Ang, first of all: *love* your new avatar and signature!

I also think it’s excellent that you did your track workout – you have increased your amount of exercising a lot lately, haven’t you? Good going! I think you’re doing great, Ang – you’re eating better, exercising more – and feeling better about yourself too. Excellent choice on the brownie! And congratulations on losing a couple of pounds! Yey for you!!!

Looking into gyms is a good idea, even if you’re just looking. It’s always a good thing to know about existing offers in your neighbourhood.
Good to hear that you seem to be OK with your talk to the BF too. I feel happy for you too! That you stood up for yourself and spoke to him honestly. Good for you.

Ang, about losing weight: I’m sure that when you get stability in your life – and get settled into your new life – you will figure out the routines, and then lose the weight. It’s mostly about habits I think – once we get started and feel good, it’s easier to just continue.
Good to hear work is going well too!

I did lose a couple of pounds too last week and I really didn’t think I would – so I was pleasantly surprised by that. I’m still 3lbs from having lost 25lbs since April, but I’m fairly decided that I will start maintaining when I’m down to 183.
And yes, I really do think stability is the key for me. When I started thinking about losing weight at my biggest (and most depressed), the thing that really held me back from trying was the knowledge that every time I had lost weight in the past I had gained it all back again. Before I could decide to start losing weight again I had to look into what I could do to minimize the risk of that happening again. My philosophy was that “if I couldn’t keep it off, I was not interested in losing it in the first place”.
The conclusions I made, and have based this on, are well known to you all by now: eat less than 1500 calories a day, not losing weight for longer than 6 months at a time, and maintain the new weight for at least 9 months before losing any more. I also figured it would take at least 4 or 5 years. And it's been a good plan for me so far.

I did lower body at the gym today, and I’m starting to feel ready for adding weight on the 45lbs bar I use when doing squats. Instead I’ll concentrate on improving the form even more the last week. Heh.
I’m still getting a kick out of this – and today I actually talked to people I lifted next to. Maybe in another month I’ll even feel like I belong there!
Have a great day everybody – talk to you guys later.

mette - last night I decided to put in a few minutes to investigate the options around this site. Thanks for noticing my little changes.

mette - Like Jessica, I am very impressed at your patience. It is amazing that you can be as disciplined as you are. Your reasoning makes perfect sense to me. I can also understand your fear about wanting to put the weight back on. Ultimate success is making lifestyle changes. You are right that I need to get into a habit. This working schedule is kicking my butt and I just need to figure it all out. I also realize that I needed to experience a whole year of seasons to know how much I can really do after work and such. So in the year I have learned a lot about myself and what I am capable of and not capable of.

For example, at this point in my life I don't see myself exercising before work so I am basically giving up on that. I have also learned that I will never be able to restric my eating enough to lose weight without a good deal of exercise. I guess everything just takes time, patience and a little understanding and compassion with our bodies.

Good job at the gym. Congratulations on talking to people at the gym. I bet it wasn't nearly as bad as you feared, right?

Gotta go to a meeting. Happy hump day.

Wow, you two have been busy posting! Where have I been?

Ang: I am so glad you talked with the bf. Now that you mention it, the fact that he has little experience being in a relationship with someone makes perfect sense when you look at the behaviors you've described. Hopefully he will be open minded and willing to "learn" how to love and show affection like you need him too. I'm just glad you were able to open up and get it off your chest. That must be a huge relief. Your observations about the brownie are just the kind of thing you should (we all should) be focusing on; the little, daily choices we make. The decision of, "not right now, maybe later" that we make when we are confronted with foods we would "normally" devour. And not thinking about it in terms of deprivation, but putting it off until later, because you don't really need it now. If we are successful with this a few times, it will be much easier to not eat those tempting things. That's sort of what I've done at work with all the goodies people bring in, and I've said no enough, people have stopped offering them to me. I think you really are making a lot of progress, even if you feel like you aren't sometimes. We're all so proud of you!

On the topic of the motorcycle, I've owned two bikes in my life, the last one I recently sold because I really wasn't riding it much and couldn't justify the payment (I bought a new car, too, and two vehicle payments were kind of silly.) My step-dad has an "extra" bike that he's said I could ride any time. I got my license in '96 and have even ridden on some racetracks. It's funny, because people at work were shocked that I like to ride, I guess I don't look like the "biker babe" type... Mike doesn't ride though, and it makes him nervous when I do because he's known so many people who've been in serious accidents. I have crashed before and it wasn't pleasant, so I ride much less now.

