[Bonjul]

Hi all.
I have decided to write my last blog entry on here because I feel guilty for not posting for a few days.
I have been avoiding everyone because I had a wee slip and I 've been ashamed of myself.
Anyway, I don't feel so bad now so I am posting!
I know I don't need to feel guilty or ashamed and I know you will say I don't owe you guys any explanation, but I feel I do!
So here's my latest blog entry. Feel free to skip to the end and just tut at me in comments.

Saturday 16th August

Right well, over a week since I wrote anything. To be honest I’ve been putting it off.
I have been bad. I have let myself down as you can see from my weigh in.
So on the Friday of last week nothing exciting, rubbish weather so didn’t go out on a walk, but stuck to my diet.
I had friends visiting on Saturday, so I drunk a lot of vodka (planned) but I think when I was drunk I ate some crisps, I can’t remember this but I woke up with crisps all over the floor!
When I was hung over I did get up and walk round Colemere. I also stuck to my diet, even when I everyone else was eating burgers and drinking pints, I ate chicken Caesar salad and diet coke!
So far, no biggy, a planned drink.
But then the honey started.
Its currently The Shrewsbury Flower show, a show my man enters as a bee keeper with honey and other stuff.
Firstly we had to extract the honey which basically means removing the honey from the hive. Its lush, smells amazing and you get it on your fingers, which obviously you have to lick, just once, twice, oh god I feel sick.
Then this year he entered a honey sultana cherry cake and honey fudge.
He didn’t have time to make them so I did, which meant testing them, all 5 of them and batches of fudge, which actually I messed up every time and became toffee.
So over the course of the week I ate a lot of sugar.
I stuck to my diet the rest of the time, but the weather was still bad so I never got out to walk, so that extra calorie intake ads up to the 1 ¾ lbs I put on.
The cakes were judged yesterday and I never won anything.
I felt so annoyed with myself and I am sorry to say as much as I tried to right the wagon, I fell off & yesterday I ended it with a binge.
It started with a glass & ½ of wine on thursday and a bag of wotists and yesterday I ended with all sorts of crap including 2 bags of wotists.
However, mainly I am sticking to my diet, It was just a glitch. I hope.

I have also noticed that my skin has suffered for the sugar intake, making me finally (after years of ignoring the truth) realise I am allergic to sugar in any form except from fruit.
I also feel sluggish and heavy due to the sugar.
I should also add that I have been extremely worried about money this month too, which hasn’t helped.

ANYWAY! Its over and I’ve learnt something, so I have to stop wallowing and move on, so here are some good things:
My man bought me wellies and walking sticks, hooray!
Apparently Nordic walking burns between 30% and 70% more calories and also builds muscle on the upper half of the body, toning the abs too!
So come **** and high water next week I am going to walk my arse of literally!

I want to lose the weight I put on plus another 2 lbs for my next weigh in.
Thats 3 3/4lbs.
Wish me luck.

[gr00vybabe]

Good luck, you can do it!!

You know, what I used to find was that I would feel bad about binges and hide from the world too, but the one person I needed to hide from the most I couldnt escape - me! Once I realised this I found it much easier to control the binging and in making myself accountable.

You're going to have a lot of ups and downs; highs and lows along the way but as long as you try to keep on the straight and narrow you will get there. Try not to let the lows get to you and keep thinking of the highs and it will make the whole experience that much easier.

[Bonjul]

Thanks doll!

[lexi1975]

You can do it!!!!!!

[k8t]

Just happened to see your post. That's what always got to me...I'd "fall off" the diet wagon and then get so mad at myself. The funny thing is I would never, ever be so hard on anyone else. It's one of the things I'm really trying to work on now.

You slipped and you fell for a short period of time...so you get up. No problem. You're changing to a healthier lifestyle, not inflicting punishment on yourself....You can do it, even if the scale says you don't "make up" the full 3 3/4 pounds in this one week. It's the lifestyle you are going for....so be healthy and the rest will follow.

I know I don't know you...but here's a anyway

[Tomato]

Aaaaw, you know, **** happens. That was just a slippage and you stopped it quickly. Kudos to you for sticking to your diet when you had friends over and they enjoyed burgers and what not. So you had some vodka and crisps. I have no idea what wotists are?
Sorry to hear your cakes did not win, I bet they were delicious. And you know what, honey may contain sugar and be high in calories, but it is also HEALTHY!
So don't worry, you will lose those few pounds in no time.

[Bonjul]

Ockt! You guys are the best!
Thanks for your advice, hugs and support!
Wotsits are cheesy puffs, crap in a bag!
LOL

[bunny43]

I gained 3 pounds myself today and wrote about it in my blog. I try not to feel guilty, but it's easier said than done. For some reason I felt the need to write about it in my blog as a way of a confession.

gail

[Bonjul]

Yes, totally!
I feel like if I confess, admit it, take responsibility, whatever you want to call it, the binge ends sooner.
And it works too.
I guess to get overweight, well to my level anyway, there is a certain amount of denial involved, and its a big deal (I think) to admit the problem I have with food.
I hate the power it has over me, or I allow it to have.
Over the years I have participated in many addictive activities, and walked away from them all, but the old faithful remains, yet it is the one addiction I despise about myself the most.
Its very unhealthy attitude I think, no matter how much "good" food I eat, the urge to drown myself in junk is, at times overwhelming, and I don't even notice I've done it sometimes.
I think thats why confessing is good, it makes it real, the addiction and what is real you can change and have no fear of.
I find that food is like a destructive relationship to me, I cant find the strength to leave it and have a better relationship, well I have but I keep going back, never getting any closure.
However, this site, all you lovely chicks are helping me to stop seeing my ex as it were!
So thanks for the support, it really, really is making a difference to me!
Bonjul