Not that you need to hear it from me, but do enjoy your ride tonight Jolly. I can understand how staying away had to be hard for you.

Great post Linda. I would have to give myself a D for the last 2 months. So much going on and the worst part is that I didn't really try very hard even to change minor things. Well maybe that's not entirely true. It rains ALOT down here but when it is sunny I have made it a habit to walk at lunch at the lake around here. I am pestering DH to get something so we can set up the treadmill. He keeps promising me and since his last promise (by the end of the month) expires on Monday, I can feel justified in starting the nagging again. Food here is not so great. I mean the quality is not so great and it doesn't taste as good. Maybe if we can get the grill going next week, that will change things. As I think about it, I have a million excuses and I just have to put them aside and GET IT DONE. Much of the chaos is behind me - or at least better able to control and it's time for me to get back to basics myself. You are so right about the healthy thinner person. I see myself in the mirror in the ladies room and I keep forcing myself to look (tho I'd rather turn away and ignore the obvious). I think when you are actively TRYING to make an effort, it lifts your mood all around rather than getting bummed out over how happy you aren't in this skin of ours.

I pretty much stopped eating chocolate about 2 years ago when I was on a diet program. I can say one thing, when my "sweet treat" for the day was a nice piece of fresh fruit, I did much better. I really savored that plum in the afternoon to the point that I got miffed when my husband would take one - after all he could have all the cookies and ice cream and soda, don't eat my one treat! But when you do start eating the bad stuff and paying attention, it's easy to see how sugar begets more sugar.

I think I'll go wash that peach in my lunch bag. One more day until Friday. I have come to adore Fridays because right after Friday night is Saturday which means I can sleep a little longer

Glad you guys liked my post. I really feel better and more positive, though some pretty nasty things are going on in my life. I like what Jolly said about living your life NOW and not waiting, that makes sense.
Happy, you need to get that treadmill set up, you go girl!
In the meantime, it's time to get dinner on the table here, the family is hovering around me like wolves! Guess it smells good in here today! I have one of those Showtime Rotisierres (sp?) that they advertise on tv. By the way, it's a great fat free way to cook, or low fat I guess. I have a roaster chicken on it cooking right now and these things come out great tasting and the clean up with this particular unit is really easy! It has a steamer that mounts on top of it and I am steaming fresh carrots and making garlic mashed potatoes to go with it all. All of this food is right on program for me and healthy and yummy!
Sorry to hear you are not finding good food where you are now, Happy. What kind of issues do you have, poor produce, meats? Interesting. I was also wondering if Red has adapted to the Japanese food and their eating lifestyles or if she finds what she likes over there. I've been to a few Japanese steak houses that are pretty fancy, but have really not eaten "proper" Japanese foods.
Well, off to get that dinner, take care all and we can do this, we really can!
I'm so glad you guys are all here to chat with, by the way!
Linda

Hey all. Real quick check in. First, I had a WONDERFUL ride last night. I guess Chance missed me as much as I missed him. It felt so good to ride again. He was very good. of course, that probably means that tonight he will make me pay for being bad.

Then . . . I went to the gym this morning to have my second session with the new trainer. And he never showed. I am checking out another gym, and see what my options are for quitting this one. I am soooo unhappy. Ah well.

Have a good day all.

Oh, Jolly, so glad to hear you had a good ride with Chance. My horse and the dogs at the stable the other day were truly a godsend. I had been fighting back the tears, with not all that much success, as I walked to the club the other day, but when I saw this little Jack Russell tearing across the field to meet me as I neared the place, it just lifted my spirits. Then the Lab and the little French bull and of course all the horses. I just remembered they all need me to love them and though I miss Tiger terribly I am hoping he is at peace. When I am lying in bed and hear the cat door squeak behind me in the darkened room I imagine it's him. Kind of scary but then again kind of reassuring. He's buried right outside and that too makes me feel better. It's times like this, early morning, the room starting to warm up with the kerosene heater going. All the cats out here in the kitchen with me (I only have one room and the kitchen and that's where my computer is), these are the times I start to cry wishing Tiger was still sitting there too, he had the biggest round eyes. Listening to Riders on the Storm (Doors) on my iTunes. It's not just a cat that died, it's all the cats, the dogs, the horses, the little critters, and of course, the people, all those I loved that touched my life and are gone. Well, maybe they're out there somewhere, or even inside me. But I miss them. I guess one thing to think of that is reassuring is that they are the same as all those out there who can still be like them, once strangers, then loved ones, not memories that hurt. I think the sadness is just part of the happiness really. You can't be happy without being able to be sad. You can't have one without the other. When I start to hate myself for being so saddened by a death I have to remember that it is that very ability to feel that sadness that gives me the ability to feel such joy. It's a curse in a way, but it's also a blessing.