I like your avatar and your signature too! You're so clever. I didn't realize your high weight was 242. You really have done an awsome job.

Mette: Congratulations on talking with people at the gym!! Sounds like you're starting to feel a little more comfortable there? And adding weight to the bar on your squats, that is quite an accomplishment! Like I said, I still have trouble keeping my balance and not falling over, even with just a wooden stick and no weight. Yikes.

Ang: Thank you for the support on my vacation plans. People at work seemed a little shocked that I wasn't really going anywhere. I'm just happy to be home relaxing. Like I said, I'm going out of town Friday for a couple of days, but my goal for this week was just to take care of myself. Yesterday I bought some wicker baskets to organize hanging files so that we can get our paperwork organized; paper was taking over every flat surface of my house, so getting it filed away will be a really good thing. I started last night and will finish today, and I'm already feeling more in control. I also visited my grandparents and spent about an hour and a half with them. They are always so happy to see me, and it's very rewarding and special for me to make time for them. Mike was home most of the day yesterday, so we did spend some time together, but he was in a bad mood because of work and for some reason I felt a little resentful that he was home during MY time... I tried not to feel that way, but I ended up not doing some things I'd wanted to because he was around. He's down in Long Beach today, tomorrow and Friday, but will be driving home each evening, so we can spend that time together. He's not going with me on my parent's anny. because 1) he doesn't want to be with my folks and 2) it was cheeper for my brother to rent the house if there were only 4 of us; bro asked me about it and I told him to go ahead and get the cheeper rate. I'm grateful he's footing the bill for the weekend and I wanted to make it easier on him. Like I said before, though, I think the quality time alone with my family might be a productive thing for me.

To let you guys know, I am officially at the 20-lbs. lost mark, as of this morning, so my chickie really is accurate now. I also took my measurements, which I'll list below:

That's a total of 8" lost overall since July 18 (or 7.5" if you count the gain in the bicep). I wish I'd had a tape measure in June when I started, because I'm sure that would have been very encouraging! I can't wait to see how my body changes when I finally tackle the exercise-monster.

Anyway, I hope you both have a wonderful Wednesday! Talk with you soon!

Hi guys!

Ang – I really think you’ve come a long way this summer: learning about yourself and what you are capable of is really the most basic and necessary knowledge you can get. Know what works for you, know how you work. I think you’re 100% correct about that. And you say it so beautifully: we need time, patience, understanding and compassion with ourselves!
And Ang, I have to say the same as Jessica: I wasn’t aware that your start-weight was 242 either. You must feel completely different in your body now?
What did you do when you lost weight then, that you haven’t been doing now? Is it just that you used to run in the mornings back then?
What did you do for food? How did you eat?

Jessica – I think it’s very true what you write about choosing not to eat something: that it’s not about deprivation but putting things off until later. I think that’s what I’ve been thinking too – I just didn’t put it in words like you did! Very clever, Jessica!
And I love your vacation plans too – I think it sounds like you’re having a wonderful vacation! Are you planning on telling your mother and stepfather about Mike, and that you two live together during the family-vacation? Does your brother know about it?
Congratulations on reaching the 20lbs mark, Jessica! You’ve really done a wonderful job this spring and summer! And great that you’re down in measurements too – except for the biceps! Gotta love that! Big biceps are so sexy!

Renee – more good news! Very good to hear that the scare is over! And it could be due to any of the reasons you list – hopefully your stress-levels are going down soon.
I’m so glad you’re saying that you’re inspired by overweight women (at least one of them) at your gym – it’s so easy for us big women to feel pathetic and uncomfortable – I just feel glad inside every time I hear someone talk about big people at the gym in a positive way. And you should remember it for yourself too, Renee. Feeling ashamed is not motivating for anything!
Good that you’ve started distributing your resume – you never know, the dream job may appear one of these days! Nobody should stay in a negative atmosphere if they could choose not to!

