TUESDAY: Today is Target Tuesday and our target this week and the rest of this month is "emotional weight loss." I want you to take time this week and this month to journal anything from childhood and or adulthood that has been a real emotional upset for you. IT MAY BE PAGES AND PAGES OF STUFF AND MAY TAKE A LONG TIME TO GET THROUGH LIKE IT WILL FOR ME, BUT JUST KEEP PLUGGING AWAY AT IT ONE ISSUE AT A TIME. Put down the people involved, what was done to you or whatever, how it made you feel. If it is possible to talk to the person involved, do so clearing the air, but also write your feelings out. and verbalize on paper what you would say to them to make yourself feel better about closing the issue. Do it for things in your adult life too, then take the sheets and burn them and watch all the ugliness go up in smoke never to bother you again and be willing to release it into the fire.
Let me give you an example:
I had a step father who threw hot coffee on me, kicked me and hit me causing my glasses to fly off. I took my siblings and left where we were living not being stopped by my mother nor did she come after us. We were given to my grandparents and she never seemed to mind that we left. I would write it all down in detail, say to them each what i wanted to say, tell them how it effected me and how it changed my life and then MOST important what I am doing to rid myself of the memories and the pain of the moment.
Carri: I am very sorry I didn't acknowledge about your friend. I actually stopped typing yesterday when I read your post and prayed for her immediately, just forgot to tell you. I will continue to remember her and her family.
Amanda: Wow what a breakthrough for you. I know what you mean though. Whenever I have really been staying with my program then eat a lot of junk for several days, I get heartburn terribly, gas and stomach aches and usually when I go back to doing what I am supposed to be doing get diarrhea from all the fat and stuff going out of my system. CONGRATULATIONS ON GETTING CONTROL OF THE PIZZA ISSUE EVEN IF IT WAS HARD PHYSICALLY.
Cat: Our deck is about 4 inches off the ground so I think we could put a lot of people on it and still be safe, but you never know! People are dopes sometimes. I remember the incident on the balcony in Chicago a couple years ago and a bunch of people were killed on that and I thought the stupid thing didn't look safe to begin with!
2 points yesterday.......water and exercise. I just seem to be HUNGRY all the time! Well, not really all the time, just waaaayyyy more than normal. I've stopped myself and distracted myself to see if it was just head hunger, but my stomach was literally churning. So, I'm not sure if I ate something that was triggering cravings or if the stress is making me eat or what. I did buy a whole bunch of fruit yesterday, ate a whole box of strawberries after lunch. So, at least I have some healthy choices. I also bought some small chewy granola bars as a substitute for the candy I REALLY wanted. It was the hardest thing to get through the grocery shopping yesterday......I almost bought a box of Entenman's choc chip cookies, ding dongs, ice cream, cheetos........I didn't though. Forced myself to put everything back. Yea!
I feel so fat right now. I know I'm so much better, but I don't see it. I think it's all the skimpy costumes I'm helping my dancers into..... Makes me want to go put on a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers!! Must be pms-ing.
Amanda Panda----WOOO HOOO on beating the pizza ! I have lots of foods that just make me sick now if I eat them........but darned if I don't do it anyway now and then.
Carrie, I'll keep your friend in my prayers. And Way to Go, you're just sliding down that scale!
Well, guess I'd better get going. Thanks for all the support this week, I can use it all!!! I still have bits and pieces of my own costuming to finish, and I really need to spend a couple hours a day rehearsing my solos.
Hi Everyone, had a 3 pointer yesterday, no exercise, with my a/c being out and it being so hot outside I simply do not have the energy, I know it is an excuse but being overheated actually makes me sick...once my air is back on
( repairman comes Thursday ) I will get back to my tape, may go ahead and do today, will see how muggy it is then, I HATE the humidity....
Amanda - It is odd, it is the same way for me too, like Faye said, when I start eating all the fatty stuff I start getting crazy heartburn and indegestion, plus the diareah (sp?)...I guess it just goes to show you that our bodies dont like it nor do they need it...great job on your will power lately...
Julie - I know you can get through the week and then you can totally relax next week...those strawberries you said you were eating sound great, I may go fruit shopping after work...
