Just checking in real quick here.....sorrry no personalized posts tonight...will try to do that tomorrow. Know that I am thinking of you all and hope that you all are doing good.

I'm doing pretty good here on my end I've managed to get in my exercise for today and to eat right. I have'nt got all the water I need yet.....but I am only 2 glasses shy of my quota which is'nt bad for me.

Someone asked how I stayed up all night...please forgive me I am in a hurry and don't want to go back and re-read posts.....its not easy....I sleep most of the day before I go into work that night and by 4am I am ready to lay down and sleep. I would prefer daytime hours but then I'd loose $2/hr in pay and I don't want to do that. I know the pay should'nt matter that much but I'm barely keeping the bills paid as it is so taking
a pay cut would not be a good thing for me.

I am still here!!!
 

Believe it or not, I do still exist!!!!

The divorce is U-G-L-Y! I feel like I'll be alone forever and my heart is so broke I feel like screaming. I have that nothing satisfies me feeling. I can't sleep, I can't eat, all I do is walk because otherwise I'll scream. You know the knots in the stomach you get before you hear really bad news. I've had that feeling for weeks non-stop.

I went to the doctor today to get weighed in for the first time since 8/04/04 (I was 247 then). I lost 21 more lbs. and now weigh 226. Yay! But...I haven't really exercised in the past 2 1/2 months, which means...how much of this weight loss is stress related...all I'm sure. I know I should be thrilled I lost more weight, it just hurts how I've lost it.

I move into my new apartment on 11/10. The day I move out...my ex's "fiance" (can you believe that one) moves into what I've called home with him for two years. So much for 10 years of marriage...

So I haven't posted in a while, and as you can see by this melancholy post that would be why. I will try to start posting more, but getting my heart to do anything is unbearable. I'm barely functioning.

Hope everyone is well and I miss our convys.

TardyAngel : I wish I had the words to say that could ease the hurt in your heart. Just know that after reading your post, you will be at the top of my prayer list. I've been married 16 years and when I think about something like that happening in my relationship, I feel physically ill. We did go through a tough time in our marriage when we had been married 5 years and we almost divorced. I remember that time all too well. It was the first time in my life that I couldn't eat. I remember being surpised that I couldn't. I had always ate when I was stressed, but not that time. I felt so hollow. I couldn't focus on anything and I was so sad.

Does your doctor know what you are going through? The reason I ask is because during that time mine gave me an antidepressent. It help me get back to myself. It didn't mask the pain, but it help me deal with it.

Even though my marriage didn't end, the situation really scared us. I'm a different person because of what we went through, but I like the person it made me into. Before that, I always did things to please my husband, and I totally forgot about me and what I wanted. I don't do that anymore. I also learned to not let my obession with him and what he was doing to me be the navigator of my feeling and actions. I truly learned to stand as my own person.

Here's a big (((((Hug))) for you. Feel free to come and post anytime, or PM me. I can't do much but over an ear to listen and a shoulder to lean on.

:grouphug:

Jodi: You did awesome in avoiding that sugar craving! Thanks for the idea of the journal sheets. I might make up a few of my own to carry with me. I could punch holes in the and then put them in a notebook later. That's what I've been doing with my posts here. They serve as a "diary" of sorts for me.

Girle: We all have overdone it before. Just drink the water today, to help flush that excess sugar and fat out of your system. Eat a lot of veggies, and some protein. You will be back on track in no time.

I'm doing pretty good today. I'm not up to the full 15 min addition to my cardio. I did 8 more minutes last night. But I did get in the extra reps during my weight workout. And last night I managed to pass up apple pie. I had already had a French Chew earlier in the day and when I allowed myself to have it, I had told myself that I wouldn't have dessert after dinner. I had to do a lot of talking to that little voice in my head that kept saying "It won't hurt you this time". The heck it won't! The voice in my heart was strong this time than the voice in my head.

I better get busy at work. I'll check in later.

