Well, today was a pretty awful day. The mammogram did not go well. After I was done, I waited only for the technician to return and put me through it all over again. Then, after waiting an inordinate amount of time, the radiologist came to tell me that there was a problem. I have to have an MRI on each breast. I was pretty devastated. I really hoped that they were gonna just send me on my way. The receptionist couldn't schedule my appointment. She gave me a card, and I had to go use a pay phone to do it. Don't you just love the compassion? So, as my whole body was shaking and the tears kept flowing, I attempted to make an appointment. Luckily, my phone card worked. I had to make two separate appointments...one for each breast. The first one was supposed to be tomorrow morning and the other on Thursday afternoon. Well, while my insurance company thought about whether or not I need to find out if I have breast cancer, the place doing the MRI cancelled my morning appointment. They needed immediate authorization. So, now I can't go till Thursday and then the following Wednesday. I tried to fight it, but nobody gave a sh*t. Nobody had the compassion to help me find out sooner. So, here I wait...absolutely terrified. Honestly, I don't care if I get a serious illness. I just don't want my daughter to suffer. I want her to have a healthy mommy. Heck, I want her to have a mommy, period.

I really need your prayers.

Oh Summer! How horrible. I'm soooo sorry for so many things! You are most certainly in my prayers! I wish that I could help make that appointment come sooner, the insurance company to give you the ok to go in the morning.... a receptionist with some compassion and some heart.....and of course...NOTHING to find on the MRI's! ((((hugs)))) You can and will get thru this! Please feel the support from your friends here! ((((hugs))))

please take care...hang in there!

Summer, my heart goes out to you. Lord bless you and keep you....make His face shine upon you and give you peace. I will keep praying for you. Hugs..........and do what you have to to keep yourself sane for now. It will be ok, one way or another.
Take care....we love you here! And feel free to vent whenever.
Ginny

Quiet here......hope everyone is doing ok.
Got to my WW meeting, I sure needed a kick in the can. No WI, I chose to use a skip the scale coupon.....I was horribly off plan at the end of last week. But the past 2 days have been good, so I am marching to a good WI next week.
BTW- I will not be joining Curves- just too expensive for me. College tuition, the school tax bill came ($400 increase over last year! ouch!) and just clothes for the kids....car repairs......the list is endless. I hope to invest in a Leslie Sansone stretchie, that will be my big purchase.
Ds wants the computer, and I think I will take myself out for a short walk. I'll stop back in later to say hello.
Hang in there Mouse, Kerry, Robyn and Summer. I'll be in the thick of it in just 2 more days.......
Ginny

Evening Ladies,
Summer my heart goes out to you. Here is a couple ((((hugs)))) from me sweetie. I will say my prayers that you will find out the answers sooner than they orginally planned. Keep your spirits up and think postive thoughts. :)
Ginny, Robyn and Mouse hope all is going well with you.
My boss came in today to say that we are getting another student tomorrow morning. She is in a wheelchair and needs a one on one full time aide. We don't have the aide yet. So that should make for an interesting day.
I went to TOPS tonight and lost a pound. So I am back at my lowest weight. But everytime I get here I put the weight back on. So I am hoping to break through that barrier this week.
Well I better go and get some work done. I need to read this girl's IEP before tomorrow morning. Talk to you all later.
Hugs,
Kerry
I might check back in with everyone tonight.

Hi, everyone.
Oh, Summer! You're definitely in my thoughts and prayers. You've been hugged almost to the squash point, but here are a few more... and some of my extra special LOW-FAT brownies! I am known at work for these brownies: they're homemade, and I use applesauce and egg whites so they're low-fat. I wish I could give you some real ones, but the virtual ones will have to do!
If you need to vent, let me know.... PM or Email. I'm not you, so I can't know how you feel, but I know how I felt just a few short weeks ago going through this! I sure didn't expect the ultrasounce, hidascan, and all that mess... And my insurance company also refuses to pay for the surgery that my endocrinologist recommended.

Kerry: Good luck with your new one. Don't you love that? I get that stuff all the time. "Oh, we're adding a new kid to your class, but he can't be near two of these other kids! He needs to sit away from them." Yea, and I have 16 kids in the class already!!!! Or the student in the powerchair that I got, who also needed a 1:1 aide, and I'm on the second floor of an ancient building with a constantly broken elevator... And we have one lift bus for the whole district, so he has to come in with the elementary kids at 9:30 instead of with the middle school kids at 7:30. That or he comes with the high school vo-tech kids at 6:50.