Faye - I remember that deck collapse in Chicago, that was awful, all of them were so young...
Thanks to everyone for saying the prayers for my friend here at work, she is doing the best she can, although I cannot imagine her pain right now.
Hi Cat, Sandy, Susan, Jessica !!!!! I am going to go think about Target Tuesday now and see what I come up with....have a good day girls!!!
Just checking in since I posted so very early this morning. I got in my walk this morning (I don't like being cooped up at the y during the summer so I am not sure we will continue with it) Anyhow, I got in my exercise for the day. I am now wasting time because I have to clean house today and it is very hot and humid here so have to kind of get my zip back after walking in the heat.
The reasoning for the target this week is I watched Wynonna Judd on Oprah yesterday and I saw how she is still hedging with her mom about stuff and not admitting her mom is part of her problem. It got me to thinking about all the things in my life way past, past and current that I have not dealt with effectively and they are holding me back. For instance, I was upset going down to the casino thinking getting away would solve all my problems, but what I did was comfort myself with food and gambling instead of dealing with it properly. I think we ALL have issues in our lives that need to be dealt with and washed out of our brains for good.
Welllllll, this isn't getting work done, so better get to it. Man am I retaining water. My hands and fingers are like fat sausages and boy do they hurt when I flex them.
Hello everyone!!! Thanks for the very warm welcome!!! It took me a while to even find this site!!! LOL I wasnt sure if I was "really" supposed to come here or not.... But I've got it now!! So much to read.... So little time!!! I'm gonna have to come back here later and read all of it!!! I just wanted everyone to know that I've finally found you all!! I'll be back later!! Bye
Jaymi: Just wanted to let you know that I only let the thread get up to about 60 then I start a new one so when you see do not post here, but join us at whatever the number is, just go back to support group and look for the next number like you did. Hope you can come and post often.
Whole house is cleaned now so that is done for awhile again. I also have all the laundry done and everything so I now can relax, yeah like I ever do that! I am trying to be less OCD and more quiet. It takes a lot of strength though to just sit when you feel compelled to be doing something all the time.
Just wanted to peek in. I am going to go take a nice hot shower and hopefully I will feel a little better. On track for 4 pts today!
I watched Wynonna too Faye, it was very good and so refreshing to watch her be so open about her problems and the pain she felt growing up like she said she fell under the Oprah Spell (spilled her guts ) i agree Faye i think there are still some issues between her and her Mom and she seemed afraid of what she was going to say everytime she opened her mouth. Even the nickname sweet tater while Ashleys was Sweetpea! Wynonna said "tater is a big fat carb" and her Mom said "so is a pea" a pea is but a sweetpea is a flower where i come from
Hi everyone!!! I'm kinda slow to say the least when it comes to posting!!! I still havent figured out how to change font, color. etc.... or maybe I have and it just doesnt look right or something Hey at least I know how to do the smileys!!! I joined here I would say April 29th or so this year. I started getting my self together on 5/2/04 and I could probably say I've had 4 point days since then... I think. But I dont know about the water because I havent set a goal for myself for how much, just to drink it all day long!! I'm in no way trying to brag on myself or anything, because I really dont know how long I can keep this up.... I'm not even sure if I can maintain this for the rest of my life. By 8:00 or 9:00 pm I'm totally exhausted, and tired throughout the day. I probably know that I'm not eating enough calories, but I eat 3 meals a day!! If i were to eat snacks or more food even though I'm not hungry, to me I would feel like I'm going backwards?!?! I've lost all my weight before, but I cant just maintain, I gotta keep working harder and harder... I just dont think that is fair... Why do I have to spend my whole life trying to be thin or healthy?!? Right now I'm not working, but what if I start....like last time I didnt have enough time to work out as much... I didnt stop working out, but just not as much....and I swear all the weight came back seem like overnight. I'm sorry to be venting on you like this....but this is kinda my target tuesday thing. I was blessed to not have a bad childhood, I wouldnt really count being bullied or teased and so forth... seems