I lost my job.
I have zero friends.
I sit inside all day.
and the only person i talk to 9 times out of 10, is my mom. =\
And i'm 21!
I should be partying, and having fun, and enjoying life........but i'm in a terrible rut.........

At least with my job i got out some.........but without it, all i do is stay online with my fake profiles or watch anime shows all day..........it's so pathetic.
And i feel like nothing's going to change! I've always felt like losing weight, is something i can't do alone. But since i have no friends, and i mean ZERO FRIENDS, in real life...........i'm doing it alone.
My mom should only have to do so much to help me along now, i'm grown........this is where i should be leaning on myself and on my friends. But i have no friends.......outside of the fake ones i have online. And i say fake, because the only good friends online i have, are all friends i've made using profiles with fake pictures.........so it's not like i could ever talk to them about being overweight, or lean on them to help me through the struggles of weight loss, you know?


I'm so pathetic.
I can never meet anyone in this city.............i hate raleigh........yet i'm afraid to leave it.......because at least here when i go out, i'm use to my surroundings and i'm comfortable being ugly around familiar faces [as looney as that might sound.....i don't know how else to put it].........OR, i'm out with my mom or a friend of hers or family, so i use them to hide behind and feel more confident with.

But if i leave for college, fat and ugly still, i'll be completely lost..........i'll be in a new city, with no self confidence, and no mom or family member to hide behind. So i feel like i'm trapped in this city, and trapped in this room, with no life.....................i don't see any positive out come for me, unless i can lose this weight.........but that's so backwards! Because basically what i'm saying is:
A) I won't be able to get friends or a boyfriend until i lose this weight
but B) I can't lose this weight, until i find friends to help me on this journey

WTF IS WRONG WITH ME


i know america is the fattest country in the world but i swear to god it honestly feels like everywhere i look i see naturally skinny ppl!!! it's not fair, why me?
I'm so sick of hearing OMG YOU HAVE SUCH AN AMAZING PERSONALITY online............ESPECIALLY FROM GUYS!! it's such B.S. because if i showed them my real picture instead of a fake one, that AWESOME AMAZING personality, wouldn't count for SH*T!

and GOSHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh i want a boyfriend!!!!
not because i need some man to validate myself [ i might be lonely and not think much of how i look, but i'm not weak like that ]......i want one because i like the idea of falling in love..........i want to hold hands, i want to get that stupid butterfly feeling, and it actually be MUTUAL! And i don't want to settle for some ugly weird guy that has a fetish for fat chicks.............i want that cute long haired guy.........v_v
I shouldn't have to settle or change what i find attractive, just because i'm fat!
GLAWIEFJAOWGHWRIGHOWHGAERIOHg <--- that's what i feel like right now.
a garbled up mess!



I don't know what to do........v_v

You are BEAUTIFUL girl!!! Go out and give Raleigh some what for!!!!! And don't show people fake pictures of yourself, the people that like you for who you really are are the ones that matter

OMG, it breaks my heart to see you SO down on yourself when you're such a beautiful girl and just don't realize it. The number on the scale has NOTHING to do w/ your worth, hon. You're so young and have so much of life ahead of you...it's time for you to get out there and start enjoying yourself. Unless you love yourself first, you're not going to find that man that will love you like you want. You get back what you put out...and you need to love yourself, girl. Every morning when you get up and look in the mirror you need to tell yourself "I love me. I am a SEXY bi+ch!"

You sound like you could be suffering from depression or maybe a social anxiety of some type. I only say that because I've suffered from those types of things in the past. It's possible that perhaps some medication might help to get you through this tough time in your life?

Also, if you don't feel ready for the step of going away to college, is there a community college in Raleigh that you could attend? You could still stay at home but you would be getting out more and mixing it up with people your own age, just to get a little more social interaction.

I think that sometimes we get sucked into the online world and then let it take over our lives, to the point where we feel neglect our place in the real, physical world. That isn't to say that the online world should be avoided; I have made several real friends online and of course I have my support system here at 3FC. But online shouldn't be a substitute for real life and it's a trap that is sometimes hard to avoid until you're already trapped in it!

So, these are my suggestions: Think about talking to your doctor to see if she thinks you might be depressed. Investigate community college. And make a committment to yourself that you will get outside for awhile each day, even if it's just to take a walk for 30 minutes and get some fresh air.

I hope you find these suggestions helpful.