I do have a good starting routine for weights! I have it written down, and I carry it with me in the weight room (with my bottle of water). For my 4 first week (I’m on my third now), I will not change anything – not the repetitions, not the weight, not the exercises – so I don’t need anything but my 3-sheet-plan stapled together. When my 5th week starts (which I’m actually looking forward to), I will get a small notebook to write down weight, reps and series for each exercise.
I do a 3 day split, like this:

Day 1: lower body: squats (45lbs, 8 reps, 3 series), leg press (88lbs, 8x3), leg curls (66lbs, 10x3) and shoulder press (14lbs (2 dumbbells 7lbs each), 10x3).
For me it’s been a very nice “lower body” start, I was a bit sore at first (especially from the squats), and I have been working on getting the correct form (also especially on the squats).

Day 2: upper body: bench press (44lbs (2 dumbbells 22lbs each), 8 reps, 3 series), one arm dumbbell row (30lbs, 8x3), biceps curls (22lbs, 8x3), triceps extensions (26lbs, 8x3), lower back extensions (on extension bench) (8x3).
I also like the “upper body” day – I have been a bit sore, and have been struggling with the one arm dumbbell row: it’s heavy! Plus the back extensions – I couldn’t even complete the series the first time I did them!

Day 3: combination day – combining exercises from the other two days: squats, bench press, one arm dumbbell row + the ab crunch machine (66lbs, 10 reps, 3 series).
This day is OK – but I think I prefer the two other days.

I warm up on a treadmill, bike, step machine, rowing machine, etc for 12 minutes. I spend 10 minutes after on sit ups and stretching. I’m done in about 50 minutes. And that is one of the things I really love about this program: it doesn’t last forever. When I went to the gym and did machines I did the full body every time and it took me 1 ½ hours to complete. This is much better!

And can you guys believe I’ve been doing this for 3 full weeks tomorrow?

I actually recommend the weights instead of the machines Renee – personally I just think they’re cooler and more fun! But maybe that’s just me?
Maybe you could look at your old programs (from when you had sessions with instructors), and see if they’re something you would want to try again? Having a plan going in will make your session much more effective, and learning the correct form will keep you from cheating.

Wish you luck on going back, I know it takes a lot of time to get started sometimes.

Good morning everyone. I am actually home right now. I think something is wrong with my washing machine and I have to wait for the repairman. I REALLY should be at work running subjects but I have not been getting much sleep so I decided to just take the whole day off from work, instead of just the afternoon, and sleep in a little. I feel REALLY guilty though about leaving my research partner in a bind at the last minute but hopefully it is not too bad there. One day I need to plan a day off though so I can really enjoy it. Right now the big plan was to sleep (did some of that sort of), catch up on posting (doing), run (in a few minutes) and clean my office while I wait for the repair guy. If I do it all I guess the day won't be an entire waste.

Jessica - it is amazing how many times I buy or eat something without even really thinking about it. As I try to think before (not sure how to always do this but it seems to be more frequently than at one time) I do realize that all the brownies in the world are not suddenly going to disappear. You are right that we are not trying to deprive but just put off and only have at times where we really want them. More often than not a truly crave good food. I think part of this is because I don't cook so it is nice to just have a balanced home cooked meal. I like the taste of sweets, don't get me wrong, but I don't usually get cravings for sweets or salt or other things. I guess that's good for me. Does anyone here get cravings? for what? What do you do about it?

Jessica - have fun and be safe whenever you ride. I'm sure you're careful and can enjoy the hobby. There are a number of people at my work that ride - it is amazing.

I was at my highest weight for only about a month. Who knows what happened but I shot up and then came back down pretty fast (started WW at that time - maybe I subconsciously put on the weight so it would look like I made progress early ). For any long time I would say that my highest was about 235 - still a lot though. When I moved to MA I was 170-172 so I'm trying to get off those 15 pounds (freshman 15 all over again without the school).

How is the vacation coming Jessica? It's understandable that you want to maximize your time, especially if Mike was not in a great mood. Luckily it seems that it was only a small portion of the vacation. Will you be away from the internet this weekend while you are away?

Congratulations Jessica on hitting 20 pounds! What a milestone. Even better maybe are the loses in your measurements. Can you tell the difference in your clothes? Maybe I should retake my measurements. I just wonder sometimes how reliable my measurements are on myself. Maybe this is just what you need to help motivate you to continue with the exercise. btw - how is that going while you are off?

Yeah for Renee. I am so relieved for you. Maybe this will give you some extra motivation to take charge of your life and try to get healthier and relieve some of your chronic stresses so it doesn't happen again.