normal to me since when youre an adult, it still happens!!! But I would say the person who gave myself the hardest time was my self!! I had my son when I was only 18, broke up with his dad when I was 6 months pregnant because he was full of crap, and life has been a struggle since then. The only reason I lost weight the first time was because my first serious boyfriend (after my son's dad) cheated on me and it almost killed me! I lost it by being depressed and not eating and then I went on a war path vowing that I'm going to lose weight and look good so that I can have any man I wanted etc etc. I worked out constantly between going to school and work. Then I changed jobs and there it went. I was probably about 145 or so or maybe 150 when I had gotten married, which was my 3rd weightlost attempt, but after 3 months I got pregnant again!!! So there I went, then at my 4 week of pregnancy I had already gained 10 pounds!!! So down hill from there. When I had my daughter I was a solid 200, now mind you I'm only 5 feet tall...Yuck!!! But enough of that stuff, I last weighed in at 158, the lowest I've been since...forever and hopefully I can make my goal of 155 or so....by Memorial Day. I'm going back to TX to see my family and friends, and I dont want to look like the fat uncomfortable blob they saw last time!!! I saw pictures... I really looked like that!!! But anyways I think I've typed everyone's head off for now....Did all my exercises for today already so I'm already pooped! I'll come by and try to post more often....don't worry it wont be as long next time!!! I'll also try to stop the whining and start to support some of you like I'm supposed to be doing in the first place...Have a good day everyone!
Jaymi, I really wouldn't worry about typing anyone's ear off or venting too much. That is what we all are here for.
I have thought about the target for the week. I still have issues with my mother. When we were small she would constantly make us clean our plates and if we didn't she made us feel awful for not doing so. Then there was also that she never mentioned my father to neither my brother nor myself. It was almost like she was afraid that we would want something to do with him. The cleaning the plate issue of course started me on this bad habit that was hard to break. The deal with my father has left me cold towards him. I hate that I can feel that way towards another person but I do and really don't know why.
Time for sunnier thoughts. The weather here has been so nice that I have now got the worse case of sprng fever ever. I would love to be able to work in the yard but I haven't the enegery to do so. If there was only one job it might be different but oh well we do what we have to do.
Well, I think yesterday was another 2 pointer. Water and exercise. I don't know if I went over calories or not, but I was definitely eating unconsciously and way after dinner time. I made some popcorn to eat while I watched a movie and worked on costumes. So, I'm not counting my op points.....probably won't make another 4 pointer till next week. The exercise is automatically there cuz I'm rehearsing.....and I HAVE to drink the water so I can keep up the pace. But I'm not doing real well with the food. Sigh.
I'm glad it's Wednesday, cuz I have a doozy of a woe that just cropped up yesterday.......A big ole headtrip that's probably been here all along, but I just figured it out yesterday. I put my new red 2-piece gorgeous costume on and danced in it and almost broke down crying because all I could see was the old fat me in the mirror. I feel like I don't deserve to wear this beautiful garment, that I'm still too fat to wear it, that I'll never be like my skinny students who can wear anything they want. Is that an Oprah moment, or what? Now, I've put the thing on for my assistant director, and she has assured me that I look fabulous in it and have nothing to worry about.....I know she would tell me if she thought otherwise. It's our job to make sure everybody looks good......when you're a belly dancer, you walk a fine line between looking amazing and looking trashy!
I guess I just have to figure out how to get rid of these voices inside me that are dragging me down. I can't afford to lose confidence right now......it's my best asset and it's what gets these shows put on every year. I'm the one who does the reassuring and the molly-coddling to get the unseasoned performers to get their talented butts out on stage. This year I feel like I'm brand new and need someone to stroke MY ego for a change.......sheesh, I so don't need this right now!
Anyway, I know I'll be fine and the show will be fine......just needed to get that off my chest. You gals are the only ones I can talk to about this who will understand that I'm not crazy! Thanks for being here.