I know exactly what you are going through. I too am 21 and I have zero friends.
Since the age of 12 I have been using fake pictures and making fake profiles because I am so ashamed and insecure of my appearance. The attention I got from people was addicting because I have never had that before.
I have never had a real boyfriend in my entire life.

Eight months ago I met a guy using fake pictures and creating fake friend profiles. I was a compulsive liar and he believed everything I told him. I wanted so bad to tell him the truth because I felt horrible for having him fall in love with a person that didn't even exist. He wanted to meet but I kept making excuses just so I could have more time with him via phone and internet. Recently he dumped me because we emotionally abused one another too much but a few days ago he called my house phone crying and wanting me back. My sister answered and told him the truth about me. Everything. She even showed him my real pictures. Of course after finding out the truth my personality didn't mean anything. He wanted nothing to do with me which I can understand because I have hurt him so bad. I felt pathetic the entire time we were together. If I could take it back I would. In a way I was happy that he knew the truth because it set me free from something I couldn't escape. Not only have I hurt him but I have been hurting myself as well.
Every day I woke up feeling like a pathetic lying piece of crap but I didn't know how to get out until my sister saved me.

I thought I was alone but you and I are a lot alike.
I would like to remain in contact with you via aol, yahoo, msn, etc.
If you ever need support or anything please feel free to talk to me.

Together we can get through this.

1st- stop hating on yourself. It serves no purpose except to make you go further down.

2nd- don't be desperate for a boyfriend. To be honest, it sounds like you are not emotionally ready for one at the moment. Instead, focus on improving you and caring about those around you.

3rd- get involved in a club or church. Raleigh is a huge city- find something to do. You don't need to go to a club or anything. Just find some low key community engagement to do.


Hope that helps! Good luck and lots of hugs. You can do this- I swear!

I don't have friends either, but I've found that almost helpful in my weight loss.. When I don't have friends, or much of a life, it gives me a lot of leisure time to get out and exercise. Sometimes I'm so bored, exercise is the only thing I can think of to do. I get lonely sometimes but it's so much better now. Instead of self loathing at home about how I have no life, I get out and get my body moving and it makes me feel powerful.

Wow, thank you guys SO MUCH for these responses!.......



@ Windchime


I most definitely am depressed.......i have been for years.....
No i've never been diagnosed by a doctor, by it gets to a point after a while that you just know you're depressed..........just like an alcoholics wife, knows her husband is an alcoholic, you know? I mean it's been so long, that i'm completely cognizant of my own depression. I can't afford a doctor right now, and i'm already in medical debt from a previous ER visit......but that idea of going out for 30 minutes, even if it's just to walk around the block, is something i've mulled around in my head as of late, and i really think i should try.........because you're right, the net shouldn't be a replacement for a real life, and the fresh air is a beautiful thing..........so thank you for that!
And i've also thought about some social anxiety disorders, but i never met the full qualifications, for any of the specific disorders i've looked up, so i guess it's just a GENERAL social anxiety, w/out any kind of specification.........i always use to think losing weight would get rid of that, but it's been so long, i wonder now, i really do.






@ jemappellesierra, klambeth82, & Natasha1534


your posts definitely made me smile & laugh.........which is something i definitely needed! I thank you so much for seeing some beauty in me that i rarely can, and complimenting me for it. I think i'm going to start off slow, by just sitting outside, or walking around the block.....i know i'd be too embarrassed to start off with a bang, like a club/group/community of people.........but that's definitely something to aspire to, right!?



@ elleohelle


I'm not desperate for a boyfriend, just for the sake of saying i have one.......i think i might of come off wrong, but i'm more or less simply frustrated that society is such, that personality doesn't seem to matter anymore!! It's all about looks and what a person can give, and sure, there are those guys that don't think like that, but THEY'VE NEVER LIVED NEAR ME!!! lol, and i'm just frustrated......what 21 year old doesn't want a companion to love, you know? I don't feel as thought i need a guy to survive, or that if i can't get a bf i'll just die........i just want a basic thing that most 21 year olds have, fat or skinny, and it's just frustrating.........i hope that made sense lol
And you're right.....i actually recently joined a few groups on meetup.com, and i keep getting alll these invites in my inbox from those groups to meet up for protests, or discussions, or dinner meet-ups, but i've always been too nervous to just show up, since i wouldn't know anyone.....maybe i can try to get to know them better online, and then it wouldn't feel like i was a TOTAL stranger just randomly showing up!.......