Thanks for all the support with bf. In some ways the biggest question right now is just where a gf fits in his life and if that is enough for me. I'm not sure how to find this out but I'll work on it. I just wish it wasn't this hard. Right now I definitely don't feel like I am as important as work, friends, family, etc. but who knows.

Renee - I think it's fair to enjoy your time with your father. It doesn't mean you can't think about what you're eating though and try not to make all bad choices. If you do, definitely enjoy it all and be happy. I'm sorry work continues to be so stressful. Hang in there - your time off is coming!

Good luck with SBD. Keep us posted. I was thinking of trying it and would like to hear your thoughts - Renee.

Gotta get moving so I can get my run in. Have fun today everyone.

btw - this morning I was 184.4 so I think it may be real weight loss. I guess I should pick one day a week for my official weight. How do you gals do it? How often do you weigh? Which day of the week or month?

Morning gals,

Mette: I actually stole that bit about food from skinnydaily.com. Well, that's how I DO feel about food choices and that is how I lost weight before, but I read that on her site and it clicked with me. I'm plagerizing- I'm so ashamed! Anyway, it IS true, and very well said. I can't believe it's been three weeks already for you at the gym! That's great, and the fact that you're enjoying it and sticking with it is outstanding.

Renee: Yay, you're in the clear! Isn't it weird how our female bodies react to external influences like stress? I wonder if my ruptured ovarian cyst was a result of all the stress I'd been experiencing the last few weeks at work? Hm. I also think it's great that you're circulating your resume. When you think about the fact that you spend the majority of your waking life at your job, and more time with your co-workers than with your family, it becomes pretty clear that your work environment is very important and has a big effect of your life. I guess I'm pretty lucky because I've gotten some positive feedback at my job and people actually tell me I'm doing well and that I'm liked. It wasn't like that at my old department. Even with the praise I am still really hard on myself and stress out thinking I'm not doing a good job, so I know what you're going through. Anyway, I hope you do find something new; your current situation doesn't sound very healthy for you.

I ended up stopping by work last night because, even though I'm still on vacation I have to do a meeting tonight (my night meetings twice a month, if I haven't explained them, are taking minutes for our Planning Commission hearings, which is for my old department. It's a long story how I got roped into it, but I get overtime...) and I needed to pick up my packet. Our new deputy building official was working late (it was almost 9 p.m.) and that's a long story, too... we actually used to date a few years ago when I worked at my old department. Then he left to work for another city, and now he's back as of about a month ago and is technically one of my supervisors... luckily only one other person knows about our past relationship, otherwise it might cause problems. Anyway, he was there and we started talking... he told me that I'm very well-liked among management and he actually wants to start working with me on assuming more responsibility, like plan-checking plans for building permits (right now I only do very minor approvals and mainly just take in plans and issue permits, so that would be really good experience) and learning some of the management tools on our computer system like running reports that our floor supervisor currently does. The interesting thing about all of this is that Randa, our floor supervisor, is planning to retire in the next year or so, and they are undoubtably planning on finding someone to take over when she leaves. Needless to say, for being a 15 minute conversation, it was very enlightening, and I'm actually looking forward to getting back to the office and working hard to learn as much as I can.

On a fitness note, I actually went "running" yesterday. That is, I went to the track and exercised for almost 30 minutes, doing walk/run intervals. For the first few laps I walked for three minutes, ran for one, and then toward the end walked 3/4 of the track, ran 1/4. I was breathing hard on the run parts, but three minutes of walking was enough time for me to recover and run again. It's going to be work getting my cardio ability back to what it used to be, but I did it and it felt good.

Ang: How is your day going? Is your experiment running smoothly? Sounds like you were struggling with your subjects participating, I hope it gets better.

** Ang: We posted at the same time... The exercise has not gone as well as I'd hoped, I wrote about it in my blog this morning if you want to check it out. As far as weighing, I usually do it about 1 hour after I wake up (after I got potty) completely stripped down, on Sunday or Monday morning. I've gotten much better about not weighing myself every day. I'm so glad you had some weight loss and that it has stuck! You need some positive feedback! And the measuring, I don't know how accurate it is to measure yourself rather than have someone else do it, but I figure if I do it the same way each time in the same place, I'll be able to see movement one way or another, even if the measurements themselves are not exactly right. Does that make sense? I also think you definitely SHOULD take some scheduled time off for yourself. I know it's hard to enjoy it when you feel like you're letting your coworkers down. I'm sure your partner will be fine, though, so just enjoy your time as much as you can. Have a wonderful run.