Jolly, it sounds like that gym is not a very good one. Good for you for looking for a better one. I've learned to put up with so much crap that I fear I go way too far most of the time. It has been a great lesson in forbearance and all that but I think I have to put my foot down and seek better. Last night, I was sorely tempted to go drinking with the guys at work but I didn't. Really, the lack of money was what prevented me but I was also thinking of all the calories. Everyone else, I will catch up later. Linda, Happy, your posts were great. Linda, you saying you hugged your cats more thinking of my lost one was so touching. Thanks.

On the diet, challenge front, I am still OK! No sugar, nuts, deep-fried croquets or bean-filled things since the start of Lent. It's been hard with the sugar but yesterday when I wanted something sweet I had a bit of grape juice. Normally, I don't drink fruit juice but I couldn't get to the store to buy fruit so I had that. It was like candy to me!

Trying to find more time here . . . till later!

Hi all. Red, a huge congrats to you for keeping on track, despite what's been going on. I wish I could say the same. And a huge hug too.

I just want to cry right now. My friend still hasn't contacted me, so I guess she is still mad. I have to work at my part time job this weekend. I have to work tonight at my full time job, because the team leader couldn't be bothered to train her new staff. I have to go in late tomorrow night to train two staff on how to do a nebulizer. I didn't get a chance to ride this afternoon as I planned because I was tracking down a nebulizer. . . . Sigh. Could someone get me some cheese to go with this whine??? I am just tired. Overwhelmed. I want some help. And I just feel lost. My eating is not good.

OK. Enough of the whining for now. Here's to a better night. Hope everyone else is well.

Jolly, despite your low, I had to laugh at the "cheese with the whine!" That was good. In fact, it took a tick before I got it! Did I miss something, what is this about your friend not calling you and being mad at you? I don't know what happened but if your friend is mad that's her problem, not yours. She has to get over it and deal with it, not you. People shouldn't be touchy, easily ticked, whatever, it's arrogant, totally arrogant. If she can't fight it out in the open with you, then it's not worth it. Sorry you didn't get to ride. I know these things are way more than what they sound to be to others. You need this ride, this time with your horse. I hope you can get there soon. You ARE tired. You ARE overwhelmed. Come on, deep breaths. It's like you're in the ocean way off shore. You're tired and getting to shore is hard and starting to look impossible. The panic sets in, you HAVE to swim or drown. DON'T feel the panic. Tread for a while. Concentrate on you and you alone, your strength, and then just move slowly, always focusing on your strength, within. Don't think of all that has to be done, the distance to shore, your tiring muscles. Just focus on your strength. You can do this jolly. Calm. Don't think about your eating now. Think about your ride on Chance the other day if that helps you. Don't think about not being able to ride him now, think of how that good ride felt. Take that mindset into your other tasks. I don't even know what a nebulizer is let alone how to use one. You have these awesome skills and knowledge. You may feel lost but you're not lost. Just gather your strength. Calm, calm, calm.

Red, thank you SO MUCH! I guess it is true that God sends us what we need, even if from unexpected sources. Thank you. You are right. One of my biggest faults, both personally and work wise, is that I have tunnel vision when there are problems. I like to get from the problem to the solution, as quick as possible. So, usually this is a good thing - I am a good problem solver. But, when there are multiple problems at once, I get distracted, and frustrated because I can't just go from problem to solution - there are so many side trips along the way. You are right, I need to learn how to tread water for a bit. Maybe if I slow down, brreath, and wait - a ship will come along. Or Flipper - I could take a well trained dolphin.

Just two side notes - a nebulizer is a machine that gives medicine treatments to help people breath. A client of mine now needs one, and I have to make sure the staff can do it. As for my friend, I love her, I know she cares about me and my "fur children" but she is a very logical person. When I told her about Justin, she got very upset, and was asking all sorts of when/why/how questions. I understand things need to make sense to her, but it wasn't helping me deal with my pain over MY dog. Finally, I snapped and told her I didn't understand what she was looking for, because all these questions were doing was make me feel like a bad f^@$*#g owner. Except, there weren't any cute symbols when I said it. Now she wouldn't say **** if she stepped in it, and was clearly offended. I did email her the next morning, and left a message last night, saying I was sorry I swore at her, but I haven't heard back. Ah, the guilt just keeps coming and coming.

So that's all I have to say about that. How are you doing?? Have you had anymore chances to go ride? I am going this morning, if I get my butt off the computer in time I hope you are all right. have a good day.

And to everyone else, QUIT LURKING! Come, chat. Give me something to think about other than my own selfish self. (See, it is all about me). SEriously though, I hope to hear from everyone soon, and that things are working out with new homes, new jobs, finding new jobs, health etc. Take care and have a good day.

