I think it was sweet pea that talked about this, but the trouble I find myself having the most with is sleeping. Sweet, can you remember your dreams? Oftentimes I can't, but I know they are just horrible and I wake up a bit hysterical. Times like that I wish I had a roomate in here!

Well, talking about having wine and such...I've decided to really try to stay away from Alchole for awhile, at least for a few weeks. I had some last week when I started taking this med. (opps, not supposed to do that) and it kind of messed me up. That was stupid of me. Also, I know drinking can make depression worse, and we have a lot of alcholism in my family.

I've finally started feeling more like myself. good day so far! I hope the rest of you are doing ok!

Keep Diane in your thoughts...it seems as she is having a bad day :(
((((((Diane))))))))

Oh yes, and welcome Dawn! :)

hi ladies,


thjank you tess(((((((( ))))))))

Diane, feeling any better yet?

Hey girls, what do you do during an anxiety attack. What do you do to calm down?

Grrr...ya know how I just said I am having a good day, and I think I'm better. Just a few minutes ago I started feeling it again. It feels like I can't quite catch my breath. I have absolutly nothing to be upset about right now! Grrrr! I hate this. It isn't bad, and as long as I stay calm I'll be fine. I don't want to take a med...

Just wondering what you do? Sometimes I just try to keep my mind off it. sometimes cleaning seems to help me calm down. If I'm able I'll actually go and excercise. Other times i will sit down for a good book.

my happy place and mirrors
 

oh the double chin is revolting. it's only just starting but it still is enough to put fear into me. my face is the one part of me i worry about. i do a daily wrinkle check but the double chin was one wrinkle i was not expecting.

in my last house i didn't have a full length mirror but i moved in dec and now i have 2 huge mirrors in the bathroom that show my enormous puku and my double chin to great effect. it is revolting. i need to clean the blackboard in my toilet (i know strange) and write a note in there. chocolate = double chin. that might remind me to eat right. **** i should put the notes everywhere, why stop at the bathroom? that way all my guests can snicker at my dilemma and helpfully suggest i don't have a second helping of pizza or chocolate. friends are good like that. they can make me feel doubly guilty so that after they have gone i can drown my sorrow in tubs of ice cream with chocolate sauce dribbling down my chin and a bottle of wine at the ready. it will be fun!

My focus this week – not looking in the mirror.

Yesterday my anxiety was at about 8 or 9 out of 10.
Right now things are ok but this morning I was not in my happy place.

I had the most awful nightmares. In the first one everyone was telling these 2 other women that they were goddesses and completely ignoring me. And they were huge! Even more obese than me hehe. I was sooooo upset. I felt completely invisible and really frustrated and unworthy. It was a nasty dream. But the second dream was even worse. I was in a strange place and I was in danger. There was me and another person and we were both trying to escape being raped and beaten. I guess I have to stop watching Law & Order and SVU Special Victims. No more murder mysteries for me.

Then after a night of not much sleep and not particularly enjoying the sleep I had I got up to go to the toilet. Both the dogs were waiting outside my bedroom door which is a really bad sign when they’ve only been inside 6 hours. And then the smell wafted to me. Two ruddy great giant poops. And one of them was all runny and squealchy. I had to clean it all up and disinfectant. Definitely NOT in my happy place.

Then I went outside to collect the dogs and put the dog poop in the rubbish and Jasmine was so excited to see me she was jumping up on me. I’d push her down and hold her in a sit and give her a pat and then she’d leap up again. She was biting my hand trying to get my attention and I was sending her evil death wish vibes.

Next I checked my bank accounts and discovered I had forgotten to transfer money for payment of my visa and got hit with a $15 dishonour fee. I will probably be hit at the other end too by visa – grrrrr. It’s my fault for not checking dates but payment is usually due on the 21st but it was early this month and I forgot to transfer money. So now I have to do a manual transfer and muck around.

Then I checked my emails and discovered that someone hadn’t done the paperwork in time to get a discount at this organisation I do voluntary work for. Crap! Now I have to go do some research and negotiate to try and get the discount again.

Then my friend arrived early for lunch, got here and burst into tears. On the plus side we had a good chat for a couple of hours and I felt better after because we had a good caring sharing sort of talk about our challenges with health etc but she changed her mind about wanting lunch so I was starving.

However the good news is I made myself a nice salad with bacon and my anxiety is now down to about 5 which is pretty good for me. Depression today is about a 3 which is outstanding! Let’s hope it lasts. It can change several times during the day. back outside into the sunshine I go.