Anyway, I've rambled long enough. Hope everyone is having a great Thursday.

It's amazing how much more time I have for the computer when I am not at work. I am going to start cleaning my office though in a couple of minutes. So far I have managed to do everything on my list. I ran for 46 minutes around my house (it was a lot of laps ). It was really hard on my legs for some reason but I'm glad I got it in today since I won't have time tonight or tomorrow to run.

Jessica - I think it's great that you got on the track and started 'running'. You are starting out right and will progress quicker than you can imagine. I did read your blog and you are right. There is time for a lot of things in our lives if we make them a priority and no time for the things that we don't. You'll do it when you are ready and at the pace you want.

Positive feedback is such a great thing. I think people are so quick to criticize but too often forget to tell people that they are doing a good job. Jessica - I think it's great that your 'supervisor' told you those nice things and it seems like you didn't even have to go looking for the compliments. The new pesonsibilities seem like a very positive thing too and hopefully interesting for you. I get very little if any feedback at work (everyone is in their own little world) so once a quarter or so I go see my boss and chat. At least I know he is not unhappy with me yet. It really helps with motivation, even the simplest little things. You go get 'em.

I talked with my research partner and the subject this morning went well. We have now had 4 completed this week and the 5th should be going on right now. It's slow but we're making progress. Later in September I am taking a trip to another lab to see how they use some of the equipment that we have (it is new to us). It should be a nice diversion and the lab happens to be less than 2 miles from my parent's home! I am going to get to see my family and let my job pay for the gas. hehe I guess in general work is fine for me. I just don't have enough time to get everything done (I can be an overachiever at times and perfectionist). I also hate writing so that is frustrating. It's a lot better in my mind than it was a month ago so that's good. I can easily give it another year (had my first anny last week) and see how it goes.

I'm off to clean. Enjoy the day!

Hi gals,

Well, today is the last day of my vacation at home. No!!!! I'll be back on Sunday although my aunt has a computer so I may be able to check in, I'm not sure. My cousins are going to be there and my cousin's husband runs an internet business, so he may hog the office all weekend, as well as his kids. They did it last year too, and we were there for a FUNERAL. They were on the computers the whole time!

Ang, did you get your washing machine fixed? I have a laundry list (ha ha ha...) of appliances I need to replace, including my dishwasher, fridge, water heater and washer/dryer. That's a lot of $$$ right there. They are all still working, but are very old, not energy efficient, and don't do a very good job. Oh well, one thing at a time.

This morning I need to pack, go have my hair done, run an errand for Mike, get gas and hit the road. It only takes about 3 hours to get to Fresno, so the drive shouldn't be too bad. Hope everyone has a great weekend. I'm not looking forward to Sunday; back to the real world next week! Talk to you all later!!

Happy Friday everybody!

Ang – good for you that your day off yesterday was effective! Getting a lot done and even exercising! Well done!

I do get cravings sometimes. Mostly I crave sweet and fat things like cookies, brownies, biscuits, doughnuts, cakes, etc. I stay away from it for the most of the time, but every now and then – once every two or three weeks maybe - I will eat a cookie or brownie (I’ll buy just one) and cut down on whatever other food I was going to eat that day. I usually feel good when I do this – but I also get a bit hungry, because the calories in a cookie equals a whole meal for me – and when I remove a meal out of the day I get hungry. It’s probably the reason I don’t do it more often.
Other times I substitute my cravings for cakes or cookies with other sweet things like blueberries, strawberries or raspberries with vanilla yogurt.
I don’t really know what to do with my cravings. It seems to go wrong for me if I stay completely off the things I crave, and then I’m more likely to end up binging. I think the main thing for me in eating that one cookie or doughnut or brownie – is that I have decided and planned to eat it before I eat it. It’s not something that just happens in the moment. When it just happens, it feels more like a slip, and sometimes that starts a slide into a binge.
I don’t know Ang – I really haven’t figured out the cravings yet! It sounds very good to not get cravings – and not having to worry about it.

So you did the WW for a long time? Did it work for you? Where you happy with the program, and why did you stop?

Great that the weight is keeping off! I weigh in on Monday mornings – and I just weigh in that one day of the week. I get far too many emotional reactions when I step on the scale, so I try to keep it to a minimum.