Jaymie--I read your long post, and don't worry about "spilling your guts" or typing out your thoughts (I just did). We are basically free therapy here! It sounds to me like you have tried to lose weight before as a means to please someone else ("get any man I want"). Maybe you need to just focus on staying healthy and being HAPPY! For the richest and most advanced country in the world, we sure have alot of freakin' unhappy people draggin' their butts around until they die..... If workouts are a pain, try taking up a sport or dance or other activity that you really love to do and do it! Workouts don't have to be boring or painful. As far as the job thing goes, I'd be willing to bet that the last job you had was not your favorite thing and you probably gained the weight back due to boredom/stress/anger/coworkers with candy on their desks.....NOT because you scaled back your exercise. There is an awesome forum on this site specifically for people trying to maintain their losses.....If I were you, I'd go over there and hang out. I read their posts just to get myself prepared for when I have to maintain for the rest of my life. (I'm only half way to my goal!) They are wise and know what you're going through. Some of them have lost hundreds of pounds (literally!) Not that we don't want you around here too
Well, I guess I've blabbed on long enough...........I hope everyone has a great day! I'm going to take a picture of me in "the costume" and I'll try to get it up here later tonight. Maybe looking at myself in a picture instead of a mirror will give me a more objective view.
WEDNESDAY: Today is Wednesday's woes. Complain all you like today!
Jaymi: Ok, kiddo here goes. You will find that I am always sticking my nose in. First off, I see that you do not VALUE your body. By that I mean, you have gotten pregnant young twice and from what I see your relationships with men are not the greatest either. You complained of gaining it back, in other words yo-yoing, which almost all if not all overweight people do. The reason I set up the target this week is because your emotional issues (which though you may not see them you definitely HAVE them) hold you back and they also cause the yo-yoing. You are not seeing yourself worthy of being thin and think that overweight, fat, whatever is UGLY and it isn't! YOU MUST MUST MUST BE HAPPY WITH YOURSELF WHEN YOU ARE LARGE TO BE HAPPY WHEN YOU ARE SMALL! If you cannot love yourself as you are, changes you make to your life won't stick. Please consider sitting down in a quiet place and thinking about people in your life and situations in your life that have made you feel unloved, unwanted, undeserved, etc. Do what I did, which is write it all down and write to the people involved and say anything to them. For example, you oldest child's father, tell him what you think of him, how he treated you what a creep he was, whatever. After you have done this, BURN IT! I did this yesterday and it is very freeing to say to people things you have wanted to say and haven't ever done it. I would suggest you go to the library and get Dr Phil's 7 keys to weight loss because everything I am telling you is in that book and believe me if you want this as a life change, yo are going to have to change how you view food, your life, your emotions and all the rest!
Julie: I know that belly dancing is sort of an "everything's out there" kind of thing and body perfection is almost a must, BUTTTTTTTTT you know in your head that you have come a long long long way from where you were, you know that when you perform you don't get booed, fruit thrown at you or heckled. The people that come to see you appreciate the art, the dedication and the talent you have for the dance. You need to quit looking in the mirror and seeing inferior and start seeing SUPERIOR because you are and NO ONE BUT YOU can tell you that and it stick.
I am digging myself back to where I want to be and it is difficult. I know what I need to do and what I need to let go of and I am really working hard to do that. My woe today is that physically I am having some minor problems again that medically have been dealt with all they can and are just facts of life, but it holds me back and I have to force myself to do what is best for me.
You girls have a great day. I am going to go and get outside and exercise before it starts raining otherwise it is the glider for me today!
Ok, Weds Woes, I got em' this week so lets go: I am pre-TOM by one day and still no air conditioner, last night when I went to bed it was so hot, like 84 degrees in the house, there was no where to go to get comfort, no where, I know I only have to make it one more day since the repairman is coming tomorrow afternoon, BUT then we have to deal with price, I am tight this month and I am sure this repair will not be cheap!! I really, really am not looking forward to TOM tomorrow either ( like who would be ?
I am already feeling snacky and hungry...Guess I wont be weighing in with all of the water, bloat, and crap....okay, done ....on the flip side my dh has been really sweet since the a/c conked out and has been grilling dinner every night so I dont have to cook in a hot kitchen...
OH NO, I forgot the biggest woe, ANTS!!!! I suddenly have all these little black ants in my kitchen, I went and got some traps I dont know how that will work, they are all in my dishwasher, even after I just run it!!! Any suggestions? The Orkin man in my area is wayyyyyyyyyy overpriced....