Ginny: I hope your bus is calm!

Me? Well, I was at work at 7:15 and left at 5. I don't have kids yet, either. I almost skipped the gym, but then made a decision for MY benefit, and grabbed dinner at Noodle and Company, then went swimming for an hour and a half! I skipped the weights, but I just needed to SWIM!
And now... I need to go do more work. I have two things to get done before I can go to bed, and I took my meds a bit ago so I'd best hurry or I'll be asleep!

:mouse:

Hey a real quick drive by.... I've been up since 5 doing school work....I don't even have kids yet and it has already begun! There is so much to do! ...and the rest of my "stuff" just doesn't disappear so I can do School junk! Anyway....

Summer, you've been on my mind and in my prayers! Just wanted you to know that I'm thinking about you!

Rest: you are in my prayers as well! This time of year is sooooo stressful for us! Everyone hold it together! :) I'm trying....

Kerry:Whooohoooo for your loss! YOU are doing soooo well! I'd be jealous if I didn't realize that your loss is due to EFFORT...and well, lately, I've made LITTLE TO NONE! sigh!

Mousie: Good for you! You did your swimming! You decided that YOU were important! :) Tell us more about the brownies..... type slooooowwwwly! hehehe

Ginnie: There is much (yeah, I know it....just, ahem, not doing it currently!) that you and Leslie Sansome can accomplish in your living room! BUT, I am sorry that you're purse is being pinched! (Mine is also...and I've got no one in college! EEK!) :) I have her stretchie.... make sure that it is the same price as other stretchies...ie, her's isn't all that and a bag of chips (no fat, of course...) ...it isn't worth paying $$ more just to get it from HER....does that make sense?!

Gotta run..... it is nearly time to get ready for school..... everyone now...scream, "HOTDIGGITY!" (Cause that isn't close to what I want to yell!) hehehe!

take care.......

A quick good morning..........
Kerry- congrats on the 1# loss......I am at the same plateau, have not been able to get below this weight for years literally. Let's break thru our weight barriers together, ok!!! Sorry about the extra student! They did that to me~ told me that they were going to shorten my route, make it easier.......and well I went from the low 50's a month ago to 60 as of yesterday. No monitor.......and I checked my seating chart last nite, there are very few 4th and 5th graders......mostly 3rd, 1rst and K's. Anyway, I know you are a professional and will do wonderfully.

Robyn- do you know a good price for a stretchie?????Where do I pick up such a thing (found one in Walmart, but it was with tapes that I do not need) And, Hon, when you get done screaming "Hot Diggity", please let out a hearty "Aw Sh**!!!" for me, cause that is how I am feeling about starting tomorrow. Keep up your wonderful sense of humor.

Mouse- GOOD FOR YOU!!!!!!! It was great to read that you took the time out for you and got that swim in. It is an inspiration to us all, and even when I can't always find the time for me, well if at least one of us can then I do not feel so bad.

A busy day- Ds needs transporting to everywhere.....bball practice then his gf's soccer game. Got my seating chart almost done, almost finished the welcome back letter and finished the seat marker tiles (long story, but these I can take down... and do not have to deal with cleaning up a mess from tape/tacky tack etc... been wanting to do this for 2 years). I WILL get a walk in. And Dh is driving me insane. He is in mourning over Dd leaving for college.......spoke to his parents last night on the phone and sounded as though he had just attended her funeral. Please do not think I am a calous person.....I mourn the loss of her young childhood too....but I am one of those life has to go on types, and we still have two at home who need us. (and I fess up that a wee part of me wonders if he gives that much of a hoot about me).
Nuff bellyachin!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Summer-still praying for you.....I think of you a lot and wish I could give you a hug for real. I wish I could say something to take the fear/hurt away......but please know that we are all pulling for you.