Tardy~ I have been thinking about you off and on hoping you were doing well.I can only imagine your pain right now.I,too, like Susie have had rough patches in my marriage and have had brief separations and have seriously considered divorce and I have been changed by those experiences.I do have an inkling of how you feel.My husband was going through a super ugly divorce when I met him.It went on for years and it took it's tole on him. Sometimes I feel like he has recently found himself again in the last year.He really shut down and pulled away from life.Please talk to your Dr. or go for counselling or journal or anything that will keep you from losing yourself in this.
How are the kids doing? Please take care of yourself. You deserve to be happy!
HUGS and PRAYERS comin' at you full force!!!!!!!!

Hello Everyone....

How's everyone doing on this fine Tuesday? I hope great!

Tardyangel: I am so sorry to hear you are going through rough times with the divorce. It must be very hard. My divorce was just final July 22. The only thing I can tell you is time does heal. The bad part is, time seems to go very slowly when you want relief. My heart and prayers are with you. There are good days ahead.

Jodi - great idea on the iced tea with sweetner. Hope it got you past your sweet tooth craving.

April - we just like to hear from you. You don't have to personlize post. Great job on the exercise.

Susie - I loved your dessert rationalization and more than that, is you stuck to it. Congrats on that battle. You rock girl.

Holly - Hope you are feeling much better today...you and your sweet lil' angel.

Girlie - Everyone has a "bad eat" day now and then. Pick yourself up, and don't look back that was yesterday! Today is a clean slate.

Jill - I have never tried headsets for walking, everyone tells me it does make time go faster. Good job on walking.

Heather - where are you girl? Did we lose you?

Nan - Going over your cal limit by only 150 is not bad at all. Keep up the great attitude.

Welcome to the race Skinny Memories, Jaci, and Up4it. Great place for support!

Good morning to those I have missed, and stay focused.

As for me, well the weekend was great as far as staying OP. Didn't exercise, but worked at Kohls. Monday was a total bust. It started with the piece of cake for bosses day, and was all down hill from there. So I am making today, Tuesday, my Monday, clean slate day and gonna knock the socks off of this weight issue. So far so good, 200 cals for breakfast. Hope to get some walking in later.

Thank you for all the kind words concerning my son. Heis back in full swing and I finally allowed him to drive yesterday. I wanted to make sure everything with him was "ok" first.

My truck needed an ignition switch, oil change, tires rotated, final bill $347.46. Whew wee. Thank you jesus for the part time job at Kohls, altho I haven't even received the first check yet, consider it spent...haha

Hope everyone does well with their program and has the power to overcome all those little devils talking to us in our heads, about eating stuff we shouldn't.

((((HUGGS)))) to all. and an extra ((hug)) to Tardyangel, PM me, I am hear for you.

Annie

Hi Chickies
 

Sorry I haven't posted in a while. I've been getting things ready for my next class and it hasn't been going all that well. With fall in the air, it's damp and cold and not the best weather for my preschooler to be outside. He's already starting to show signs of cabin fever and winter hasn't even begun UGH!

I haven't lost anymore, but haven't gained either, so I'm completely ok with that. I've been better able to keep the calorie count down to just under my goal. Just pluckin' along.

Annie - I'm glad things are going so much better for you. OUCH on the truck repairs, but at least it's up and running again.

MyChoice - YOU ROCK! Nice nerves of steel on the desert challenge!

Tardy - My heart goes out to you! I'm remarried and it's been over 10 years since my first marriage fell apart. It does hurt and it is extremely stressful, but if you will get through this. If you ever want to talk, I'm here.

April - I hear ya on the shift differential thing. I work weekends because I get a shift differential and don't have to pay for daycare. It works for us, but some day I want to be like normal people and have my weekends off.

Jodi - Do you like ice cream floats? Sometimes when I've got a real craving for something sweet, I go for a Diet Vanilla Pepsi because it tastes like an ice cream float to me. It seems to do the trick for me, hope it helps you.

