Oh boy I tried to get on last week and it was down. I have been putting in long hours and having a hard time getting to the puter at any time other than full exhaustion. so i do not read or post i usually just go to bed. it sounds like we are holding our own. Deb I to have gained some of what i had lost and am finding it hart to get back on the wagon. I have been trying though and have keept the damage down to a minimum.

I did read some thing that I really like. it goes something like this. are we ready to take control of our lives? if not then we just have to sit back and suffer the consequences. It has some really good points on our jpoourney to weight loss. I need to regain the control that i had. I felt good and in control of my own destiny at that time and i liked it. I need to do that now.

So deb go the that interview with the idea that you are in control of your destiny because you are. and i am sure that you will get it. Good luck call and ask when the interviewing willl be and that will get your name back up on their minds.

Silky I too need the support that we all give eachother here that is the reason that i have failed so badly these last months, i have not had the time to get here but i must make it a priority as i am failing in that area. I do recieve such support and friendship here. I just want to thank all of you girls for being there for me and keeping your faith. thanks

Sue, I agree with you 100%. Deb will succeed brilliantly. I am confident in your ability. Be your wonderful self.

By the way, Sue, I love your new quote. I have one for you all. Live well. It's the best revenge. Well, I weighed myself today and I gained back some of the weight I lost. I should have known. Instead of taking better care of myself, I started eating late at night, which ALWAYS adds pounds to my frame. I've been eating out. Lots of sodium there, i.e. water retention.

THAT'S IT LADIES! I knocked myself out to get all but one assignment handed in to my professor. I have another class that ends in May. If I can hand in anything in advance in that class, I will. What's this all about? Making more time for myself. I have to get the therapy and exercise, eat right and nurture myself PRONTO!

You know, I have not applied myself to something that is truly important...not really. I've worked on taking better care of myself in spurts. Now it's time to move forward... sort of like having a long term relationship with myslef. I'm so glad I have you to share this with. I know you understand.

Love,
Silky

Hi, Hi.

I've been working on my thesis since last September. My project partner and I had our research questions changed by our professor one month before the presentation. After the presentation, he changed the questions again. It took us a few weeks, but we finally completed the paper for a third time. My partner said that he was going to submit it to the professor. Never heard from him again. I've e-mailed him several times. No response. I thought something happened to him. Perhaps he had a setback. He's not the most mature person in the world. He's single, 48, lives with his mother. Now, I may have to re-do the project myself. When I started the course, our class was told that it's best to work with other people. I wonder. Three people in our group did their projects solo. Two managed okay, the 3rd was roasted by his professor. I wish this were behind me already.

Thanks for being there.
Silky

Oh silky Some day this will be behind you. I do not know what to tell you about this other person. I know that it is so hard to really get the other person to do what you want and to have it done by the time you want it done unless the person is really responsible. I have a hard time remembering that too. If you keep calling and emailing your partner you should get a responce.

Deb I have been thinking of you. did you get the interview? I hope things went well. I too am seeing more and more gray in my hair. I have been threatening to color my head too. but i am afraid of the damage to my hair, as I always by the cheep ones as I hate to spend money.

As for my diet I have fallen back to my old ways and have gone up to over 200 again a number i had hoped to never see again. I am going to get back on the low carb diet and really stick to it. I feel like cra* and am sleeping much more and have no energy and am tired in the day time. I do know that eating that way does have it's toll on me like my hair fall out so i may have to modify it and do the calp or something like that.

Work has been rather fast paced lately. and I am trying to catch up it is hard but I am getting there. I have been putting my foot down at times saying I will not do some things and it has been feeling good to do that.

Sue,

You sound like you're not feeling well. Could be responsible for your symptoms. Hope you're feeling better soon. I feel like cra* too. I just started the thyroid medication... taking the smallest possible dose...the side affects are nasty. I may not be a candidate for it. I want to give my body a chance to acclamate itself. If that doesn't happen in a week, I'm calling the doctor.

My weight jumped up out of the blue this week. Yikes!I've even been exercising a lot more. I feel more energetic. It must be eating late dinners. (Late for me anyway)

Deb,

What's going on with your life? Any new job leads? Interviews? I want all the best for you.

Love,
Silky

P.S. My thesis professor said he'd contact the Dean. She's supposed to call my partner and get a handle on the project. If they don't get any satisfaction, they'll make a decision about how I will hand in the paper. I've done everything I can do. Now it's their turn. The ball is in their court.

Hi Deb, Hi Sue,

Got a 1 line e-mail from thesis partner about he and his computer are fine. La di da!