Take care......stay strong and keep smiling! June is coming sooner or later! (aw shut up Ginny!)
Ginny

First: Summer, another hug... hope you're doing okay.
The brownies are done. They're cooling on the stove (the only place the cat can't get to them... I have a chocoholic cat, so I need to keep the brownies away from him until they're cool enough for me to put the lids on the pans. And the cat's mad because I wouldn't give him any batter!).
Today was a rotten day, but I'll spare you all the details. It involves me losing my mind b ecause I can't find materials I KNOW I have here somewhere (this is new, and I hate feeling like I can't find or remember things. Its probably from lack of sleep today), 3 broken elevators and my inability to do stairs because of the ankle, and an almost ticket from the Baltimore City police.
The latter was just so humiliating... A friend had to pick me up and bring me home from work because of the elevator issues at my apartment, I couldn't get to my own car. On the way home from school, we hit a traffic check. They were checking for seatbelts. I didn't have mine on because it didn't fit. My friend has a SAturn, and normally they fit, but his passenger seatbelt is in an odd position... plus the pannus is larger on that side. I tried, but I'm hardly ever in his car. I usually drive my own, or the one time I was in his car, I was driving it! The driver's side belt fits fine.
So the officer pulled us over, of course... I had to SHOW HER that the seat belt didn't fit. I was so humiliated and embarrassed. It was terrible, especially when she lectured us that you can buy seat belt extenders and he should have one. She thought I was his wife. He has a son that is only 8 years younger than me. At least my demonstration kept him from getting a $100 ticket.
Top all of that off with today being one of those days where the mere thought of food made me sick, and I didn't eat all day today. Between that and no car, I skippe the gym... made me even gladder I went yesterday.
Brownie description: They're low fat brownies... I cheated tonight and used the low-fat mix from Betty Crocker. They had one with Splenda in it, too, but they wanted more oil and more eggs than the other kind, and I didn't feel like experimenting with my egg whites and applesauce tonight to make them moist enough. Then, of course, I ruin the low-fat benefits by putting in chocolate and peanut butter chips (one batch), and mint extract and white chocolate in the other. The brownies are very popular with everybody that has had them, and even my student's liked them... the mint ones! You know how teens are about different foods!

I'm going to bed now, though. G'inght all.
:mouse:

You, all of you, are the best. I so appreciate all the hugs, prayers, and virtual brownies (my favorite). Tomorrow is my first MRI, and miracle of miracles, my insurance has authorized it. It is constantly in the back of my mind, but I have found some peace by handing it over to God. I am fortunate to be surrounded by a very supportive faculty. It is funny...I have very little in common (besides teaching) with most of these people, and my only real friend out of the staff left in June after giving birth. Yet, even though we aren't really friends, the majority have approached me offering supportive comments. (There are so many gossips...so my bad news got around fast.) I don't care that they are all talking about me, especially if they are wishing me well. I need all the positive energy I can get right now. My DH called our minister who then called me. We had a good talk. Right now, I am just keeping busy with school and DD. I'm trying not to dwell on the negative. If I do have breast cancer, I will fight harder than I've ever fought for anything before. I must live long enough to raise my child, period. So, no matter what my diagnosis, I will live. I refuse to give up.

I'm sorry I haven't responded to all of you personally in a few days. I'm hoping you understand that my emotions have been all over the place. Mousie, I'm sorry about your extremely stressful and crappy day. Ginny, you crack me up...thanks for the giggle. Robyn, you are rubbing off on Ginny. Kerry, congrats, and I sure hope you get through that invisible barrier. When you figure out the answer, let me know, because I'm at the same point.

I will hopefully be back here tomorrow night to tell you that at least one of my breasts is in the clear. I just can't think any other way right now.

Thanks again for all your support!!!!!!!!!!

You're in my thoughts, Summer! I'm thinking positive things for you!

please, when you can, post and let us know.... it goes withoutsaying that we are
all waiting to hear!

take care....

Good morning!!!!!

Summer- I keep thinking of you.........glad that Dh called your minister, that must have been some comfort to you. Good news that the insurance covers this too......Hugs for you today.....

Mouse- raspberries on the police!!! Sorry you had such a crummy day.

Robyn and Kerry, how are you doing?????