Jessica – no matter what – what you wrote clicked with me too! It was very true and smart!
And how great that your supervisors want you to take on more responsibilities in your job! It could become a really good place for you to work, if you just hang in there and learn the new things!
Also great that you went running! No matter how hard it is at first: it does get better.
Hope you have a great vacation with your family! And come back to us soon!

My days are filling up – but I’m still not completely finished with my organizing-project, I want to finish that this weekend – and be ready to a fresh start next week. Jogging and the gym are going well. I have eaten too much this week, I *do* feel more hungry these days - but maybe it'll be better during the weekend.

Have a nice Friday everybody!

Jessica - I hope you enjoy your weekend. I hopeyou have a chance to chech in with us though. I did not get my washing machine fixed since they say it is not the machine and I need a plumber. There is something that I need to try and do myself to fix but hate to do stuff like that by myself. I guess I'll have to though since there is no one here to help. If I try to do it myself it will cost a lot less than a real plumber so I'm going to give it a shot. Replacing appliances and doing everything else in a house definitely costs a lot. One thing at a time is all you can do.

The one bad thing about vacations is when they are over you know it is going to be a while before you get another one.

mette - although I don't get cravings per se, I still want the sweets. It sounds like you have a good handle on your cravings though. I can see how planning to eat the sweets could help prevent binges.

My biggest problem right now is eating things out of habit. I am worst when I am out to eat because I just tend to get what I used to get because I remember it being so good. Fortunately my tastes have changed so after one time (not always but usually) I pick something else because the old stuff just doesn't taste as good or sit well with my body. For example, last night I went out to dinner to a place that I haven't been in a long time (well over a year - I didn't even know they had this restaurant up here) and I got to share an appetizer I loved before (high in fat stuff). It really didn't taste that good and my body rebelled and today I feel yucky. I will not be getting that appetizer anytime soon again. I guess in general I don't make good choices when I go out to eat yet. Because of circumstances, I went out last night, today for lunch at work (going away lunch for a coworker), and tonight with a friend (hopefully I'll get a salad or something light). I feel like crap from the food choices and I'm sure I am undoing all the good I did this week and will put the pounds back on that I lost.

Where did that ramble come from?

I did WW for about 6 months and lost about 25 pounds I think (with running). It is the only program I can really think of doing (without major modifications) because it is pretty flexible in what food choices you can make. It made me realize that I can eat almost anything as long as I watch how much. I stopped going partly because of the cost, thinking I did not need it (didn't get much out of the meetings), and my friend stopped going. I continued to do well by myself (trying to make good choices and eating less) while I was still in VA so I don't think it was bad for me to stop. After 34 years I know that I can NOT restrict my diet too much so I need to exercise a lot. This is all that is going to work for me right now unless I go through some major change in my thoughts about food (not likely). I know I need/want support but I don't know that getting at a WW meeting is necessary so I never went back when I moved here.

mette - glad to hear that the running and gym are on track. Have you been eating more because you have been hungry or has something else been going on? Have you tried adding a little more protein like you had mentioned? I definitely think the weight lifting is making a difference by increasing your metabolism. This is a good thing. Good luck finishing your organizing project. Anything in particular that you still need to do? I was so happy that I finally cleaned my office. I know how you feel about cleaning and organizing and then being ready to tackle anything, especially new stuff. I just beed to vacuum the office and organize a few files and I am done. What a relief.

Back to work for me.

Hi Ang, is it just the two of us left? Where did Renee go?
Hope your plumbing-thing goes well, can’t you ask somebody to show you how to do it? A neighbor, coworker or maybe the BF?

I loved your ramble about habits, Ang. I have been working so hard to get *in to* habits – you know, good and new habits, but the old ones are definitely there too!
And yes, I’ve found that my taste changes - it’s a very good thing to experience. It’s another proof of change!
As for going out to eat – I’m sure you’re not undoing all the good things you did this week, it doesn’t work like that, I think. I’m sure your choices are getting better – like when you find that food you used to like no longer taste good!

I know I have been eating more because I’ve been hungrier, but I’m not always clear on the reasons why I’m hungrier. I’m sure hunger sometimes comes from psychological, emotional and mental causes. Stress can make me physically hungry sometimes. Right now I think it’s the weightlifting, but I can’t rule out other things. It’s always a bit stressful to start up with a new semester; my trip to visit my father was stressful too – but not too bad.
I am eating more protein, and I think that is part of the problem too: to get more protein I have to eat more food (with protein) – and that extra food has calories too!
I think I just have to give it another week or two and see what happens.