Tessa - yes it was me that talked about the nightmares. i tend to remember my dreams altho often i wish i hadn't. you can try writing them down when they are fresh in your mind. sometimes it helps altho for me they are such confused and anxious dreams it is no help. for me it is an indication of our anxious i am. but i will also consider changing meds to see if it helps altho lord only knows i have tried a lot and so far no help. the massages are also designed to help.

yup i go through alcohol free patches too. it's a great idea esp if you have addictive tendencies (I do).

have you tried meditation. it's supposed to be the most effective long term help for anxiety and panic attacks. i of course am unable to still my mind to meditate but i find even breathing slowly will help.

well that was an essay - you can tell i'm an author ramble ramble ramble

lol sweet about being a author. I feel the same also. Are you a real author btw?

It really sounds like you had quite the day. Quite the aweful day, except for the friend (((((((((((((((Sweet)))))))))))))). I hope your night at least starts going well. My day was actually pretty good...the anxiety is all the way down again. I didn't take any of my meds.

The meds that I do take and have are; I'm currently taking birth control to help balance my hormones (which the doctor said might be causing some of my mood swings...just finished my first month of that a few weeks ago), Lorazepan (for bad anxiety attacks, take as needed, maybe have one a month...don't like it because it makes me too loopy, but they help), and daily I take Lexapro (for anxiety and depression).

I hope not to be on meds too long...just until I'm through this. I actually have my first counselor appointment tomorrow, so I hope to talk about that there too. I hope that goes well...gulp.

Hi guys. I am on late (for me) but I had a friend over tonight who is going through a divorce, and I tried to cheer her up by watching Bridget Jones, which means I did not get my workout in tonight. Right now I am talking to a friend of mine from work who is frustrated like me about where we are work-wise. Which means I am drinking wine and having a couple smokes and I know I shouldn't be, but welcome to one of my weaknesses. I just had a wrap with one slice each of ham, turkey, canadian bacon, and regular american cheese. I know that is not bad, but I really want another one, especially the longer this conversation goes. Otherwise, I am going to have another glass of wine and a smoke. AAARRRRGHHHHH!

Diva, it sounds like you had quite the day. You are a good friend. Don't feel too bad about the smokes and wine...just don't make a habbit out of it! lol...doesn't sound like you do. Hang in there!

hey guys,

hey tess, i try to just take my mind off of it but if its really really bad like in a drs office i usually have patient ppl w me that just try to calm me down by talking me through it or rubbing my back.
hey diva im sorry its been a bad day....
hiya sweet

are there imitation authors? are they like weight watchers ice cream but only for writers? no i'm real. pinches self. yes i exist LOL

i have a headache and altho i had a period in the middle of the day that was positive i am exhausted and sleep deprived so i will catch up on all the news later

diva the wrap sounds delish (even 2 of them LOL)

talk properly tmrw

hi again. i must have been grumpy last night that post sounded really bad tempered LOL

i am going to sit outside in the fresh air and sun for a bit. had another bad night's sleep but i did win $1000 in one of the dreams so that's a plus. but i seem to have come down with a chill - definitely need to head out for sunshine and relaxation.

yes tessa i'm a real published author - nonfiction

if i can get my head together in the next mth or so i want to do a book based on my journal. i've got a lot of it together but needs more work. need to cut and post journal entries to the right sections and segue it to make it sensible. will see how i go on that. i have a tendency to overdo things and push myself to collapsing point

hi all,
wow sweet thats so cool!

hi
thanks !

i took some pills and am hoping for a better night's sleep. i tossed so much last night i have put my shoulder out and am in pain. hopefully a good night's sleep and it will come right LOL

hi sweet pea! feelin better?

for some reason i am not getting my notifications anymore when people post. weird!

hi there. i slept better last night despite a couple of interruptions. the cat pushed the door open and jumped on the bed, and someone phoned at 6.30am but i was too groggy to answer the phone LOL

my shoulder was only slightly tender this morning altho i hurt it again trying to stop the puppy from jumping on me ;) however it is still much better than yday. at least i can lift my arm above my head now.

how are you this morning?

also for anyone interested here is a newsletter from an anxiety thingee i subscribe to http://www.remedyfind.com/newsletter...Disorders.html

also if you go to their home page www.remedyfind.com there is info about lots of anxiety disorders, depression and a number of other things

plus people rate the remedies they have used which can be interesting.
must go have breakfast now
catch you soon