Me, I am off to drive my big yellow bus. Bummer..........
See ya later!
Ginny

Evening Ladies,
Hope all is well with everyone. I made it through the day yesterday with my new student. She is such a sweetheart. Mostly nonverbal, due to a brain injury she recieved as a toddler in a serious car crash. It took the lives of her aunt and grandma. So she is one lucky young lady to be alive. Her mom stayed yesterday to help us get use to her daughter's needs and wants. So that was a good thing. But let me tell you, I was very tired when I got home last night. Then my dh decides to go for a very long walk. We live in the center of town and when all was said and done we had walk to the edge of town and back. I was getting tired, thirsty and had to pee really bad by the time we got home. I was tempted to go behind some trees at one point in our walk. But I could just see me either getting posion ivy or some one catching me swatting with my big butt showing. LOL. So I went to bed after our walk. Sleeped good last night too. Must have been the two mile walk in the morning, going to Curves and then the long evening walk.
Summer how did your MRI go today? I am thinking positive thoughts and sending them your way. (((((hugs))))) too. :)
Robyn when do you get your students? How is your classroom coming along?
Ginny how was your day? I bet you are tired tonight. You can get strechie bands at any sporting goods store. We got some for my sdd at Durham's. I think we might have paid 5 or 8 dollars for them. She loves them, when she does a walking video with me.
Mouse, sorry to hear that you had a bad day yesterday. Your brownies sound heavenly. I might have to try that recipe and take a treat to school or TOPS sometime. So was today a better day? I hope so.
Well ladies, I think I am going to go and call my one friend and see if she wants to go for a walk. If she doesn't, I will just go by myself or go for a bike ride. Talk to you all later.
Have a great Friday. Then weekend is near and it is a long one at that too!! :) :)
Hugs,
Kerry

Well, you can add MRI's to my list of things I'd rather not do. I've always wondered, "what's the big freaking deal?!" Okay, I get it. It is a very unpleasant procedure. I was put on this "table" with two holes...one for each boob. There was no face pillow like at the chiropractor, just a big fluffy pillow for you to suffocate in or strain your neck on. My stomach "rested" on a hard surface which arched my spine. (They really ought to consult with a chiropractor/physical therapist/orthopedist when designing these tables.) My legs were too long until I was inside the machine. Anyway, I was really uncomfortable and was forced to lie still for 25 minutes in a very confined space with an I.V. in my arm. The sound reminded me of an alarm.

Once in, I started having trouble breathing, and felt myself going into a panic attack. I had to talk to myself and slow down my breathing to calm myself down. I think knowing that I needed this test helped me to just get through it.

I wish I wasn't such a baby about this. I have had some horrible procedures done to me between an AWAKE endoscopy where I dry heaved through the whole thing...a hysterasalpingagram, insertion of dye up my uterus in front of several Yale medical students as my legs rested on my doctor's shoulders because I was too tall for the table (Do they design these tables for dwarfs or what?)...in vitro fertilization...Oh there's just too many uncomfortable and humiliating procedures to count. I just thought because I'd been through so many medical things already, a simple MRI would be a piece of cake. Yeh, right.

I haven't gotten results yet. Who knows when I will. I must put the whole situation back in God's hands. I did my part, now it is His turn.

Kerry, the amount of exercise you are getting amazes me. Your new student sounds darling.

Ginny & Robyn, thanks for your prayers and good wishes.

Thanks to all four of you for your support. You are a great bunch of friends.

Summer I am sorry that you had a horrible experience with the MRI today. If I could I would have been there to hold your hand. It hurts me to see what kind of pain and worry you are going through to find some answers. You know that I will keep saying my prayers that God will give you some answers soon. Plus He will guide you through whatever you have to do in order to be healthy. You have a great outlook on life. Please don't let this little road block get you down. How is this year's class at school?
My kids are starting to hate me, I think. I have to get after them to stay on task. There are some times when I have to raise my voice at them and that mad one of them mad at me today. He drew a picture of me with a hole in it. He told his classmate that was where he was going to kill me for yelling at them before lunch. So I sent him to see the guidance cousenlor. Hopefully tomorrow is a better day. I think a lot of their problems are adjusting to a new classroom, a new student, and this week I started doing academic work with them. They still feel that it is summer vacation. Oh well, I must being doing something right if they are starting to not like me this early in the year. Usually they wait until after Christmas break to start bad mouthing me. LOL :)
I hope everyone else had a good day today. I did go for a walk by myself tonight. My friend wasn't home. So I got another 2 miles in this evening. I hope that will help me blast through my barrier. My goal is to be down another pant/dress size by Christmas.
Well I think I will go and watch a little tv before getting some shuteye tonight.
Good night,
Kerry