Have been chatting with a few men through religious newspaper. One in particular has a voice that would melt steel. Who's to say if we have a future together, but I love hearing him talk.

Thyroid medication is raising my blood pressure...told my doc...she said keep taking it for 6 weeks, then have follow up tests. I'm shopping around for another MD.

Getting more fit little by little.

Love,
Silky

Hi guys I am back my puter has not been acting right and not being able to stay online so I got road runner. I am excited I can get anywhere and not have to wait forever It is fun. I just got it today that makes it almost a month that I have not been on line!!! I have unfortunatly gained 20 lbs. I am very upset with my self but have gotten back on board since monday I have not lost anything but I feel better.

Girlfriends...

HAVE A GREAT HOLIDAY WEEKEND! We'll get healthy and on track. Don't worry.
Just enjoy.

Here's the dirt.

School:
The paper was forwarded to the mentor, the Dean and "2nd reader" (also a Ph.D.). We haven't received a grade as of yet. My partner eventually e:mailed me to apologize for not keeping in touch, failing to send the paper, etc. Our mentor moved permanently from New Jersey to Florida. It really doesn't matter when the courses are all on the computer except for the residencies. He can fly to NJ for those. This teacher has such a high standing with the school that they practically kiss the ground he walks on.

My other 2 classes are almost completed. One is Ethics, the other is a leadership course on learning organizations.
Dating:
Had three dates...

1) Joel - short, balding, overweight, sexually deprived. We talked, e:mailed, met at a restaurant (geographically central to us. Treated me to an early dinner. Refused to let me pay my own meal. Somehow, he mentioned in his discussion of his previous girlfriends / dates, that a woman told him she could orgasm in 10 seconds, but he didn't believe her. Why he thought that I would be interested in knowing this is beyond me. The physical aspects of a relationship surfaced. I SWEAR THIS IS THE FIRST TIME A GUY HAS TALKED ABOUT USING VIAGRA. I felt queesy. Almost choked on my veggie burger. He walked me to my car and asked for a "kissy". Ugh. I saw him leaning in for a kiss and I turned my face so that our lips would not connect. Got in my car as quickly as possible. He called back once, but I haven't heard from him since.

2) Michael - 10 years my senior, recent hair transplant, self absorbed. Met at a Barnes and Noble "Starbucks" about 45 minutes after dinner with Joel. We also talked by phone and e:mailed. He bought me a coffee. We sat down. He spent the next hour talking about himself in the military (which he served ONLY 2 years), his current and past work situations and what he hated about them, his two daughters. I told him I had to go. He gave me his home phone, work phone, pager and cell phone. Then he walked me to the door of the store, turns to me and said that he wasn't going to walk me to my car because he wanted to hang out and look at the books.

3) Yossi - Manipulative, controlling, just plain horny. Met at a Macaroni Grille. For those of you who may not have one in your area, it's sort of like an Italian Fridays. We talked about our work, kids, stuff. He tried to get me to edit his resume', but I played dumb. I didn't like the fact that he said he covered his work history by putting something misleading for prospective employers. We took a walk in a mall nearby, found a bench to chat for a while. He seemed very effeminate to me, even though he kept reaching over to stroke my hand and touch me. I told him I had to go home. On my way to the car, I told him that I keep it messy on purpose so no one will think of stealing it. Haven't heard from him since. Yeah!

I've also talked to some guys over the phone. One was 15 years older than me. He keeps sending me these e:mails with political overtones. He doesn't seem to know how to connect on a personal level. I don't respond to him anymore. Another guy contacted me. We talked by phone. We've never met. That's okay by me. He doesn't sound like a happy camper.

Thyroid meds:
My blood pressure peaks a few hours after I take my pill. I went off synthroids for a couple days as per Dr.;s orders. Discovered my resting heart rate was 90 beats p/minute. Cut out almost all salt from my diet. Went back on the meds. Now when my blood pressure peaks, it's lower than before.

Weight / Exercise:
I have to eat before taking meds. I take them at night because they upset my stomach sometimes. I can't be indisposed in the bathroom at work because I'm in retail. There are coverage issues, etc. I end up eating at night and retaining weight. I have to figure out how to get in exercise that doesn't raise my blood pressure and helps me manage my weight loss.

I need your help and encouragement.
Best regards,
Love, Silky

Hey silky it sounds like the man thing is not going too good right now. I am sorry it does help at times to have one in your life but at others it sure is a hinderance. I am glad that the peper finally got out now we are waiting for the jury to come in. My fingers are crossed! and it seems like you are keeping control over the thyriod thing. All in all I think you are really together. Good job! Well the eating and exercise thing we have to work on that but i am sure something will come around. I too am falling back on the exercise but with the nice weater here I find that i am looking forward to some exercise Atleast the thought is there where last week it had not even crossed my mink

Susan,

I'm going to exercise NOW! Ten, nine, eight...