Girlie - Just pick yourself up and start over! That's the trick to this--NEVER giving up!

If I've missed anyone, I'm sorry, but I have a 3 year old who's been WAY too quiet for the last 5 minutes for me not to be checking on him. Toddlers can be so darned sneaky! ;)

Nan

Afternoon Ladies!

I am feeling a bit better today. Whew! I was starting to get worried last night because I was still as sick as ever.I have pretty much lost my voice. A blessing to some.
I weigh in tomorrow. I just started my period.I haven't a clue as to what has passed these lips in a week. I have not exercised. It will be interesting.
I am thankful I am on the mend.

Hugs and love to, April, Susie, Tardy,Jodi, Girlie,Annie,Greenlass& Nan.
Hope you are all focussed and OP today!!!

Hi Ladies,
It's lunch time and I'm just taking a quick 15 min at my desk. I leave early on Tuesday's so I can go and work out before my accounting class.

Annie: I'm really glad to hear your son is ok. And I'm glad the repairs for the truck weren't sky high..they weren't chicken feed eithier! but it could've been worse. At least you have the Kohl's job to help pay that bill. God always provides doesn't He?! :D

Nan: What sort of class are you getting ready for? I hope the sun shines soon so you can get your little one outside. I chuckled when I read that he's already getting cabin fever. I have a little friend, who is 3 yrs old, and the first thing she will ask when she gets up is "Where are we going today"...she can't stand to stay at home or inside. I think it's our fault, because since day one, we have taken her just about every place we ever go with her parents. She's really well behaved in places because she's used to being out.

Holly: I'm glad you are feeling better. Don't worry about the weigh-in. It will be what it is and you know that the circumstances weren't normal ones. Just take it and go on. Now that you are begining to feel better you will be back on track.

Ok..time to get back to work.

I get my test scores back tonight when I go to class. I'm praying they are good!

MyChoice - I'm working on my bachelor's degree in computer science. It's something I've been wanting to complete for a long time and I finally have the chance to do it. It'll take me about a year and a half which is perfect because then my preschooler will be in kindergarden so I can pick up extra hours to pay for the student loans UGH!

I'm worried though. I tend to be victim of "sophomore spread", so I'm going to have to watch myself even more. I know I can do it though.

Hope you kick serious butt on your test scores! :D

Nan

Susie - got my fingers crossed on GREAT test scores tonight!!!

Some good news......My daughter received a grant for college, 2K for this semester and 2k for next semester, we have been struggling to pay for her college, and is one of the reasons I got the second job. SOOOOO.....she is all paid for for this semester and should be able to save to pay the difference for next. Whew who!!! and YES, Susie, you are so right about God providing. I completely lost it on Sunday and had to call my bestest friend in the world to get support, she walked me through all my woes and I felt better. I am blessed and thank you jesus....again.

Annie

Holly - glad you are feeling better too!! ;0)

I'm back!
 

It's good to know when you're missed. Thanks for everyone checking in on me! I just haven't felt at all like dieting or even talking about it. Not to say I've gone crazy...I just haven't felt like exercising, eating right or any of it. I know, I know. I should check in here to get my motivation!

It's been crazy at work, I've had arm pain for about a week now (I type on a computer all day long), and it's just been a sucky the past 5 days or so. I think I'm going to start journaling my food or something. I can't seem to get a handle on those hang-up areas. There's a web site I'm going to try that I heard about on another thread - fitday.com.

Most of all I just get tired of watching what I eat all the time! Guess we get so used to not eating well that we sometimes miss that old life. But I'm not turning back! I'm determined to stay on the healthy track!!