@ blindcantaloup


You've hit it RIGHT on the head!! I wish i would always just think about it that way!
I mean being lonely will always suck, but you can definitely use that time you have for a good thing!!
I'm going to go buy a new cord for my ps2 asap, and get back into my DDR work outs......so at least if i'm inside, i can be inside working my behind!!




& finally @ sinfuldays!!

Oh am i soooooo glad you read my post.......because i have NEVER had anyone who could even BEING to understand, and relate to me on the thing with the fake pictures...........i've been at it for JUST as long as you..........i got my pc when i was 11, and since about 12, i've been a complete fake. Every couple years, i'd try to be myself on a website, and within a few days, when i wouldn't get all those comments, and welcome messages, and great reactions i'd get under my fake profiles, i'd just close the account and go back to my old ways.

I am actually in the SAME predicament as you where in and man i'd LOVE to talk to you!!!
i currently don't use messengers, but i'm going to start getting back on AIM, so that we can talk!!
Thank you SO MUCH for reading my post, and i'm just so amazed i've found someone who can relate to me so much!!!! <3 <3 <3

Well girl I can say I feel ya.

I'm 33 and on disability. I live in a small town with my EX-boyfriend (we are great friends though). He is my only friend. I left my birth city of Atlanta behind and moved here to this small town, where there is nothing to do. I have no transportation anymore either. And because of my 3 mental disorders, including borderline personality disorder, anyone I do meet says "so what do you do?" and I say "I'm on disability" and then they ask why-- and then what do I say? It scares everyone away. So I am lonely.

So I can safely say you aren't alone. Right now I'm in the process of trying to find some activity-- and there are no covens or Wiccan activities here in the bible belt, so that is out the window, and everything else I'm interested in happens really really far away.

I'm sorry you feel so crappy right now. Life is a cycle of ups and downs, and we're all allowed to feel bad every now and again. So if you need to complain, I'm sure all of us here are willing to listen without judgement. I'll be thinking of you!!

Oh Pembroke isn't too far from me!! It's funny, i always think raleigh, nc is small and boring, but then i visit other places in NC and realize how big and exciting of a city Raleigh must appear to be, to a lot of ppl!!
I had a good friend i use to work with who was wiccan, and her boyfriend, her roomate, and her brother, where all wiccan too, so i know that's a LOT more common up here.


I'm sorry you get judged like that though ........people should know, that you can't judge someone without getting to know them! I mean that's one of the first things we're taught as a kid; "don't judge a book by it's cover!"
Yet everyone seems to do it........
BPD doesn't scare me away at all!! It's a shame it does for others.........
But at least you have your EX! And thank goodness you're friends still, because that would be a bit unbearable to be in a town where you don't know anybody other than an angry-ex....

Have you thought about going back to ATL??

I could tell you a million times how beautiful you are (and you definitely are, judging by your pix :-) ) but you wouldn't believe me... You have to love you first.
I say you go for the college thing! Find some kinda classes in your area or something. I have depression too; and college has helped me meet new, educated people, and get out of the house... two things I absolutely needed. (I feel like when I stay in the house too long I lose touch with the world and get kinda crazy :/ )
About the fake pictures... I used to go on secondlife a lot, with an avatar that was a complete babe, and live out my fantasy life with tons of friends and guys chatting with me. I had to get off of there. Pretending to be someone else just made me hate my own life more, to the point where I didn't want to be me anymore. Its surreal how you can practically have a separate life online, isn't it?

Anyway, forgive me if my post is kinda rambling and poorly written. I'm a terrible wordsmith, but I just wanted to let you know you are beautiful and deserve better than creepy guys on the internet who are probably just trying to get some tail anyway. Focus on you, and love yourself!!!

And congrats on the first three pounds lost!

I'm so happy I met you. Please let me know when you get aim.
My screen name is jamminthetunes
I can't wait to talk to you.

Okay!!
I'm adding you right now!!!!! [so you can delete your s/n from here if you want!! ]

Perhaps someday we can have a North Carolina meet up, who knows??

Anyway, yeah we are great friends. We actually get along better than most couples do. I went to Raleigh once. It had a small town vibe in a suburban city feel type thing. Does that make sense?? But here in Robeson county, Raleigh seems huge. Small compared to the ATL though.