Love,
Silky

Silky you are a riot. I am glad we are up and running again. I nibbled a bit today and am trying really hard not to eat the cake that is sitting on the counter. I think that writing will keep things going on the right tract. the only problem is when I need the support and writing the most it is time to be caring for the kiddies and that is hard to spend the time on the puter. Oh well the house and kids can wait. I had a good day today with work. I some times love what I do and today is one fo them.

Sue,

You're a riot too.

Okay...here goes. I met another guy...for tea. Very nice...not in the romantic sense...in the "down to earth" department.

I'm looking for someone with a great sense of humor. I'm not sure if that was evident with the guy I met today. We have a lot in common... religion, basic age range, you get the idea. I'd have to get to know him better. Actually, that's one of the problems, getting to know a guy better. If I did that, it would take a while. Men that I meet want marriage or a long term relationship (like marriage). I don't go out with guys who are looking for trouble. Ladies, let's be frank. I REALLY want to know a guy before I can feel comfortable kissing him. Since I've been divorced since 1992, I feel a strong urge to merge, if you know what I mean. Kissing is a really important part of a relationship to me. I want it to be fun, not disgusting.

While I'm on the subject of guys...the one that's 15 years my senior keeps sending me these harmless but annoying e-mails. I finally replied to one by asking him why he doesn't connect with me directly -- like asking me how I'm doing instead of sending me surveys. I also received an e-mail from the one I met at the Macaroni Grille. He asked me how my holiday was. I told him. Didn't miss a beat. Asked me if I wanted to go out with him agian.

This is my daughter's take on the situation...MOM, TELL HIM YOU ARE IN A DANGEROUS LINE OF WORK AND CANNOT DIVULGE YOUR WHEREABOUTS!! TELL HIM HE WILL HAVE TO LEARN TO ACCEPT THAT IF HE WANT TO GET TO KNOW YOU BETTER! In other words, drop this creep.

By the way, my Thesis project was graded and my professor never told me. I found out today when I called the Dean to find out when this semester ends. I'm taking two electives to complete my degree. In one class, we had to hand in a final project as a group. I was allowed to work in both groups. One group cooperated with each other. The other group splintered. We had a couple of confrontational individuals in the second group. Very ugly. I can't imagine how educated people can behave this way. If this happened at work, they might have been disciplined. One gal worked for a community college. She sabotaged the project several times. The paper was handed in despite her. I feel sorry for her co-workers.

Anyway, in the other class, the professor was supposed to give us the final project requirements, but never did. I wasn't sure when the course ended...if there was time to work on a final project in his class. We'll see.

Well, after all that, I didn't get to exercise last night as I had hoped. My blood pressure is fluctuating. I take it often to know how I'm doing. Exercise can make it go higher.

Love,
Silky

Ok Ok OK lets get out with it I can not hold back the suspence any more what did you get on your thesis???

as for the now guy that is the best way to meet them get to know them better berfore you find out they are jerks. Yes kissing is very important it helps wit the bonding! and for those others just plain and simple tell then that there was not a spark in the relationship on your side and that it would not be sensible to try to continue with the relationship, as you are nmot able to provide the recipical feeling back. (easier said that done right?) I know I would not be able to do that. but isd the right thing to do.

Speaking of the right thing. in March we had to fire out on-call person who is 75 years old. She just was not capable of soing the job correctly and was not capable of learning. She had made some major mess ups. I told my office manager that She should just tell her that we eliminated the position. because I could not tell her that she was too senile to be able to do the job, I also knew that it would break her heart. From another job she tried and came in the office in tears thinking that she was no good for anything, and that is why my office manager at the time hired her for that job. soo any way as the story goes when the lady walked in my OM told her the job was eliminated, as we were not producing enough work to maintain the position. well a few days later she came in the office with the help wanted add and (she lived 35 miles away and I thought that she would be getting her local paper not ours.) And told us how dissapionted she was in us girls that we lied and we should have just told her she was too old for the job! Boy did I feel like s schmuck!!!! I did not want to hurt her feeling and thought that I was letting her down gently and hoping that she would never find out well I was wrong!!!!

so lesson learned Tell the truth no matter how hard or it will come back and bite you in the butt harder!!!!

It sounds like the classes you are taking are really wierd. Good luck straightening them out