I'll check in w/you gals tomorrow. Have a great Tuesday.

fitday.com
 

Just got done visiting fitday.com. What a cool site! I love it! It's so easy to track your food on there; you just have to take time to enter the right amounts and servings. You should definitely check it out...

hello everyone,
i just got home from my son's last football game for the season, they won!! it was an undefeated season. they were soooo excited!! their coach wanted to celebrate and invited them all out for wings after. so dh took ds with him to the restaurant to party, and i came home. there was no way i could stick to this plan if i was tempted with greasy wings today, i knew i would cave, so i avoided the whole thing. sort of a cop out maybe, but i hadn't eaten since lunch at work and i was starving. so i came home and ate my planned meal. it was a good choice, i feel a little bad though, not sure why???

hello there hevron- sorry you are in a little slump right now. i love fitday it really gives you a lot of good info and helps keep track of everything. the nice thing is it stores the foods you use daily so you don't have to look up every little thing everyday. hope it helps, i know when i use it faithfully it really keeps me in check.

annie congrats to your dd on the scholarship!! that is great!! so glad ds is feeling better! sorry about your truck repairs though. if it isn't one thing it is another. hang in there!!

labchick thanks for the diet pepsi tip, i have a bottle in the kitchen i'll try that next time. it does taste alot like an ice cream float. yum yum. good luck with your class! i so admire all of you bright beautiful women that are going to school!! i wish i had the guts to take a few classes, i always seem to find a good excuse not to though!

mychoice- great job on the apple pie pass and the extra workout!! you go girl!! you are doing great!!

holly so glad to hear you are feeling better!! good luck with the weigh in and be kind to yourself. not a whole lot you can do when you are so sick!

tardyangel, hello, so sorry you are going through such a tough time. i remember my own divorce (9 years ago) i was the one who wanted it, and i was the one who totally fell apart. stay close to good friends and family and don't be afraid to ask for help when you need it! sending you a big (((((hug))))) i hope it gets easier for you!!

april28 great job getting your exercise in!! i am off to do the same thing myself righ now!
hope everyone has a great evening.

Preach to the Choir!
 

Hello everyone. Most of you will not read this until Wednesday morning.

I went back and read through everyone's posts. I wanted to give a shout out to:

TardyAngel: I'm very sorry about what you've been going through. I'm approaching my 1st wedding anniversary and couldn't imagine...no one does. I don't know what to say...except that perhaps you can think of this as a new beginning. Granted the pounds are gone from stress...pick up where you left off and start anew before you start gaining. This is your new beginning and it's all about you, your feelings and your health. Do this for yourself.

Everyone...okay, I have had a sort of epiphany today. Suzy, hope you are reading because you asked a while ago about what makes us pick up and go on...well, I had one of those revalations here today. The past couple of days have been horrible eating days. I did manage to get up for the gym yesterday, but my eating has been horrible. And just to shame myself, I'm going to tell you what I ate. It's so embarassing...but perhaps this can help someone.

After being more careful about what I've been eating, I've been laying off of fried foods...my favorite. Well, this weekend, I've had more fried foods in a few days then in the past three weeks I'm sure. Yesterday at lunch, I had a craving for fried chicken, one of my faves. NEVER go grocery shopping on your lunch hour...when you're STARVING. I bought a 10 piece box of hot fried chicken...I figured it was quick...and if I'd gone home and eaten a piece and some veggies, wouldn't have been too bad. BUT, as soon as I left the parking lot of the grocery store, I had a drumstick in my hand. I'm assuming I'm not the only one who has ever done this! I scarfed that thing down...while driving. Then I ate two more when I got home, skin and all, and didn't manage to make the veggies I'd planned. Of course I had at least another two pieces for dinner that night, one for breakfast and two more today, PLUS I went in the candy aisle at the drug store yesterday which I never do and bought a gigantic king size candy bar and finished it off today. It wasn't even king size...it was bigger than that! I've also been drinking Country Time lemonade for the past couple of days instead of my usual calorie free beverages. It's like I don't let myself think about any of this...I just put it in my mouth....feel guilty...and shrug my shoulders. I've been thinking about giving up again...because of feeling shameful. Not thinking. Not caring.

It's the devil, I tell ya! It really, truly is. He wants us not to think. He wants us not to care about ourselves. He wants us to think that we are unworthy of doing this for ourselves.