And the organizing – like you I just need to clean up my office and papers – and it everything will feel so much better once it’s done!

Hope you’re having a nice Friday, sounds like you’re having plans for the weekend too. Will you be working on the vegetables too? And maybe seeing the BF?
Hope you get some exercise in too, you are doing so well right now!
I’ll talk to you later!

Hi mette. I don't know what happened to Renee but now it is the weekend so I don't expect we'll get an update until Sunday or Monday. Hopefully she and Jessica are doing well and enjoying themselves.

About the plumbing - I might wimp out and not deal with it this weekend. The repair man told me what to do and it honestly doesn't seem that hard. I would just rather not do it alone, but then I would rather not do much alone. I suppose I could ask my neighbor to look in and make sure I'm not messing it up totally but bf is swamped at work and with life so for now I don't bother him with my life (maybe not right but it is the way it is for now). Depending on how the weekend goes I might try the repair - I'll let you know if I do.

It is amazing how long it takes to make a new habit and how much longer it takes to break an old one. I once heard that it takes two weeks to make a new habit, bulls*#t, it takes a lot longer than that for me. I just keep trying and figure that with time the changes will come and solidify themselves. As long as I see progress I guess I can keep at it. It just gets frustrating sometimes because I know better and feel guilty afterwards.

The biggest change I have noticed is that since I don't eat a lot of greasy and fried foods anymore, when I do eat them they sit poorly in my system and I feel awful. Do you get this? I don't get a bad reaction to sweets though. Bummer. Maybe some day.

I don't know if you can undo progress but you can sure slow it down. I ate Thai for lunch and Chinese/Japanese for dinner with dessert at my friend's house. I enjoyed most of it but not any more than I would have 'better' foods. Now I feel bad mentally because of my bad choices and physically because I ate too much and ate too much fat and grease. Yuck. Hopefully I'll remember for next time.

I remember the stress of school. Do you usually feel better after you get going into the semester? I totally agree that it is hard to know exactly what is causing your hunger. It might be a combination of things. Are you so hungry that it is uncomfortable or you have low energy? Have you been eating around 1500 or 1600 calories? I know in the past you have said that sometimes you tend to eat less. Also, are you eating enough complex carbs? They can fill you up and you need the extra carbs for your weightligting.

How was your Friday? I had a subject at work that went fine and then we had lunch out for the coworker leaving. The afternoon was pretty uneventful with everyday work stuff. I went out to dinner with a friend and we watched an awful movie (rental). After a little chatting I came home and now I need to go to bed. I guess not a bad day overall (except for the eating).

What are your plans for the weekend? Tomorrow I hope to get up and mow the lawn a little, then bike to the farm, pick some veggies, and then bike home. The ride will be ~9.5 miles each way but I am afraid it is going to be very hilly and challenging. I think I just need to try it at least once. It will be worse because I will need to carry a bag with my boots and some water and snacks for the farm. Woman can not live on tomatoes alone.

BF has not had a day off all week but should get one day off this weekend. He didn't know which one yet as of this morning (will find out tonight at work). He has already warned me that he needs to get some stuff done at home, which I hope he really does and does not get side tracked like last weekend, and that the stress of work and life has made him really on edge and he needs to be alone a while. Bottomline is that I should see him but probably not for too long this weekend. Not good, but good news is that he is being much more forthcoming with telling me that it has nothing to do with me, etc. At least he seems to be considering my feelings and I appreciate that. We'll see what happens. One of things he is doing this weekend is updating his resume so he can look for a new job. I can only hope that he gets a new job soon that has less hours and less stress - maybe even 9-5.

I hope you had a reat Friday night.

Ang, your plans for Saturday sounds good. Mowing the lawn, biking and picking vegetables – that’s some serious exercise! I know you don’t count the farm work as exercise, but as long as the whole point is spending more calories than we take in – I just take for granted that everything counts…
And good luck on the ride! Just remember enough food! You’re so right: Woman can not live on tomatoes alone!!

Good luck on the repair if you choose to go for it too. Let me know how it works out! (I’m sure you’ll do great!)