Sorry, I wasn't lurking. I took a day off from posting on this thread and the other one I am on. I think I am having a rougher time, emotionally about DH's job and spent alot of time yesterday doing nothing but watching tv and feeling sorry for myself, to be honest. Not a good thing. I did quilt for awhile, which gives me some peace, but all in all, I wasted my day.
Sounds like someone needs to scoop us all up off the floor or something?
But, on a positive level, I have still not given in and had chocolate. I made a low fat pineapple upside down cake yesterday (so I guess I wasn't being totally worthless yesterday, after all!). It's 4 ww points a slice, not too bad and it was satisfying. Now, the big problem is that no one else likes pineapple in my household, so I think I will freeze the rest of the cake and bring it to my quilt meeting on Wednesday as I just don't want to have that sitting on the counter and eat is ALL by myself.
Do you all ever have something that you just HAVE to have and get out of your system now and then? The pineapple cake was IT for me, pretty weird, right?
Given that I made the cake with applesauce instead of oil and it has a fruit topping as opposed to fatty frosting, it's a much better choice for a dessert than any other cake like thing, other than the soda cakes. But, I ended up putting frosting on those anyway and they amounted to as many points as this pineapple thing.
I am still amazed at how much self control I've had, though, in the past I might have had two slices of that cake last night, instead of one. I would probably have indulged in a huge piece of it for breakfast this morning as well. Instead I had a 1/2 banana and oatmeal with skim milk. What a good girl!
I'm still feeling a bit sick, coughing at night and congested with a sinus headache, etc. The entire household has had this lovely virus and we are all talking squeeky!
Linda

Hi Derry. WOW. Huge congrats on staying away from the chocolate, and coming up with solutions to the extra cake issue. I know things are stressful for you right now, but you are making good choices for yourself. Way to go.

I did go work out today, and I did get to ride. Had another good ride. I am trying to just focus on each moment as it comes, and enjoy or deal with it, whatever the case may be. Not drive myself nuts worrying about "couldawouldashouldas" or what could happens. I am a slow learner, but I am trying.

Have a great day all.

Hi, guys. Sunday morning here. I am going to try to get to the stable. It's so far away and I don't feel the best but I know that if I get into the habit of canceling it'll be a fast roll downhill. I usually feel better after I go and the whole reason for most of my travails are because I have this horse and because I want to become a good rider so I've got to buckle down and just do it. I've learned not to think, to just say, "shut up!" when I start to think of the pain, the hardships. It gets me out there.

Jolly, glad something I said helped you. Sometimes, in fact, maybe more often than not, life throws us all sorts of problems at once. And some of them, I don't think have solutions, or, at least, not ones we want to take, which means, they're not really solutions are they? A lot of things work themselves out, or we get past them without directly dealing with them. I've found a lot of things just need TIME. Kind of like a seed wanting to germinate. I mean, if we were farmers and we'd get all in a tizzy wondering why that seed hadn't sprouted yet and we'd go and dig it up to keep checking it, it would never have a chance to do just what only time can do. Some problems are like that. I think with your friend it could be that as well. Then again, maybe the problem was one just waiting to be discovered, in other words, that this friend, has this problem and is just going to have to deal with it. In fact, from the sounds of it, I'd say that's what's going on. I mean, you can't do much more. There is certainly nothing wrong with swearing, expressing your emotions. It's not even like you told her off directly. And even if you had, that's your right and if you needed to do that at that time then you should do it because you have to express yourself and grow from there. You can't suffocate your thoughts and feelings and expect to grow. Anyhow, that wasn't even the case. If a person can't hear certain words without being personally offended, then, I say, get a life. Life isn't cute. Life isn't about Miss Manners. You emailed her. You said you were sorry. And you shouldn't be sorry, because swearing is OK. I assume you meant you were sorry you had offended her, but you see, there again, that's her problem, NOT yours. If she wants you to change because she has a problem then she's trying to put you on a guilt trip. You don't need those kind of friends. If your relationship means nothing more to her than that, if your friendship can be sacrificed over some swearing, then it's not much of a friendship, is it? Maybe she'll come around. Give her a little time. If not, chalk it up as a case of circumstances revealing the person. Jolly, you need friends that are there for you, when YOU need them, not when it's pretty, not when it's convenient. You approached her, showing her you wanted to continue the friendship. If she is on a high horse somewhere, leave her there. Someday she'll get bucked off. NO GUILT, Jolly!! Heh, good to hear you had another good ride. That's good, short-range focus. This is how you get through the real hellish times. Bring it down to the microcosm. That is still a part of the big picture. When you're in the woods, you have to see the trees to get out.