Had a 3 pointer yesterday!!!
Julie - Do not be so hard on yourself!! I know that is easy to say and not to do, my dh gives my all sorts of **** because I will not wear shorts, I will not wear them out in public because my calves are so huge, he says they have gotten alot smaller and I should just wear them, but I cannot shake the image of the huge calve and will just burn up in pants rather than wear them..so I know where you are, but I am sure you look great, so dont sweat it, cant wait to see the picture!!!!
I am still working on my Target Tuesday, my dad and I ( why almost always the dad? ) had some real issues when I lived there and they still come up when I visit, I leave there feeling hurt and feeling bad for how I treat him as well ... You would think that after 10 years of being out of the house I could work through some issues, but I tend to just act like it didnt happen and forget it until the feelings burst out....this drives my dh nuts!!!
Ok first off, Faye,if I can call you that, You're right and your'e right again. I do think all men suck!! I might just be very sensitive because I have this fairy tale picture of what lovers and marriage should be like....but I'm starting to find out that it's not the way it is. I can't say that there wasnt a man or boy I've dated that hasnt hurt me to a point, even my husband now, but I dont regret marrying him one minute. I dont know how to love myself for who I am, because...who the heck am i?!?! A mother and a wife. I dont think fat is ugly at all, my mom was always very large, but I've always thought she was one of the most beautiful women on earth...in fact, most of the people in my family has been large to a point! I just think fat on ME is ugly! I'ts like I'm invisible, no one even notices or even looks at me. I'm used to walking in a room and all eyes are on me. Sounds stuck up, but it's not. I just dont see myself as being happy until I am at least comfortable in my own skin, and I'm not sad or depressed all the time!!! Just when I'm trying to lose weight... believe it or not... I'm like 80% better than I was!! My depression started when I had my miscarriage, which was only a big deal to me, and it kept on through my wedding, pregnancy, and postpartum was horrific!!! Just imagine me then!!!! This week just sucks for me, I feel guilty about something...and I dont know what And I really want to make my goal of 10 pounds by Memorial Day...which seems to be creeping closer and closer. Okay, enough of that....Hopefully I can stop whining and everyone can start to like me for the nice person I am instead of a big whiny baby!!!
Just one more thing!! I need advice... What am I doing wrong? Here is an example, this was my day yesterday:
I've been working out like this and eating right for since May 1st, no cheating, at all!! ( unless you count a half of diet soda with no sodium)
What am i doing wrong? I know I shouldnt have stepped on that scale but I was at least expecting to see a half of a pound gone or something since last time!!! I really want to make my goal of 10 pounds for the challenge, but there are only almost 2 weeks left!! I dont know what to do. I cant eat anymore than I am, I'd just be stuffing my face for no reason, and that is the whole point!! I wanted to break that habbit, not keep it going? Oh well sorry if I sucked today!! Have a good day everyone.
Jaymi - From looking at what you eat and the level of exercise you are doing, it looks like to me that you are not anywhere near eating enough food to keep your body from going into starvation mode, especially with ALL of the exercise that you are doing girl!! That is alot of exercise and you are eating too many "fat free" items and not getting enough fuel to support your body.
My opinion anyway.....
And I know you think "all men suck" but they really don't, I know quite a few of us on this site alone that have wonderful husbands who treat us like queens...You just have to find them
People are dopes sometimes. I remember the incident on the balcony in Chicago a couple years ago and a bunch of people were killed on that and I thought the stupid thing didn't look safe to begin with!
I know I'm so much better, but I don't see it. I think it's all the skimpy costumes I'm helping my dancers into..... 
Makes me want to go put on a bathrobe and fuzzy slippers!! Must be pms-ing.
! I have lots of foods that just make me sick now if I eat them........but darned if I don't do it anyway now and then. 
I am going to go think about Target Tuesday now and see what I come up with....have a good day girls!!!
i think there are still some issues between her and her Mom and she seemed afraid of what she was going to say everytime she opened her mouth. Even the nickname sweet tater 
Glad it's Wednesday Woes!!!