Yeah! Two weeks making a new habit – that *is* bull sh**! – but eventually, a lot of stuff do become habits, like you say: they get solid. For me it’s when I stop deciding whether I should do it or not, but just do it – because “that’s what I do on Tuesdays” or whatever. That’s when I count something as a habit.

The feeling of guilt after eating is hard to deal with – I have been trying to ease up on myself and “allow more”, and also to concentrate more on the things that are working/the good things I do. But it really isn’t easy. What I have learned is that beating myself up never does any good, so when I see myself doing that, I try to stop it. And then try to focus on something good, or get a bigger perspective (it’s not the end of the world, etc).
The emotions are what I struggle the hardest with too – and it is hard work for me to keep my head clear and leveled, and think rationally when the guilt, shame or depression set in.
Do you write a food journal? Maybe instead of counting calories and measure precise amounts you should focus more on the emotions? What you felt before you ate, what you wanted, how it felt eating it, what you felt after – if you felt guilty – why, what that’s doing with you, what you could have done in the situation, etc. It could give you some useful information about how to handle the emotions, and it would perhaps make it easier for you to remember the feelings you have when you eat “wrong” food too?

And yes! I too get the bad reaction from greasy and fried food – I have gallstones and haven’t eaten fried food for years because I got painful attacks when I overate on fatty food. But strangely not on sweet things like ice cream, cakes or chocolates. I’ve never understood why. And I don’t get other bad reactions from sweets either! Maybe our bodies are made for eating the stuff????

It’s always uncomfortable to be hungry. I’m definitely not one who likes the feeling of being empty, clean and hungry! I used to get high on those feelings earlier, but now I just get anxious because I know they end up in binges and over-eating.
But I’m not so hungry that I have low energy – I’m functioning fine, I’m just hungry most of the afternoon and evening. My calories have been between 1500 and 1800 this week – and I’m even hungry on the 1800 days. I’m just counting on that you guys are right: that my metabolism is increasing. Which would be a good thing!

My plans for Saturday is to spread out all my notes and print-outs from last semester on the floor and bed – and get them organized in neat folders! It takes a bit of time, but it’s so good when it’s done!
I was also thinking about going hiking with some friends, but the weather isn’t very nice – so we haven’t decided yet. I would like to go see a movie this weekend too, but I don’t know how much I get done – so I have to see. It would be so nice to get this done this weekend, and then clean tomorrow and have everything clean and organized by Monday morning!
So that’s my plan!

Good morning mette. Just a quick note for now. I hope your organizing goes well. Hiking and a movie sound great too. I hope you have time for everything. It is pouring rain here and I am very depressed. I can't do anything that I had planned so now I have to rethink the day. I REALLY wanted to do the biking (it's fun and I needed to work off some calories) and get to the farm. I looked forward to today. At this rate the day is going to turn into a waste. I am thinking that this afternoon I will go get the repair supplies and run a couple of errands but that won't really be fun and in the rain it's not even sort of fun.

It wasn't supposed to be rainy. It's not fair.

I'll be back later. Have a great Saturday. I'm sure mine will improve - it has to.

Like an idiot I stepped on to the scale and was 188.2. I assume some of it is water and just having all of the food in me, but I definitely went the wrong way big time. And I was so happy to be under 185. I can't begin to tell you how upset this makes me. Worse yet, getting upset makes me want to lie around the house and eat, especially since I can't get outside. Grrr...

Hi Ang!
So sorry your Saturday turned out to be so awful! First the rain and then the scale! (What is up with your weight? Is this something new, or has it always fluctuated like this?)
It’s raining here too – but it doesn't matter since I had indoor plans.

Hope your day has improved a bit even in spite of the scale. Just take care of yourself, OK?

My Saturday is OK so far, I’m just off to make omelet with tomatoes, onion, and cheese – I’m thinking one egg and two egg whites, I think.
I also went and bought some protein powder – tasteless – it can be used in cooking and baking – completely free of fat and sugar. I’ll try it in oatmeal, dip for vegetables (cottage cheese + really hot salsa = yummy dip!), pancakes, etc – and see what happens. I’ll report back to you after.
This way I get a lot of protein without a lot of calories. Those protein bars I've been eating are not working – too many calories, so I have to cut down on other things – and I don’t *want* to do that! (said in the whiny voice of a 3-year-old)!

Really hope your Saturday is getting better Ang! I’m sending positive vibes!!!!