I've kept this in for the last four weeks and if I don't type it out I think I'll burst.
Over the last month or so, I have started doing ab crunches in the evenings. One night when I was feeling around to see if I could detect if my muscles were getting harder when I felt what seemed like a lump about where my left ovary would be. I felt on the other side but there was no corresponding lump in the same area, as you might expect if you were feeling your ovaries.
I put it off, but kept feeling every night - not only is it still there, it seems to have got bigger!
Things that have crossed my mind: hernia, knot of muscle, intestines full of crap on its way out, ovarian cyst, and, worst case scenario - ovarian tumour.
So this morning I bit the bullet and made an appointment to see the doctor. It is for 11.30, so just over an hour.
I am just really hoping the doctor will tell me it's nothing - but I'm terrified it will turn out to be something. I haven't put this in my blog as I have a friend who reads it, and I don't want to worry my close friends and family if it turns out to be nothing.
There are no other symptoms except perhaps a touch of backache as if AF is due. But I'm still breastfeeding so AF hasn't turned up yet. But the backache is on the side the lump is.
I don't want to have cancer - I don't want to die and leave my babies. I don't want to have to have chemotherapy and stop feeding my baby and lose my new fella. I'm frightened and I'm crying.
If you pray - please pray for me, and if you don't, please send positive thoughts. As a complete atheist, I never thought I'd be asking for prayers from anyone. Guess that shows you how scared I am!!
Hopefully I'll be back in a bit feeling very silly, and very relieved.
We'll definitely be praying for you! And don't start thinking worst scenario stuff yet! Try to calm down Make sure you tell your Dr. any new exercises, foods, or medicines you have been doing. Didn't you try the pink patch recently? I think I remember your posts with that.
I'm sure it's nothing, and we'll all have a good laugh when you post again. :group hug:
I'm sending you my very best prayers. How old is your baby. Hopefully it is just some post natal realignment.
I'm glad you are getting it checked. It's nothing to feel silly about even if it is nothing. And don't forget, drs have been saying we were just being silly over issues that kill us for far too long. So if you feel the least unsure about your diagnosis, whether good or bad, get a second opinion. You definitely want to be around to watch you're kids grow up.
The doctor agreed with me that there seemed to be a 'fullness' there - so he is sending me for a pelvic and abdominal scan. I will get an appointment through in a few days he said.
I asked him what he thought he might be and he was either unable or unwilling to say - so we just have to wait. He said say to try not to worry though.
So, there you go - now we wait.
I'm not all jittery any more - I think it was the emotional reaction to acepting in my mind that something might be wrong and actually making an appointment. I understand why people put off going to the doctor until it's too late - if they don't own up to what is happening, it's like it's not happening.
But I kept thinking of my friend who didn't go to the doctor till it was too late - and died 6 weeks later.
But now, having made that first step, I'm quite calm.
Glad you went along to the docs Robsia, and sorry he couldnt just put your mind at ease straight away, but at least now you are in the system and will get to the bottom of what is causing the lump, scary as it is well done to you for being brave and getting checked.
Oh good. You went. I'm happy to hear you've calmed some. I had a Dr. tell me I had MS about 1 mth after my youngest was born and I had a breakdown. When I got to the neurologist he told me I didn't have MS, I had a jacka** GP. But I do understand where your heart and mind went. I couldn't believe I would have this wonderful child and then leave her and her sis right away.
Please let us know when you find out what it is. I'm going to be keeping you and your family in my thoughts.
Robsia I'm sure you will be fine! Sometime we get lumps and bumps simply because we're human and imperfect! I'll send many thoughts your way and I'm sure you'll be just fine
Robsia, Just wanted to let you know I'm sending you prayers and good thoughts. Let us know what you find out. We're all pulling for you. It will probably turn out to be nothing, but it's better to be proactive and take care of yourself.
I thought of a good point to all this. If there is something there that shouldn't be - non-life-threatening of course - and I get it removed, I might lose a few pounds all in one go!!
I keep thinking of bizarre things it might be - like Ruby's half-developed twin. The doc actually asked if I might be pregnant - no, totally impossible!! Unless God got involved that is.
Very very scared
Make sure you tell your Dr. any new exercises, foods, or medicines you have been doing. Didn't you try the pink patch recently? I think I remember your posts with that. 