Well, I had an epiphany today. It was while watching that new show, The Biggest Loser, about two teams of people competing to see who can lose the most weight. Now, that show is totally not realistic for those of you who have seen it. These people exercise like 5 hours a day, that's all they do. In their first week, many of the people lost 10, 12, 22 pounds! It's all for show! But watching them exercise empowered me. Some of these people were pushing it to the limit, to the point of crying. I realized I needed a jump in my routine. I haven't seen the scale move in two weeks! I need to really feel it and sweat. Plus, I liked Bob Greene's food idea of eating more to lose more. I could be eating twice the amount of food that I am eating now, feel totally satisfied and even full, and consume half the amount of calories that I am.

SO, after the show was over, I actually went to the gym...I was just planning to eat a few cookies that I baked and go to bed early so I could get up to exercise at 5am. Well, I was in mid-bite and shoved the cookies away. I put on my workout clothes and headed to the gym and had the best workout I've had in a while. It was simple...50 minutes on the elliptical machine. I skipped the 20 minutes on the bike (I think I was getting too relaxed with the bike) and bumped up my 30 minutes on the elliptical to 50, and I kicked butt! I was sweating hard, I wore my glasses to the gym and took them off so I didn't see around me very well and could concentrate on the beat of the music and my pace. I did 6800 strides and my shirt had a lot of sweat. I was dripping. After about 20 minutes, I felt the most amazing feeling...I was just running...almost sprinting on the glider...and I felt nothing. I couldn't feel my legs or arms...they weren't hurting or aching and I felt like I was just going, going, flying. It was totally awesome. Then around 40 minutes I started to feel the burn again...I kept the pace up, kept sweating, and slowed my poor heartbeat down closer to 50 minutes (the machine measured 175bpm). But it was so awesome. I bet I'll hardly be able to move tomorrow! I can't wait until I do that every day, and make it up to 60 minutes a day. I was totally psyched afterward! :strong:

So I realized I must really change. I saw myself going back into the same old pattern...slacking on eating...not caring, not feeling, not thinking...and almost giving up.

You guys, we have to be determined. Don't let the devil get you to eat that thing that you aren't hungry for or don't need! :devil: We'll always give ourselves treats to keep us sane...but I want to learn to feed my body what it needs...veggies, vitamins...etc. I chugged my 20oz bottle of water after I showered and headed home. My body needed that. I felt bad that I wasn't giving my body what it needs. I haven't been. Just a bunch of junk. I deserve better.

SO...I am SO determined to make my October goal of 225. Do you know that just earlier today I was thinking, "oh well, I'm not gonna make that one". How could I let myself think that? I'm GOING to do it. I also want to set a goal for January 1, 2005. Anyone want to join me? I think 199 by then is a bit steep. I want to stay more realistic and say 210 by January 1st. That is just 7.5 pounds a month for Nov and Dec. And yes, through the worst holidays ever. I told my husband...we're making some major changes in the kitchen. This has got to stop. Although we're short on money, I'm going to cut out a lot of meat and make more salads chock full of veggies like carrots, sugar snap peas, radish, tomatoes, bean sprouts. I could eat a giant fresh salad for dinner every night and feel satisfied and still save tons of calories. I'm going to stock up on chicken breast when it's on sale and boil and cube it for use in the salads. I'm going to get a wide variety of low calorie salad dressings. Maybe I can make Sundays the days that I boil the chicken and shred or cube it for use in salads all week.

The reason why I'm setting a Jan 1 goal is because I get so depressed during that time in the past few years...because I have been weighing more and more each year. I don't want to make my resolution on January 1st...I want to be LIVING my resolution of weight loss. I'll start working out, then taper off after a couple of months....and gain. It's a pattern. NO MORE!

WATCH OUT SUMMER 2005!!!!!

Whew...long post....I'm just so psyched I had to share. Please, I hope you all join me in a New Year's goal! We can totally do this. All of you are so darn great. Thanks for listening!!!!!

Girlie