I find these things are the path to my own personal freedom, because I am not alone.
I agree completely. I am a compulsive overeater as well, and am very offended by people saying "just stop doing that!" No one would say that to alchololics, yet we are programmed the same way. We have an addiction, and to just say we can control it if we really wanted to, or if really tried, is cruel and insensitive.
The truth is the original poster and those who think like her are just not aware, nor ever felt how hard it is to have this very powerful addiction. It is very real. Those who can simply eat less and loss weight on their own are not addicted to food and cannot possibly understand our worlds and our truths.
OK, this makes me mad. I'm a recovering person - have been in AA and Al Anon for over 20 years now. And here's the deal - Addictions are very real. I am way too heavy, and I love my candy and ice cream and cookies. And when I have one mouthful, I often do not or cannot stop. And I have chosen not to do anything about this for many years. But ...
Alcoholics say "Just stop doing that" to each other all the time!
First alcoholic - I couldn't stop at one
Second alcoholic - why did you have one in the first place.
First alcoholic - All my friends hang out in bars, and I feel so out of it ...
Second alcoholic - Maybe it's time to find new friends who hang out in different places
So today, I'm hanging out with people who don't complain - I'm hanging out with people who do. And if your OA meeting is full of people who say it's okay to overeat, maybe you need to find a new meeting. I did.
And, I care about you, and I know EXACTLY where you are coming from.
I consider myself a compulsive overeater. The impulse to eat when not hungry is there a lot, and when I start eating a trigger or something that's just really tasty, it can be hard to stop. I will eat until the plate is empty many times. I do think that a lot of people who DON'T have compulsive tendencies don't have any idea what it's about. It's the Nancy Reagan, "Just Say No" philosophy.
BUT
I do think there's info in the original post that's worthwhile. I think a lot of overweight people -- compulsive or not -- DO have learned helplessness. A great deal of what prevents many overweight people from being successful is overwhelmingly negative self-talk. They are defeated before they begin, and they don't even realize it. When someone like that learns that what they say to themselves affects what they think and how they act, they have an important key to climbing out of the hole they are in.
Addictions -- and food addictions -- are very real. And, most if not all addicts stumble or have moments of great temptation. But, once the addiction is being managed, you HAVE to believe there is always a choice that can be made. Admitting that the addiction has a hold on you -- that you are "helpless" in its grip -- is not the same thing as saying that the situation is hopeless. And, I think that's the lesson that can be taken from that post. Even IF you are a compulsive overeater, you can still change the language you use to talk to yourself, and turn yourself around from being a lost-cause victim to a person who has made the choice to work on recovery. Language is extremely powerful, and most people don't realize how powerful it is. They will willingly call themselves a failure and say they "can't" stick to a program, but until they start telling themselves -- even if they don't believe it -- that they can be successful and pat themselves on the back for small successes, they won't ever recover. It's that old saying -- if you think you can't, you won't.
But just for today I am eating healthy. Anybody can do it for just ONE day.
And I've been eating healthy for the last couple of days.
For whatever reason, my HP and I can do this today.
There is an AA slogan - don't drink until your a-- falls off; then pick it up and take it to a meeting. If that's what it takes, well, so be it. I'd much rather eat cauliflower for the rest of my life (maybe not cucumbers), then die fat.
And I do struggle with helplessness. I have very bad knees (need knee replacement surgery) that make walking painful, but I can swim, even if I do have to take Ibuprofan afterwards. Chocolate ice cream spins a web of confusion around me - one bite - HA! - One pint, 1 quart, 1 half-gallon - so I really am better off just not having it in the house. Maybe someday I can have a dish in a restaurant, but not today.
Wow, thanks for reading this - I really needed to vent!
Last edited by KristasMom; 06-25-2004 at 12:12 PM.
I am new and just read this thread. I think next to hopelessness is my picture. I have pretty much given up on losing weight and consequently I am at my heaviest. I really want the magic pill. I did really well on weight watchers and ediets but I seem to have given up. I wonder what that is about. I know weight watchers made me nuts because I was always thinking about food. I guess I just want to lose weight without dieting. I really want the magic pill. Sueundundefinedefined
I am new and just read this thread. I think next to hopelessness is my picture. I have pretty much given up on losing weight and consequently I am at my heaviest. I really want the magic pill. I did really well on weight watchers and ediets but I seem to have given up. I wonder what that is about. I know weight watchers made me nuts because I was always thinking about food. I guess I just want to lose weight without dieting. I really want the magic pill. Sueundundefinedefined
Well ... until you give up that wish for the magic pill, for weight loss without work and planning and control ... well ...
You might start a new effort by reading a few books that can show you how it can be done and how to start reshaping your attitudes and thought patterns. The two books I'd recommend off the top of my head are Thin for Life and the Dr. Phil weight loss book. Thin for Life has a lot of good info on how self-talk is important, and the Dr. Phil book talks turkey about analyzing why you do what you do and how to change it.
The Ultimate Diet Breaker - repost