Derry -- Yes, great going with the chocolate challenge. I love pineapple. That cake would have been gone in no time with me! I'm still good with my challenge but it certainly doesn't seem to be helping in the weight arena. I don't understand that either because I know I was consuming mega calories with the sugar. But, that's not why I started the challenge, well, maybe it was and I wasn't admitting it, but I'm going to have to face up to what I said in the start and not throw in the towel now because the scale isn't budging. I hope you feel better with your cold/flu and that something comes along positive on the job scene. Are you working at the fast food place? Yes, these days are bad ones it seems for all of us, but we have to think that this is a great training ground. We'll be so much stronger when we come out of it, graduation day! here we come! This self-control revelation you are having, derry, is no little thing. This will serve you well in other times, not the self-control, or not just that, but the knowing that you can do something you set out to do.

Hi!
No, I'm not working, guess they didn't have the shift available that I wanted, or something about me didn't appeal? At any rate, they didn't call me in to work. However, I did obtain phone numbers of a couple of area temp agencies, maybe that would be best for me right now?
If you have truly given up all those calories, Red, I wonder why the scale hasn't shown numbers in your favor? Keep at it! I know what you mean about it not necessarily being about the scale vs. self control and all that. However, I sometimes notice that it really takes awhile for the scale to show when you've been really good - sometimes as much as three weeks. We all want really immediate results, but that is not always the case.
I must be feeling a bit better as my appetitie is coming back! Not a good thing, considering, but still it's good to be feeling a bit healthier.
Hope things work out with your friend, Jolly.
Today, is a calming day, I proclaim it. What is it that calms your soul? For some of you, it's riding. I am working on DH to hop in the car and take a ride to the ocean and walk on the beach, it's biting cold here, but I don't care. I just think the ocean is where I need to be right now.
We live about a 20 minute ride from the ocean here in NH, not to bad to get there.
Linda

Right now, finding time, somehow, somewhere to take care of clutter would be calming. Ah well. Maybe tomorrow when I wait for the cable guy. Good luck getting to the beach, Derry. Water is always soothing for me. And good luck going to ride REd, you know you will feel better after.

I tried out a new gym today. Was going to wait until Thursday, so I could check out a class, but I didn't have time to get to the gym I want to quit, and workout before work. So, I asked if I could use my pass today at the other gym, and they did. Much nicer atmosphere. So, Miss Impulsive will hopefully be changing gyms on Friday. since I have had such a hard time getting someone to help me put together a weight routinek, I am just going to try and find comparable machines to the ones I was using at the first gym, and just continue that routine for now.

Well, I have to hurry and do a few things before going to work. Take care all. Good luck with the temp agency, Derry!

Hi Derry, the ocean sounds very calming. If it's only 20 mins. away you should try to get there more often, no? Biting cold can make it even better. Kind of puts things in perspective. The winter ocean, especially the Atlantic is awesome, reminds you of the power of nature, of the hugeness of things and I think we need this is this world today where everything seems so close, so accessible, so controllable, such a matter of just doing it. There are bigger things out there, in fact, what moves our lives. Guess I can use a bit of that too. I don't really have anything calming here in Tokyo. Part of the problem. I love nature but around here it's all people, people, people, no matter where you go, ocean, mountains.

Jolly, how are things with you? I'm glad you found a gym that seems better. Atmosphere means a lot. But remember, that changes with the day and the people that are in it. If you socialize a bit while you're there and make friends, just to say a few words to, it can make all the difference.

Well, just a quickie. Have work to do before I go to the office.

Hey all. Just another quickie for me too. You know how I said what would be relaxing for me would be some time to clear out some clutter??? Well, my part time job was dead tonight, and I got to leave two hours early. I had time to do the dishes, do my budget stuff, groom the dogs, snuggle over a little Oscars and still get to bed earlier than I would have if I had worked a full shift. Just getting my table cleared off makes me feel better Now, if I can do my house cleaning tomorrow while I wait for the cable guy . . .

Have a good one everyone.

Red, can't imagine having so many people around all the time. There must be some way to travel "out" of this enviroment and find a calm sense of peace? Maybe something like Ansel Adams photography books? Have you seen his stuff? Put on some soft music, take the time to study nature in some way, even if it's not right in front of you!
Jolly, so glad you had some time to organize a bit. I know when my house is cluttered, my mind is cluttered! This kind of stressed feeling probably contributes to grabbing at food vs. planning the right and proper foods as well?
Well, we did go to the ocean yesterday. We drove south into Massachusetts and through the towns of Rowley and Ipswich MA. We saw several historic New England homes, built in the 1600s and 1700s in our travels and drove out over a bridge onto an island called Plum Island where there are miles and miles of clam flats as far as the eye can see in either direction. Ipswich MA is known for these marshes called clam flats where the majority of ocean clamming is done, probably the most clamming in the entire Northeast USA, it's amazing. The birds, the sea and the contrast of stark snow and ice against the gorgeous dark blue ocean was amazing. I was glad we went.
we came home to a nice cozy fire, beef stew and popovers and watched some of the Oscars as well.
I'm glad we took some time to refocus.
Loved your comments, Red, on the "hugeness" of things, so very true.
Linda